ADD in med school

[goofygirl80]

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Hi there everyone,

I'm an M1 right now and I'm having huge problems with procrastination, motivation, memory, sleep disturbances, and feelings of depression and anxiety. Because of my poor study habits and inablilty to wake up for class I'm doing pretty horrible. I know the big picture pretty well but can't quite get all the details down which really screws you over on test. I thought I was having problems with depression (one of my sister's has been diagnosed with major depression since she was in high school and I was kind of identifying with her) and got refered to our counseling services by one of the deans but after a psyciatric evaluation they came at me with a diagnosis of attention deficit disorder (without hyperactivity) and associated depression and anxiety secondary to it not being diagnosed as a child.

This is something I would have never considered, because I never realized what the symptoms were besides being hyperactive, Impulsive, and inattentive. Apparently girls tend to have the non-hyperactive type and tend not to be diagnosed as often, especially when they are smart enough not to need to pay attention and study. Honestly I've never really studied except by pulling all-nighters right before tests in college, before that I didn't even bother. I didn't even study for the MCAT but still did fine. Unless the pressure is high I can't force myself to concentrate on anything unless I am engrossed in it. Also many of the other things I struggle with like having no organizational skills, forgetting to pay bills on time, being messy, failing to follow through with plans and goals, avoiding doing things because I can't make them perfect, ect... are things that are very common with ADD patients and I would have never guessed it. I've always just thought I was lazy and I'm having a huge problem truly accepting the diagnosis of ADD. I've been given a perscription for concerta (slow release ritalin) and I'm taking it just to see if it helps because I'm at wits end trying to make myself be a good student even with the possiblitiy of having to retake my first year of med school.

Well, anyway what I wanted to know is if there is anyone else on here who has been diagnosised with ADD as a child or adult that could give me any imput on how they've dealt with it in the context of med school? For everyone else, what do you guys think about ADD in general? I believe it is a real problem for some people, but I'm not confident that it is my problem even though I fit a majority of the criteria. I'm just afraid I'm accepting this diagnosis only because I want to be able to have an excuse for the way that I am and my laziness.

Thanks, I look forward to hearing from anyone who thinks they can help me!!!

Goofygirl

 

[oldladypremed]

I was just about to post my first message in this forum but I noticed your message and wanted to answer it first. I am a 35 year old who was recently diagnosed for the first time with ADD w/o hyperactivity. This diagnosis has literally changed my life. Suddenly all the procrastination, the feelings of being overwhelmed, the low self-esteem and the terrible self-recrimination made sense.

I also started on a dose of concerta but it did nothing for me. I was switched to adderallXR and its amazing. Suddenly, I understand how"normal" people get through their day. The sad thing for me is that I can't help but wonder where I would be now if I had been discovered 15 years ago.

I have always held a secret dream of becoming a psychiatrist but put it aside becuase I was unable to do well in my chemistry labs in college. Now, I'm contemplating giving that dream one more try. With my meds, I know I can do it intellecutally but its so late to embark on this journey.

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you luck and to encourage you to keep trying different meds until you find what works. All the stimulants effect people differently and concerta may or may not be the right one for you. It takes a lot of tinkering.

-oldlady

 

[BiggMann79]

Wow, your situation sounds a whole lot like mine. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD (only depression) but our symptoms sound very, very similar. I might bring it up with my psychiatrist on my next visit. I'm currently taking Zoloft for the depression.

I'm also a first year medical student who had a good GPA (not spectacular) and one of the higher MCAT scores in my class (4 points above the class average) and have done horribly my first year. I'd never had to study before and always did my best in theory/problem solving classes vs. classes which emphasized lots of details (classes most similar to med school). I did O.K. during our first 8 week block of Biochemistry and Cell Biology (pulled a B and a very high C respectively), and then it all fell apart during Microanatomy and Gross Anatomy. I barely passed Microanatomy with a 70% (D) and failed gross. This semester I was doing O.K. in physiology (which I loved) and doing miserably in neuroscience.

With my psychiatrists blessing I took a leave of absence to seek attention for the depression and other physical problems (I've gained LOTS of weight and the resultant hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, and sleep apnea). That was just a week ago and with today being the last day of Spring Break tomorrow my classmates will find out I dropped as they will have to reelect a new person for my class officer position.

Anyway, my plan is for between now and the start of Gross and Microanatomy in October (well I also have to start ICM again in August, but that class was easy) is to work on learning how to properly study, how to focus better, how to better manage my time, and just introduce a greater level of discipline in my life.

This is not how I envisioned medical school would go for myself but if these problems have forced me to change some things in my life and face personal problems then it has been a blessing in disguise.

I have no doubts that things will go a lot better for me when I return to school and I have no doubt that they will be better for you also, even if it takes an additional year to get through it. You are definately not the only one in that situation.

 

[goofygirl80]

Thanks for the supportive responses guys, After I posted my message I ended up doing a search for attention deficit disorder and I found a few threads where posters had a very negative attitude towards the diagnosis and the people who use it as an "excuse" for extra accomodations. The thing is I don't want any accomodations, and I acutally never thought that ADD would really count as a disablity that I could get them for. My psycologist offered to try to get my next test pushed back for me because I'm just learning about all this stuff and haven't gotten to deal with it properly, but I said no. If I can't study for it now an extra week of time isn't gonna get me anywhere, especially since the more time I have for something the more time I waste.

Anyway, Old lady premed, I think you could definately still make an attempt to do psychiatry if you are really interested (and you having the backgroud of ADD will make it easier for you to empathize with your patients who are struggling with mental illnesses). Good luck with it if you decide to try!!

BiggMann how are your family/friends dealing with your depression and choice of a leave of absence? I can't imagine admitting to my family that I am not the wonderful student they think I am. In the past it had been suggested by a teacher that one of my family members might have ADD and most of the people in my family refused to even consider it and the idea was pretty much ignored, so I'm afraid of what their reaction will be. Eventually I hope to be able to share this with them, but I want to wait until I feel confident with the treatment enough to be able to make them believe that I'm really struggling with this and getting better.

I hope the time off lets you accomplish everything you want, your attitude sounds exactly like mine. I thought I just needed to be challenged more and that as soon as I got to med school I would respond to the increased requirements by getting my act together and being an awesome student. Boy was I wrong!! I just hope that working with medication and therapy will help me reach a point where I feel like I accomlish as much in a day as a "normal" person!!

goofygirl

 

[shag]

Old lady, my A$$! You're 35, gimme a break 🙂 You got me by a couple of yrs, but you are by no means washed out...

As far as ADD goes, I'm on psych now (M3), and have just about diagnosed myself. I did really well during my first 2 yrs because I could structure my life around my procrastination and work in enviornments that would limit distraction. Unfortunately, I'm distracted by silence, and am a chronic coffee house studyer. A coffee house has just enough background noise to distract me from my distraction so I can work 🙂. Like stated above, I did especially well in "thinking classes" like pathophys, and survived memorization classes with all nighters. I did really well, and managed to leave my second year in the top 1/4 of my class.

This year has not been as nice to me. I'm at the hospital for ungodly amounts of time, and my crazy hours have totally disrupted my routine. My clinical grades have been acceptable, but my written test grades have been slightly below to slightly above average. I just can't seem to make myself study effectively for the written exams. I managed to fall out of the top 1/4 and have been purty frustrated.

I have been attributing this to burnout, which I'm sure is present, but I'm starting to think that I may have ADD. This has been really disturbing and I've considered attempting to get treatment. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Have you gotten treatment? Did it help ya?

Goofygirl, I feel you pain 🙂. I'm glad that your working things out and have a plan... Hang in there!!

 

[oldladypremed]

Bigmann said:

"I'd never had to study before and always did my best in theory/problem solving classes vs. classes which emphasized lots of details (classes most similar to med school"

This is one of the hallmarks of ADD. I actually graduated with honors from a top law school without having to do much work becuase law is ALL reasoning, problem solving and logical analysis and almost no memorization. Too bad my strength's don't match my passions. My hope is that these problem solving, anaylsis skills will be useful in the actual practice of medicine and psych, if not necessarily during shcool.

ADD is often misdiagnosed as depression either becuase many practitioners don't recognize or believe in it or becuase the constant struggle to get through daily life with add is DEPRESSING! So many ADDers struggle with low self-esteem from years of being belittled and of floundering.

I don't mean to be lecturing a group of med students but this topic is close to my heart.

Goofygirl, don't worry about whether people "believe" ADD is real or not. I worried about that myself for too long and delayed finding the meds that are now changing my life. If you find a benign medication like Ritalin or Adderal can help you reach your dream, who cares about what other people think?

Like you, I would never dream of asking for accomadations. I just want to do all I can to realize my goals.

Oldlady

 

[BiggMann79]

Originally posted by goofygirl80
BiggMann how are your family/friends dealing with your depression and choice of a leave of absence? I can't imagine admitting to my family that I am not the wonderful student they think I am. In the past it had been suggested by a teacher that one of my family members might have ADD and most of the people in my family refused to even consider it and the idea was pretty much ignored, so I'm afraid of what their reaction will be. Eventually I hope to be able to share this with them, but I want to wait until I feel confident with the treatment enough to be able to make them believe that I'm really struggling with this and getting better.

I hope the time off lets you accomplish everything you want, your attitude sounds exactly like mine. I thought I just needed to be challenged more and that as soon as I got to med school I would respond to the increased requirements by getting my act together and being an awesome student. Boy was I wrong!! I just hope that working with medication and therapy will help me reach a point where I feel like I accomlish as much in a day as a "normal" person!!

goofygirl

My family has been pretty supportive of my leave. Now they are just putting the pressure on me to get a job 🙂. They knew that I wasn't doing that great in school and I basically told them I wasn't happy at all a few months ago and then we discussed the leave. I'm concerned how this will effect my choice of residency as I had originally wanted to do orthopedic surgery. Once I get my personal problems in order though I know that I will be an excellent student and should do very well on Step 1 since standardized tests come easier for me (this including the shelf exams which are always my highest grade in each class so far).

I'm still not convinced totally about all this depression and ADD stuff. I'm not sure if I was doing poorly in school because of depression or depressed because I was doing poorly in school.

Like yourself I thought I would turn things around and be a good student once med school started, but it just didn't happen that way.

I've always made above average grades and always done at the 98-99th percentile on achievement tests during school (including the ACT), but I've never been what you would call a good student.

 

[galactica2001]

All that you described sounds absolutely NORMAL (not sick, not disordered). So you're thinking in another way than everyone else. THANK GOD!

Have you ever heard of The SuccessTypes Learning Style Type Indicator ?
http://www.ttuhsc.edu/SOM/Success/LSTI.htm and
http://www.dce.ttu.edu/pubs/ch02.htm
The key is the way you think. Some think in little steps, coming slowly to the end, taking in details,you rather see THE BIG PICTURE first but don't have the patience for the amount of details. The first ones don't get the big picture = global thinking.You can relate info from different subjects and see it all come together. That's why you do so good on the smart stuff (like physio) and of course - there's not much logic in a phone book (here's microanat).
But that's normal. High school is a piece of cake, the amount of data (the phone book) is much smaller. When you transfer to university it gets enormous. So, naturally, you procrastinate more than before and that leads to consequences.
But to take medication just because you're thinking differently? Gosh, guys! Ritalin is not such an innocent drug. And psych disorders can be misdiagnosed easily (after all who is absolutely normal by all standards of society?!)
For myself (I've almost every simptom you've described and I've already finished one faculty with honours and am studyng med and working now and certainly NOT ADD) I'd much rather be me, the way I am, with a different style of learning, but a better view of things, if anything.
Just a note: some doc's say half of kids with add diagnosed aren't really sick, just their parents want them controllable (quiet and still). Think about it, honest.

 

[goofygirl80]

Hey BiggMann--I've kinda hid the fact that I'm not doing well from everyone so far, they all think med school is going "alright" because that is all I've ever told them. I've dropped a few hints to one of my friends that I'm struggling with some stuff, but I think she'd assume I just meant only getting slightly above average grades. My friends would all be completely shocked with my grades because I always got excellent grades (often in the very top of the class) in all of my science classes in college. I was a biology major, so the fact that I'm sucking it up in classes that I already have a great foundation in is frustrating. I was actually having emotional problems last year (when I was doing fine academically) so I know for sure they are not a result of my bad performance in med school, but I understand what you mean, sometimes it is hard to determine what is the cause and what is the effect.

Whether or not the depression caused you to do poorly in school if you keep going to a psychiatrist it might still help you work through your feelings about your poor performace, bring back your conficence in yourself, and improve your ability to deal with the stress of the med school work load. My psychiatrist says a large proportion of med students need to go in to counseling for a little help getting through things at some point in their schooling, so don't feel like you have to be diagnosed with a "mental illness" like depression or ADD to be able to keep seeing someone. If you don't think your condition is really serious enough to justify such a diagnosis explain you don't want meds and just stick with the thearpy, but by all means if you are still feeling down about having to take time off I wouldn't stop seeing someone completely (I couldn't tell if that was where you were heading with your doubt about what caused you to be depressed).

Galactica--I'm not sure if you were talking to me or just to BiggMann, but if you're trying to tell me I'm completely normal, I'd have to say that I'm pretty sure my problems are more than just a different way of thinking. I can't see how thinking differently could be causing me not to be able to sleep or study because I'm preoccupied with the hundreds of negative thoughts cycling through my brain. I've stored up every negative comment anyone has ever said about me and my lack of a work ethic and I have to listen to this broken record of "harmless" jokes and insults pretty much the entire time I'm not actively engaged in an activity or conversation. If for some reason I manage to run out of the jems other people have thrown at me my mind starts thinking of new ones to add on to the list, and let me tell you I have a knack for thinking of some darn good insults for myself. Every night when I lie down to go to sleep I criticize every word that escaped my lips that day and the manner in which I said it, then I try to think what I should have said or done and condemn my brain for not thinking of that at the time. People who "just think differently" don't have to fight back tears multiple times a day while they are walking around in public just because their mind gets stuck on a self-destructive train of thoughts, they don't have to spend an hour writting a paragraph long email so that it sounds absolutely perfect, they don't have to spend over fourty minutes every morning trying to convince themselves that life IS worth getting out of bed for, and they don't feel guilty almost every minute they are awake because they took a spot in medical school that someone who would have worked much harder could have had. Most people would look at my academic record and say hell yeah that girl deserves to be in medical school...I look at it and say I've done nothing to deserve where I am, I am an absolute failure and I can't believe the adcoms didn't see right through me. I'm not sure what your definition of normal is, but my life sure the heck doesn't fit mine.

I never said that my diagnosis was 100% accurate, but I would have to say that if the choice is between beleiving I am completely normal and just "think differently" or accepting that I might have ADD, I would chose ADD any day. I've pretended nothing was wrong with me for as long as I can remember and all I've managed to accomplish is feeling increasingly worthless and depressed. If ritalin is able to help me accomplish things instead of dwelling on the negatives and spacing out every time I start something then heck yeah I'm gonna take it. People take it every day who aren't even perscribed it just so that they can cram for tests and get that extra edge over their classmates, at least I know I'm getting the real stuff from a pharmacy and I have all of the warnings right in front of me.

Most doctors would (or at least should) say that ALL kids with ADD aren't sick. A disability is not a sickness, it is an additional obstacle that some people have to overcome (with or without medicine) in order to live a normal life. Someone with ADD (or any learning disability also) is not any sicker than someone who has a visual or auditory disability. Would you deny someone who was partially deaf a hearing aid? Or someone with myopia glasses? Yeah yeah I know they aren't drugs, but in someone with ADD when ritalin works it clears their mind and allows them to think just like glasses would clear their vision and allow them to see. And yes, I'm sure there are some kids out there who are on ritalin because of poor parenting, but it is no where near half of them.

I'm glad you like the fact that you think differently, but for me pretending I'm normal has led me closer and closer to failure. I know I can't use something like ADD as an excuse, but I'm trying to use it as a point to work from. Even if I end up on medicine that works, I'm still going to have to change the way I live my life in order to get through med school with enough knowlege to be a good doctor. That was why I went in to a psychiatrist, to find out what was wrong with me that was preventing me from living up to my potential so that I could fix it.

okay, sorry about the tirade, I just don't like that someone would assume they know how another person feels or thinks and try to tell them what to do or not do. The more I read galactica's post the more it sounds like maybe she was just addressing biggmann...but since I already took the time to write this whole mess out I'm posting it....


later,

goofygirl

 

[BiggMann79]

To galactica2001: If you were replying to what I said, I have to agree with you. How I described myself is completely normal. I'm very familiar with the Success Types for medical school. I own the book and have read through it several times. I'm an intuitive and not a sensor . This alone explains a lot of my strengths and weaknesses. I honestly do not think I have ADD and certainly do not plan on going on any more meds because I have a lot of misgivings about even just the Zoloft (I've gotten tremors and muscle twitching from it). I just thought I would discuss it with my psychiatrist as a springboard to talk about some of my focus problems. If procrastination and inattention to details was the only problems I had though I probably wouldn't be seeing a pyschiatrist. I would just force myself to study and I'd probably learn the material just fine, as my memory is quite good if I just take the time to put the information in my head. My real problems lie in some other areas that I really don't want to discuss that have affected my studying. I think my depression was there before med school (all I did for a year was literally work and sleep), but the academic problems only exaggerated it. It just turned into a big Catch-22 where the problem fed itself. My goal right now is to remove the physical, emotional, and even spiritual problems and to excel in school when I return. I'm not making excuses and I know the key to return to normalcy is not going to be some medication but willpower and discipline to change.

Now having said that, I also ask "What is normal?" Every person with any intelligence I know all have some very strange quirks. I think with brilliance you will always find some level of obsessive-compulsive disorders.

To Goofygirl80: I really feel for you. I have to admit that I don't suffer from all those thoughts that you mention, although I've had all of them at one time or another. I understand exactly where you are coming from with all of those statements. I hope you can talk with your family members about your problems and hope that they are as understanding as mine. I wish you good luck and know that you will do well once you have taken care of the problems.

 

[oldladypremed]

But to take medication just because you're thinking differently? Gosh, guys! Ritalin is not such an innocent drug. And psych disorders can be misdiagnosed easily (after all who is absolutely normal by all standards of society?!)

People with ADD do think differently and that difference can seriously diminish the quality of their lives and severely limit their choices. People think that all it takes is an act of will to overcome the procrastination and innatention that are the hallmarks of ADD, but it just isn't true. It frightens me that future doctors might be tempted to dismiss the difficulties of people like me and send others once again down the path of self-recrimination, and failure.

Let me tell you a little more about myself as an example. I'm not a stupid or lazy person. I have always been able to grasp concepts almost instantly and solve problems in interesting and creative ways. My skills let me sail through a top law school with high honors. However, although I can easily understand the complexities of constituional law, I find myself standing the middle of the house crying becuaes I can't figure out how to do the laundry and clean the kitchen. I can't even hire someone to help out or have visitors in our house becuase I can't get the place in decent enough shape! I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds like I should just "buck up" and get over it but it doesn't work that way.

On adderall, I can function. I still think creatively. I still see the big picture, but I can also handle the little, but vital, details. I don't LOVE doing the laundry but I don't panic about it either. I can also, for the first time figure out the steps necessary to achieve my dreams, in addition to the lofty dreams themselves.

I have not turned into a junkie or a zombie. I can also envision the day when, having developed strategies and patterns for living I will not longer need mebs at all. Of course some people have bad side effects and my suggestion is that THOSE people not take the drugs. You wouldn't take tylenol off the shelf becuase some people might be allergic to it.

Finally, I have no doubt that some children are misdiagnosed. However all the families that I have come in contact with have used ritalin as a last resort. These are loving, caring parents who have tried everything and can no longer stand to see their children suffering and failing. Don't make the mistake of assuming that parents are looking for an easy way out. Or that a hyper child is just different. These children are miserable and for many of them ritalin is a life line. How do you compare the small danger of side effects to the huge danger of a life time of failure and underachievement?

Oldlady.

 

[galactica2001]

Goofygirl, I've been there, so I do know a little bit of how you feel (or at least from my view) - what's worrying me is that it's SO EASY to blame ADD for all that you're going through and not your own decision to think/act/respond the way you're doing it right now. That won't resolve the problem, it only blurs the simptoms - so what's the point? A life long treatment? That also means side effects. How are you going to cope with that? (I'm sorry if I'm preaching. It's just that I've gone through this kind of negativism, made loads of mistakes while trying to cope with it and suffered like hell because of them. I was totally on my own). If meds really work for you (make you think positive ect), great!Take them. But I think it's the orientation of the mind towards negative thinking, low self image ect that's really the core of it. Meds won't cure that. Only you can, by starting to <b>ACTIVELY</b> think in positive terms, looking for good in every occasion, surrounding yourself with people that support you (and getting away from those who put you down!).
Now, I'm not saying that there's no ADD, that everyone is misdiagnosed. There are, I'm sure, those who have ADD. I'm just posing a question - are you <b>sure</b> it's not just an excuse??
I totally agree Bigman. And oldladypremed - What's underachievement? Not living up to the standards of our dear society? So if you're different - take meds and become like everyone else?
A brave new world.
I know you mean well, but WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? Always competing for points, standards, musthave's? There's got to be more than that to life.

 

[goofygirl80]

First of all, being an underacheiver has nothing to do with trying to live up to someone else's ideals. I know I'm an underacheiver because I can't live up to my own goals. There are things I want to do and I just can't force myself to do them or to keep doing them if I manage to start, even though I KNOW that I have the abilities to do so. This is what has caused me to feel like a failure. As I said most of my friends and family think I've accomplished a lot and wouldn't be able to understand this overwhelming feeling of failure that I've let build up.

Yes, it may sound like I could be using ADD as an excuse, and in a way I guess I have to do just that. I need to be able to excuse myself for not living up to everything that I've wanted to so far. I need to be able to look back and say hey I'm not "just lazy" and it isn't my fault that I haven't done everything I've wanted to because I was having problems that I never even considered. Now, if I keep avoiding responsibility and chosing not to change the way I look at life, then it is my fault. I can't use ADD as an excuse to be lazy the rest of my life, but I have to come to terms with the fact that it (and not just my own attitude) may be responsible for my unsatisfying performance to date. If I can't make that distinction then I'm never going to overcome my feelings of failure. I'm sorry, but I can't just stop the negativity that I feel, it isn't that easy for me. Admitting that how I've been thinking isn't normal and isn't my fault will hopefully let me forgive myself and move on instead of constantly telling myself that I am just a failure and can't handle my life.

I think the goal of treatment for ADD is to make people feel like they can control their life and not have to worry about being controlled by distractions and disorganization--not to drug them up to make them act in a way that is acceptable to society. Yes, many people with ADD need to take medicine in order to attain an appropriate level of control, but people also take medicine to control other health problems they could have avoided in the first place by eating a healthy diet and exercising. Are there no side effects for medication used to treat high blood pressure, hypercholesterolemia, and all of the other environmentally influenced diseases that people must get life-long treatment for? All of these diseases have genetic components but are often influenced by lifestyle. ADD is a genetic disease yet when people undergo treatment for it they are criticised for drugging themselves and trying to live up to societies standards? Why aren't people who allow themselves to develop unhealthy habits criticised for taking medicine to treat the resulting medical conditions? You can't sit there and criticize people for how they chose to deal with there health, as long as they are dealing with it in a way they are comfortable with you should be happy they are getting the treatment they need. And for the record, I don't like taking medicine and if I can help it I won't be on it for the rest of my life, but ADD is a life-long issue that someone must deal with. It doesn't just go away (in most people), so if I can't control it in any other way I'll stay on the medication.

The meaning of life is different for every person. Up intil recently, I was just trudging through life trying to get through the next day hoping things would just get better and to me there was no meaning in that life. Without the help I'm getting now I would still be doing that. Things aren't that much better for me yet, but just the idea that they can actually get better, and that I can actively do something to make them better, is really reassuring.

 

[samenewme]

Galactica,

Just had to respond to your post because I've heard the same arguments about treatment of depression with drugs. And, indeed, cognitive techniques, exercise, eating right, supportive friends, engaging hobbies all help lift my mood. But it's not sufficient for me. I can *cope* with all the negative thoughts, and I know and use all the strategies. But off meds, there are too many. The memory loss, fogginess, exhaustion that come with depression even make some of the negative thoughts come true.

Antidepressants slow down the stream of bad thoughts from Mars, allow me the energy to wake up in the morning and get out of bed like I mean it, and allow me to feel the emotional dimention of joyfulness when something good happens to me or when I do something wonderful. I was quite surprised when I went on meds that the intellectual feeling of accomplishment, or the physical adrenaline rush of excitement was not all there was to moments of happiness.

In short, I got my brain back. I feel normal, not dazed or glazed or artificially happy. I feel like a regular person who experiences life's ups and downs. And I no longer watch my brain in horror, wondering why it's doing that.

I make my own choices about the tradeoff between side effects and efficacy, and I'm quite happy with my choices. I'm proud of the many years I coped with depression without chemical treatment. But I'm thrilled to death I don't have to do it anymore. I deserve to feel right in my own brain. Refusing to take meds because of someone ELSE'S expectations of what should be normal inside MY head would be a wrong choice. I live in here. I choose. And it's not for anyone to say what my motives are.

For the record, my motives are, when I'm riding my bike to work on a pretty day and I'm singing and all's right with the world, I want that to feel good. When there's a great dance across town, I want to have the strength and energy to go. I want my life back.

And I have it.

Drugs are not for everyone. But they're right for me.

Phew! This is long! Perhaps it would be better to say you hit a nerve. 😉

 

[oldladypremed]

Goofygirl and Sam, what excellent posts! I have often wondered why people seen to accept the need for medication for depression and not for ADD. Of course I would rather not be dependant on medication but I am thankful every day that its available.

When I used the term "underachievement" it had nothing to do with societal expectations and everything to do with my own personal dreams. Underachievement means my own failure to build a fufilling, productive life. Through great effort and force of will I was struggling through each day, becomming more and more anxious and paralyzed by routine tasks. Certainly, I could keep that up for years, but why would I want to? Do I get brownie points for suffering without medication? When I come to the end of my life and I look back on a barren empty stretch of time without accomplisments or fulfillment, do I say, but at least I never took medication?

I find it difficult to see how ADD can be used as an excuse for anything. I have never asked for any kind of special treatment. Ritalin can't clean my home, raise my children, take my tests or plan my future. I still have to do all those things myself.

If anything, the diagnosis of ADD has helped me get off my tush and start moving. I used to have the vague sense that my reluctance to handle tasks was just a "bad mood." I think I just kept waiting for the feeling to pass and assumed that when I felt "better" I would take care of everything that needed to be done. Now I know that the "mood" is not going to pass and I am learning to work inspite of the messages my brain is sending. I hope that one day I will have developed enough skills that I will no longer need the help of medication. But I have no way of knowing that now.

I read a book by an ADD expert (Dr. Amen) who has found that in people with ADD, the electircal activity in parts of the brain actually decreases when they try to concentrate. Thus, the harder they try to work, the worse it gets. I can definately validate this idea on a personal, empirical basis. THat is exactly what it feels like.

Even if I never realize my larger dream to become a doctor, medication is already helping me in inumerable ways. I do more with my children. I play more. I see friends more. I have hope.

If these medications end up shortening my life expectancy, it will still be worth it.

-Oldlady

 

[goofygirl80]

You know I posted my experience to try to get suggestions and help from people who have dealt with a similar problem in the past and although I got a few very helpful responses there, I feel like I've mostly been trying to justify myself in here. The funny thing is that justifying myself in writting and explaining my experience to other peolple has been way more helpful at this point that any suggestions I could be getting from other people. It has made me understand myself a lot better and has helped me to identify the things which are most detrimental to my performance and confidence and need to be fixed first. I have a lot of personal issues regarding mental illness as showing weakness (in myself only though, for some reason I accept other people who have problems it is just really hard for me to accept that I could have them too) and admitting my problems in such detail has shown me that I really need to get passed that. So, I just wanted to thank everyone out there who offered their opinion or advice. I know I might have sounded like I was ranting a little, but I had a lot to get off my chest and really needed to be angry at someone in order to let it all out. Sorry Galactica that that someone ended up being you. I might not be happy with your opinion, but I needed someone to express it for me to get passed some of my own issues and preconceptions.

Thanks also to those people who shared their own struggles with me because they have definately made me feel less alone in this big wide world of med school overachievers which surrounds me.

Also, I'd love to hear more suggestions on how us non-detail oriented people can memorize without killing ourselves. I have a spring break in the not-so-distant future which will provide me lots of time to contemplate how to improve my studying and organizational skills! What lovely spring break plans...

goofygirl

 

[galactica2001]

I'm sorry goofygirl if I made an impression that I assumed I knew how another person feels or thinks and tried to tell them what to do or not do. That's not what I wanted to. It's just as I read your first post it was exactly what I've been going through 3 years ago. Antd it was rock bottom of my life. It took me 2 yrs to understand why I feel this way and another year to slowly rebuild my life.
Before university I was top student, always got top scores, but I never started studying untill 1, max 2 days before the test. I did all sorts of things besides school and I was a huge perfectionist (didn't know that at the time). Then I lost someone that meant a world to me (died) and I started blaming myself for not being able to help her (since I was always able to do anything I put in my head...).
Then came Uni and suddenly studying 2 days before exams wasn't enough. I blamed myself, thought I was lazy, stupid. I was totally uninterested in class, was hardly perfoming. I couldn't discipline myself to regular studying, I was bored in class, because I wasn't used to just sitting and listening - I could't concentrate on what's being said.
First year got along fine, since I had good background, 2.was a catastrophy.
Do you see now why your post sounded just like me a couple of years ago? I just tried to tell you that you're not stupid or lazy or anything like that. That there are some of us who have gone through something like that what you're describing and got through it.
Perhaps the thing that bothered me was that it's so easy to tag someone who has problems and needs help (like talk, support and counseling) with an illness and prescribe pills. Pills won't tell you how to manage time or how to study. Now - I'm not saying that there aren't any mental illnesses. But treatment is supposed to help the patient feel better, cope better ect. Maybe I overreacted a little, I admit (and I'm really sorry for that), but so many doc's just classify people and if they fullfill the criteria they treat the disease (of that class) <b>not the person</b>. I don't know if that can really do much good.
I really hope, goofygirl, that you'll get through this and be happy and satisfied. I really wish you all good.

galactica

 

[BatmanMD]

ummm yeah. These posts are WAY too long. (esp for people w/ ADD)😉

Sorry, but I didnt read everything above, but about goofgirl's first ?, I was a 1st year and found the same things happening to me. tired, want to sleep all day, crappy test scores (compared to undergrad).

Found out I had a type of Hypothyroid disease. I'm still trying to get everything right, still sleepy, tired, but have better days than before.

Anyways, you can have something other than ADD and feel the same way.

Anyone else have this problem?

 

[jennie 21]

Goofygirl, I read your posts and just had to respond. I've been in your shoes, except that when I was diagnosed with ADD I was a junior in college, not a med student. The things you are describing sound exactly like I was before I was diagnosed...the inability to concentrate except under pressure, poor study skills, procrastination, messiness, inability to get organized, and impatience with details. Thinking you are lazy. Reading your first post, I felt like you could have been describing me. I had problems with anxiety and low self-esteem, just like you are.

I just want to let you know that it will get better and not to give up hope. When I was diagnosed fifteen months ago, I started taking Dexadrine (another ADD medication) and I don't think it would be exaggerating to say it changed my life. Suddenly I could concentrate and sit still in class, I could study for more than 20 minutes at a time, I could take notes. I started doing better in classes immediately. Previously I was pulling B-minuses and C-pluses in my science classes. The first semester I was on Dexadrine, I got two A's, an A-minus, a B-plus, and a B. Last semester I pulled a 3.8. More importantly, I started to get my self-confidence back. My friendships and even my relationship with my fiance improved. I became a better listener. I got better organized and learned to manage my time better.

I believe, from your description of your symptoms, that you do have ADD. I also believe that once you find the right medicine the transformation in your life will be dramatic. Your academic performance will go up and you will start feeling a lot better about yourself.

You have some work ahead of you, though. Medication can help you tremendously but you will also have to work to change old habits and develop new ones. You wil have to learn how to study and how to get organized. You will still have to do the work, the difference is that with medication you will find that you are able to do the work. After the initial burst of improvement that comes with medication, it will be more gradual as you slowly learn new skills and learn to compensate for your areas of weakness. You have to accept that this isn't going to completely go away, you may always be more distractible and less organized than a "normal" person. But it will get a lot better.

I would recommend two books to you: Driven to Distraction and Answers to Distraction, by Edward M. Hallowell and John Ratey. Hallowell is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist and an expert on ADD. These books will help you understand more about ADD and help you learn ways of compensating.

It WILL get better! Don't give up hope and don't get down on yourself! You are not lazy. You have ADD.

I hope my story makes you feel better, both that you are not alone in dealing with this and that things can get better. I will be cheering for you! And if you need any advice, feel free to ask...I have a little bit of experience in dealing with all this stuff.

Jennie.

 

[jennie 21]

BigMann, since you mentioned that you gained a lot of weight recently and that you're on Zoloft, I wanted to tell you that I was on Zoloft for a year and it caused me to gain 25 pounds. I had never had a tendency to put on weight prior to that and began to lose the weight as soon as I stopped taking Zoloft. Consider that Zoloft could be causing you to gain weight. I did a little research and found this is a fairly common side effect. Maybe your psychiatrist could switch you to another antidepressant and you could see if that helps.

 

[goofygirl80]

Galactica--don't worry about it at all, when I first heard I could have ADD I thought exactly what you said in your posts. Everyone feels lazy sometimes and doesn't get what they want accomplished, that doesn't mean they have a disorder! But then if you think about it everyone hasn't felt like this for as long as I have and have to face these symptoms every day. The difference for me is that I didn't have any external reason to feel lazy, distracted, incompetent and it isn't something that just developed over a short period of time. I've struggled with most of this stuff my whole life or at least as long as I can remember (except the whole crying thing I think that started because I just got fed up with everything in my life last year and started to feel really depressed because I thought I was a failure or a fraud). I didn't realize it was weird for my mind to wander off like it does or that I have a worse memory than either one of my parents, well I thought it was weird but I thought everyone must get like that. I totally failed to connect all of the symptoms of ADD because they are totally not what you would expect based on what the media represents it as. I plan on taking the time to totally reorganize my life and learn to overcome all of the annoying obstacles I've been letting pile up. I know medication might help me a little, but it can't live my life for me and force me to do things I don't want to do and that if I don't work through all of my emotional and anxiety problems by talking with someone about them the medicine can't get rid of them either. I'm not going into this with blind devotion expecting medicine to be my savior, so don't worry about me too much. Anyway, don't feel too bad, I understand that your heart was in the right place.


Batman--yeah yeah, make a joke 😛 No really though, people with ADD can hyperfocus on stuff if they're really interested and they set their mind to it. For example I love to read novels, and so I can stay up until morning reading a book just so that I can finish it in one sitting because I'm so into it despite the fact that my eyes are half shut and I have to reread half the pages because I'll miss something and get confused. Some doctors like to say that it isn't attention deficit disorder it is attention inconsistancy. People with ADD just have a lot of trouble forcing themselfs to stay on task for the mundain little tasks which are required for everyday life or pretty much anything that takes up too much energy that they aren't intersted in. And I just really love to talk and can ramble on about anything for forever. In order to keep myself on task when I'm writting long emails or posts like this I take breaks and space out a bit or check out some other web site or something then I think of how I wanted to finish my message and come back to it. I feel the need to overexplain myself because I'm afraid I'll forget something and what I've typed won't make sense.

yeah I know there are other things that can cause symptoms of add. I have had my thyroid checked already, no problem there. I've had a full physical work-up for the tired/lazy/lack of energy problem before and have no physical medical problem which could account for it.

Jennie--Just starting to admit to myself that I might not be lazy and a failure had already started helping me. I think I'm starting to improve a lot more than I realized and I am definately looking forward to getting my life in order. I still have a few times a day where I'll get stuck thinking negative, but I am doing better at trying to avoid those thoughts and make myself shape up. Do you ever have that feeling where just randomly you'll be walking down the street and feel excellent about yourself? I used to get them occationally in high school for absolutetly no reason--it was like I'd have an enormous amount of energy and would want to do cartwheels down the sidewalk (I don't know how though so I couldn't) and just celebrate something even though I didn't have anything to celebrate. Well, the other night I was out at a coffee shop studying hard core for a few hours and on my walk home I just felt so great for actually accomplishing something and it was exactly like I remember the cartwheel feeling. It was funny because I hadn't thought about it in a long time because I just haven't felt that way in a long time. I used to try to explain to my sister about the feeling of wanting to do cartwheels down the hall...she never got it. One of my friends once told me well just do it then, and I was like I don't know how to do cartwheels and she just gave me this perplexed look. I don't know if that made sense, but whatever. thanks for your story though, it is always good to hear from someone else who has a positive attitude about overcoming obstacles.


Goofygirl

 

[BatmanMD]

Hi goofygirl!

Thanks for recognizing it was only a joke. All too often people make posts, which are intended to be funny, and people twist and turn it into something else.

I went to my doc today and guess what he told me....

I may have ADD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kinda took me by surprise b/c of reading this only last night. I only told him the same things I had always told him, sleepy, cannot focus, bla bla bla. So know, he's referring me to someone who can properly diagnose this. Kinda really freaky.😱

What/how do they test for this? do you just answer questions or what? dont know much about this and kinda nervous, but maybe it'll help like it helped the above posters.

Please let me know what to expect!😕

later

 

[mcataz]

I'm not writing this to contradict anyone. I'm writing this to amuse some of you. I think many people think they have ADD and they don't. I'm one of those people. I procrastinated like hell all my life. The only things I excelled at where activities that provided immediate gratification. I would win the science fair but get a C in science class in grade school. I would win the Spelling Bee but get a B in writing.

In college, chemistry kicked my ass because I couldn't concentrate in class and I was too lazy and frustrated to do tons of homework problems to get an A.

So in college, I thought I was ADD. I saw a shrink and he allowed me to try Ritalin for a few months. Ritalin didn't do anything for me. It just felt like I was taking No Doz caffeine pills. The only thing I got from Ritalin was a euphoric feeling which made feel kind of chill. That allowed me to study longer than normal. But it didn't instananeously cure my procrastination or work habits. It didn't all of sudden give me a desire to love chem. I didn't concentrate in class. It just made me feel wired.

However, I realized that I didn't have ADD. I just had laziness and a good dose of it. It stemmed from childhood. I just had horrible work habits. And when you are used to being lazy, you will act lazy. Those habits are hard to kill just like any other addictive habit. Because I have the ability to concentrate. I could play a video game for hours at a time. I can read and search the internet all day for hours without getting up. I can watch back-to-back movies without a lapse in concentration. I can have hour long conversations with someone regarding the same subject matter. And if I really like something, I can go on without sleep for hours just doing that one thing.

I don't know what it's like to have true ADD. I had the fake lazy-ass ADD. But I can't help but get the feeling that so many people like me think they have ADD because they can't focus on a lecture in Organic Chemistry or Physics. Or they get distracted when they do homework. I mean what person in here reading this thread wouldn't think: "Yeah, that's me. I would totally stare off into space during biochem and I would procrastinate doing my homework all the time." ****, that's like 99% of the people in here. 🙂

As far as theoretical and complex problems were concerned, I would hate those. I would hate to have to think. I would much prefer memorizing a buch of facts and regurgitating them the next day. I have an excellent memory. That's why I rock my bio classes but suffer in my critical thinking classes (Physics, Chem)

I genuinely am happy for people like Old Lady. I think you are the luckiest person in the world to have a pill cure your problem. For people like me, laziness is a much more difficult task to overcome. It comes from being spoiled as a kid and attending easy schools growing up where my competition was nill. I have to overcome my "ADD" the hard way, by working my ass off. 🙂

No Sarcasm was intended. I will be the first to admit that i was a fake ADDer. For AADers like myself, 3 things helped me overcome my problem (1)Confidence: It's the most important thing. You have to know that you are intelligent. If don't have faith in your abilities, you will fail. You have to think you are the bomb! I got that from my past job and new friends that I made. My friends are all confident and a little cocky. It rubs off. (2)Friends and a support circle. School can be much more fun when you have a great set of friends that you can go to school with. If your friends have the same goals and sense of humor as you, you're golden. Friends like this can make you more confident. If they are getting A's and you are studying and hanging out with them, you feel like you are entitled to them too. It makes you study and focus much more(3) Get a dose of reality. When you see how hard life is and how the other half lives, you realize that school is nothing. You shouldn't be complaining about biochem when most people can't even afford to take the class or consider becoming a doctor. When you see 50 year old men get fired from their jobs and not have the education or degree to pursue another job, it shows you how valuable education is.

Cheers and best of luck to you.

 

[BatmanMD]

mcataz: Thats crossed my mind, about not REALLY being ADD, but my doc referred me and i'll ask the person who diagnosis it a bunch of questions.
anyway, thanks for the tip, much appreciated. any other good advice is also appreciated

later
😉 🙂

 

[mcataz]

I don't mean to belittle ADD. I know people who genuinely have it and Ritalin does help them. But I think many people simply lack the work habits. It's not about a poor attitude or not wanting to succeed. They just don't have the habits that are conducive to doing well in school. It takes a lot of time and consistency to develop good habits. Developing good habits starts when you are young. People who have always been good students have always had great habits. They do things on time. They finish their work. They show up. They are READERS. I can't say that enough. My sister is an excellent student. However, she developed the habit of reading a lot when we were kids. She loved to read and she got so used to it. My opinion is that those who are used to reading are used to concentrating in that particular manner. Thus concentrating on lectures and reading is easier for them since they have been doing it most of their lives.

For people like me, reading and concentrating is difficult because we have been involved with activities that offer a quick and easy stimulus. I think those who are used to high stimulus-related activies, likewise, become accustomed to those activities. If you are used to playing video games, watching television and partying, your mind craves instant and easy stimulus. It's harder for you to chill and quiet your mind and read.

I also think television is terrible for the mind as well. It's a passive activity in which your mind is not actively transcribing the information. That's why it can be very relaxing and addictive. Reading is an exercise that requires an active mental approach. These are my hypothesis. They are unsubstantiated but they have helped me elevate my concentration levels.

I think the problem is that many slackers want to do good. They want to turn their life around but they aren't aware that they have established bad habits during their life span. Think about it. You have to change 20 years of bad habits all of sudden. It's doable but it's not easy. And thus I think many assume they have ADD.

Think about what activities appeal to you. I think those who trouble concentrating on school-related activities are used to activities that provide an instant stimulus.

I think you have to change your frame of mind. You have to quiet your mind. That's the first step. Hey, it sounds hoakie but it helped me. Try to change your hobbies. Try to enjoy things that require time and analysis. Start with reading instead of watching whatever movie is on TV. Also, try crossword puzzles and games like Myst that require thinking. You will see that you will get into a different frame of mind and you will enjoy activities than involve process and analysis. It made learning Physics a lot easier. I got a C in Physics I and an A in Physics II. Same with Organic Chem.

 

[goofygirl80]

Batmann--yeah, most of the diagnosis for ADD is about taking an accurate history of the symptoms and how long they have persisted. The doctor will probably want someone to collaborate your report because adults aren't always so good at rememebering what they were like as a kid. I had to do a huge oral questionaire thing with my psychiatrist, saying how often I different symptoms affected my life. There are also some concentration type of tests that they can give and sometimes they will make you go through a whole psychological evaluation with the ink blot test and everything, so it just depends on who you go see and how they prefer to do things. If you look up stuff about ADD it says that an acurate history is the best "test" to use to diagnosis (and for kids acutally watching them in school etc to get an idea of a teachers perspective) because peoples attention span will be much higher in such a test situation because it is a new environment and they feel the pressure to preform well. Definately question the diagnosis if you don't think you have it. I still ask my psychiatrist questions trying to make sure she and I both think that this is really what I have.

mctaz-- I understand you aren't belitting anyone. There definately are people who think they have ADD but really don't and a lot of it probably stems from TV, video games, computer use, etc... people do need to know just because they have some of the symptoms doesn't mean they have ADD. I'll have to disagree with you about the reading making you a good student though. I love to read, it doesn't get me anywhere though because I chose to read instead of studying. I have a nephew who loves to read too, he totally goes off in his own little world and nothing could pull him from it. He gets horrible grades in school because he is too smart for his classes and gets bored and doesn't do the work. If you like reading it is easy to concentrate on because you enjoy it, not because you necessarily concentrate better than other people. For example, I only like to read books if I'm interested in them, so it sucked back in high school when I had to read stuff I hated like Moby Dick (AKA worst book ever written!!). I just didn't read those books, my senior year in high school I fudged my way through AP english making up my essays based on things people said in class discusions if I didn't read the books. My essay grades were pretty much half C/D's and half A's because the books I read I absolutely loved and could write great essays about. Funny thing is this year I can't even read that well anymore, I can't get myself intersted in new books very well and find myself wanting to read the same ones over and over again.

goofygirl

 

[Zummy]

Goofygirl, I could've written your first post! I couldn't concentrate, procrastinated, crammed, and never had energy- it was miserable. I was the same as you, hardly studied for the MCAT (1.5 weeks CRAMMING) and did pretty well- not stellar, but well.
Anyway, I've never been tested or diagnosed, but my doctor finally decided he wanted to try me on meds used for ADD. I started on Dexedrine, and it is like night and day. I finally feel "Normal" and I can actually pay attention in class for more than 5 minute intervals and I can sit and study and actually remembered what I read without reading the same sentence 5 times because I wasnt paying attention.
My grades have improved dramatically- from BARELY passing to getting mid to low As (an A is an A).
Like my doc said, if one doesnt work, there are a couple others to try so if you've noticed some improvement with ritalin, you could think of trying the others to see if they work better for you- so you find the one that works best for you!
Good luck!

 

[dlc]

It has taken me all day but I finally got through this entire thread. Lots of things being said and lots to consider! Just like someone else mentioned, I come away thinking maybe I should go get tested...of course this is something that I have thought of for a while but never really did because I just didn't think I exhibited enough of the symptoms. I was diagnosed with depression two years ago and then relapsed this past Christmas right in the middle of my first year of med school. Someone else had mentioned that they weren't sure if they were depressed because of how poorly they were doing in school or if they were doing poorly because they were depressed. I wonder the same thing...I was never really motivated to study anything in high school and I honestly don't know how I managed to do so well! Then in college, somehow I got seriously motivated, not enough to plan ahead of time when to study so I pulled countless all nighters. I am not a good test taker though...I get serious test anxiety. And I get seriously distracted. You know how you can get a song stuck in your head? Well, I always have songs in my head...there is a song running through right now, as if the radio were on but it really isn't. Now maybe this is normal but everyone I talk to, including two psychiatrists, say it is not.
I have been told that I have OCD tendencies and that the reason for the music is because my mind has to be constantly stimulated. I grew up on tv though and now I am wondering if that is the reason. Nonetheless, it is something that I cannot turn off and gets extremely distracting when I am trying to study. As a result, I can't really study in a quiet room...I will do well for the first five minutes or so but then the music starts to get louder (sounds cooky, doesn't it) and I just can't focus on the words anymore. It gets really loud when I am tired, and that happens to be all of the time now (again, is that the depression or something else because I am not physically exerting myself but I just don't have any energy!)
I also haven't been doing well in my classes...my school has a honors/pass/fail grading system so I have accepted that passing is okay, even though it tears me up inside to know that I could do really well, I just don't have the motivation, energy or stamina to do that. I can't study for too long, maybe 30 minutes at most, and then I am just itching to do something else. So when I have a test coming up on Monday, I know that I will be studying the whole weekend for something that probably only requires 2-3 hours. Of course this makes me feel lazy and like I shouldn't even be here, especially since I have felt like the luckiest person in the world to be studying at my school (my dream school)...lately I don't really feel like I deserve it.
Okay, I have rambled now and added yet another long message to this thread but I just wanted to add that I feel many of these same things. Does anyone know what I am talking about with the music, though? I mean, it is constant! Its not something that lasts a few hours or days and then goes away. It is there everyday...I wake up with a song in my head, I go to sleep with a song in my head. It can be a song I just heard or a song I haven't heard in a long time. My psychiatrist was so concerned that she consulted a neurologist but he said not to worry about it.
dlc

 

[samenewme]

I have a milder case of songitis, particularly when working on the computer. For some reason, the rhythm of typing and mouse clicking calls up the Pirates of Penzance.

It was much worse when I was on Effexor; the songs wouldn't stop "playing" at night and I had a heck of a time getting to sleep. I wonder if your depression is not correctly medicated or if there is an aspect of OCD so that your brain can't get out of the song "loop".

Getting evaluated for ADD probably wouldn't hurt; they won't shoot you for not having it. But maybe your current doc could do a little more research, consult colleagues, and perhaps have a little more success treating the songitis thing. Or if you're on antidepressants, maybe a change would help. Even at its worst, mine was milder than yours, and it was damned annoying. You deserve a little peace and quiet in your own head.

Oh, and for some reason, yoga has occasionally helped me. It didn't make the songs go away, even during yoga, but it made them quieter or something. Every little bit helps.

Good luck with this. It sounds awful.

 

[Weil-Felix]

Goofygirl,

Although I have never been officially diagnosed with ADD, I have wondered for quite some time if I have attention deficit which has been missed for all these years. After reading your post, I am even more convinced that this is the case. As many other posters have said, I felt as though I could have written your post!

Throughout my childhood I was scolded and belittled for being "scatterbrained", "disorganized", and most of all, inattentive. I was accused of laziness by parents and teachers on a weekly basis. I always thought it was normal to daydream for extended periods of time during classes, and sometimes even when someone was speaking directly to me. I was always mystified at how other children could know about assignments that I had somehow not heard about, and how kids could always remember to turn things in (I always forgot). I never had a clue what was going on around me.

Fortunately, I was bright enough that I was still able to fake my way through things in grade school and high school. I would always get 100% on tests, even though I was failing the homework assignments because I never could remember to turn them in. Even today, this is somewhat the case. I lean on my classmates a lot to remind me of where I am supposed to be, and when. I am constantly turning stuff in late, but fortunately they are pretty forgiving of stuff like that in med school.

Here are my thoughts on ADD (or people like me who have not been diagnosed, but at the very least have problems with attention) and med school. The first two years are okay, because there isn't a whole lot of extra stuff to remember to do. I didn't show up for classes generally because they didn't do me much good since I couldn't pay attention for an entire hour. Also, as a visual learner, I learn best by just reading on my own anyway. I would instead just study in the library where there were NO distractions. This worked well for me, because it allowed me to have a routine, and the only things I was responsible for remembering was my class material.

Third year has been a different story altogether. You are expected to follow a VERY RANDOM schedule at times, with a conference here, a lecture there. You have a random call schedule, and variable hours on the weekends. People rattle off instructions for you on the wards and you are expected to remember each thing they told you to do. If you don't follow through, you look terrible. Attendings don't like to repeat themselves, so it can be disastrous if you space off while they are asking the team a question about one of your patients.

I find myself really struggling at times. I have contemplated the possibility of mentioning it to my doctor, and seeing if medication will help, but I am not convinced that it will. If it helps you, however, I would say definitely keep taking it because believe me, you will need it for third year!

By the way (and I mean this in all seriousness), I thought it was normal to always have a song in your head. I always do. I do right now, in fact. Interesting.

 

[goofygirl80]

About half of the time I also have a song stuck in my head...my problem is I have a compulsion to sing it out loud or whistle it....I don't even realize I'm doing it until someone gives me a look or snaps at me. It tends to be the same songs repeatedly...sometimes I don't even know what they are though--that is when I hum or whistle them. I've talked to lots of people who also get songs stuck in there head...I didn't think it was really that uncommon (although I realize singing/whistling them is a bit odd).

Thanks for the info Weil-Felix--sometimes I feel like the medication is working and othertimes I feel like it is all just the same. I am really really worried about boards (EEK--I've never studied like that for a test in my life!!) and third year and how I'm going to handle them. One of my profs even has me pretty worried about getting through next year as it is! He made some comment that he is worried that since I'm struggling this year I'm in danger of getting through (I've pulled my grades up on the last exams to average, so I'm safe for the rest of this year), but then getting swamped and failing next year because of the added material. He doesn't know that I'm getting psychiatric help, he thinks I just have problems with my sleeping and studying habits though and the overall adjustment to school. The problem is that I think I've hit a dead end with therapy and feel like that is going nowhere though, so who knows if I'll be able to fix anything by next year and maybe I'll still be struggling with the same things. I'm supposed to be sticking with this stuff until the end of the year to see if I can make some sort of plan or something...who knows...I feel like stopping because I just get more frustrated when I go.