Married. . . with children?

[CrazyCatLady77]

This may be a little off topic, but I was just wondering how much being married effects financial aide. I know with vet school it's basically loans, not grants or anything so I wouldn't think it would make a huge difference, but just wondering. Did anyone get married while in vet school?

After speaking with financial aid officers from two of the schools I'm interested in, it seems that when You're married the difference is that your spouse's income is now considered in your estimated contribution - which can be particularly detrimental if you still have to use your parental information as well (which is a necessity if you cannot prove that you have been independent for at least 5 years - which fortunately I can, whew). In any event, yes, vet school is supported mostly by loans (though there are some schools that offer small grants) - however, depending on your estimated contribution, your eligibility for certain loans (with different interest rates) varies... Or at least that is my understanding of the situation.....

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[CrazyCatLady77]

I feel like I've been worked to death from one thing after another, 4yrs undergrad, 4yrs vet school (working 1-2 part time jobs during both), 3yrs residency, 4+ yrs PhD to follow (you guys have heard my rant on overeducation becoming the norm in many specialties before so I won't do it again here)...I want some ME time soooo badly...call it selfish, whatever, but I feel like I flippin deserve it after all these years....but then again I guess the clock is ticking. I don't want to wait until I'm 36+, but gawd, the thought of giving up the rest of my life when I've never even gotten to live it is depressing (because let's face it - kids really do become your life). Kids are great, no doubt, but I want to have at least a few years of relative financial stability and freedom for experiences with teh future hubs, just us...

I DEFINITELY understand that!! I have been in school basically since 2001 (and I just finished my PhD last summer - so good luck! But at least you'll get paid (even if only peanuts) and not add to your debt) and now I'm going to go through another 4 years of grueling veterinary school... Want some time to be selfish, to travel and explore the world, and to not have to devote every minute of my life, yet again, to something else.... But by the time I am done with vet school, I'll be in my mid thirties, so that doesn't leave an incredible amount of time to do internship, residency, me time and then kids. So we are still on the fence a bit as well....

I've also thought the same thing - that I don't want to give up my life and devote it to children before I've had a chance to "settle in" and enjoy life a bit... But from multiple friends and sources, many of whom thought/said exactly what we are describing now, I've heard that once you have your little one, there are no regrets and they didn't consider devoting time to their children as "giving up their lives" any more... Not one of them would change their decision for the world. So that's what I keep banking on.... But maybe I'm just optimistic.

 

[orcagirl]

After speaking with financial aid officers from two of the schools I'm interested in, it seems that when You're married the difference is that your spouse's income is now considered in your estimated contribution - which can be particularly detrimental if you still have to use your parental information as well (which is a necessity if you cannot prove that you have been independent for at least 5 years - which fortunately I can, whew). In any event, yes, vet school is supported mostly by loans (though there are some schools that offer small grants) - however, depending on your estimated contribution, your eligibility for certain loans (with different interest rates) varies... Or at least that is my understanding of the situation.....

As a professional student, your expected family income should be 0, regardless of how long you have been independent from your family. I filled my FAFSA out with my parents' information (because of the chance of getting a Health Professional Loan). You do not have to put in your parents' information. Just by saying that the loans are for professional/graduate school, they consider you independent and no longer ask for that information, unless it has changed since last year. It didn't affect how much money I could get. It should be different than in undergrad.

Edit: Sorry for derailing the thread....BABIES!!!

 

[CrazyCatLady77]

As a professional student, your expected family income should be 0, regardless of how long you have been independent from your family. I filled my FAFSA out with my parents' information (because of the chance of getting a Health Professional Loan). You do not have to put in your parents' information. Just by saying that the loans are for professional/graduate school, they consider you independent and no longer ask for that information, unless it has changed since last year. It didn't affect how much money I could get. It should be different than in undergrad.

Edit: Sorry for derailing the thread....BABIES!!!

At a financial aid seminar 2-3 weeks ago this was not the case - if you want to apply for funding though the school(not in completing your FAFSA) then you have to submit your parental tax information unless you can prove you have been independent of them for at least 5 years. This is still the case if you are married, then both your parental and spouse's information is considered.

Several students, understandably, were up in arms about this - and the financial aid officer went into explaining why that is the case. I checked this information at another school of interest (be ause I wanted to determine if my spouses income was considered) - and they echoed what was said previously.

Just to be clear, I am referring to completing financial aid for the school, not for your FAFSA....

 

[orcagirl]

At a financial aid seminar 2-3 weeks ago this was not the case - if you want to apply for funding though the school(not in completing your FAFSA) then you have to submit your parental tax information unless you can prove you have been independent of them for at least 5 years. This is still the case if you are married, then both your parental and spouse's information is considered.

Several students, understandably, were up in arms about this - and the financial aid officer went into explaining why that is the case. I checked this information at another school of interest (be ause I wanted to determine if my spouses income was considered) - and they echoed what was said previously.

Just to be clear, I am referring to completing financial aid for the school, not for your FAFSA....

Interesting.

 

[JoAnna423]

qft.

Meh. I still think the biggest annoyance with having kids is listening to my younger, single(r?) classmates with almost no responsibilities in life other than school whine about how little time they have to get everything done. A few of the older ones with other stuff in life, ok, cool, we're on the same page - whine away. But the more typical 25-year-old who complains because vet school takes her away from her horse so she only gets to ride 4 times a week?

I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't suck to have to cut back on your recreational riding. And sorry to all you horse people to use that as an example. But man I want to slap some people some time. Try having to cut back on ... oh ... everything that you used to do for fun. And then still having to take a lousy grade in the occasional class here or there because you <actually> don't have enough time to study for it (as opposed to how people like to <say> they didn't have enough time, but really it's because they were busy catching up on episodes of whatever tv show is popular at the moment).

Ok. Done ranting. Sorry. Not really.

(OP: I have 3 kids - 1.5, 6, and 8 - and you just make do. There's no big secret. It's mostly all about learning what doesn't need to be done Right Now.)

If this were facebook I would "like" this.

I felt the exact same way in undergrad...students taking 14 credit hours, no jobs, and parents paying for all their expenses complaining about EVERYTHING. If your life is textbook "stress" free (either by choice or fortune) at least be smart enough to realize it and quit complaining. People would fail multiple classes and say "they didnt have time to study" and I could only wonder (and sometimes say...) "what ELSE do you have to do? You live in a dorm, have no pets, no relationship, no kids, no job, no bills" It was so frustrating. I was also a little jealous because way before I even became a mom I was on my own (since high school) and people just quite frankly don't know how good they have it...

Im done with ranting also

 

[vethopeful2011]

At a financial aid seminar 2-3 weeks ago this was not the case - if you want to apply for funding though the school(not in completing your FAFSA) then you have to submit your parental tax information unless you can prove you have been independent of them for at least 5 years. This is still the case if you are married, then both your parental and spouse's information is considered.

Several students, understandably, were up in arms about this - and the financial aid officer went into explaining why that is the case. I checked this information at another school of interest (be ause I wanted to determine if my spouses income was considered) - and they echoed what was said previously.

Just to be clear, I am referring to completing financial aid for the school, not for your FAFSA....

Thanks CrazyCatLady. I will have no prob proving independance with the parents or 5+ years, but yeah, I guess I'll have to ask a lot of questions of the financial aide department about the marriage vs loans. Maybe I should start a new thread though, bc I feel like I threw this one waay off topic, sorry!

 

[katryn]

I've heard that once you have your little one, there are no regrets and they didn't consider devoting time to their children as "giving up their lives" any more... Not one of them would change their decision for the world. So that's what I keep banking on.... But maybe I'm just optimistic.

This is definitely very true for me. But I've spent most of my life thinking that enjoying life would be enjoying life with kids. Hubs and I went to DC two summers ago, and the whole time we were walking around saying we needed to bring our kids with us someday. When I sat down to think about it, what was I really giving up anyway? Partying-I don't. World travel-don't have the money for it even if I wanted to. Free time-I use to spend what little time I had on pointless games (think Sudoku....not something worth playing), so I'm doing something a lot less pointless now.

The only thing I will say, is that I'm glad we didn't rush into having kids as soon as we got married. Taking time to get to know each other was really the only reason we waited.

 

[nyanko]

You know you guys, people have other things they have to deal with in life that aren't necessarily more humans that make vet school and studying more or less difficult and I don't think you're being very understanding of that.

It doesn't always have to be a competition over whose life is harder.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

You know you guys, people have other things they have to deal with in life that aren't necessarily more humans that make vet school and studying more or less difficult and I don't think you're being very understanding of that.

It doesn't always have to be a competition over whose life is harder.

I was gonna say that too.....I understand where they are coming from, but it came off a bit holier-than-thou.

 

[katryn]

I was gonna say that too.....I understand where they are coming from, but it came off a bit holier-than-thou.

True. I really only get on my high-horse for the people in our class who get drunk/stay out all night on a regular basis and then complain about how they are struggling to pass, or bitch about tests on a Monday. We have a few of those. Normal people who just find the life/study balance more difficult to achieve, that I kind of understand.

 

[EngrSC]

I'm adopted! So I always get kind of excited when I hear people say this.

Aww!! I have some really good friends that were adopted and my uncle was adopted too. I'm all for adoption ... because there are so many kiddos out there that don't have families. My husband and I think we want a kid someday but definitely not in the near future. The more we research adoption the more it seems to be for us.

 

[EngrSC]

I'm sure some will want to kick me out of the thread since I'm not prevet/vet student/etc, but I second adopting. I want to foster kids myself - I work with them and see the challenges they face and the foster parents they deal with. I don't really want biological kids (partially due to my own health issues making it difficult to have kids, partially because I'm single, and partially other factors), but I'd love to foster to adopt and help give some kids that need homes homes. It'll be a while before I'll be able to, though. Goal is to get a PhD and get tenure.

We could always use more good foster homes in the world.

You and me are on the same page!

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

True. I really only get on my high-horse for the people in our class who get drunk/stay out all night on a regular basis and then complain about how they are struggling to pass, or bitch about tests on a Monday. We have a few of those. Normal people who just find the life/study balance more difficult to achieve, that I kind of understand.

Yeah.

Disclaimer: this is not about ANY posters here, this is just about some of the people I have known through school and residency with kids.

I get very, very tired of people with children telling me that it is the best thing a person can do in the world, how having kids makes you complete, how I will never know this supposed ultimate joy if I don't have kids...and it seriously begins to make me mad. And then they just chuckle condescendingly with "Oh, you'll see" as if I can never attain their level of happiness unless I pop out babies.

End disclaimer.

Babies in general make me uncomfortable; I don't know what to do with them and they, frankly, scare me a little bit because I'm afraid I'll hurt or scare them. Yes, I am scared of babies. I admit it.

The ONE time I held the baby, the one time I was brave enough to (or rather, someone forced it into my arms) it started crying.

Of course, this happened to be at a resident party and I had already have a few too many glasses of wine just to try and ignore everyone cooing and making stupid noises, and I promptly and semi-drunkenly went into the kitchen and started sniffling and crying about how I would obviously never be a good mother while WW comforted me

 

[cowgirla]

Yeah.

Disclaimer: this is not about ANY posters here, this is just about some of the people I have known through school and residency with kids.

I get very, very tired of people with children telling me that it is the best thing a person can do in the world, how having kids makes you complete, how I will never know this supposed ultimate joy if I don't have kids...and it seriously begins to make me mad. And then they just chuckle condescendingly with "Oh, you'll see" as if I can never attain their level of happiness unless I pop out babies.

End disclaimer.

Babies in general make me uncomfortable; I don't know what to do with them and they, frankly, scare me a little bit because I'm afraid I'll hurt or scare them. Yes, I am scared of babies. I admit it.

The ONE time I held the baby, the one time I was brave enough to (or rather, someone forced it into my arms) it started crying.

Of course, this happened to be at a resident party and I had already have a few too many glasses of wine just to try and ignore everyone cooing and making stupid noises, and I promptly and semi-drunkenly went into the kitchen and started sniffling and crying about how I would obviously never be a good mother while WW comforted me

I skimmed thru this thread out of sheer curiosity (Plus the fact that I haven't had internet in 3 days and need to reacquaint myself with the wonderful internet) and the whole thing is making me break out in hives. I'll probably have nightmares tonight

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I skimmed thru this thread out of sheer curiosity (Plus the fact that I haven't had internet in 3 days and need to reacquaint myself with the wonderful internet) and the whole thing is making me break out in hives. I'll probably have nightmares tonight

 

[katryn]

WTF, you remind me of a running joke I have with a friend of mine.

Babies are like sweaters. Everyone wants to walk up to you and say "It's cold, here have a sweater". You insist that you aren't cold, but end up getting a sweater forced on you anyway. As soon as you do manage to get rid of it, someone walks up and says " you look cold, want a sweater."

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

WTF, you remind me of a running joke I have with a friend of mine.

Babies are like sweaters. Everyone wants to walk up to you and say "It's cold, here have a sweater". You insist that you aren't cold, but end up getting a sweater forced on you anyway. As soon as you do manage to get rid of it, someone walks up and says " you look cold, want a sweater."

I mean, I don't dislike babies in the least. I just don't know what to do with them and feel awkward around them. I don't feel any motherly attachment or interest whatsoever in other people's kids, but maybe it would be different if it was mine.

 

[cvanthof]

I mean, I don't dislike babies in the least. I just don't know what to do with them and feel awkward around them. I don't feel any motherly attachment or interest whatsoever in other people's kids, but maybe it would be different if it was mine.

I have the same feelings, but I've been told that it is different when it's yours...still doesn't make me want one anytime soon!

I'm only 21, and two of my best friends are baby CRAZY, and I just don't get it. Unfortunately, for them, I am pretty sure their SOs feel the same way I do heh

 

[nyanko]

Babies in general make me uncomfortable; I don't know what to do with them and they, frankly, scare me a little bit because I'm afraid I'll hurt or scare them. Yes, I am scared of babies. I admit it.

Yeah my hockey teammates on my women's team still joke about the time one of them handed me her small, young baby because I just happened to be sitting next to her in the locker room after a game and she needed to take her skates off. Apparently I basically froze in place holding the kid away from my body awkwardly with a deer-in-headlights expression.

I THOUGHT I MIGHT DROP IT OKAYYY

I like the kid now that she's like 3, she's entertaining.

Despite my reputation here it isn't that I don't like kids you guys I just really have no interest in babies or having them in my house and not being able to return them to their parents!!

edit: I don't even really like young puppies or kittens all that much.

 

[cvanthof]

edit: I don't even really like young puppies or kittens all that much.

this made me

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

edit: I don't even really like young puppies or kittens all that much.

I like kittens because they are so precocious....but agreed, I don't much like puppies because they are so goofy/helpless/infantile....does that make me a horrible person??

 

[wildcatj]

I like kittens because they are so precocious....but agreed, I don't much like puppies because they are so goofy/helpless/infantile....does that make me a horrible person??

I agree, so as far as I'm concerned no not a terrible person. I'm fostering a puppy at the moment and don't get me wrong, it's cute mostly, but it doesn't do it for me like all the kittens I foster. I don't think I will ever have a puppy for keeps, and maybe not a dog at all. Kittens are just on top of things. And you can't break them so easily. Plus (with the exception of my new permanent kitten) they are way smart even as wee ones.
Good god I'm going to be a crazy cat lady...

Sent from my HTC Glacier using SDN Mobile

 

[MillersGirl60]

This thread went from being about people babies to being about puppies and kittens.

Ummm. . . yeah, pretty sure we all want to be vets, lol. xD

 

[CanHardlyWait]

Yeah.

Disclaimer: this is not about ANY posters here, this is just about some of the people I have known through school and residency with kids.

I get very, very tired of people with children telling me that it is the best thing a person can do in the world, how having kids makes you complete, how I will never know this supposed ultimate joy if I don't have kids...and it seriously begins to make me mad. And then they just chuckle condescendingly with "Oh, you'll see" as if I can never attain their level of happiness unless I pop out babies.

End disclaimer.

Babies in general make me uncomfortable; I don't know what to do with them and they, frankly, scare me a little bit because I'm afraid I'll hurt or scare them. Yes, I am scared of babies. I admit it.

The ONE time I held the baby, the one time I was brave enough to (or rather, someone forced it into my arms) it started crying.

Of course, this happened to be at a resident party and I had already have a few too many glasses of wine just to try and ignore everyone cooing and making stupid noises, and I promptly and semi-drunkenly went into the kitchen and started sniffling and crying about how I would obviously never be a good mother while WW comforted me

I love this story! Except the part about you crying, of course

I have a similar situation, but with older kids. (I actually like babies, they're little and cute). I'm not scared of kids, I'm bored by them and generally frustrated with their lack of rationale. Unlike animals, I feel like mini people should be able to relate like grown up people and be reasoned with. But they can't and I don't like it. I don't care if that makes me a bad person, it's just how I feel. I like babies and teenagers but the in between ages, meh, could do without entirely. As a 30 something that has been married for years, I'm over people assuming that we're gonna have kids and that I'll change my mind "when it's yours". I won't, seriously, I know myself.

Oh-and I love puppies and kittens! But I won't judge those of you who don't if you won't judge me for not liking kids, deal?

 

[goingtovetschoo]

Hi,

I am married and thinking about going to vet school, but it would require my husband and I to live at least 9 hours away due to his job. How often did you get to see your spouse? Did your spouse mainly do the traveling or did you have time to go home on weekends? Any tips on making it work?

 

[primatevetjess]

Hi,

I am married and thinking about going to vet school, but it would require my husband and I to live at least 9 hours away due to his job. How often did you get to see your spouse? Did your spouse mainly do the traveling or did you have time to go home on weekends? Any tips on making it work?

You should PM me. I'm graduating vet school in 5.5 months and my husband and I have lived 6 hours apart the entire time. It's been really hard, but definitely doable. You have to have a strong marriage to begin with, have great trust and communication, have a very supportive spouse, and be okay with making him a priority over school at the expense of grades sometimes.

 

[sunshinevet]

You know you guys, people have other things they have to deal with in life that aren't necessarily more humans that make vet school and studying more or less difficult and I don't think you're being very understanding of that.

It doesn't always have to be a competition over whose life is harder.

+1

I spend so much time working to support myself that my child rearing classmates spend way more time with their families and studying than I do.

It also gives me the ****s when they play the "can you do this and this and this for me because I need to go home and see my kid" card. You signed up for this, you do your fair share, you knew what you were getting in for. The nice ones that don't act like that, I try to help out where I can - but if you email the whole class to see who can cover your emergency shift on christmas day, the week before christmas, THAT YOU ELECTED TO DO, because for some reason you suddenly decided you want to spend xmas with your son, don't expect a lot of love. Believe it or not, we have lives too, and our lives are not less valid.