A post about my MCAT failure + disappointing my parents over and over. Feel like an absolute loser and an idiot right now.

[Jack-Kennedy35]

Hello All,
This is going to be pretty raw and detailed so thanks in advance for taking the time to read it. I am a recent graduate of a top 20 school, having completed my final class in September of 2019. My gpa is a 3.83 and my science gpa is a 3.77. I have had unfortunate experiences with the mcat and that's what my post is going to be about.

The summer of my junior year of college, I signed up for a prep course but I underestimated the material that would be required for the exam (having not completed physiology or Psych) and so I just feel behind quickly and was unable to take my exam that september. I told my parents and they were so disappointed but I told them that I know now what I need to study and so I can take it in January and I'll be fine. Well with my classes, I was unable to study and january came and I had no heart to tell them that I wasn't ready. So I took the exam and voided it. They were once again extremely sad and dejected but I told them that for sure I will take it in March, having taken on an easier course load. Obviously, once again it was just too much and I couldn't take the exam. I told them I voided it again and that too was another source of sadness.
Ultimately, I told them that I wasn't ready to apply this cycle and that I would need to take a gap year to study while assuring them that with no distractions, I can score very high and make up for all this failure. I started studying the October following my graduation and even though I mastered physiology, and the rest of the subjects, I wasn't able to get through psych in time for my january exam. Another postponement to March. This was the time I finished my content fully and felt good but COVID came and yeah everything was delayed.

I continued to review content over and over and I just ran myself into the ground. July came when I was supposed to be takign the exam and I forgot some of the content so I sadly began lying to my parents that my exam scores were decent, when the kept asking me scores, when in reality I have not taken a single exam 🙁 (I've always been so scared). Now I am at a point where my parents are thinking I will take the September 12th MCAT, and unfortunately I just ran myself into the ground studying for a year and have 0 motivation to study anymore. I finished everything and feel very comfortable with the content but with 3 weeks remaining I have not done any aamc material.

I am feeling very awful for lying to parents about my scores because they don't deserve this. It's due to my stupidity that they're in this predicament. I want to come clean and tell them everything and my initial plan was to get a good score and then break it to them. However, it just feels ordained that I won't succeed until I be honest with my parents. I know they won't take it well if I say I am not ready because it would be a year lost. They also have all family friends asking when am I going to be taking it e.t.c so I just can't imagine the shame that they'll face. But yeah I am an emotional wreck right now, my parents are praying daily for me, and I am just messing up. I just wanted to just write my story.

Iw as thinking of lying to them and saying my computer had a glitch during exam day so I have to reschedule or that they kicked me out due to covid symptoms. But I am sick of lying, I have never lied to my parents before the mcat and this is just a shame.

Thanks

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[jjame]

I feel this, just pm'd you.

 

[OfMiceAndWomen]

Hey internet stranger, we don't know each other, but I want to reach through the electrons and give you a big hug. This entire process is so long and hard, and it's completely reasonable to feel how you are feeling.

I do think you will feel better if you got honest with your parents, not only about the mcat, but also about the fact that this is your journey, your career, your life. You know what the best choices are for you, not them. I know it will be very hard to have this conversation with them, but in doing so, you can build a better and healthier relationship with them. Take your time with it, figure out what you want to say, remember to breathe. It seems they love and care about you a lot, and this won't change when you're honest with them.

And no matter what your parents are feeling, remember that you have accomplished a lot to be where you are right now! Graduating college? With a high GPA? You've done it. Preparing to study for the MCAT? Kickstarting your career in medicine? You're doing it. You are incredible and resilient.

I don't know when you're applying or when you ideally want to take the MCAT, but know that you have a lot of time. Take the time that you need, so that you can be healthy and be kind to yourself.

 

[lull]

However, it just feels ordained that I won't succeed until I be honest with my parents. I know they won't take it well if I say I am not ready because it would be a year lost. They also have all family friends asking when am I going to be taking it e.t.c so I just can't imagine the shame that they'll face

I don't want to give advice on something I can't speak on, because my parent has been more hands-off lately since I entered college. But I remember dealing with a lot of this in high school, and I remember at the time, I was not all too concerned about my grades, but I was definitely anxious about disappointing or getting backlash from my parents for having subpar grades so I hid my performance a lot from them and this weighed on me a lot especially during conference season. The best thing to do would probably be transparent with them and let them know that you need them to step back and let you go through this journey yourself, but I also recognize how unrealistic it can be to convince some parents to step back and let their kids do what they want to do (for me a lot of this was due to cultural reasons, I would have never been able to tell my parent to back off because it would've been seen as disrespectful). It already seems like you recognize that you have to be honest with them, so I think you'll make the best decision for yourself in regards to this.

This is n=1, but for me it took a lot of time to review AAMC practice material. I probably spent 3-4 days reviewing each full-length on their own, making anki cards, revisiting content, and even more time with the section bank questions. I made sure to space out my full lengths so I could give myself adequate time to review the full length and improve in areas I struggled with. I saw the biggest improvement in my score reviewing aamc practice problems than I did with the time I spent doing content review. Having a time period with no-commitments where you can dedicate 100% of your time to aamc material while allowing yourself breaks would be very ideal.

 

[Goro]

Hello All,
This is going to be pretty raw and detailed so thanks in advance for taking the time to read it. I am a recent graduate of a top 20 school, having completed my final class in September of 2019. My gpa is a 3.83 and my science gpa is a 3.77. I have had unfortunate experiences with the mcat and that's what my post is going to be about.

The summer of my junior year of college, I signed up for a prep course but I underestimated the material that would be required for the exam (having not completed physiology or Psych) and so I just feel behind quickly and was unable to take my exam that september. I told my parents and they were so disappointed but I told them that I know now what I need to study and so I can take it in January and I'll be fine. Well with my classes, I was unable to study and january came and I had no heart to tell them that I wasn't ready. So I took the exam and voided it. They were once again extremely sad and dejected but I told them that for sure I will take it in March, having taken on an easier course load. Obviously, once again it was just too much and I couldn't take the exam. I told them I voided it again and that too was another source of sadness.
Ultimately, I told them that I wasn't ready to apply this cycle and that I would need to take a gap year to study while assuring them that with no distractions, I can score very high and make up for all this failure. I started studying the October following my graduation and even though I mastered physiology, and the rest of the subjects, I wasn't able to get through psych in time for my january exam. Another postponement to March. This was the time I finished my content fully and felt good but COVID came and yeah everything was delayed.

I continued to review content over and over and I just ran myself into the ground. July came when I was supposed to be takign the exam and I forgot some of the content so I sadly began lying to my parents that my exam scores were decent, when the kept asking me scores, when in reality I have not taken a single exam 🙁 (I've always been so scared). Now I am at a point where my parents are thinking I will take the September 12th MCAT, and unfortunately I just ran myself into the ground studying for a year and have 0 motivation to study anymore. I finished everything and feel very comfortable with the content but with 3 weeks remaining I have not done any aamc material.

I am feeling very awful for lying to parents about my scores because they don't deserve this. It's due to my stupidity that they're in this predicament. I want to come clean and tell them everything and my initial plan was to get a good score and then break it to them. However, it just feels ordained that I won't succeed until I be honest with my parents. I know they won't take it well if I say I am not ready because it would be a year lost. They also have all family friends asking when am I going to be taking it e.t.c so I just can't imagine the shame that they'll face. But yeah I am an emotional wreck right now, my parents are praying daily for me, and I am just messing up. I just wanted to just write my story.

Iw as thinking of lying to them and saying my computer had a glitch during exam day so I have to reschedule or that they kicked me out due to covid symptoms. But I am sick of lying, I have never lied to my parents before the mcat and this is just a shame.

Thanks

A little tough love time:

Grow up and tell your parents the truth. Be sure to explain why you lied to them. Show lots of remorse and contriteness

Your parents are also not the ones going to med school, you are. So if they are pressuring you, remember that you are and adult, and as such can vote, drive, drive, work, pay taxes, run for office, and fight and die for your country.

Thus, you're old enough to tell them that you'll do this thing on your timeline, not theirs. They're not going to disown you. If they are, then they're toxic and getting away from them will do you good.

 

[MyOdyssey]

Once you've reviewed the content, you have to generate Anki cards to aid in retention and, most importantly, take lots and lots of practice tests.

You wouldn't study for a math class by repeatedly re-reading the textbook. You'd learn the concepts and then learn their nuances and implications by doing lots and lots of problems. Same here.

You can do this. Do not despair.

 

[Jack-Kennedy35]

A little tough love time:

Grow up and tell your parents the truth. Be sure to explain why you lied to them. Show lots of remorse and contriteness

Your parents are also not the ones going to med school, you are. So if they are pressuring you, remember that you are and adult, and as such can vote, drive, drive, work, pay taxes, run for office, and fight and die for your country.

Thus, you're old enough to tell them that you'll do this thing on your timeline, not theirs. They're not going to disown you. If they are, then they're toxic and getting away from them will do you good.

Thanks for your reply Goro. I will take a month off and restart my MCAT studying in October. I hope to study strictly and properly from October to January and take my MCAT in January. Since I have already submitted 8-10 secondaries for DO schools, do you think I should just go ahead with this cycle, with my January MCAT? My extracurriculars are strong with publications and my gpa is a 3.8 from a top 20 school, so I feel that even though its late I may stand a chance still right.

 

[Jack-Kennedy35]

Once you've reviewed the content, you have to generate Anki cards to aid in retention and, most importantly, take lots and lots of practice tests.

You wouldn't study for a math class by repeatedly re-reading the textbook. You'd learn the concepts and then learn their nuances and implications by doing lots and lots of problems. Same here.

You can do this. Do not despair.

Yes got it. So I will take a month off just because I need a hard reboot. I'll start studying again in October and will take the exam in January 2021.

I think my biggest problem before was that I was just rewriting everything from the book as a means of memorizing and this was a horrible waste of time. I will definitely focus a lot more on practice questions and I guess the best way to get rid of my testing phobia is to basically take an exam every week. I'll probably only spend a week on review a few weak points but I likely won't read the books again because I still feel like I am at least 80% decent with the material.

Is there a specific manner by which you think I should study again? October to January. I really need to do things properly this time, to maximize my score and not do passive stuff like reading and re-writing notes.

 

[Jack-Kennedy35]

1. It sounds like you need both a mental and physical break. More importantly, have you talked to someone about how you are feeling? You shouldn't be lying to your parents, but it sounds like your impetus to lie is a consequence of your lack of faith in their ability to understand your current state. Again, there are people out there who can help you.

2. This process is hard. It's even harder when you are carrying the weight of others expectations. As demonstrated by your GPA and school rank, you seem like a bright kid. In no way/shape/form is your inability to produce a (successful) MCAT score a reflection of your intelligence or future ability as an aspiring doctor. I personally don't know what it's like to have the type of parents you are describing, but I have had plenty of friends who have walked in similar shoes. At the end of the day, you are a grown up responsible for your own actions, life's path, and success...nobody else. If your parents are unable to be proud of you due to a lack of an MCAT score or medical school acceptance, that's a poor reflection on them, not you.

3. Stop lying, stop studying (momentarily), and stop trying to convince yourself that you're inadequate. Life happens, bad **** happens, and we're not always in control of our current circumstance. If you keep trying to move forward in your current state, the hole you are digging yourself is going to get deeper and deeper. Please, go talk to someone about how you are feeling, both emotionally and about your parents. The last thing you want to do is start medical school with poor mental health or with parental issues that weigh you down each and every day.

Honestly, my reason to lie to my parents is not because I am worried about what they will say to me. it's that I hate to see my parents sad and disappointed. All I have ever wanted to do in to make my parents feel proud of me and I have messed up studying for this exam so many times 🙁 BTW they didn't push me to become a doctor, I am doing this for myself not them.

 

[Belphegor]

Yes got it. So I will take a month off just because I need a hard reboot. I'll start studying again in October and will take the exam in January 2021.

I think my biggest problem before was that I was just rewriting everything from the book as a means of memorizing and this was a horrible waste of time. I will definitely focus a lot more on practice questions and I guess the best way to get rid of my testing phobia is to basically take an exam every week. I'll probably only spend a week on review a few weak points but I likely won't read the books again because I still feel like I am at least 80% decent with the material.

Is there a specific manner by which you think I should study again? October to January. I really need to do things properly this time, to maximize my score and not do passive stuff like reading and re-writing notes.

Currently in my first year of med school. During orientation we had a “How to study effectively” presentation and re-reading and writing were at the bottom tier aka worst ways to study. The top tier study methods were practice questions and spaced repetition (Anki).

I highly suggest you try do practice questions and try Anki if you haven’t yet.

I made a great friend here in school and he did exactly what you’re doing, spending hours writing down everything he read in the powerpoints and readings. He couldn’t keep up and wasn’t reviewing old material for the end of unit exam. He ended up dropping out two weeks ago. He refused to try Anki or use third party resources, like Sketchy. He said he felt med school was too much for him. I think it was his failure to adapt to new studying methods. Guy is super smart but failed to notice that what he was doing wasn’t working. I’m telling you this because you’re going to be in a world of hurt when you realize your current methods won’t work in med school. If it hurts explaining delaying your MCAT to your parents, imagine explaining why you’re dropping out less than a month in?

Also, a part of doing well on the MCAT is KNOWING how to take the MCAT. You can be great at the content but not know the type of questions they’ll ask, the types of tricks they use, and the amount of endurance you need for a 6-8 hr exam. This can cause you to do poorly and void like your prior attempts. Practice questions/exams will show you where you’re lacking and if you need to up the pace so you don’t run out of time on the real deal.

 

[Goro]

Thanks for your reply Goro. I will take a month off and restart my MCAT studying in October. I hope to study strictly and properly from October to January and take my MCAT in January. Since I have already submitted 8-10 secondaries for DO schools, do you think I should just go ahead with this cycle, with my January MCAT?

Yes

 

[Goro]

Honestly, my reason to lie to my parents is not because I am worried about what they will say to me. it's that I hate to see my parents sad and disappointed. All I have ever wanted to do in to make my parents feel proud of me and I have messed up studying for this exam so many times 🙁 BTW they didn't push me to become a doctor, I am doing this for myself not them.

As a doctor, you're going to give bad news to people. You can start now.

 

[MyOdyssey]

Yes got it. So I will take a month off just because I need a hard reboot. I'll start studying again in October and will take the exam in January 2021.

I think my biggest problem before was that I was just rewriting everything from the book as a means of memorizing and this was a horrible waste of time. I will definitely focus a lot more on practice questions and I guess the best way to get rid of my testing phobia is to basically take an exam every week. I'll probably only spend a week on review a few weak points but I likely won't read the books again because I still feel like I am at least 80% decent with the material.

Is there a specific manner by which you think I should study again? October to January. I really need to do things properly this time, to maximize my score and not do passive stuff like reading and re-writing notes.

Use Anki's spaced repetition algorithm to help you retain content that you've already covered.

Make sure to complete all actual AMCAS MCAT materials available for purchase on its website. Do all the questions and understand all the correct answer choices. Doing just the FL exams won't be enough. AMCAS' explanations aren't very good. Testing Solutions sells for a very low price detailed answer explanations for all the CARS questions. I've read that Reddit and SDN has pages that contain detailed explanations to old AMCAS practice questions. Might want to check that out. You'll also see posters pose such questions on the MCAT subforum of SDN.

There are successful MCAT test takers who will tell you that they completed many thousands of practice questions before taking the real thing. UWorld is good for P/S questions. Opinions vary about whether it's good for CARS. FL Altius exams 1-5 are decent (I've heard). Blueprint/NextStep supposedly has good FL exams.

You don't have much time so you might consider taking an online prep course. Berkeley Review has a good online MCAT prep course beginning next week. Their content books are comprehensive and come with good questions. Altius also offers a good online MCAT prep course.

I just started Draw It to Learn It, a website that helps you visualize biochemical and molecular biological pathways. I've found it helpful in preparing for the all important biochemistry questions. (I chose the MCAT prep module, NOT the medical school coursework modules.

 

[Kamill]

Bud -- they know.

They are just sensing that you are not ready to tell them. And that's a lot of love from them.

They raised you the whole time; do you think they wouldn't know when you are hiding things that are so significant in your life? Especially when they are this invested in you?

You have to tell them. They will understand.

 

[HopeP]

Honestly, my reason to lie to my parents is not because I am worried about what they will say to me. it's that I hate to see my parents sad and disappointed. All I have ever wanted to do in to make my parents feel proud of me and I have messed up studying for this exam so many times 🙁 BTW they didn't push me to become a doctor, I am doing this for myself not them.

Wait a minute, didn't you say earlier that your parents were disappointed on multiple occasions? So what is lie bonus for?
As a parent, I will say this, when kid lies parents know right away. However good parents allow their kids to come forward and own it. That is part of letting kid grow and be mature. As it says, to cover one lie, one will lie 100 times more and no ending of it. Come clean and I feel confident you won't be disappointed in your parents. Good luck..

 

[deleted480308]

Stop lying, see a medical professional to discuss your emotions

 

[la flame]

your smart man! You graduated from a top 20 uni and maintained a great GPA. You have already proved you have what it takes to become a successful student.

However you sound extremely burned out. You definitely need to take some time off and go back to the place where you realized why you wanted to become a doctor. Use that as motivation. So get a new job at a hospital. Volunteer. Anything. I just wanna let you know you have the potential!

 

[bananafish94]

Tell your parents to dial it back about 15 notches and take a deep breath. You're fine, you haven't even taken the test, let alone failed it. You have a great GPA and will be in a good position when you are ready to take the exam and score well on it. What your parents and family friends think is completely irrelevant.

 

[Splenda88]

Being a physician is not even that glamorous for you to be lying about a stupid MCAT exam...

 

[Damson]

You've already done most of the work by graduating from a t20 and maintaining an awesome GPA. That takes grit and consistency.

Drive over all the baggages weighing you down. One of those is the masquerade you created about your current situation. Deal with that, get yourself in the proper headspace, and I'm telling you you will kill the MCAT.