I am seeking advice regarding marriage and relocation during the next phase of my life. I will be starting med school in the fall, and my serious girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years. We intend to get married when the timing is right, but she is very fearful about my starting med school. To complicate things she has recently started a job she loves at home here in Seattle, and doesn't want to leave too soon due to fears of jeopardizing her chances of getting another job like this one. She is willing to relocate with me, but wants to wait a little while for me to get settled and adjusted to medical school. When is the best time to get married, and how can I calm her fears about my level of business during these next few years?
Advice on marriage/relocation
- Thread starter jhawkins
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I don't know what you can do about the potential LDR.
In August, I will be a first year med student, adn my fiance will be in his last eyar of undergrad. Then he will go to grad school at the same school (same school as our undergrad and my med school). We are getting married in February, when we will have been together for 5 years. We have been engaged since October.
In terms of time to be married, we have done much of the planning already, so that isn't too bad. It is a possibility that I will have an exam the Monday after our Saturday wedding, but I hope not! We will have our honeymoon during spring break.
I know that I will be busy in the beginning of the year, but my fiance will start school two weeks later, so we will both be busy.
I think that if you wnat to get married, go ahead and get married!
consider the costs of the wedidng too, and how you will cover that. The biggest problem is whether or not you girlfriend will mocve, but if you two are negaged, I think that she would be willing to/ it would be easier for her.
She could aslo come to live with you/near you after 2-4 wks in med school. You just have to be careful that you don't spend the first month alone/ with med student firends, nad have trouble fititng her in after that.
good luck!
msl
In August, I will be a first year med student, adn my fiance will be in his last eyar of undergrad. Then he will go to grad school at the same school (same school as our undergrad and my med school). We are getting married in February, when we will have been together for 5 years. We have been engaged since October.
In terms of time to be married, we have done much of the planning already, so that isn't too bad. It is a possibility that I will have an exam the Monday after our Saturday wedding, but I hope not! We will have our honeymoon during spring break.
I know that I will be busy in the beginning of the year, but my fiance will start school two weeks later, so we will both be busy.
I think that if you wnat to get married, go ahead and get married!
consider the costs of the wedidng too, and how you will cover that. The biggest problem is whether or not you girlfriend will mocve, but if you two are negaged, I think that she would be willing to/ it would be easier for her.
She could aslo come to live with you/near you after 2-4 wks in med school. You just have to be careful that you don't spend the first month alone/ with med student firends, nad have trouble fititng her in after that.
good luck!
msl
The best way to calm her fears is to have her talk to and interact with medical school spouses.
She can come on here and ask questions of us that are doing it if she would like.
Unfortunately, there is no pat answer. Alot of it depends on you and the level of study you need and what grades you are shooting for.
I actually see my husband about as much as I did when he was undergrad - quite a bit. He doesn't study nearly as much as some do, but he also sacrifices the ability to get straight A's in order to have that time with me.
Its all priorities.
There are med students that literally are gone all day in class and study and MAYBE see thier family for an hour for dinner. But thats because as I said, everyone needs a different level of time commitment.
As for getting married, thats a tough one. Most of the med students that are married, express having much less stress then those that are not. And, I know of a few LDR that have called it quits during this year even if they were engaged. Having her with you, will mean you can give her more time then if she is far away....that is simply really difficult. Not impossible, just difficult.
There are a couple people that are actually married and their spouse lives in a different state in order to keep a good job. They seem to be doing fine, even if occasionally lonely.
So, much of it really depends on what you both need to do and where your commitments ultimately lay. All of med school involves sacrifice in some form or another....each person has a different sacrifice but can also gain a different reward.
Good luck!!
With smiles and missing Seattle,
Wifty
She can come on here and ask questions of us that are doing it if she would like.
Unfortunately, there is no pat answer. Alot of it depends on you and the level of study you need and what grades you are shooting for.
I actually see my husband about as much as I did when he was undergrad - quite a bit. He doesn't study nearly as much as some do, but he also sacrifices the ability to get straight A's in order to have that time with me.
Its all priorities.
There are med students that literally are gone all day in class and study and MAYBE see thier family for an hour for dinner. But thats because as I said, everyone needs a different level of time commitment.
As for getting married, thats a tough one. Most of the med students that are married, express having much less stress then those that are not. And, I know of a few LDR that have called it quits during this year even if they were engaged. Having her with you, will mean you can give her more time then if she is far away....that is simply really difficult. Not impossible, just difficult.
There are a couple people that are actually married and their spouse lives in a different state in order to keep a good job. They seem to be doing fine, even if occasionally lonely.
So, much of it really depends on what you both need to do and where your commitments ultimately lay. All of med school involves sacrifice in some form or another....each person has a different sacrifice but can also gain a different reward.
Good luck!!
With smiles and missing Seattle,
Wifty
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If you are ready to get married then go for it! 
After 5 years of dating, I purposed last jan. 😍 I must say, for the months and years prior, the thought of medical school together with marriage troubled me. I really don't know why. I guess I just didn't want contemplate the difficulties that surrounds the combination of the two. As I look back at my concerns, I now look past the possible difficulties to see the positive aspects of marriage during school. Of course we both know it will be tough but in the same token we know that it is just one of the parts of our journey together.
Anyways, I we will not be getting married until the summer after MS1. We will be about a hour and a half drive apart so the distance is manageable. None the less, we both know that I will be busy and have come to the understanding that our time together will be very limited.
In short, if you are both ready for the life commitment....then don't hold back. If you both know that you are going to be together for the rest of your life...why not make the commitment and make the journey together.
😉
After 5 years of dating, I purposed last jan. 😍 I must say, for the months and years prior, the thought of medical school together with marriage troubled me. I really don't know why. I guess I just didn't want contemplate the difficulties that surrounds the combination of the two. As I look back at my concerns, I now look past the possible difficulties to see the positive aspects of marriage during school. Of course we both know it will be tough but in the same token we know that it is just one of the parts of our journey together. Anyways, I we will not be getting married until the summer after MS1. We will be about a hour and a half drive apart so the distance is manageable. None the less, we both know that I will be busy and have come to the understanding that our time together will be very limited.
In short, if you are both ready for the life commitment....then don't hold back. If you both know that you are going to be together for the rest of your life...why not make the commitment and make the journey together.
😉
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*proposed 😉
Too many med school essays.... 😛
Too many med school essays.... 😛
I may be able to offer a little bit of advice or at least my experience. I just finished my first year of medical school. My fiance proposed to me two days before class started in August. While it would have been wonderful to have been able to start planning the wedding over the summer before medical school... I would not change the timing of this.
We have been together for almost four years and the timing was simply right in our relationship. We knew that we wanted to be a part of each other's lives forever. Life is short and it's time to be happy and live life to the fullest. We both want to help support, relax, love, and take care of the other. I feel that he and my family were exactly what helped me get through medical school.
We also have had a "long distance" relationship this year. We were only one hour away so it was very feasible for us to see one another. I made the time nearly every single weekend the entire school. I can only think of five to seven weekends where we didn't see each other. A lot of times we were looking for houses to buy and things like that.
It has been difficult to feel like I was getting everything done for the wedding on time, but I definitely feel like we've been doing a lot of preparing for being married.
So many people in my class are married. I probably even know of about 12 men in my class who's wives are pregnant or have had children in the last year. It can definitely work. Our schedules are very predictable during the first two years. It's later that life gets really hectic. Believe me, you don't have to study and only study.
Good luck with your decisions. Remember that it is those other people in your life that will get you through this process and keep you from changing--so you can stay true to yourself and them.
We have been together for almost four years and the timing was simply right in our relationship. We knew that we wanted to be a part of each other's lives forever. Life is short and it's time to be happy and live life to the fullest. We both want to help support, relax, love, and take care of the other. I feel that he and my family were exactly what helped me get through medical school.
We also have had a "long distance" relationship this year. We were only one hour away so it was very feasible for us to see one another. I made the time nearly every single weekend the entire school. I can only think of five to seven weekends where we didn't see each other. A lot of times we were looking for houses to buy and things like that.
It has been difficult to feel like I was getting everything done for the wedding on time, but I definitely feel like we've been doing a lot of preparing for being married.
So many people in my class are married. I probably even know of about 12 men in my class who's wives are pregnant or have had children in the last year. It can definitely work. Our schedules are very predictable during the first two years. It's later that life gets really hectic. Believe me, you don't have to study and only study.
Good luck with your decisions. Remember that it is those other people in your life that will get you through this process and keep you from changing--so you can stay true to yourself and them.
