Anxious and stressed

[Enlightened1]

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I recently moved 400 miles to my new town for graduate school. I envisioned this being thrilling (especially after all the hoops I had to jump through to get here), but frankly, I'm just feeling stressed, anxious, and home sick. I don't know anyone here, and my support group seem so far away. These huge life changes are always difficult for me, and I feel like my anxiety is ruining this wonderful opportunity. I've thought about going home, about quitting the program. Has anyone else been in this situation? Or is anyone going though this now? I would really appreciate any response... thanks

 

[krisrox]

I recently moved 400 miles to my new town for graduate school. I envisioned this being thrilling (especially after all the hoops I had to jump through to get here), but frankly, I'm just feeling stressed, anxious, and home sick. I don't know anyone here, and my support group seem so far away. These huge life changes are always difficult for me, and I feel like my anxiety is ruining this wonderful opportunity. I've thought about going home, about quitting the program. Has anyone else been in this situation? Or is anyone going though this now? I would really appreciate any response... thanks

This is totally normal to be feeling. See what you can do. Does your program have a "big sibling" program so you have a fellow grad student to talk to? Maybe try getting in touch with people you talked to at the interview. Even your adviser may be able to help quell your anxiety. My best advice, though, would be to go out, have fun, and make the best of the novelty of your living situation. You have a fresh start in a new town. You could theoretically be whoever you want. Use that to your advantage.

 

[cara susanna]

Do you have the email addresses of your future cohort? If so, I would email them and ask if anyone wants to meet up. They're probably feeling the same way you are and will be happy you contacted them.

 

[deleted343839]

It will be okay. Really. Remind yourself why you're there and what you've set out to do. It will feel different once school starts and you are part of a cohort (not to mention busy as all get out). Meanwhile, push yourself to get out and do things. Find a church or a volunteer group or a book club (try Meetup or Yelp for local ideas). Check out the facilities at your school (gym, library, etc.). Go to events that interest you, even if you go alone, because it's better than sitting home feeling bad. I also second the previous suggestion to email the other students in your incoming cohort.

It will be okay. Meanwhile, know that your anxiety is perfectly normal, and this is part of starting a new chapter in your life! It will make you a more resilient person, and probably a better psychologist too! Congratulations on getting into graduate school!

 

[deleted176373]

I recently moved 400 miles to my new town for graduate school. I envisioned this being thrilling (especially after all the hoops I had to jump through to get here), but frankly, I'm just feeling stressed, anxious, and home sick. I don't know anyone here, and my support group seem so far away. These huge life changes are always difficult for me, and I feel like my anxiety is ruining this wonderful opportunity. I've thought about going home, about quitting the program. Has anyone else been in this situation? Or is anyone going though this now? I would really appreciate any response... thanks

Welcome to the first of many stressful and life changing events in your life. You're gonna have to learn to deal with it sooner or later, and trust me, if your program is anything like mine... you haven't even seen what anxiety and stress are like!

I don't say that to scare you off, you should reduce your anxiety by facing this challenge head on... avoidance will only reinforce anxiety and quitting is avoidance (no that's not meant to be psychological advice.)

Is it normal? Sure, it is. Can you overcome it? I hope so!

Good luck and don't quit without having a DAMN good reason other than homesickness, your own insecurity, or amorphous feelings about the future. It's a lot of work to build a new support network, it takes time, effort, and even being a bit vulnerable to complete strangers. All skills that will serve you well in life. I know a little about this, being in the military we are subject to frequent moves and needing to build support networks. One successful strategy is to do the things you love and allow yourself to meet people through those activities.

Mark

 

[PsychScience]

This is totally normal! I was incredibly lonely when I first moved to graduate school and was in a new city without knowing anyone. I think people have already given some great suggestions for dealing with this. Your cohort will eventually be a huge source of support, so contacting them now and seeing if anyone is around and wants to hang out is a good way to get the relationships started early before the onslaught of school. Its also good to seek outside activities. This will help with the initial moving jitters right now, and if you continue with these activities it will help you feel more grounded once school begins. I also think its good to spend some time enjoying the calm before the storm and engage in some relaxing activities. Yoga, biking, hiking were all helpful activities in making me feel active and calming my nerves.

Also, if you don't have an official graduate student mentor yet, is there someone you met on interview weekend that you felt you connected with? Did you stay overnight with, interview with, or chat with someone that you feel comfortable with? If so, shoot them an email and see if they want to grab coffee. Most older students in the program are happy to help new students adjust, and wouldn't mind going out for dinner or coffee to hang out and answer questions or soothe nerves, since we have all been there before!

 

[elphaba]

I'm in the exact same place right now. I just moved 1600 miles away from home... my family just left this morning and I'm definitely sitting around feeling awfully anxious and miserable right now. But I'm trying to keep in mind how I felt at the interview (amazed, lucky, incredulous to have found a program that was so unbelievably perfect for me), how I felt when I got my acceptance call (over the freakin' moon), how I felt when I came out last month to find an apartment ("hokay mama, leave me here and send my stuff. I don't ever want to leave."), and how I felt when we drove over the mountains and into my new city a few days ago (incredible sense of contentment and feeling that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be).

All of those things are true, so just make sure to keep the confidence and excitement alive in spite of the anxiety. This is a big and scary transition and you're absolutely right, being away from our support systems is way overwhelming. But we always adjust, right? I'm trying to think about all the times when I sat around in an uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing newness and questioned how I'd ever adjust, wondered if it was the right choice, if I could hack it, etc. And now I'm sitting in my new apartment in my new city... so clearly, I surivived and adjusted all those other times, right? This won't be any different. We'll be just fine!

(One other thing that I'm learning... you don't have to feign strength and 100% confidence all the time. If you feel crappy, then you feel crappy. Acknowledge it, experience it, and then move on. The worst thing to do, I've learned, is to sit around tightly holding in your anxiety -- if you need a good cry, have a good cry. Then call someone you love or go out and do something fun! Give yourself permission to feel badly for awhile if you need to -- pretending that you're totally fine and/or feeling like you shouldn't feel upset or anxious will, in my experience, just make you feel worse. Again, let it be what it is and then take a deep breath and move on.)

If you need to commiserate, I'm always good for some PM therapy. 😉

 

[Psy01]

do something fun!

Exactly.

Here's an applicable quote I like:

"Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not."

-William James

 

[stigmata]

My first experience with graduate school was in England (Univ. of London) and I moved there alone to set up house before my wife and 2 year-old joined me a few weeks later. I remember how that felt, and I did the worst thing possible...stay inside, isolate myself and worry. The best thing you can do is get out and be social even if you have to force it for awhile. Check out some of the research using the herpes virus to illustrate how devastating stress w/o social supports is on our immune system, while stress with support is much more innocuous. All the other advice given already is great too.
Hang in there...

 

[CanPsychGirl]

Hey! I don't really have any advice, but since I will probably be where you are now at this time next week, just wanted to say hang in there 🙂 I think it's definitely normal to be feeling a bit lonely for the first few weeks, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way in these types of situations. Best of luck!

 

[VeggieDelight]

Ditto. I'm only moving a state away, but to a rural location that is very different from what I know. My only comfort comes from the fact that I am so lucky to be where I am and that I chose a place where everyone seems so supportive and encouraging.

Get out, meet people, and just take everything in. Hopefully, you'll find your place soon. Easier said than done, maybe, but just about our only option! All the best!

 

[mizrachfaith]

Hey you will probably get used to it man. But if you are sure that you will be totally anxious then go away and take a break.🙂

 

[aequitasveritas]

lean into discomfort