Advice on getting involved with or NOT getting involved with classmates

[JulioFly]

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I was just wondering if any senior med students would like to share their advice on this topic, or maybe share personal experiences, happy endings, horror stories, what have you with those of us who are just starting out...

 

[Law2Doc]

I was just wondering if any senior med students would like to share their advice on this topic, or maybe share personal experiences, happy endings, horror stories, what have you with those of us who are just starting out...

Med school is a very small gossipy community - like a small family. Not a bad idea to date outside the family.

 

[91Bravo]

Don't sh** in your own backyard.

You don't need that kind of drama in medical school.

 

[ils]

i couldn't have said it better myself.

i mean, do you really want everybody in class knowing stuff about your relationship? not me...hell no!!!

 

[JulioFly]

Med school is a very small gossipy community - like a small family. Not a bad idea to date outside the family.

awesome advice

 

[FenderHM]

I don't see why not, I mean med school takes a lot of time, so it makes it hard to get out to bars or other social functions often. However, med schools are generally 50/50 guys/girls, so I see no problems with it. Julio, I'll def be checking out the NYMC girls in a few weeks and trying to get to know the cool ones...

 

[thackl]

Quite a few in my class have dated and since moved on to engagement/marriage, so it can work out. Several have tried it out and broken up. You hear stuff and people talk, but so far nothing too bad in my class which is surprising, b/c they are a bunch of gossipers.

I would say that random hook-ups or treating someone in the class badly is not a good idea, but if you find your 'McDreamy" go for it.

 

[Northerner]

If you're looking to "hook up", it's not advised for the aforementioned reasons.

If you're just a nice guy looking for a nice girl to have in your life, well why the hell not? Choose wisely.

 

[odrade1]

Have you ever had a job before? Now imagine a job that you can't quit for 4-7 years, and having to face coworker gossip and an angry/psychotic ex. (Yes, they do let psychos into med school.) If you like drama & don't care what people think, then go for it. If you don't like other people in your business or you tend to not be friends with your exes, then don't.

Personally, though I hate drama, I don't typically care what other people think (though in a professional situation, the views of colleagues *can* matter, and your classmates will be professional colleagues/associates for many years to come!), I have always had an appreciation for the kink that is dating a classmate/coworker. It turns out that I have slept with coworkers & classmates, but they were never classmates or coworkers when we were shagging, so my fantasy remains unfulfilled. Now that I am no longer single, this will never come to pass. 🙁

Strictly speaking, ****ting where you eat is a bit tacky when things go well, and very tacky when things don't go well. But the idea is legitimately hot nonetheless. Oh, the decisions you have to make! Good luck.

 

[Lion-O]

It's pretty easy to reflexively say, "No way! You have to see them everyday! What if **** goes wrong!" However, my personal experiences have shown otherwise. I've been in various romantic entanglements with 3 of my classmates since 1st year (I'm now a 3rd year), and am currently dating the one I'll most likely end up marrying. She's smart, beautiful (not too much of this in med school, haha), and has been my closest friend for a good long time now.

And in the end, despite all the negatives of med school dating, at least you're... dating. To be honest, I'd rather be with someone I love and have all the stuff that comes with it, as opposed to being single and lonely.

 

[Law2Doc]

And in the end, despite all the negatives of med school dating, at least you're... dating. To be honest, I'd rather be with someone I love and have all the stuff that comes with it, as opposed to being single and lonely.

Um, You can still be dating. There are probably thousands to millions of eligible non-med-student women who live within a few miles of virtually every med school. It is sheer laziness to consider them out of reach. The choice is never just date within the class or be single and lonely. The choice is to date within the class or outside of it.

 

[vtucci]

BE afraid. Be VERY Afraid of dating within your class.

If it works out great. If not, you will be stuck with that person for the next three years (if you date in first year). There is no statute of limitations on hurt feelings.

Most of the relationships that have worked in my class are between members of different classes (i.e., an M2 and M1 or M3 and M1 or M1 and M0 (admitted student)).

 

[lil pook]

i definitely agree with the general consensus NOT to date anyone in class.

first of all, the thought of ANYONE knowing personal things that go on within my relationship really freaks me out. medschool is freakin stressful enough, man. i don't need the extra worries of wondering if half the class knows me and my man are fighting/not getting along too well lately, etc. etc.

and you SHOULD care what your classmates think of you IMO. these people might not be your professional colleagues now, but they could be in the future.

why mix your personal life with your professional one? it makes NO SENSE to me to do so, and in fact only makes me think of what a potential disaster it could really be.

these same principles will carry over into your professional life as well. dating people you work with when you get out isn't recommended either, IMO. there are sooooo many fish in the sea!!!! sharpen up your people skills!!! get out there!! don't be scared to step outside your safe little world of only medical stuff and medical people!!! your life will be richer for it, trust me. don't live inside of a box!!

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

If it works out great. If not, you will be stuck with that person for the next three years (if you date in first year).

People keep saying this, but how is this the case? I haven't started school yet, but I assume that an in-class romance followed by breakup isnt the recipe for disaster that many people mention. First and second year, you can avoid your ex (sit away from them in the lecture hall, etc.). Sure you might be in the same PBL group for a few months, but most people can be grownup enough in those situations to be polite. Third and fourth year you may very well never seem them at all. How many students rotate through each clerkship at a time - a dozen at most, right? The odds of getting a highly synchronized clerkship schedule with your ex is very low.
I can see that having an ex in your class can lead to the occasional awkward situation, but unless the ex is an absolute psycho, it will most likely work out fine.

 

[Law2Doc]

People keep saying this, but how is this the case? I haven't started school yet, but I assume that an in-class romance followed by breakup isnt the recipe for disaster that many people mention. First and second year, you can avoid your ex (sit away from them in the lecture hall, etc.). Sure you might be in the same PBL group for a few months, but most people can be grownup enough in those situations to be polite. Third and fourth year you may very well never seem them at all. How many students rotate through each clerkship at a time - a dozen at most, right? The odds of getting a highly synchronized clerkship schedule with your ex is very low.
I can see that having an ex in your class can lead to the occasional awkward situation, but unless the ex is an absolute psycho, it will most likely work out fine.

Most schools have many more small group things than PBL in the first two years, and sometimes divide up groups according to alphabets or other whims. You can easilly get trapped in a group of 7 or 8 people with an ex. More and more likely the more exes in the class you have. And although you likely may get different rotations and never see them in 3rd or 4th year, you may also get unlucky and end up in the same rotations and see them every day for 3rd and 4th year. Again here the odds increase the more exes you have, and the less contact you have with your ex to coordinate avoiding each other. 🙂

 

[GinGinChicken]

Most schools have many more small group things than PBL in the first two years, and sometimes divide up groups according to alphabets or other whims. You can easilly get trapped in a group of 7 or 8 people with an ex. More and more likely the more exes in the class you have. And although you likely may get different rotations and never see them in 3rd or 4th year, you may also get unlucky and end up in the same rotations and see them every day for 3rd and 4th year. Again here the odds increase the more exes you have, and the less contact you have with your ex to coordinate avoiding each other. 🙂

Okay, I understand everybody's sentiments here, but who says breaking up with someone has to be some messy, awkward situation? I mean, every single break-up I've ever had has been amicable. If you can be mature and pragmatic with your relationships, then you will be fine. I realize that some people are more emotional than others, but if you don't want it to get nasty, it won't. I don't understand the whole "having to avoid your ex" thing.

I think it's fine to date within your class, provided you can be emotionally mature.

 

[Law2Doc]

but if you don't want it to get nasty, it won't. ...
I think it's fine to date within your class, provided you can be emotionally mature.

It takes two to tango, and obviously you've been extremely and atypically lucky enough to have only tangoed with like minded people. You cannot predict how another will perceive a break-up or treat/regard you afterwards. Live and learn. 🙂

 

[GinGinChicken]

It takes two to tango, and obviously you've been extremely and atypically lucky enough to have only tangoed with like minded people. You cannot predict how another will perceive a break-up or treat/regard you afterwards. Live and learn. 🙂

Well, I will certainly agree that I have been very lucky. Thankfully! But I really do truly believe that if you can be mature about the breakup, that helps a LOT with diffusing the situation. I mean, if you're dating a total psycho, that clearly is not going to matter, but hopefully you're not dating a total psycho. 🙂

 

[VPDcurt]

Well, I will certainly agree that I have been very lucky. Thankfully! But I really do truly believe that if you can be mature about the breakup, that helps a LOT with diffusing the situation. I mean, if you're dating a total psycho, that clearly is not going to matter, but hopefully you're not dating a total psycho. 🙂

I've dated a psycho. It was weird.

 

[Law2Doc]

I mean, if you're dating a total psycho, that clearly is not going to matter, but hopefully you're not dating a total psycho. 🙂

You improve your odds on not dating a total psycho dramatically if you increase the dating pool beyond your 100-200 neurotic type-A classmates.
Maturity always helps, but you can't bank on others acting likewise. That's why you don't dip your pen in the company ink.

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

You improve your odds on not dating a total psycho dramatically if you increase the dating pool beyond your 100-200 neurotic type-A classmates.
Maturity always helps, but you can't bank on others acting likewise. That's why you don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Nobody's talking about exclusively dating classmates, just including them in the dating pool.

 

[Law2Doc]

Nobody's talking about exclusively dating classmates, just including them in the dating pool.

Actually a prior poster suggested dating classmates as the alternative to being single and lonely. Sounds pretty exclusive to me.
I still think it can blow up in your face. And you have enough to deal with in med school without this kind of aggravation.

 

[kate88]

Just to sort of play the devil's advocate here, there are some definite benefits to dating a classmate. I think on of the biggest obstacles to keeping a relationship going during med school is the time commitment. People outside of the profession really do not understand the amount of dedication and time it takes to get through these 4 years. Dating another med student who understands this and isn't going to get upset when you can't hang out together every night can be pretty great.

 

[ahumdinger]

my boyfriend's med school class has about 6 or 7 couples that I can count off the top of my head. They have all been dating a year or more. What all these relationships have in common is that none of them were the result of random hook-ups during first week. They all developed over time, and since you get to know your classmates so well, you know exactly whether you're compatible or not with a particular classmate, so once you start dating later on, it's very likely to be a lasting one.

 

[YouDontKnowJack]

date outside your class. like the next freshman class or something. act like their advisor and then get them into bed

 

[docjolly]

Med school is a very small gossipy community - like a small family. Not a bad idea to date outside the family.

As a second year med., I definitely see the pitfalls of how gossiping can cause problems in relationships, whether they be platonic or romantic. However, I do think that there is nothing wrong with dating a classmate, as long as your problems/issues/entire relationship, remain between the two of you, and you two, ONLY>. I think the issue of gossip arises most often when couples (or broken couples) share their private matters with people in the class.

If two people date, or even break up, who says that any aspect of their relationship has to be anyone else's business? Just a thought...

One of my best friends is dating someone within my class, and no one (except for me), knew that they had begun dating. When they became official, many people were completely thrown for a loop. They talk during class, but they keep all aspects of their relationship private (well, except those parts that my friend shares with me, but I won't share her private issues with anyone else). They've been successfully daing for almost 7 months now, and they are very happy...