Anyone else feel different than most Med students?

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kayster94

kayster94

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I've been holding this in for a while but it needs to be said. I just feel like I don't connect with the vast majority of med students in my class. I am not nor have I ever been a "type A" personality. Sure I did well in college and was able to get into med school, but I am far from what some may call a "gunner". However, the vast majority of students in my class seem to be in that category and it's driving me absolutely crazy. Mainly the extreme competitiveness and trying to outdo one another. I'm much more on the laid back and reserved side of things and have my own way of studying and getting things done. It's hard to explain but sometimes I can even sense that they know I'm different from them and I get treated differently. Anybody else ever feel this way? At the end of a long week I'm DYING to get away from med students and have any and all interactions with non-medicine people. I was also hoping to meet my wife in med school, but now I'm convinced that I want to wait for a nurse or somebody outside of medicine entirely. I've done a COMPLETE 180 on this. My question is, am I just an outlier? Is this not the right career for my personality type? I'm an M2 and scoring above average on every exam, but what concerns me is that I will constantly feel this way throughout med school, residency and beyond.
 
Just some thoughts: would you be able to speak with a counselor in med school who can listen to you and offer advice? Possibly even connect you with others who might feel the same way?
 
I feel like any field that is competitive and worthwhile will have type A people trying to outcompete everyone OP. When I was in nursing school, there was a butt load of those people who literally bragged about anything to give them the allusion they were a better person, (or a better student-nurse).

But at the end of the day, irons sharpens iron. You guys gotta find a way to have fun with it. Surrounding yourself with nonchalant friends could definitely help.
 
Fellow laid back personality here. When I first thought of going pre-med, I was a junior in college. Suddenly thrown into pre-req classes filled with extremely competitive, outspoken classmates who had been pre-med since the beginning, who I saw as "way ahead" of me, I was similarly discouraged as you.

But think about this- are you trying to assess your personality fitness for being a medical student, or being a physician? As a patient, would you want a doctor who sees you as a test to ace, or rather as a person to listen to?

See the light at the end of the tunnel (its also OK to question and critically think/re-evaluate where we are going too!), find trustworthy mentors you can seek guidance from, and if your immediate collegial environment isn't supporting you as you need, meeting similar people through engaging your non-medical interests in free time could be one idea.

For what it's worth, I met my long term partner through a love of athletics, and never imagined I'd meet my future spouse in the time and environment that I did. Big believer that many times things don't go as we hope or plan- but the resultant reality can be better than anything we anticipated.

And I love coming home to someone who's not also a future physician some days- just my two cents!

Best of luck.
 
I'm definitely not a typical medical student, and the high school level drama and competitiveness doesn't sit well with me. I'm ok with competing with myself to achieve the best that I can, but I have no desire to be the king (queen) of the mountain in medical school. I keep my head down, do my thing, and go on about my life. It helps that I have a family to come home to and talk about non-medical stuff with.

As for meeting your significant other in medical school or elsewhere, that comes from working on yourself first. Become the healthiest version of yourself you can be (mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually), and people will be attracted to you, seemingly out of nowhere.
 
I'm not in medical school yet, but yes.... the culture of healthcare that I've seen IRL and on this forum is my biggest apprehension about going to medical school other than actually getting into medical school because people like this. These type of people exist in every profession but in my observation the medical profession self-selects for them, and is full of them to the point of being it actually being a problem. To put it bluntly: these people are losers.

The weird part is, every doctor I know is totally cool when you get to know them. So just my personal theory, it's just a few people your are losers and your classmates are just going along with them. The reality very few of your classmates are like that and your classmates probably pretty cool too. You just gotta steer the conversation more. Don't try and one up people constantly, and poke fun at people who do that. You should become a doctor, the profession needs you in my not-doctor armchair analysis. If the losers get their way it will be 120hr residency work week minimum, required lecture for every class, and 520 minimum to get into medical school.
 
Mythoclast said:
I'm not in medical school yet, but yes.... the culture of healthcare that I've seen IRL and on this forum is my biggest apprehension about going to medical school other than actually getting into medical school because people like this. These type of people exist in every profession but in my observation the medical profession self-selects for them, and is full of them to the point of being it actually being a problem. To put it bluntly: these people are losers.

The weird part is, every doctor I know is totally cool when you get to know them. So just my personal theory, it's just a few people your are losers and your classmates are just going along with them. The reality very few of your classmates are like that and your classmates probably pretty cool too. You just gotta steer the conversation more. Don't try and one up people constantly, and poke fun at people who do that. You should become a doctor, the profession needs you in my not-doctor armchair analysis. If the losers get their way it will be 120hr residency work week minimum, required lecture for every class, and 520 minimum to get into medical school.
Click to expand...
Damn, well said. I didn't even consider this side of medicine before signing up but it's unfortunately true.
 
kayster94 said:
I've been holding this in for a while but it needs to be said. I just feel like I don't connect with the vast majority of med students in my class. I am not nor have I ever been a "type A" personality. Sure I did well in college and was able to get into med school, but I am far from what some may call a "gunner". However, the vast majority of students in my class seem to be in that category and it's driving me absolutely crazy. Mainly the extreme competitiveness and trying to outdo one another. I'm much more on the laid back and reserved side of things and have my own way of studying and getting things done. It's hard to explain but sometimes I can even sense that they know I'm different from them and I get treated differently. Anybody else ever feel this way? At the end of a long week I'm DYING to get away from med students and have any and all interactions with non-medicine people. I was also hoping to meet my wife in med school, but now I'm convinced that I want to wait for a nurse or somebody outside of medicine entirely. I've done a COMPLETE 180 on this. My question is, am I just an outlier? Is this not the right career for my personality type? I'm an M2 and scoring above average on every exam, but what concerns me is that I will constantly feel this way throughout med school, residency and beyond.
Click to expand...

Sounds like some of your classmates suffer from annoying med student syndrome. Annoying med students are often addicted to talking about grades and step 1 without being asked. They love to announce that they're pre-ortho or pre-derm. They may or may not be totally lying about how much they study or what grades they got.

Trust me, there are plenty of laid back classmates in your class. You just have to find them. These people are often FMFL (family medicine for life, shout out to whoever came up with the term). They also pursue fields like EM and anesthesiology. Not saying that only laid back people go into these fields or that you can't be a laid back surgeon. Also not saying that laid back = coasting. Just saying that this is a common pattern.
 
Im as Type B as it gets and it bit me so many times over the past four years (as evidenced by my step 1 score).

You’re not alone. I avoid the medicine people outside of it. Very thankful my husband isnt in medicine honestly
 
washboardEarth said:
people chill out a lot more after match day but the underlying personalities are still there and are what the process selects for.. risk averse, neurotic, competitive, Machiavellian. i think the biggest commonality is a lack of self awareness

for example, the self described "type B" poster above me literally filled the entire ERAS panic thread from august to match day with anxiety filled posts about the entire process.. from worrying about their application, to worrying about not getting interviews, to worrying about not getitng enough interviews, to worrying about having too many, to worrying about the rank order list, to worrying about certification of the rank order list, worrying about post interview communication, etc etc etc.

and just take a look at all the posts at 3:00 PM on match day "I matched but haven't heard from my program yet. pls help"
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Anxiety man, IMO, there’s a difference. Unfortunately it drives me to retreat rather than motivate me. It is a problem ive struggled with for a long time. My husband is mega type A and im nothing like him. Im also not competitive, which i associate with Type A personalities.

Thanks for using that against me though.
I never worried once about too few interviews and i faced a dilemma like many others about what interviews to keep or ditch. And who doesnt worry about their ROL but i did not worry about certifying it... like come on.

Thankfully i didnt do all this to the extent you did.
 
I understand where you're coming from in a sense. I really only have a handful of close friends from medical school. I didn't fit in with many of the cliques at my school and I realized that there were reasons that I hung out with the art school kids when I was in undergrad and those interests and personality traits weren't going to magically mesh with the same types of people I wasn't friends with before medical school now that I was in medical school. I have two separate groups that are wonderful in their own ways - the med school friends know exactly what I'm going through and we share drive and interest in this field. We talk about the medicine stuff our partners can only listen to for so long. We share similar worldviews on those topics, but little else. My friends outside of medicine are the friends that I tend to "go out" with more - museums, thrift shopping, shows, films, dinner parties, etc. These groups don't overlap at all and that's ok, they don't need to.

I have looked at your post history a bit and just wanted to tell you that it's ok if you haven't made lifelong friends in medical school. Med school is four years and at the end of it, we all go our separate ways. It's great if you can pick up a friend or two, but those relationships are going to become long-distance in the end anyway. My recommendation for you if you get to choose your clinical rotation sites - try for the southwest and west coast. I'm in the southwest and most of my classmates would rather be out hiking or playing beach volleyball than gunning for AOA. We're chill and friendly, I promise!
 
some people have to be Type A to do even average. I notice people who are Type B and still do above average have incredible memories. They don't the same neurotic discipline to do well. Med schoo sometimes motivates the more ambitious yet not as memory gifted to become more Type A. I was more Type B in college. I did a mediocre job in M1. From beginning of M2 to end of M3 there was a transition back to my high school Type A days. And I ended up doing way better and just in time too for the moments that counted.
 
Yes. Every day. My classmates are all type A. They all give off this "I want to change the world vibe". And there I am just sitting there thinking "I'm only here because this is a cool job that's secure and pays well". Not to say I don't work hard, but I just don't care so much to be perfect. I have one classmate who is just like me in that regards. Him and I get good grades but both know we want to do internal medicine so were not gonna kiss ass to get to where we want to go.
 
kayster94 said:
I've been holding this in for a while but it needs to be said. I just feel like I don't connect with the vast majority of med students in my class. I am not nor have I ever been a "type A" personality. Sure I did well in college and was able to get into med school, but I am far from what some may call a "gunner". However, the vast majority of students in my class seem to be in that category and it's driving me absolutely crazy. Mainly the extreme competitiveness and trying to outdo one another. I'm much more on the laid back and reserved side of things and have my own way of studying and getting things done. It's hard to explain but sometimes I can even sense that they know I'm different from them and I get treated differently. Anybody else ever feel this way? At the end of a long week I'm DYING to get away from med students and have any and all interactions with non-medicine people. I was also hoping to meet my wife in med school, but now I'm convinced that I want to wait for a nurse or somebody outside of medicine entirely. I've done a COMPLETE 180 on this. My question is, am I just an outlier? Is this not the right career for my personality type? I'm an M2 and scoring above average on every exam, but what concerns me is that I will constantly feel this way throughout med school, residency and beyond.
Click to expand...

For what it's worth, I met my wife in medical school. I'm definitely a type A personality and she is a type B. Funny because both of us were intent on not dating another medical student or doctor but as it turns out, it was probably the best thing as we are both very understanding of the commitment and struggles in medicine. We also seem to compliment each other's type - she helps ground me when the hyper-competitive mentality of mine becomes overwhelming, which definitely happens as you sometimes feel like nothing you do is ever enough. And I help push her to do more than she otherwise would have.
 
Honestly I had 2 good friends from my class and the rest were really insufferable. I did get along better with a few more people during clinical years but still most people I cannot stand. I tell my husband all the time that I am super thankful he is not in healthcare at all because I really cannot handle coming home to that personality as well. Just find the one or two good friends and you will be set. Depending on your school, you will probably never see the majority of your classmates ever again after second year.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
kayster94 said:
I've been holding this in for a while but it needs to be said. I just feel like I don't connect with the vast majority of med students in my class. I am not nor have I ever been a "type A" personality. Sure I did well in college and was able to get into med school, but I am far from what some may call a "gunner". However, the vast majority of students in my class seem to be in that category and it's driving me absolutely crazy. Mainly the extreme competitiveness and trying to outdo one another. I'm much more on the laid back and reserved side of things and have my own way of studying and getting things done. It's hard to explain but sometimes I can even sense that they know I'm different from them and I get treated differently. Anybody else ever feel this way? At the end of a long week I'm DYING to get away from med students and have any and all interactions with non-medicine people. I was also hoping to meet my wife in med school, but now I'm convinced that I want to wait for a nurse or somebody outside of medicine entirely. I've done a COMPLETE 180 on this. My question is, am I just an outlier? Is this not the right career for my personality type? I'm an M2 and scoring above average on every exam, but what concerns me is that I will constantly feel this way throughout med school, residency and beyond.
Click to expand...

I have definitely felt the same way, particularly at the beginning of starting med school. And it isn't simply due to the "gunner"/"type A" personality (perhaps because I can be type A myself) but also due to differences in interests, approaches to medicine, and the discussions that we want to have with people. So for some time, I thought I had chosen the wrong career, not due to lack of passion for medicine but due to my personality. What I have come to realize upon talking with upperclassmen and physician mentors, however, is that personality should not discourage us from a career. Instead, we can see it as an opportunity to model a new approach/personality to that career—show that there is a place for other personalities/perspectives in medicine than what is more of the norm and create safe spaces for those who feel like outliers like ourselves. This realization has helped dispel many of my concerns. Just my additional two cents!
 
I'm in exactly the same boat I don't have nice clothes, I can't be ****ed shaving half the time, I do the bare minimum for course requirements - teaching sessions etc, find people in your class like you, I drink/party at least once a week we joke about funny patient stories etc its great. We enjoy sitting back and watching everyone else crumble around us as exam/OSCE time approaches.

As long as you put in the work you can do whatever you want with the rest of your time. Just remember nobody really studies 12 hours a day and if they did they should be getting 100% on everything; it's med school everybody lies especially about test results. Once you hit the wards you will know where you stand compared to other students based on the attendings pimping.

The attendings also can easily tell which students are a pain in the ass, so don't worry as long as you're likable you'll get far more opportunities than the 'gunners' on the wards and maybe even laugh at them with the attendings.

Fun fact: I worked as a residental accommodation assistant for a while and I can tell you the smartest students we're always the ones who party the hardest and this has been true throughout my whole 8 years post high school.

Med school can be quite enjoyable if you approach it the right way.
 
I feel you... I study reasonably hard but socially I'm chill

Part of it is a cultural difference. I'm from a working-class background, so how I carry myself will be different from people from more wealthy backgrounds like the average medical student. I don't mean to say I'm different politically or religiously - there's just these intangible differences in body-language and communication that are present between groups - it's something I've observed prior to med school, and med school has just confirmed this for me. And there's a set of both wonderful and awful life experiences I have that others do not by virtue of digging myself out of the low SES hole, and I don't fault others for lacking those experiences but they're nonetheless absent and make it harder to feel connections to med students.

Conformity in med school can be exhausting, and I try to be myself as much as I can, even if it means saying random, off-the-wall things or being somewhat inappropriate in the timing of my jokes. Still, I'm mindful of making everybody regardless of background feeling warm, welcomed and comfortable, so there's some aspects I never joke about like race or sexuality. I think I'm reasonably well-liked and I have gotten positive comments about my character from classmates, with one extremely positive comment recently, so it's panned out for me thus far. While I have some amazing people as friends, the void of feeling different never quite leaves, even though I'm just another white guy, because in many ways I am fundamentally different from most med students.

The nature of med school social interaction focuses on school and good professors/****ty professors and good exams/****ty exams. It can be exhausting to have the same sorts of conversations over and over, which doesn't help

I feel you on the dating aspect too. Med school has a number of smart, ambitious women, and I attempted to date this semester though that didn't quite pan out. There's something missing socially from most people here, which can hurt the dating scene.

My best advice is to try to get as much as you can out of the few people you have much in common with. It'll do you some good.
 
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slowthai said:
Sounds like some of your classmates suffer from annoying med student syndrome. Annoying med students are often addicted to talking about grades and step 1 without being asked. They love to announce that they're pre-ortho or pre-derm. They may or may not be totally lying about how much they study or what grades they got.

Trust me, there are plenty of laid back classmates in your class. You just have to find them. These people are often FMFL (family medicine for life, shout out to whoever came up with the term). They also pursue fields like EM and anesthesiology. Not saying that only laid back people go into these fields or that you can't be a laid back surgeon. Also not saying that laid back = coasting. Just saying that this is a common pattern.
Click to expand...
Indeed. These are people who have thier self-worth and value as human beings defined by their stats. Best to ignore them
 
kayster94 said:
I've been holding this in for a while but it needs to be said. I just feel like I don't connect with the vast majority of med students in my class. I am not nor have I ever been a "type A" personality. Sure I did well in college and was able to get into med school, but I am far from what some may call a "gunner". However, the vast majority of students in my class seem to be in that category and it's driving me absolutely crazy. Mainly the extreme competitiveness and trying to outdo one another. I'm much more on the laid back and reserved side of things and have my own way of studying and getting things done. It's hard to explain but sometimes I can even sense that they know I'm different from them and I get treated differently. Anybody else ever feel this way? At the end of a long week I'm DYING to get away from med students and have any and all interactions with non-medicine people. I was also hoping to meet my wife in med school, but now I'm convinced that I want to wait for a nurse or somebody outside of medicine entirely. I've done a COMPLETE 180 on this. My question is, am I just an outlier? Is this not the right career for my personality type? I'm an M2 and scoring above average on every exam, but what concerns me is that I will constantly feel this way throughout med school, residency and beyond.
Click to expand...
You are just judgemental, lots of people are
 
--Gem said:
Definitely had a similar and different experience than you for college.

Tried to be Type A in first year and part of second year, got super mediocre grades and didn't enjoy life much. My wife got me to act more type B again like I used to in high school and my success shot through the roof. Neuroticism is really self defeating, in my experience.
Click to expand...

Depends person to person. I do better when I put pressure to succeed on myself. some people breakdown and do worse. they are already disciplined enough to do well and have to calm down. I am naturally very lazy and need a fire under my ass. Sometimes, I have to be the one to set it
 
IMG69 said:
I'm in exactly the same boat I don't have nice clothes, I can't be ****ed shaving half the time, I do the bare minimum for course requirements - teaching sessions etc, find people in your class like you, I drink/party at least once a week we joke about funny patient stories etc its great. We enjoy sitting back and watching everyone else crumble around us as exam/OSCE time approaches.

As long as you put in the work you can do whatever you want with the rest of your time. Just remember nobody really studies 12 hours a day and if they did they should be getting 100% on everything; it's med school everybody lies especially about test results. Once you hit the wards you will know where you stand compared to other students based on the attendings pimping.

The attendings also can easily tell which students are a pain in the ass, so don't worry as long as you're likable you'll get far more opportunities than the 'gunners' on the wards and maybe even laugh at them with the attendings.

Fun fact: I worked as a residental accommodation assistant for a while and I can tell you the smartest students we're always the ones who party the hardest and this has been true throughout my whole 8 years post high school.

Med school can be quite enjoyable if you approach it the right way.
Click to expand...

Some of the "smartest" students which means "killer memory" for medical school party the hardest because they are gifted to begin with at the types of intellect med school requires. They thus have a lot of free time. I can tell you. When I went from studying less to studying a lot more, I did a ton better. I partied a lot M1 and did terribly. I cut it down to the point of no partying by mid M2 and was doing the best I had ever done. The more I studied the better I did. It was fairly straightforward for me.

Maybe others are gifted. They can read and remember quickly. That's fine. I cannot. I knew it, so I had to bust my ass. And trust me, I know both the 271 and 273 guy personally in my class. The 271 studied legit 12 hours a day. The 273 studied 6 hours a day and played league of legends the rest of the time. But in the end, it didn't matter. Both did what worked for them, and both just matched pretty darn well.
 
Hey OP, I am glad you posted this because I have these exact feelings often and I am sure this post resonates with many laid-backers out there. I promise there’s nothing wrong you in this case. Remember that so many of the patients you will see are ordinary people and more often than not, they may get offended by the people you described. Hence the stigmatism that some doctors get for being condescending. Do you, be yourself, and above all, don’t change!

Bigfoot
 
At least you guys/gals did not have a classmate that went to administration and complained that it's not fair to him that the Anatomy professor having a review before exams. He studies too hard to get his grades and other students should do the same.
 
TheIllusionist said:
Some of the "smartest" students which means "killer memory" for medical school party the hardest because they are gifted to begin with at the types of intellect med school requires. They thus have a lot of free time. I can tell you. When I went from studying less to studying a lot more, I did a ton better. I partied a lot M1 and did terribly. I cut it down to the point of no partying by mid M2 and was doing the best I had ever done. The more I studied the better I did. It was fairly straightforward for me.

Maybe others are gifted. They can read and remember quickly. That's fine. I cannot. I knew it, so I had to bust my ass. And trust me, I know both the 271 and 273 guy personally in my class. The 271 studied legit 12 hours a day. The 273 studied 6 hours a day and played league of legends the rest of the time. But in the end, it didn't matter. Both did what worked for them, and both just matched pretty darn well.
Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean but what i'm saying is these students would do the study they had to and then would go out and enjoy themselves, they didn't **** around on Instagram wasting 2-3 hours a day, stressing about what other students are doing etc they were either studying or they were enjoying themselves with their friends, there was no guilt of not studying or feeling of time wasting which seems extremely rampant these days.

Which is basically the key point i'm trying to make, do your study and then forget about medicine for the rest of the day; you've done your 8 hours now go enjoy yourself however you please and forget about whatever your classmates are doing.
 
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TheIllusionist said:
Depends person to person. I do better when I put pressure to succeed on myself. some people breakdown and do worse. they are already disciplined enough to do well and have to calm down. I am naturally very lazy and need a fire under my ass. Sometimes, I have to be the one to set it
Click to expand...

I’m the type that can push myself into a nervous breakdown. My Type B laid back husband has to teach me how to chill out.
 
cantankerous said:
Make it a game. Start talking about already finishing a rapid review book for STEP 2, maintaining bench research in third year, etc. and watch them scramble to one up you. It's hilarious.
Click to expand...

I do this all the time its so funny. I was telling people I was cranking through world half way through first year just to ruffle some feathers
 
CyrusHabs7695 said:
I do this all the time its so funny. I was telling people I was cranking through world half way through first year just to ruffle some feathers
Click to expand...
funny but cruel lol. no wonder so many med students are on the holy trinity of modefenil, addy, and SSRI lmfao
 
Just like in real life, there won't be many people you can be close friends with.

While there's nothing wrong with being laid back, there's no reason to loathe your interaction with them. Most of these typeA are nice people put in a high stress environment (whether they want a competitive specialty or do residency at certain location). Understand their intentions and keep a safe distance will help you a lot next year in clerkships and perhaps in making friends.

As people's paths become clear, the competitive feel will wear off. Until then, empathize and try not to be negative.

Sent from my SM-G965U using SDN mobile
 
FMDoge2020 said:
Just like in real life, there won't be many people you can be close friends with.

While there's nothing wrong with being laid back, there's no reason to loathe your interaction with them. Most of these typeA are nice people put in a high stress environment (whether they want a competitive specialty or do residency at certain location). Understand their intentions and keep a safe distance will help you a lot next year in clerkships and perhaps in making friends.

As people's paths become clear, the competitive feel will wear off. Until then, empathize and try not to be negative.

Sent from my SM-G965U using SDN mobile
Click to expand...
Attendings and residents are much nicer than med students. The competitive nature of med school sucks.
 
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I personally think i'm mega-type A, heck my undergrad neuro professor called me a type A+++ personality cuz I always gave myself three times the workload as the workload recommended by my school. But I get along with most people, type A or type B. Cuz even though I can be type A af in my own time, I don't show it off to other people or treat them differently, in fact I am often a little ashamed when people find out that I am that intense because it makes you seem so uncool lol.

So I just wanna try to take the sting away of the word "type A" as if it was a bad thing.

The ppl you are talking about are not even necessarily type A, more likely just egotistical and obnoxious, and overly competitive and possibly entitled.. So I think (or at least I'd like to think) that they are the outliers, not you.
 
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