Accepted to MD, second thoughts

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Hey guys.

This is a super honest post, so I am really not looking for any judgements. I completely understand and am so grateful for my MD acceptance, and I know that many many premeds students wish they could have it (for the record though, it's a low tier school).

I'm getting quite nervous for the work and expectations of me. I also feel I've never been a top student, so I am scared that I will not be able to match the specialty I want (although I don't know what that is yet).

Additionally, I am a nontrad female. I am about to be 25, and I am concerned that med school will make dating extremely hard. I value companionship, and I am very relationship/family oriented. The last thing I want is to be an undesirable single 35 year old doctor due to my age.

I thought about being a PA/NP but I just didn't feel that path was right for me/didn't fit my personality. I've worked with some PAs at my job, and those feelings were confirmed.

I really enjoy medicine, and I enjoy meeting patients. My favorite part of medicine is the social aspect. I will say, one reason I was motivated to enter medicine was the stability of it. I just feel having an MD brings an amazing feeling of helping people, the knowledge, respect, autonomy, lots of career options (as in can do academic, research, work essentially anywhere in the world etc.) and it is well compensated and stable. Not many jobs can do that. Also, I feel as a female it is important to have a career simply for the fact that it allows you to leave a bad marriage (obviously you don't expect these things when getting married but you just never know). In a nutshell, I just feel very conflicted.

TLDR: I'm very relationship/family oriented and scared medicine will prevent me from finding a good partner. Concerned I can't match specialty I want. Concerned with wasting my youth to medicine.

Thoughts please? 🙂

 

[DubbiDoctor]

Sounds like you'd enjoy family medicine or maybe psychiatry. Neither require very long or intensive residencies, and both emphasize longitudinal relationships with patients and will allow you plenty of time to focus on your personal life. They are also consistently the two least competitive residencies, so matching won't be an issue as long as you demonstrate interest and lack red flags.

 

[Apothecary Aquinas]

You don't need to be a top student to succeed in medical school. I literally just came from a dinner with an orthopedic surgeon who emphasized the fact that one doesn't have to be regarded as exceedingly bright to make it through medical school, they just need to be willing to put in the time and effort. He (the ortho) was even a terrible student through much of their early education. In his words, the content is not highly complicated there is just a lot of it. Use a calendar/planner and practice time management and you will succeed.

I'm a non-trad myself (27) and highly value the perspective and experience that has given me. I used to worry about age but I've learned to enjoy the process and I think there are a lot of positive things you can find for yourself in that. As far as dating its not uncommon for medical students to date (although, it could make things complicated sometimes) and even get married. That's one of the reasons couple's matching is a thing.

And there is nothing undesirable about a 35 year old, successful woman. If it comes down to that you'll be a high caliber woman who will attract some high caliber guys (girls?). I myself am lucky my GF is going to medical as well. I couldn't see myself with someone who wasn't in healthcare and who couldn't understand my commitments and crazy schedule.

And plus Ellen Pompeo (Meredith Grey) is like 48 and is still killin' it...

 

[HomeSkool]

On my first day of med school, the dean sat us down and said, "Look to your left. Now look to your right. In four years, 25% of you will have married one another." We didn't hit that percentage, but we did have quite a few weddings!

Don't get cold feet now. Med school and residency aren't wormholes in which nothing else exists, they're phases of your life when your job eats up a lot of your time. That job is a major part of your life, but it's not the only part. You can still find time to hang out, date, get married, and start a family. The class of residents about to graduate in my program has 14 members. Of those, all but three are married, and eight of them had at least one child during residency. Medical training doesn't put your life on hold, it just requires you to accept some sacrifice and manage your time well.

Finally, there's no such thing as "wasting [your] youth to medicine." Life is too short and the world is too big for us to do everything we want. You prioritize your goals and do what matters most to you. If it's what you want to do and it's a worthwhile endeavor, you haven't wasted anything at all.

 

[bahdahboom]

Hey guys.

This is a super honest post, so I am really not looking for any judgements. I completely understand and am so grateful for my MD acceptance, and I know that many many premeds students wish they could have it (for the record though, it's a low tier school).

I'm getting quite nervous for the work and expectations of me. I also feel I've never been a top student, so I am scared that I will not be able to match the specialty I want (although I don't know what that is yet).

Additionally, I am a nontrad female. I am about to be 25, and I am concerned that med school will make dating extremely hard. I value companionship, and I am very relationship/family oriented. The last thing I want is to be an undesirable single 35 year old doctor due to my age.

I thought about being a PA/NP but I just didn't feel that path was right for me/didn't fit my personality. I've worked with some PAs at my job, and those feelings were confirmed.

I really enjoy medicine, and I enjoy meeting patients. My favorite part of medicine is the social aspect. I will say, one reason I was motivated to enter medicine was the stability of it. I just feel having an MD brings an amazing feeling of helping people, the knowledge, respect, autonomy, lots of career options (as in can do academic, research, work essentially anywhere in the world etc.) and it is well compensated and stable. Not many jobs can do that. Also, I feel as a female it is important to have a career simply for the fact that it allows you to leave a bad marriage (obviously you don't expect these things when getting married but you just never know). In a nutshell, I just feel very conflicted.

TLDR: I'm very relationship/family oriented and scared medicine will prevent me from finding a good partner. Concerned I can't match specialty I want. Concerned with wasting my youth to medicine.

Thoughts please? 🙂

Me too! I’m very relationship oriented and found a great person in Med school to date btw. There are many options out there for you. Don’t sweat it, enjoy your acceptance!

 

[ERDOC555]

Hey guys.

This is a super honest post, so I am really not looking for any judgements. I completely understand and am so grateful for my MD acceptance, and I know that many many premeds students wish they could have it (for the record though, it's a low tier school).

I'm getting quite nervous for the work and expectations of me. I also feel I've never been a top student, so I am scared that I will not be able to match the specialty I want (although I don't know what that is yet).

Additionally, I am a nontrad female. I am about to be 25, and I am concerned that med school will make dating extremely hard. I value companionship, and I am very relationship/family oriented. The last thing I want is to be an undesirable single 35 year old doctor due to my age.

I thought about being a PA/NP but I just didn't feel that path was right for me/didn't fit my personality. I've worked with some PAs at my job, and those feelings were confirmed.

I really enjoy medicine, and I enjoy meeting patients. My favorite part of medicine is the social aspect. I will say, one reason I was motivated to enter medicine was the stability of it. I just feel having an MD brings an amazing feeling of helping people, the knowledge, respect, autonomy, lots of career options (as in can do academic, research, work essentially anywhere in the world etc.) and it is well compensated and stable. Not many jobs can do that. Also, I feel as a female it is important to have a career simply for the fact that it allows you to leave a bad marriage (obviously you don't expect these things when getting married but you just never know). In a nutshell, I just feel very conflicted.

TLDR: I'm very relationship/family oriented and scared medicine will prevent me from finding a good partner. Concerned I can't match specialty I want. Concerned with wasting my youth to medicine.

Thoughts please? 🙂

There are dozens of great reasons not to attend medical school. None of the concerns you bring up in your post are any of those reasons.

I think you should go for it!

 

[anyusernamenottaken]

Pretty sure most guys would jump at the chance of being with a 35 yr old Dr. Also, the single guys will be in the same boat as you with finding someone/ having time for relationships. Just think about all those single 35 yr olds in ur residency!

 

[treasure_yourself]

Pretty sure most guys would jump at the chance of being with a 35 yr old Dr. Also, the single guys will be in the same boat as you with finding someone/ having time for relationships. Just think about all those single 35 yr olds in ur residency!

Hah, are you a guy? I don’t think men and women want the same things. Women care a lot about a man’s profession...

 

[holdthemayo]

Your concerns are normal, most of your classmates will have had similar thoughts too! Classic cold feet. I think your odds of finding a good partner probably aren't that different in med school than in the real world (maybe higher b/c you will be surrounded by people with similar interests and goals)

It sounds like you really do want to pursue medicine. Cold feet are normal, but I think you might regret giving up your spot.

 

[theKingLT]

Hah, are you a guy? I don’t think men and women want the same things. Women care a lot about a man’s profession...

You'd be surprised how many men want a woman who's intelligent, educated, and ambitious, especially when they're looking for someone to settle down with

 

[anyusernamenottaken]

Hah, are you a guy? I don’t think men and women want the same things. Women care a lot about a man’s profession...

Yes I am a guy. A lot of guys, including myself, care about a woman's profession also. Intelligence is attractive. I'm sure there will be a lot of upper middle class guys for her. Unless she is OCD about them having to make more than her, you will still have plenty of options open to you at 35 is what I'm saying. I think if she gave up on her passions bases solely on that she would regret it.

 

[holdthemayo]

Hah, are you a guy? I don’t think men and women want the same things. Women care a lot about a man’s profession...

Some men are wildly insecure so they might be intimidated by smart successful women. Smart successful women don't want to date wildly insecure men. It works out for everyone.

 

[Jasmine2022]

Your concerns are normal, most of your classmates will have had similar thoughts too! Classic cold feet. I think your odds of finding a good partner probably aren't that different in med school than in the real world (maybe higher b/c you will be surrounded by people with similar interests and goals)

It sounds like you really do want to pursue medicine. Cold feet are normal, but I think you might regret giving up your spot.

This. As I get closer to my matriculation date, the "am I good enough" and "whoa! I'm going to be at this for a LONG time" thoughts are creeping back in. A little nerves is totally fine, and if it spirals out of control, I feel better after talking to some of the doctors who mentored me and understand what I'm about to go through.

I'm single and 37 and I, too, have wondered about the dating prospects. Fortunately, I'm attending school in a larger urban area with ample opportunities to meet new people, both in healthcare fields and not. The dating pool for you from your class alone is far more promising. If you would rather avoid that, online dating is a great way to meet people that you normally wouldn't meet. Be smart and selective about the sites/apps you use and the people you meet. HomeSkool laid out some excellent examples of how common it is for people to get married/start families during the medical training process. I have a friend studying for Step 1 with his wife's due date only one week after he's scheduled to take the exam!

As an aside, let go of these thoughts that there's an age cutoff for desirability (or if there is, that age isn't one that starts with a 3, 4, 5,...). I personally think I'm FAR more desirable now than when I was in my twenties, and that's due to confidence, finally establishing a lifestyle that makes me happy, taking care of myself, and knowing what I want. Some people will try to make you think you're too something (old, smart, career-focused, etc) but here's a little hint - your future significant other is probably not one of those people 😉

You don't have to trade medicine for all the things you want out of life, or vice-versa. If you are still passionate (and it sounds like you are) keep going! 🙂 If there's more to this than what you stated, it's time for some self-reflection and conversations with people who know you and can better guide you. Wishing you the best!

 

[Turkishking]

What has the world come to, sigh.

Do you have low self-esteem? If so, medical school will break you.

 

[curbsideconsult]

People care a lot about a potential partner’s profession...

FTFY

 

[Goro]

Hey guys.

This is a super honest post, so I am really not looking for any judgements. I completely understand and am so grateful for my MD acceptance, and I know that many many premeds students wish they could have it (for the record though, it's a low tier school).

I'm getting quite nervous for the work and expectations of me. I also feel I've never been a top student, so I am scared that I will not be able to match the specialty I want (although I don't know what that is yet).

Additionally, I am a nontrad female. I am about to be 25, and I am concerned that med school will make dating extremely hard. I value companionship, and I am very relationship/family oriented. The last thing I want is to be an undesirable single 35 year old doctor due to my age.

I thought about being a PA/NP but I just didn't feel that path was right for me/didn't fit my personality. I've worked with some PAs at my job, and those feelings were confirmed.

I really enjoy medicine, and I enjoy meeting patients. My favorite part of medicine is the social aspect. I will say, one reason I was motivated to enter medicine was the stability of it. I just feel having an MD brings an amazing feeling of helping people, the knowledge, respect, autonomy, lots of career options (as in can do academic, research, work essentially anywhere in the world etc.) and it is well compensated and stable. Not many jobs can do that. Also, I feel as a female it is important to have a career simply for the fact that it allows you to leave a bad marriage (obviously you don't expect these things when getting married but you just never know). In a nutshell, I just feel very conflicted.

TLDR: I'm very relationship/family oriented and scared medicine will prevent me from finding a good partner. Concerned I can't match specialty I want. Concerned with wasting my youth to medicine.

Thoughts please? 🙂

All new endeavours are fraught with anxiety.

Do you know how many Jewish mothers will be pointing at you while they say to their sons "You should be dating blahblahhblahhh!! Listen, she's going to be a doctor!"

 

[tbonez71]

Many people find their lifelong partners in medical school and residency. Several of my doctor friends are married to other healthcare professionals they met during training, others found their partners in non-medical environments. Like at any time in your life, it will require that you make the effort to go meet people beyond just a professional environment.

If you make lifestyle and family your priority, you will eventually find a job and environment that works for you. You'll be busy these next few years, but remember that life doesn't start only after your training is done... It will be happening the whole time, so make sure to enjoy it!

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Hey guys.

The last thing I want is to be an undesirable single 35 year old doctor due to my age.

Thoughts please? 🙂

Whoa, whoa. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, and assume you’re not a troll, and just outrageously ill-informed. How did you apply and get into medical school without a) considering your age issue, and b) having some grasp of what female physician lives are like? I don’t know what you’ve been reading, but you’ve just insulted every female who worked hard for this degree. You’re implying that 35 year old doctors are undesirable?! That’s literally every female coming out of a surgical residency. Let me tell you, few of them would ever fit the definition of undesirable, and their high marriage rates support that.


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[DelayedGratification]

35 is the new 25.

 

[SuaveCardigans]

35 is the new 25.

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