Hey guys, I'm pretty late in the application game and I would love it if someone could critique my primary essay. I guessing it's not smart to put the entire thing online but I'll post the first paragraph and if someone would like to see it in its entirety, I'll PM it to them. I'll leave out important details as well. Here it goes: "I was 10 years old and on a flight to (country) when my parents told me that we were refugees. My dad explained that ten years prior, just before my birth, he and my 7-month pregnant mother walked over 100km from modern day (country) into (country) to escape civil war. Both of my parents had less than a grade school education, no money, and knew no English. My uncle, who was a taxi driver in the U.S. at the time, helped to sponsor my family and bring us to live in (state). My parents were excited that after years of working menial jobs and saving just enough money, we were finally going back to the homeland they had been forcefully flee from. As we landed, we immediately left the airport to go to the house of my late uncle, who died in the (time period) civil war. We arrived in the middle of the night to the warm embraces of my widowed aunt and my baby cousin. I had only seen black and white photos of my aunt but it was clearly evident that she was a beautiful woman. It was shocking how her cream-colored skin and deep hazel eyes contrasted the dark, war-torn environment surrounding her; she was the picture of health in a land full of maladies."