Married. . . with children?

Hi there! I am married and we are expecting our first child in April. I am currently a 3rd year at Oklahoma State.

We don't have any children yet, but my husband and I got married a year before I started vet school and have lived apart the whole time. I'm a fourth year at UC Davis

Married almost 5 years and had a baby over the summer, who just turned 6 months. I'm at Tennessee.

Married 4 years but no babies yet. I'm in Washington.

Some threads for you. I just did a 5 minute search with the word 'children'. Gotta do some diggin' if you want results! (hahaha, I just wanted to use that smilie)

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=584242&highlight=children

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=876508&highlight=children

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=833365&highlight=children

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=826983&highlight=children

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=768430&highlight=children

Married for 2 years, no kids. I'll be starting vet school this fall while the husband finishes his degree four hours away. Currently trying to figure that out....

MillersGirl60 said:

I'm so happy to hear there are others out there! My husband and I have been married for two and a half years, and are facing being apart for the first time. I will be moving to Davis and he is staying in Palm Desert because he can't leave his new job so soon. He is working on becoming a fire fighter and after recently being hired by a station he can't leave yet. It's so hard to get into one!

We don't have kids, but we think about them a lot. I am afraid that I would never see them if I had kids before going to vet school. How do you guys do it?

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My husband is actually a firefighter. He works 24hr shifts. That time when he is at work really allows me to get done what I need to without feeling guilty about not spending that time with him. We have a plan for once the baby is born that involves a lot of saved up vacation time and babysitters.

Im not married but I have a 6 year old...I would be in c/o 2017 if I get in this cycle. I had him my freshmen year of college People have asked how I plan to handle being a mom in vet school but I made it through undergrad with him and it only gets easier/more fun with age. He is too excited that his mom might be an animal doctor

Oh...and to answer the "how do you do it"...you just do. Its not an option not too. I remember in undegrad working, having classes all times of the day, multilpe sitters/family members helping, not being ashamed to also seek help from public services (I simply couldnt afford day care on a part time job and be in school), and also being open/honest with professors. I never used my kid as an excuse for poor performance but if I had to miss a study group, I was late to class, or didn't want to get a sitter for a 10 minute quiz day I would talk to them and make arrangments if necessary.

Everyone in my dept knew my son. My resume and grades were great so people gave me endless encouragment as far as being a parent. I expect students/professors at vet school will be just as supportive and it would probably even be better since more people will be in your same situation.

Lissarae- how will it work missing classes when the baby is born? Can you take more than a few days off? WSU's policy on having kids while in school is basically 'don't'. If you get pregnant plan to leave and retake the year... I don't know anyone here who's had a kid so I can't ask them how accommodating the school actually is when it comes down to it.

The baby discussion is a frequent one in our house so I'm glad to see you guys are making it work!

MillersGirl60 said:

That's so awesome! I'm sure it helps, too, that he is a bit older now. He understands.

I'm worried about having a little baby, missing those first words, first steps.

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He is upset that I am leaving this weekend for KState interview, I am missing his wrestling tournament!

And yes, as a student/working parent you will miss things. Its inevitable. I try to make sure that the time we do spend together is quality. I work full time and when you don't get home till 5:00, sometimes its worth it to grab a quick dinner and let the chores slide until later and just sit and spend time with him. It just works itself out

Also in undergrad I studied after he was in bed and early am while he was still knocked out...no sleep...NO SLEEP EVER!

Camelidcrazy said:

Lissarae- how will it work missing classes when the baby is born? Can you take more than a few days off? WSU's policy on having kids while in school is basically 'don't'. If you get pregnant plan to leave and retake the year... I don't know anyone here who's had a kid so I can't ask them how accommodating the school actually is when it comes down to it.

The baby discussion is a frequent one in our house so I'm glad to see you guys are making it work!

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I am due April 9th. I have 3 finals starting April 12. I really hope to be able to take them the week after the baby is born (if she is born on time), but if not, I will just take them late. A classmate just gave birth in December and that's how it worked for her. Then after finals I will have one week off for our inter-year break (that's most likely when I would make up any finals) and then I'm using my first rotation for my vacation rotation so I will have 3 weeks off. The school is really accomodating and the professors are all willing to work with me (so far). 4th year is going to be a real challenge but I think we will be able to make it work.

MillersGirl60 said:

Planned or pleasant surprise?

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Not that it is any of your business (this is kinda a rude question to ask a pregnant lady, especially one who is a stranger-just FYI) she was very much planned.

Lissarae06 said:

I am due April 9th. I have 3 finals starting April 12. I really hope to be able to take them the week after the baby is born (if she is born on time), but if not, I will just take them late. A classmate just gave birth in December and that's how it worked for her. Then after finals I will have one week off for our inter-year break (that's most likely when I would make up any finals) and then I'm using my first rotation for my vacation rotation so I will have 3 weeks off. The school is really accomodating and the professors are all willing to work with me (so far). 4th year is going to be a real challenge but I think we will be able to make it work.

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Sounds like it will work perfectly! We are considering trying to plan a December baby since we get 3.5 weeks off but I was worried about the little one coming early and missing finals. It's good to know that some universities will accommodate this. Gives me courage to ask student services if it's a possibility.

Thanks so much for sharing! I am so excited for you and your husband

I'm married and I just want to say I'm so impressed with people who aren't putting their family life on hold for school. I know I've said this somewhere before, but I just got married this past summer (after nearly 7 years together). I feel like I've finally got a handle on my life (I'm less busy now than in undergrad) and I feel like the next logical step is to have children. However, I am on the younger side having started vet school right after undergrad. So waiting until I'm out of school for a while isn't too big of a deal. But then when I hear about vet students have babies (mostly during third year), I'm just like "I wanna have a baby too!"

MillersGirl60 said:

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!!!! Didn't mean to offend. (

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No worries. You aren't the first (or probably last) person to ask.

Camelidcrazy said:

Sounds like it will work perfectly! We are considering trying to plan a December baby since we get 3.5 weeks off but I was worried about the little one coming early and missing finals. It's good to know that some universities will accommodate this. Gives me courage to ask student services if it's a possibility.

Thanks so much for sharing! I am so excited for you and your husband

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We planned on having a baby last summer. You can see how that worked out lol.

orcagirl said:

I'm married and I just want to say I'm so impressed with people who aren't putting their family life on hold for school. I know I've said this somewhere before, but I just got married this past summer (after nearly 7 years together). I feel like I've finally got a handle on my life (I'm less busy now than in undergrad) and I feel like the next logical step is to have children. However, I am on the younger side having started vet school right after undergrad. So waiting until I'm out of school for a while isn't too big of a deal. But then when I hear about vet students have babies (mostly during third year), I'm just like "I wanna have a baby too!"

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I'm a traditional student so I'm on the younger side. I just thought about how it wasn't going to be any easier once I was done with school. I thought about how my employer might feel if I got pregnant right after starting work, etc. and it just made sense for us. We are financially able to do it, I sit on my butt in class most days so being pregnant during school wasn't a big deal, and we couldn't really think of many good reasons to wait.

Lissarae06 said:

I'm a traditional student so I'm on the younger side. I just thought about how it wasn't going to be any easier once I was done with school. I thought about how my employer might feel if I got pregnant right after starting work, etc. and it just made sense for us. We are financially able to do it, I sit on my butt in class most days so being pregnant during school wasn't a big deal, and we couldn't really think of many good reasons to wait.

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That actually makes a lot of sense. I'm super happy for you, in case you couldn't tell. And wish you the best!

Married almost 6 years... no kiddos yet.

Two of the menfolk in my class have kids. Wait... three. Yeah. None of the girls do, so far.

Great thread to start -- I've had thoughts and questions about these sorts of things too! My husband and I were married October 2012. I'm non-traditional, so I'm not sure if my biological clock is going to wait too too much longer after graduation (even if it would, I probably wouldn't, ha)... But I wasn't sure if it would be better to plan pregnancy during earlier years (before clinical starts)? After clinical starts? During internship or residency?

My husband works long hours and no family will be in the area.... Not quite sure how it will work out.. but talking to other vet students and veterinarians they all know of at least a person or two who had children or was pregnant during vet school... so apparently people make it work!

I'm married but not in vet school. We aren't sure if we want kids at all (he's 28 and I'm 25) but we do like the idea of adopting rather than having our own child. Cancer has been pretty prominent in his family and GI issues in mine ... plus I have absolutely 0 desire to carry a child (though that may change with age). A good friend of mine recently adopted a child that was dropped off as a safe surrender at a fire department and it made me want to adopt even more

I'm a non-tradition career-changer so I'm still 2ish years out from applying

Vet school with children sounds pretty intense so kudos to all of you who make it work!

twelvetigers said:

Married almost 6 years... no kiddos yet.

Two of the menfolk in my class have kids. Wait... three. Yeah. None of the girls do, so far.

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I dunno how y'all do it.

Maybe my ovaries haven't begun screaming loudly enough at me yet, but I'm having a very hard time justifying having kids. Really on the fence I may be early thirties before I get a "big girl job" (and I was a traditional student) and any sort of money...or hell, any sort of free time and ability to explore and enjoy life.

I feel like I've been worked to death from one thing after another, 4yrs undergrad, 4yrs vet school (working 1-2 part time jobs during both), 3yrs residency, 4+ yrs PhD to follow (you guys have heard my rant on overeducation becoming the norm in many specialties before so I won't do it again here)...I want some ME time soooo badly...call it selfish, whatever, but I feel like I flippin deserve it after all these years....but then again I guess the clock is ticking. I don't want to wait until I'm 36+, but gawd, the thought of giving up the rest of my life when I've never even gotten to live it is depressing (because let's face it - kids really do become your life). Kids are great, no doubt, but I want to have at least a few years of relative financial stability and freedom for experiences with teh future hubs, just us...yannow?

That's just me, though. I have no intention of offending any of the lovely ladies with kids here. Just feeling like a grumplepuss today trying to finish applying to every program I even remotely qualify for :/

Lissarae06 said:

I'm a traditional student so I'm on the younger side. I just thought about how it wasn't going to be any easier once I was done with school. I thought about how my employer might feel if I got pregnant right after starting work, etc. and it just made sense for us. We are financially able to do it, I sit on my butt in class most days so being pregnant during school wasn't a big deal, and we couldn't really think of many good reasons to wait.

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Totally agree with you. There is for some people, but for most people esp in vet med, there is never a "good time" to have a baby in terms of having enough time/finances IMO. As long as there are enough resources for the baby to grow up without being deprived, loving parents could definitely make it happen. If I were married and thinking of starting a family, I would also have chosen to do it during vet school I think. And I agree, sometime in the first two summers would actually work out pretty well.

I don't think it would deter me, but I'm a little terrified that by the time I actually go about it I will be facing unpaid maternity leave while in repayment for a mountain of debt.

For those of you living away from your SO during vet school, how do you do THAT? I am about to go into this situation, maybe so much as continents away, and it is freaking me out a bit...

Lissa. Just gotta say, I'm super excited for you as well!!!

A few thoughts.

Summer due date was definitely a plus! My little guy was born in July, so I had 7 weeks to hang around before school started and get my mom hat on. On the other hand, one of my classmates had a baby in mid-November, and survived by listening to lecture recordings at home and just coming in for labs and exams.

And crying baby....I'll type up more later if the thread doesn't explode without me.

EngrSC said:

We aren't sure if we want kids at all (he's 28 and I'm 25) but we do like the idea of adopting rather than having our own child.

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I'm adopted! So I always get kind of excited when I hear people say this.

cvanthof said:

For those of you living away from your SO during vet school, how do you do THAT? I am about to go into this situation, maybe so much as continents away, and it is freaking me out a bit...

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I'm only 24 and my boyfriend lives only 2 hours away in our home town. I got really lucky that we started dating while I was a first year so he was already used to my busy class schedule and variable stress levels, haha. I get home to see him around every 2-3 weeks. It takes a little effort to plan out my workload for the weeks when I won't be doing as much on the weekends, but I've never wanted to be an A+++ student. I have been happy with the amount of work I put into school, my family, and him so far. I have MAJOR respect for the married (and dating) couples who do serious long distance- you guys are really awesome!

MillersGirl60 said:

That's so awesome! I'm sure it helps, too, that he is a bit older now. He understands.

I'm worried about having a little baby, missing those first words, first steps.

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I also had my daughter my freshman year in college and applied for class of 2013 and was waitlisted and am now waiting to hear back for c/o 2017. As I am sure the other person can attest to, you just do it. You don't go to the bar, you don't go on vacations, you drive an older but realiable car, and you set your mind to it and go! If you want it, you will be able to handle it. My daughter has so many dreams of college and advanced degrees at 7 because she grew up with her mom in college! I think was good to for her to learn to play by herself from time to time while I studied. I'll be honest, my house was a wreck, i had NO personal life, but I got a 4 year degree and a amazing little girl! Thats all you need!
I was in school 55 miles away from home from 8am-5pm while in undergrad and I never missed a first step or word. OR at least they never let on if i did! You will make the time for your baby and school!

This may be a little off topic, but I was just wondering how much being married effects financial aide. I know with vet school it's basically loans, not grants or anything so I wouldn't think it would make a huge difference, but just wondering. Did anyone get married while in vet school?

Minnerbelle said:

there is never a "good time" to have a baby in terms of having enough time/finances IMO.

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qft.

Meh. I still think the biggest annoyance with having kids is listening to my younger, single(r?) classmates with almost no responsibilities in life other than school whine about how little time they have to get everything done. A few of the older ones with other stuff in life, ok, cool, we're on the same page - whine away. But the more typical 25-year-old who complains because vet school takes her away from her horse so she only gets to ride 4 times a week?

I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't suck to have to cut back on your recreational riding. And sorry to all you horse people to use that as an example. But man I want to slap some people some time. Try having to cut back on ... oh ... everything that you used to do for fun. And then still having to take a lousy grade in the occasional class here or there because you <actually> don't have enough time to study for it (as opposed to how people like to <say> they didn't have enough time, but really it's because they were busy catching up on episodes of whatever tv show is popular at the moment).

Ok. Done ranting. Sorry. Not really.

(OP: I have 3 kids - 1.5, 6, and 8 - and you just make do. There's no big secret. It's mostly all about learning what doesn't need to be done Right Now.)

.

capirinha said:

When is the "best time" as far as school goes? One of the Dr's I work with said try to get pregnant your 2nd year and have the baby before 3rd if you can.

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Seems to me the 'best time' would be just as your first year finishes and you've got 3 months to spend being a full-time mom. But I think you can make almost anything work.

LetItSnow said:

qft.

Meh. I still think the biggest annoyance with having kids is listening to my younger, single(r?) classmates with almost no responsibilities in life other than school whine about how little time they have to get everything done. A few of the older ones with other stuff in life, ok, cool, we're on the same page - whine away. But the more typical 25-year-old who complains because vet school takes her away from her horse so she only gets to ride 4 times a week?

I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't suck to have to cut back on your recreational riding. And sorry to all you horse people to use that as an example. But man I want to slap some people some time. Try having to cut back on ... oh ... everything that you used to do for fun. And then still having to take a lousy grade in the occasional class here or there because you <actually> don't have enough time to study for it (as opposed to how people like to <say> they didn't have enough time, but really it's because they were busy catching up on episodes of whatever tv show is popular at the moment).

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Yes! Please send a public service announcement to every vet school saying exactly this! For some reason the less responsibility students have the more they complain and are sure that vet school is only hard for them. Oh really- you're single, have no job and are supported by mommy and daddy (parents who aren't incredibly sick like me and many of my classmates are dealing with)? Of course you don't have time to work on our group project because you're too exhausted...

We would all be better off if everyone just slapped on a happy grin and only spoke of puppies and kitties.

Grumble.

vethopeful2011 said:

This may be a little off topic, but I was just wondering how much being married effects financial aide. I know with vet school it's basically loans, not grants or anything so I wouldn't think it would make a huge difference, but just wondering. Did anyone get married while in vet school?

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I got married toward the end of my first year of vet school. It will not affect financial aid as far as I know, which is excellent considering we are both in school still!

I guess I could respond to the main topic of this thread...

My husband and I will eventually both have professional degrees from the same university. We are lucky to have gotten into school at the same place, so I can't really give input on really long distance relationships (we have spent a total of about a year and a half 1 hr 30 mins apart though).

As for kids, none yet, but we want three eventually! We plan to start trying when I've been out of school for a couple of years, but who knows what will really happen. I have very little experience with kiddos, but every time our friends bring their little ones around, I'm amazed at how good my husband is with them. I guess it makes sense he is like that, since he is a big kid himself...

vethopeful2011 said:

This may be a little off topic, but I was just wondering how much being married effects financial aide. I know with vet school it's basically loans, not grants or anything so I wouldn't think it would make a huge difference, but just wondering. Did anyone get married while in vet school?

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I second this question.. I'm engaged ATM. And we plan on getting married as soon as he gets home from deployment.. Which could be right before Vet school starts, maybe even right after.. I have wondered how this will impact my financial aid... ( if I can get accepted first )

LetItSnow said:

Seems to me the 'best time' would be just as your first year finishes and you've got 3 months to spend being a full-time mom. But I think you can make almost anything work.

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Depending on the school, I think giving birth right when second year ends would be better. You still have all summer and you don't have to worry about formalin fumes in the anatomy lab.

Oh, I forgot... At Mizzou specifically, if you are married and your spouse gets a job and is benefits-eligible (or something? I'm not sure it's the term but it's what I have heard thrown around a lot during OOS interviews) you automatically qualify for in state tuition. You might look into how the schools you are applying to consider that.

Out of curiosity, are there any financial benefits for being married in terms of federal aid or private grants? I understand it'll be specific for each state, but what about federal aid?
Edit: OOPS this was already asked. sorry!

goldnretrivrgrl said:

I'm adopted! So I always get kind of excited when I hear people say this.

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I'm sure some will want to kick me out of the thread since I'm not prevet/vet student/etc, but I second adopting. I want to foster kids myself - I work with them and see the challenges they face and the foster parents they deal with. I don't really want biological kids (partially due to my own health issues making it difficult to have kids, partially because I'm single, and partially other factors), but I'd love to foster to adopt and help give some kids that need homes homes. It'll be a while before I'll be able to, though. Goal is to get a PhD and get tenure.

We could always use more good foster homes in the world.

Lissarae06 said:

Depending on the school, I think giving birth right when second year ends would be better. You still have all summer and you don't have to worry about formalin fumes in the anatomy lab.

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True 'nuff. I was thinking about the age: based on our three kids I'd rather have a 2-year-old going into 4th-yr rotations than a 1-yr-old. Pros 'n cons either way, I suppose. I think you can manage the formalin risk with a mask, can't you? I thought they do it for people with hypersensitivity?

That said, some of my friends with kids would much rather have a 1-yr-old to deal with than a 2-yr-old. *shrug*

Second-ing some of what has already been said.

I have no pity on classmates who gripe about life when they are single/no kids/supported by family/etc. A few people have looked at me and said "I don't know how you do it." Sometimes I really want to reply " oh really, I don't know how you don't." You plan as much as you can, work hard, let all the little stuff slide, and don't get to party very often; but overall, it's not that bad. And I'm not huge on social events anyway.

Sometimes I worry about missing firsts, but I'm ok with knowing that I will still have memories of the first time I get to see him crawl, walk, talk, whatever. It doesn't matter that much if he's already done it for someone else. Also, I know that I was never intending to stay at home, so the likelihood of me missing those things because of work is no different than for school.

I planned for the break between second and third year for a few reasons. I didn't want to be pregnant during first year not knowing how I was going to handle the stress. Waiting gave me a chance to find out that I was comfortable with the idea of dumping pregnancy and a baby on top of school. Being pregnant during surgery lab vs. anatomy lab was also a consideration. Anesthesia exposure was a lot less than the formaldehyde exposure. Also, I didn't want to be heading into clinics with a newborn.

Oh yeah, I'm also horribly tempted to list "having and raising a baby" under extra curricular activities on my CV. If someone is willing to look at that, laugh and hire me anyways, they at least have a sense of humor. And, I figure having a baby in vet school will allay any fears of me not being able to handle work and a baby.

vethopeful2011 said:

This may be a little off topic, but I was just wondering how much being married effects financial aide. I know with vet school it's basically loans, not grants or anything so I wouldn't think it would make a huge difference, but just wondering. Did anyone get married while in vet school?

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My friend is getting married over this coming summer, so right after our first year. It seems to be working out okay. She did a LOT of planning before starting vet school as she's getting married in a town a couple hours away.

Kpowell14 said:

I second this question.. I'm engaged ATM. And we plan on getting married as soon as he gets home from deployment.. Which could be right before Vet school starts, maybe even right after.. I have wondered how this will impact my financial aid... ( if I can get accepted first )

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It shouldn't make any difference at all. You're a professional student now, so loans are different than in undergrad, which is nice. You get money to cover tuition, books, and the cost of living estimated by your school. You also don't have to take out all of that if you are living with your spouse and they are bringing home money to pay the bills.

katryn said:

Oh yeah, I'm also horribly tempted to list "having and raising a baby" under extra curricular activities on my CV. If someone is willing to look at that, laugh and hire me anyways, they at least have a sense of humor. And, I figure having a baby in vet school will allay any fears of me not being able to handle work and a baby.

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But seriously, that is awesome. As much as I want kids (well really right now I want to be pregnant, just because I think it's awesome), I know I'm not ready to move on to the next step just yet. However, if it happens, it's good to know I can get through vet school and kids.