D
deleted703118
TW: Suicide
Me: MCAT 515 after three retakes, GPA: 3.7. I have four publications from my undergrad and gap years, Went to a top undergrad, cum laude, tutor, teaching assistant, etc, etc.
To everyone around me for years, I was considered a model student. In fact, my department from undergrad awarded me the faculty award when I was graduating. People were absolutely sure that I was going to one day make something of myself.
However, three years after graduation, I was still asking for letters of recommendation from those same professors because I was a cheat.
I was an engineering major in college. It was really hard and there was one class that really made me struggle. At that point in my life, I was too arrogant and stupid to ask for help. I wanted to prove to myself how smart I am by "passing". No one ever said I was smart. The pressure got to me and I cheated.
I received two violations in the same class during my sophomore year. They occurred two weeks apart and to tell you that I was distraught would be an understatement. When the first one occurred, I knew my life was over.
When the second violation happened, my entire lift fell apart right then and there. It was a kind of low that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I went on SDN and reddit and everyone told me that my life was OVER! As I scoured SDN for hope, I couldn't find anything. My thoughts were confirmed, my life was OVER. I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, where the doctors all assumed I was a medical student (nice stab in the heart). In the moment, I didn't know how I would come back from it.
For a while, I gave up on a future. SDN and those in the IA office at school made me feel like a monster for making a mistake. I felt like the scarlett letter, like I shouldn't be allowed to be someone with potential. The feeling really messed with me and when I had to go back to school, I struggled. My usual go-getter attitude was lost. I didn't know how to get back to normal. The next two semesters were all tears and struggle. I felt like I hard to take apart a brick wall with my bare hands. I needed a break. So, I went away for six months on an internship (co-op) and it was the best experience of my life! It was a new environment and I had mentors who actually believed in me. It helped me get on my feet.
So I went back to school re-energized. I got straight As after returning and I had a sense of fire me in me that couldn't be vanquished. I knew what I had done, but I also knew that what I had done was a mistake. Doctors, lawyers, etc make mistakes all the time. You're telling me that I have to be perfect to be a doctor and that I will never be capable of learning from my mistakes!! So, I went back at my dream of being a doctor. I pursued a MS that went with my BS that would give me some more time to raise my GPA. I pursued teaching assistant roles and resident assistant roles so I could be a support system for other students like me. I even wrote a proposal to my school to provide more structured support to students with IAs so they don't feel like how I felt. My IA changed my life.
We need to change how we look at IAs. I get that certain things are beyond fixing but some things are! We need to see IAs as just a mistake and an opportunity for growth. I would not be the person I am today without this specific challenge. No matter how proud of myself I have been since, I have only been felt to feel like a villain for my actions without any chance of reparations.
So after one year after undergrad, I finally mustered up the courage to apply to medical school. I worked as EMT and in research during my gap year and really focused all of my essays on who I wanted be and how my experiences have shaped me. Honestly, my EMS experience has had such an impact on me. I got two interviews from MD programs and yesterday I got my first acceptance.
I found out in my gym's parking lot. I cried for about 10 minutes.
People deserve second chances.
Me: MCAT 515 after three retakes, GPA: 3.7. I have four publications from my undergrad and gap years, Went to a top undergrad, cum laude, tutor, teaching assistant, etc, etc.
To everyone around me for years, I was considered a model student. In fact, my department from undergrad awarded me the faculty award when I was graduating. People were absolutely sure that I was going to one day make something of myself.
However, three years after graduation, I was still asking for letters of recommendation from those same professors because I was a cheat.
I was an engineering major in college. It was really hard and there was one class that really made me struggle. At that point in my life, I was too arrogant and stupid to ask for help. I wanted to prove to myself how smart I am by "passing". No one ever said I was smart. The pressure got to me and I cheated.
I received two violations in the same class during my sophomore year. They occurred two weeks apart and to tell you that I was distraught would be an understatement. When the first one occurred, I knew my life was over.
When the second violation happened, my entire lift fell apart right then and there. It was a kind of low that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I went on SDN and reddit and everyone told me that my life was OVER! As I scoured SDN for hope, I couldn't find anything. My thoughts were confirmed, my life was OVER. I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, where the doctors all assumed I was a medical student (nice stab in the heart). In the moment, I didn't know how I would come back from it.
For a while, I gave up on a future. SDN and those in the IA office at school made me feel like a monster for making a mistake. I felt like the scarlett letter, like I shouldn't be allowed to be someone with potential. The feeling really messed with me and when I had to go back to school, I struggled. My usual go-getter attitude was lost. I didn't know how to get back to normal. The next two semesters were all tears and struggle. I felt like I hard to take apart a brick wall with my bare hands. I needed a break. So, I went away for six months on an internship (co-op) and it was the best experience of my life! It was a new environment and I had mentors who actually believed in me. It helped me get on my feet.
So I went back to school re-energized. I got straight As after returning and I had a sense of fire me in me that couldn't be vanquished. I knew what I had done, but I also knew that what I had done was a mistake. Doctors, lawyers, etc make mistakes all the time. You're telling me that I have to be perfect to be a doctor and that I will never be capable of learning from my mistakes!! So, I went back at my dream of being a doctor. I pursued a MS that went with my BS that would give me some more time to raise my GPA. I pursued teaching assistant roles and resident assistant roles so I could be a support system for other students like me. I even wrote a proposal to my school to provide more structured support to students with IAs so they don't feel like how I felt. My IA changed my life.
We need to change how we look at IAs. I get that certain things are beyond fixing but some things are! We need to see IAs as just a mistake and an opportunity for growth. I would not be the person I am today without this specific challenge. No matter how proud of myself I have been since, I have only been felt to feel like a villain for my actions without any chance of reparations.
So after one year after undergrad, I finally mustered up the courage to apply to medical school. I worked as EMT and in research during my gap year and really focused all of my essays on who I wanted be and how my experiences have shaped me. Honestly, my EMS experience has had such an impact on me. I got two interviews from MD programs and yesterday I got my first acceptance.
I found out in my gym's parking lot. I cried for about 10 minutes.
People deserve second chances.
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