academic competitiveness in relationship?!

[justapremed]

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Has anyone experienced tension in a relationship because of academic stress?! I feel wrong even feeling this way 🙁 To explain: I've always been a really competitive person when it comes to academics, and school was basically my life. Long story short, I've been experiencing terrible inferiority complex in the past couple of years in a myriad ways, especially with an unsuccessful round of med school applications for (failed) matriculation in 2009...

Then I started dating this wonderful guy who couldn't be a bigger science nerd. He is not a premed, but a very intense student at Harvard. I really love the guy but it's been really tough on my end - he does very well in school, and of course I'm very happy for him, but every time he brags about a 100% raw score on a science exam, I can't help but think how I wish I had done better in my science classes and get really depressed... And when he achieves this at the cost of spending time with me (i.e. being buried in books for days on end without being available to study for one exam), which is all the time, I get more upset. Moreover, since he's an international student, he goes home after the academic craze is over and break starts. Anyway, that's extraneous info.

I can't say my stress is stemming entirely from competitiveness as a premed, but has anyone felt this way before? Where envy for a good grade in a science class makes you feel so crabby when you should be happy for him?! I feel crazy now...

 

[ILikeDrugs]

I feel crazy now...

That's because you are crazy. 😉

 

[dbeast]

That's because you are crazy. 😉

👍

I would looooooove to find a girlfriend smarter than me.

[Not a sexist comment it's just girls who are smart and hot where I live end up dating Zach Braff or the drummer from The Killers]

 

[n3xa]

Has anyone experienced tension in a relationship because of academic stress?! I feel wrong even feeling this way 🙁 To explain: I've always been a really competitive person when it comes to academics, and school was basically my life. Long story short, I've been experiencing terrible inferiority complex in the past couple of years in a myriad ways, especially with an unsuccessful round of med school applications for (failed) matriculation in 2009...

Then I started dating this wonderful guy who couldn't be a bigger science nerd. He is not a premed, but a very intense student at Harvard. I really love the guy but it's been really tough on my end - he does very well in school, and of course I'm very happy for him, but every time he brags about a 100% raw score on a science exam, I can't help but think how I wish I had done better in my science classes and get really depressed... And when he achieves this at the cost of spending time with me (i.e. being buried in books for days on end without being available to study for one exam), which is all the time, I get more upset. Moreover, since he's an international student, he goes home after the academic craze is over and break starts. Anyway, that's extraneous info.

I can't say my stress is stemming entirely from competitiveness as a premed, but has anyone felt this way before? Where envy for a good grade in a science class makes you feel so crabby when you should be happy for him?! I feel crazy now...

I've never had my ink dipped by a company pen so to speak. In other words, I usually dated outside my field of study: engineering, CS, DJs 🙂laugh🙂, artists, etc.

How long have you been dating him and have you talked to him about where this crabbyness comes from? Is his lack of spending time with you a serious issue? I dated a guy with a real 9-5 job in undergrad and we were fighting constantly about how I would always study and not spend time with him.. and when we did, I was exhausted and just wanted to watch a movie (re: sleep). It didn't last.

And as far as competition goes, I used to do a lot of track days/autox/go karting with my ex and never felt stressed out about it, but then again those are side hobbies.

 

[mauberley]

I think it's normal to feel a little bit of envy, so don't feel bad.

And as far as competition goes, I used to do a lot of track days/autox/go karting with my ex and never felt stressed out about it, but then again those are side hobbies.

Mmm, go-karting. 👍

 

[Chamahk]

The envy part is normal but as the competitiveness with you and your boyfriend that's not good. It's not healthy for the relationship either. If it bothers you then make it in a way where you when you ask shot grades the answer should be a pass/fail response. Or don't ask at all. It's not good to be wanting to compete with your boy/girl because you can't do it with a clean heart and it's hurting you. Lastly if this guy is blowing off time with you to study, you'll be doing yourself a big favor by also doing the same.

He's at Harvard, high grades and you're on SDN opening threads about this. Shows how much its eating you up inside. Get it together if you cant compete with a clean heart or just not compete at all I suggest throwing in the title. You two should e helping to bring out the best in each other.

 

[WingedOx]

see, the OP's post is why I've pledged to stop dating Ivy league grads. Not because I feel academically inferior... just because I can't stand the constant neuroticism.

 

[Chamahk]

see, the OP's post is why I've pledged to stop dating Ivy league grads. Not because I feel academically inferior... just because I can't stand the constant neuroticism.

Don't let a bad bunch spoil one good apple 😛

 

[justapremed]

n3xa: I think I do feel a little more envious because we are in the same field, and I've never consistently gotten such stellar grades on everything no matter how hard I've tried... and as a premed, I've always cared about this. I think the matter gets worse for me because I'm an introvert who likes to stay fairly modest, and my boyfriend is the polar opposite - he is shameless in telling people that he got a 2400 on the SAT or that he has a 3.99 GPA (though don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy, just too confident and open at times...).

I've talked to him about his general unavailability multiple times, but not about this grade/inferiority-complex issue. I didn't want to bring it up because I felt like as his girlfriend I should be happy for him when things are going well for him... :-/ I think that would have been easier for me had I already gotten into med school and this issue is out of my mind.

I think part of the difficulty definitely IS that he is a full time student and I am out of school... I work more like a 9 to 7 job, and I am usually much more tired than he is by the time I get out of work - and he's the one cheering me up. WHEN I do get to see him after work. And I DO get that he's been "trying" to spare more time compared to his solo-days, but I find it uncool when he has one exam coming up and he starts going MIA a full week ahead of the exam and saying he has no time whatsoever (especially because I've always had to juggle multiple exams + so much extracurriculars at the same time during college, which isn't the case for him)... especially when afterwards he tells me how he got a 100% on the exam (surprise) and tells me maybe he overdid the studying and that he could have gotten away with less studying. And he doesn't seem to be able to get out of this mode, even when he had ONE final exam and more than a WEEK to study for just that, and knew he was leaving the country for more than a month TWO days after the exam... and we were gonna be apart.


Chamahk: I don't think the word choice I used ("competitiveness") is really what I meant. I can't really be competitive since I am not taking the same classes as he is (I am not even in school anymore - nothing I can do about my GPA)... but I guess it's just feeling cruddy (about myself) because so many events in the past couple of years (and even currently) have just left me with a very low self-esteem and feeling inferior/incompetent... and I can't help but automatically go into the "oh you got a 100%? I'm so jealous... I wish I could be as smart as you *sigh*" mode. And then I get sad and stressed thinking about med school admissions.

I never ask him what he got on exams - this information is voluntary on his part. But I don't really know how to ask him to stop telling me things without making it sound like I am a crazy grade-conscious premed and/or a girlfriend who isn't happy about her boyfriend doing well.

I don't know if I'm just losing my senses because I'm not in his shoes anymore when I probably would have acted the same way... Ughh

 

[n3xa]

n3xa: I think I do feel a little more envious because we are in the same field, and I've never consistently gotten such stellar grades on everything no matter how hard I've tried... and as a premed, I've always cared about this. I think the matter gets worse for me because I'm an introvert who likes to stay fairly modest, and my boyfriend is the polar opposite - he is shameless in telling people that he got a 2400 on the SAT or that he has a 3.99 GPA (though don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy, just too confident and open at times...).

I've talked to him about his general unavailability multiple times, but not about this grade/inferiority-complex issue. I didn't want to bring it up because I felt like as his girlfriend I should be happy for him when things are going well for him... :-/ I think that would have been easier for me had I already gotten into med school and this issue is out of my mind.

I think part of the difficulty definitely IS that he is a full time student and I am out of school... I work more like a 9 to 7 job, and I am usually much more tired than he is by the time I get out of work - and he's the one cheering me up. WHEN I do get to see him after work. And I DO get that he's been "trying" to spare more time compared to his solo-days, but I find it uncool when he has one exam coming up and he starts going MIA a full week ahead of the exam and saying he has no time whatsoever (especially because I've always had to juggle multiple exams + so much extracurriculars at the same time during college, which isn't the case for him)... especially when afterwards he tells me how he got a 100% on the exam (surprise) and tells me maybe he overdid the studying and that he could have gotten away with less studying. And he doesn't seem to be able to get out of this mode, even when he had ONE final exam and more than a WEEK to study for just that, and knew he was leaving the country for more than a month TWO days after the exam... and we were gonna be apart.

Is he worth waiting around for when he's finished with college and doesn't have exam scores to talk about?

Life is way too short to let something like this eat you up inside, no matter how good the sex is.

 

[HumphreyPacino]

Competition is a wonderful thing.

 

[HumphreyPacino]

n3xa: I think I do feel a little more envious because we are in the same field, and I've never consistently gotten such stellar grades on everything no matter how hard I've tried... and as a premed, I've always cared about this. I think the matter gets worse for me because I'm an introvert who likes to stay fairly modest, and my boyfriend is the polar opposite - he is shameless in telling people that he got a 2400 on the SAT or that he has a 3.99 GPA (though don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy, just too confident and open at times...).

I've talked to him about his general unavailability multiple times, but not about this grade/inferiority-complex issue. I didn't want to bring it up because I felt like as his girlfriend I should be happy for him when things are going well for him... :-/ I think that would have been easier for me had I already gotten into med school and this issue is out of my mind.

I think part of the difficulty definitely IS that he is a full time student and I am out of school... I work more like a 9 to 7 job, and I am usually much more tired than he is by the time I get out of work - and he's the one cheering me up. WHEN I do get to see him after work. And I DO get that he's been "trying" to spare more time compared to his solo-days, but I find it uncool when he has one exam coming up and he starts going MIA a full week ahead of the exam and saying he has no time whatsoever (especially because I've always had to juggle multiple exams + so much extracurriculars at the same time during college, which isn't the case for him)... especially when afterwards he tells me how he got a 100% on the exam (surprise) and tells me maybe he overdid the studying and that he could have gotten away with less studying. And he doesn't seem to be able to get out of this mode, even when he had ONE final exam and more than a WEEK to study for just that, and knew he was leaving the country for more than a month TWO days after the exam... and we were gonna be apart.


Chamahk: I don't think the word choice I used ("competitiveness") is really what I meant. I can't really be competitive since I am not taking the same classes as he is (I am not even in school anymore - nothing I can do about my GPA)... but I guess it's just feeling cruddy (about myself) because so many events in the past couple of years (and even currently) have just left me with a very low self-esteem and feeling inferior/incompetent... and I can't help but automatically go into the "oh you got a 100%? I'm so jealous... I wish I could be as smart as you *sigh*" mode. And then I get sad and stressed thinking about med school admissions.

I never ask him what he got on exams - this information is voluntary on his part. But I don't really know how to ask him to stop telling me things without making it sound like I am a crazy grade-conscious premed and/or a girlfriend who isn't happy about her boyfriend doing well.

I don't know if I'm just losing my senses because I'm not in his shoes anymore when I probably would have acted the same way... Ughh

Brevity is the soul of wit. Maybe that's why he prefers studying over talking with you.

 

[mitchlucker]

I have friends that study like that ... it's pretty funny but people like that can't be stopped no matter what you try to tell them

And how often do SAT scores and GPA come up in conversation lol.

"Hey everyone this is my BF ________"

"hey man it's nice to meet you, how did you meet justapremed?"

"Oh well it was when I was on my way to the SAT, which I got a 2400 on just FYI and the rest was history!"

"sounds...interesting..."

"Yeah, so what do you do?"

"I'm a CPA. I did justapremed's taxes."

"Well MY GPA is a 3.99..."

"I'm an accountant? I don't care?"

"Just thought you should know..."

 

[Fakesmile]

Lucky you have such a smart boyfriend. If I were you I would just totally be honest with him, like telling him all that you did in this thread. That's what you should do if you truly love him. 👍

 

[Dial71]

OP, your boyfriend sounds like a cad. Trying to impress strangers by volunteering his SAT scores and GPA tells me that deep down, he is an unconfident person himself.

Sounds like this relationship is not working out. How can it, if each of you has a need for affirmation that the other cannot fufill?

 

[Fakesmile]

Sounds like this relationship is not working out. How can it, if each of you has a need for affirmation that the other cannot fufill?

Like attracts like, that's probably why they hooked up with each other in the first place. 😉

 

[Dial71]

Like attracts like, that's probably why they hooked up with each other in the first place. 😉

Yes, but that doesn't make it any healthier.

 

[justapremed]

Is he worth waiting around for when he's finished with college and doesn't have exam scores to talk about?

Life is way too short to let something like this eat you up inside, no matter how good the sex is.

Haha it's really not just the sex. I feel like this guy is a keeper in every way (except for the aspects I just ranted about) and we've been surprisingly good for each other given how different our personalities are. But at the same time, this one issue really IS eating me up and I recently realized that it's been unconsciously been stressing me out to no end for the past few months.

Ughhhh so confused. I think it's many different (though similar and linked) issues that I'm mixing up... problems of him not being available, problems of me feeling "inferior" whenever the topic of grades come up, problems of me being a bit too sensitive these days in general...

 

[justapremed]

Brevity is the soul of wit. Maybe that's why he prefers studying over talking with you.

Haha sorry, I feel like I've been keeping this to myself all this time, because honestly I was (and still am) confused as to what exactly is making me so stressed out. And now is the time to vent and think out loud... perhaps the wrong forum for that?

And how often do SAT scores and GPA come up in conversation lol.

Oops sorry if I confused you. All these came up in personal conversations just between the two of us. He doesn't randomly brag in public, except apparently during freshman year, everyone at the dining hall lunch table went around sharing their SAT scores and everyone had above a 2300. Sigh. But anyway.

Lucky you have such a smart boyfriend. If I were you I would just totally be honest with him, like telling him all that you did in this thread. That's what you should do if you truly love him. 👍

I should share all this with him of course; it's just that I feel like I've been dropping hints here and there for a while that I'm very unhappy about how my previous med school admissions turned out (or college admissions for that matter, though complaining to someone who got into Harvard and everywhere else he applied with full financial aid is maybe not worth the trouble), but I think he's a fairly oblivious guy when it comes to this. And being the super jolly person he is, he just tells me that I should forget the past, stop stressing over what I can't control, and tell me I should learn to care less (and continue to tell me about his wonderful grades that he got at the cost of not spending time with me). And it's all true - but I'm still having a hard time acting upon it overnight, and I'm not sure if in this particular case, I deserve some considerateness... I guess that was the point of starting this thread... whether I just need to de-sensitize myself or whether I have the right to ask him to be more considerate.

 

[brianmartin]

but every time he brags about a 100% raw score on a science exam

I wouldn't date someone who bragged about their grades. That is just...ugh. Couldn't do it.

 

[justapremed]

I wouldn't date someone who bragged about their grades. That is just...ugh. Couldn't do it.

i guess i just don't know where to draw the line. i feel like he should be able to share whatever he wants to, and i should be happy for him if it makes him happy. but at the same time, the topic of grades (or anything that could have anything to do with school admissions) is such a sore subject for me personally and i have such a hard time getting over it. and i have a tendency to go silent and hide my thoughts at the cost of my own happiness thinking i'll feel cruddy just this once but i dont wanna rain on his parade...

 

[tabascosauce]

OP: take what you can get and hold on for dear life 👍

 

[n3xa]

Haha it's really not just the sex. I feel like this guy is a keeper in every way (except for the aspects I just ranted about) and we've been surprisingly good for each other given how different our personalities are. But at the same time, this one issue really IS eating me up and I recently realized that it's been unconsciously been stressing me out to no end for the past few months.

Ughhhh so confused. I think it's many different (though similar and linked) issues that I'm mixing up... problems of him not being available, problems of me feeling "inferior" whenever the topic of grades come up, problems of me being a bit too sensitive these days in general...

How is he a keeper?

Regardless of where the problems actually stem from, that doesn't take away from the fact that you're feeling ****ty. It could be you, and it could be him bringing out the worst in you. 😕

Haha sorry, I feel like I've been keeping this to myself all this time, because honestly I was (and still am) confused as to what exactly is making me so stressed out. And now is the time to vent and think out loud... perhaps the wrong forum for that?

I should share all this with him of course; it's just that I feel like I've been dropping hints here and there for a while that I'm very unhappy about how my previous med school admissions turned out (or college admissions for that matter, though complaining to someone who got into Harvard and everywhere else he applied with full financial aid is maybe not worth the trouble), but I think he's a fairly oblivious guy when it comes to this. And being the super jolly person he is, he just tells me that I should forget the past, stop stressing over what I can't control, and tell me I should learn to care less (and continue to tell me about his wonderful grades that he got at the cost of not spending time with me). And it's all true - but I'm still having a hard time acting upon it overnight, and I'm not sure if in this particular case, I deserve some considerateness... I guess that was the point of starting this thread... whether I just need to de-sensitize myself or whether I have the right to ask him to be more considerate.

No no no. Hints don't do ****. And are you dating this guy or is he your master?

and i have a tendency to go silent and hide my thoughts at the cost of my own happiness thinking i'll feel cruddy just this once but i dont wanna rain on his parade...

Since when is his happiness more important than your own?

Normally I hate getting caught up in threads, but you sound like I did a few years ago. I used to be a real people pleaser in my relationships and ended up with pretty ****ty self-esteem thanks in part to guys treating me like garbage physically and emotionally.

If after talking about the whole grades thing he still doesn't "get it" or chooses to ignore your needs, you're going to have make a decision.

 

[Musclemass]

From your description, my take is that you are both too immature and also both too self-focused to understand what is necessary to do to have a successful relationship.

 

[Helen Wheels]

I've never had my ink dipped by a company pen...

LMAO. I'll have to remember this one, n3xa!

 

[VikingLegacy]

.

 

[Chanterelle]

If him outscoring you on science tests doesn't automatically result in him trying as hard as humanly possible to pass his apparently superior study habits along to you, then there is something wrong with your relationship.

The end.

I agree with this. Besides how can you feel jealous about this if you love him...

 

[CrystalProphecy]

Ouch, some of the posters here are really harsh. Here's my two cents after briefly going through the posts above.

I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I've been the smarter gal in the relationship where I could never talk about my grades because it made my ex really depressed. Now I'm a relationship where my boyfriend got a 3.9 GPA this semester whereas I got something very non-negligibly low.

It's really a compromise between you and your boyfriend at this point. Bragging rights (I must admit, I used to have one hell of a bragging problem back when) is something that only made me 0.1% better than how I was before I said it. But you really have to tell your bf what's going on, because once I found out, I immediately realized that my grades hurt him more than it made me feel better about myself. I stopped talking about them in such a fashion and offered up tutoring in classes we were both in (though he rejected because he was stubborn about bringing them up himself) and it got a bit better after that.

But I also understand how the inferiority complex is getting to us -- I mean, my boyfriend is one of the smartest science, non-premed people I've ever met. He DERIVES equations in his spare time and does all this completely nerdy stuff I can never understand and we both go to UCB. The thing that has kept me sane (and what differs between our situations) is that my boyfriend always humbly underestimates himself and tells me he is as unprepared as I am. With that mentality, I've always thought we were on level up to the day of the exam...until we take it and he beasts it like no other and I utterly fail. A horrible feeling when I get that 40% back whereas he got the 90% on the midterm...

And the time thing? I'm still struggling with that myself...I just tell myself that grades are most important to him and me and that a relationship should go second when it should (i.e. during midterm/finals/intense weeks/etc.). I can't offer up any advice simply cuz I need help in that sector too ;D

Anyway I have typed too much. If my comments have not helped, just know I'm a premed girl just like you who has a super smart boyfriend and am feeling bummed myself about how smart he is and how I'm not doing as spectacular as him!

 

[Global Warming]

Ouch, some of the posters here are really harsh. Here's my two cents after briefly going through the posts above.

I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I've been the smarter gal in the relationship where I could never talk about my grades because it made my ex really depressed. Now I'm a relationship where my boyfriend got a 3.9 GPA this semester whereas I got something very non-negligibly low.

It's really a compromise between you and your boyfriend at this point. Bragging rights (I must admit, I used to have one hell of a bragging problem back when) is something that only made me 0.1% better than how I was before I said it. But you really have to tell your bf what's going on, because once I found out, I immediately realized that my grades hurt him more than it made me feel better about myself. I stopped talking about them in such a fashion and offered up tutoring in classes we were both in (though he rejected because he was stubborn about bringing them up himself) and it got a bit better after that.

But I also understand how the inferiority complex is getting to us -- I mean, my boyfriend is one of the smartest science, non-premed people I've ever met. He DERIVES equations in his spare time and does all this completely nerdy stuff I can never understand and we both go to UCB. The thing that has kept me sane (and what differs between our situations) is that my boyfriend always humbly underestimates himself and tells me he is as unprepared as I am. With that mentality, I've always thought we were on level up to the day of the exam...until we take it and he beasts it like no other and I utterly fail. A horrible feeling when I get that 40% back whereas he got the 90% on the midterm...

And the time thing? I'm still struggling with that myself...I just tell myself that grades are most important to him and me and that a relationship should go second when it should (i.e. during midterm/finals/intense weeks/etc.). I can't offer up any advice simply cuz I need help in that sector too ;D

Anyway I have typed too much. If my comments have not helped, just know I'm a premed girl just like you who has a super smart boyfriend and am feeling bummed myself about how smart he is and how I'm not doing as spectacular as him!

I agree with this. During exam times, I expect my SO to allow me as much freedom to do well as I need. With this said, I must honestly do the same thing and give my SO all the time they need. However, I'm a nerd, dating a nerd so we study all the time together anyways.

OP. I think you should bring this up with your BF in a net neutral manner because you must protect your happiness. Not all cocky ppl are stuck in their ways. I used to be just like the person you are describing, but after realizing that my arrogance is hurtful to my SO and siblings...I learned modesty. In fact, my new humble self often laughs at arrogant ppl because I can personally understand their desire to self-promote. A truly confident person does not need the approval of others. A truly confident person does not require a need to compare/contrast their grades with others.

You said that you love your BF. I do not doubt this. However, does he love you? If you brought this situation up with him in a neutral manner, will he dump you for being a crazy, whiny, jealous person? I love the people around me and I'm so happy that I made the transition. Besides....the day is always a little brighter when I don't have to measure my success with others. GL 👍

 

[Snarkalark]

i feel like this mostly doesn't happen at big public universities because if you're both "smart enough" you just both end up with 4.0s and enough free time to enjoy yourselves.

 

[phnerd1105]

I hate when my FRIENDS keep bragging about their grades. I couldn't imagine being with someone who did that all the time. OP, there's some really good advice on this thread. I know it sucks that you didn't get into med school the first time. Maybe you can talk to your boyfriend and tell him to stop being a douche and become more sensitive to what you're going through. If you never tell him how you feel, how is he supposed to change it? Boys are FAR FROM mind readers....the literally need you to tell them everything you feel otherwise they will never change. Try this, and if he doesn't change....well, then that's an inherent quality of his and you need to reevaluate whether this is someone you want to be with or not.

In undergrad, my boyfriend and I both had different majors, so there was little competition (and he was two years older than me). Now, when he's in med school and I'm still in undergrad, its even harder when you don't do well and you see them already in med school. You want nothing more than to just be in the same position rather than suffering through biochemistry 🙁

 

[n3xa]

Mmm, go-karting. 👍

Ooo, America's Dairyland. Home of Road America. Totally worth the drive up there from Madison (where I used to live) and worth getting my card denied at the gas station on the way home because I had to re-fill my tank multiple times that weekend.

LMAO. I'll have to remember this one, n3xa!

😉

 

[PreMedder]

brb eating two chocolate cakes because my SO casually told me he aced his exam.

😕

you're making him out to be the bad guy for doing what he's supposed to be doing. his job is to be a student. it's not his fault that you didn't match his successes - so the depression that follows after he relays his grades to you, which he has the right to feel proud about, sounds like more of a personal issue that you need to resolve with yourself on your own time. not his problem.

my .02

 

[roseglass6370]

I can't say I've ever had this problem, however, the guy I am currently seeing is hoping to go to grad school to become a PT (PhD). He is just as intense about his grades as I am and we have taken a lot of classes together. We are competitive, but it's never caused a strain on our relationship. In fact, it actually builds us up. The competitiveness fuels us to both do our best. It can actually be fun.

It looks like you both need to chill out a little bit and start encouraging each other. Maybe this guy isn't the one for you...?

 

[Frazier]

I was a summa cum laude and my gf is going to graduate cum laude; however, between the two of us she appears to be more competitive because she often likes to compare the two honors...

Me: Hey, you made cum laude - awesome, awesome. congrats! 🙂
Her: Ya, thanks. But its not summa cum laude though 🙁

...The comparison wouldn't have occurred to me personally.

 

[G Darn Pissed]

truly competitive people don't really get all butthurt when someone does better than them, they get motivated.

It sounds like your BF is willing to work a LOT harder than you were studying for classes.

normally I would question your experience in a competitive environment, as you do not seem to handle losing well, but this seems to be something different.

You are not at the same school as him, taking the same classes as him, you dont even go to school right now!!! so why do you care if he studies his ass off and gets 4.0s?

In my unprofessional eOpinion, it sounds like you are frustrated with him for different reasons.

You know how when your mad at someone (maybe subconsciously), and every little f&*#in thing they do bothers the s*$& out of you? I think thats whats going on here.

Last time I checked, in a healthy relationship, you should be on the same team! his success is your success.