Applying to medical school 1 year after my girlfriend who is applying now, help!

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James Corcoran

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She's applying now (after her junior year of undergrad) for med school. She's got a great GPA, great MCAT scores, etc. I'm a rising junior and am going to be applying at the end of next year, but my GPA's only a 3.6 and so I'm not as competitive of an applicant.

Is there any hope of me being able to go to a school near her? How do LDR's work in med school when both people are at school across the country from each other, which seems like it will end up happening 🙁 We are planning to get married, btw but I'd rather not be apart for 4 years. I'm honestly just not excited about applying anymore because I'm seeing all these great schools she'll likely get into and know I can never go anywhere nearby to them and won't see her for 4 years, and that thought just bums me out and makes me not want to be a doctor, which is my dream.
 
Break up. Serious advice. The way you're feeling about this is not good and indicative of an immature relationship, I can only see strain in the future. You should stay friends, but worry about you right now. Its your dream afterall. If its meant to happen its meant to happen.
 
she goes to Harvard, there is BU. She goes to Wash U, there is St. Louis. Johns Hopkins - Georgetown/GW. Cornell - NY medical. Stanford - USC. UPenn - Drexel/Jefferson. The list goes on and on...

Might want to rethink if being away from girlfriend is having so much influence on your medical career.
 
Thanks for the advice guys!

It's not making me rethink my carrer, definitely still want to be a doctor 100%. But I've looked forward to medical school my whole life and don't want to not enjoy it because I am missing her the entire time. It'd make me feel like I was paying $200k to be miserable and I feel like I wouldn't apply myself as well as I could otherwise, sad as that seems.
 
I just hope she ends up getting in somewhere with an easier to get into medical school close by. That's what she said hopes happens as well.
 
Everything in this world is constantly changing my friend. Grasping onto things that change is like attempting to stick ones hand into a river and grab the water. Once you accept the fact that your relationship may not last is when you can truly have a great relationship and get yourself back on track and apply with a healthy mindset.
 
Thanks for the advice guys!

It's not making me rethink my carrer, definitely still want to be a doctor 100%. But I've looked forward to medical school my whole life and don't want to not enjoy it because I am missing her the entire time. It'd make me feel like I was paying $200k to be miserable and I feel like I wouldn't apply myself as well as I could otherwise, sad as that seems.

As someone currently in a long distance relationship, with the possibility of it continuing through med school, how much impact your girlfriend not being there has on your school and mood depends a lot on your attitude. If you sit moping about it it will affect your life. If you keep living your life, going to class, etc you will not be wasting $200k. You will miss her, but if you really want both (relationship and medical school) you will do what you have to, to get both done. Long distance isn't for everyone, but it also doesn't make you destined to 4 years of being miserable and failing school. It's hard but if you want to and have the right attitude you can do all you want to.

I am not telling you choose one over the other, just giving an alternate view of a long distance relationship. It does not have to mean the end of either you relationship or your medical dreams.
 
Some people can do it and some people can't. If it's going to work out, it will. Relationships aren't just about how much you love the other person or how compatible you believe you are for one another. Timing, even in serious relationships, is a huge factor, because life has other priorities and goals that are just as, well.. probably more, important to your future happiness. Also, I'm totally going to sound like an old hag here... But if you guys are traditional juniors, meaning you're like 19 or 20 (?), you have a lot of changing and growing up to do, especially if you take on something like medical school. moving across the country, etc. That will change the dynamic of relationships too. Go in with open minds and open hearts and be ready for the challenges you're going to face before you actually hit all those roadblocks.

At least if you're away from one another for medical school, you'll both be so busy there won't be an imbalance in the expectations from one another. Many people are not given the luxury of choosing the location of their school once they pick their list for primary applications, and where you get in will just have to choose for you. Hopefully it works out for you guys. Best of luck to both of you!
 
What your gf been saying about the whole situation? Does she seem as down about it as you do (doesn't seem like it from your posts)? Also, this thread is 100% the reason why I have/have had no intentions of dating someone in undergrad...
 
Hey OP, I'm kind of in a similar situation. I am starting med school this August on the East Coast, and my long-term boyfriend is applying in a year. Part of the reason I decided to go to med school there is because there is a lot of schools in the NYC area (where I'll be headed) as well as nearby places like Philly. We are both from California, but there are comparatively few schools here so there is less of a chance he would be accepted to one (I was debating going to a school in SoCal). I think that you guys can make it work out as long as you are both willing to compromise a little bit.

At the same time, do keep in mind that you are very young and it would be wiser of you to put your professional interests first at this time. If your lifelong dream is to be a doctor, this is the time to go for it full speed. Don't make any career compromises that you think you might later regret.

100% agree with the bold. Great advice.
 
What your gf been saying about the whole situation? Does she seem as down about it as you do (doesn't seem like it from your posts)? Also, this thread is 100% the reason why I have/have had no intentions of dating someone in undergrad...

Your first couple relationships are all about figuring out what you want out of a potential partner and relationship. In my view, it's much better to do this at 19 or 20 than at 28 or 30. Also, having a significant other is fun. I think that while there are definitely benefits to being single, having a boy/girlfriend can be a great experience and is not something you should just pass on if the right person comes along.
 
The unfortunate truth is that the majority of long distance relationships fail. That, and people change quite a bit in their 20's. It's not a knock on your relationship - it's the fact that we all need that physical contact (not necessarily sex).

Yes, there are always exceptions you'll read. However, the vast majority of LDR fail in medical school due to the strain/long distance itself/etc.

If you guys were truly in love, you would be happy for her regardless if she goes to a school far away that you'll be never be able to be close to. You don't even know if you guys will still be together next year when you apply. I would encourage her to pursue whatever school is the best fit for her. Good luck
 
I just hope she ends up getting in somewhere with an easier to get into medical school close by. That's what she said hopes happens as well.

I wouldn't worry about that, if she is reasonable and not choose U of S. Dakota or something. Do your best and everything will fall into place.
 
Just be careful not to limit your choices based on her location and end up resentful for it! Best of luck, hope everything works out!!
 
Hey OP, I'm kind of in a similar situation. I am starting med school this August on the East Coast, and my long-term boyfriend is applying in a year. Part of the reason I decided to go to med school there is because there is a lot of schools in the NYC area (where I'll be headed) as well as nearby places like Philly. We are both from California, but there are comparatively few schools here so there is less of a chance he would be accepted to one (I was debating going to a school in SoCal). I think that you guys can make it work out as long as you are both willing to compromise a little bit.

At the same time, do keep in mind that you are very young and it would be wiser of you to put your professional interests first at this time. If your lifelong dream is to be a doctor, this is the time to go for it full speed. Don't make any career compromises that you think you might later regret.

+1 I am about to start med school approximately 10 hours away from my long time gf, of which we have been doing LDR for the past 5 months. All I can say is take it a day at a time and as everyone else has said, be sure to live your own life. I was pumped yet sad to be accepted far away from her at first, but I have seen multiple adult relationships in my family and through family friends that have failed because one of the individuals felt like they sacrificed and regretted not living their own life resulting in divorce. I am sure when you are both in med school you will be so busy that you won't have as much time to ponder on it as you think and if it falls apart over time then you know it wasn't meant to be and I'm sure it won't hurt as much as it seems now because its faded over time. You also gotta think how some people make relationships last while in the army which causes people to go months and months without any contact with one another. In essence anything is possible and there is no point in stressing on the future and what you cannot control, only the now. After having given a lot of thought into it myself these are just my conclusions.
 
Break up. Serious advice. The way you're feeling about this is not good and indicative of an immature relationship, I can only see strain in the future. You should stay friends, but worry about you right now. Its your dream afterall. If its meant to happen its meant to happen.

Always with the straight up and most concrete answers.
You sir have a new fan.
 
There's certainly a chance you could end up at a med school near her. But I'd say it's unwise to pin your hopes on this because the application process is always unpredictable. Despite what you may hear, it IS possible to have long distance relationships, even for very long periods of time. Don't give up your dream of being a doctor because you're worried about this - unless you think you really don't want to be a doctor. If you and your girlfriend are as in love as you say, then you'll be able to handle 4 years apart from each other. (Also, let's keep in mind that this would just be a physical separation. You have email, Skype, Facetime, the telephone... there are a million ways to keep connected.)
 
The state matters a lot in this situation. What state? Easy to get into? Several options?

That said, I think you'd be hard pressed to find any residency class in this entire country where at least one person had not spent at least a year in a LDR due to medical education. Med schools admissions and the residency process are very unforgiving wrt to families, but people still manage to make it work. You also will find plenty of lonely, undersexed senior residents who are almost 30 and haven't had a serious relationship since college...and everything in between. It's all about the two of you determining if it's worth the sacrifices.
 
Your first couple relationships are all about figuring out what you want out of a potential partner and relationship. In my view, it's much better to do this at 19 or 20 than at 28 or 30. Also, having a significant other is fun. I think that while there are definitely benefits to being single, having a boy/girlfriend can be a great experience and is not something you should just pass on if the right person comes along.

Agreed. That's why i said I have no intentions. However, if it happens i guess it happens...
 
So many forever alones in here. You my friend need yo form your feet. You don't have to go to both extremes here. You can have the girl and your dreams at the same time and you won't be settling for less.When both of you are doctors life isn't going to get easier. Communicate with her for sure but don't delude yourself.
 
Some people can do it and some people can't. If it's going to work out, it will. Relationships aren't just about how much you love the other person or how compatible you believe you are for one another. Timing, even in serious relationships, is a huge factor, because life has other priorities and goals that are just as, well.. probably more, important to your future happiness. Also, I'm totally going to sound like an old hag here... But if you guys are traditional juniors, meaning you're like 19 or 20 (?), you have a lot of changing and growing up to do, especially if you take on something like medical school. moving across the country, etc. That will change the dynamic of relationships too. Go in with open minds and open hearts and be ready for the challenges you're going to face before you actually hit all those roadblocks.

At least if you're away from one another for medical school, you'll both be so busy there won't be an imbalance in the expectations from one another.
Many people are not given the luxury of choosing the location of their school once they pick their list for primary applications, and where you get in will just have to choose for you. Hopefully it works out for you guys. Best of luck to both of you!

Very wise advice.
(And yeah, I amm an old hag.) :laugh: But one who has had an LDR that worked (right guy at the right time) and an LDR that failed (great guy but the wrong time).

Bottom line: Don't sacrifice what will be your permanent future for a relationship that might or might not be permanent. You both will be doing a lot of growing and learning over the next five years and you each need to grow in the directions that are right for you. If you both grow in the same direction, so much the better. But if not, let it happen, because a 'forced fit' never fits comfortably.
 
If she was really into the relationship as you are, she'd be making some concessions on her own to make things work. Don't schedule your life around hers. It's a two way street. Also, she hasn't even gotten accepted yet so you never know where she'll end up. Just enjoy this year.
 
She's applying now (after her junior year of undergrad) for med school. She's got a great GPA, great MCAT scores, etc. I'm a rising junior and am going to be applying at the end of next year, but my GPA's only a 3.6 and so I'm not as competitive of an applicant.

Is there any hope of me being able to go to a school near her? How do LDR's work in med school when both people are at school across the country from each other, which seems like it will end up happening 🙁 We are planning to get married, btw but I'd rather not be apart for 4 years. I'm honestly just not excited about applying anymore because I'm seeing all these great schools she'll likely get into and know I can never go anywhere nearby to them and won't see her for 4 years, and that thought just bums me out and makes me not want to be a doctor, which is my dream.

Honestly, if you can't handle a LDR for just 4 years then it's not gonna work anyway. Srs. Better to find out now than later.
 
She's applying now (after her junior year of undergrad) for med school. She's got a great GPA, great MCAT scores, etc. I'm a rising junior and am going to be applying at the end of next year, but my GPA's only a 3.6 and so I'm not as competitive of an applicant.

Is there any hope of me being able to go to a school near her? How do LDR's work in med school when both people are at school across the country from each other, which seems like it will end up happening 🙁 We are planning to get married, btw but I'd rather not be apart for 4 years. I'm honestly just not excited about applying anymore because I'm seeing all these great schools she'll likely get into and know I can never go anywhere nearby to them and won't see her for 4 years, and that thought just bums me out and makes me not want to be a doctor, which is my dream.

I knew a couple in college who were applying to law school in the same year. She got into UVA and he got waitlisted there. She called the admissions office and got him in 😀 .

If you are somewhat competitive at the school she gets into, she may be able to give you a slight leg up in the admissions process. My advice: the admissions process is a crapshoot, worry about your plans when you know hers are. Apply to schools wherever she's at, but don't limit yourself there. If it's meant to be, it will work out.

If, not, plenty of people do long distance relationships. I just spent the last year in Korea, thousands of miles away from my boyfriend. It's not fun, but Skype helps a lot and if it's worth it then they make the effort. Plus there is also a possibility of transferring after the first year, it's not as easy as undergrad, but it does happen.
 
Long-distance is tough, but it can work if both people are committed! My girlfriend of 3 years (we started dating early in college) went abroad to Europe for a year of undergrad and our relationship survived the distance. It was tough, but we are extremely close and have also talked about having a future together (just as you and girlfriend have).

I am about to start medical school this fall and she will likely be pursuing a graduate degree in another city across the country next year. However, it wasn't even a question about whether we were going to stay together or not. We don't know whether we will make it through the four years of long-distance, but we are certainly going to give it a shot! If you love your girlfriend and see yourself potentially marrying her (as you said in your post), you owe it to the both of you to at least give distance a try.

Preemptively breaking up is a move better suited for people that still hope to date other people, don't see the relationship working long-term, do not trust their partners to remain faithful, or do not believe that they can handle the loneliness of a long-distance relationship. Be strong! Remember that you might get lucky and get into a school that is close to the school your girlfriend decides to go to 🙂 And even if you guys are across the country from each other, a flight from the east coast to the west coast is only 6 hours and $400. Given that the cost of medical school is 70K/year, a few extra plane tickets to visit each other each year is not going to break the bank and is completely reasonable.
 
Thank-you so much for all of your very thoughtful replies, I really appreciate it. I also realize that I am replying several months late....but late is better than never, right?

As for an update, we are still together, still planning to stay together during medical school and she will soon be seeing where she is getting in 🙂 I am trying my best to be excited for her wherever she gets in, and not just think about how many other medical schools are nearby lol.

I guess as for me, I know that our relationship can survive 4 years long distance. I'm just frustrated because I don't see why it is necessary to go through 4 years (1/5th of most undergrad's lives) with so much sadness that you can't be near the person you love.

Thanks again and good luck to all of those who said they were in similar situations!
 
Love conquers all. Stay with her even if you have to be apart for sometime. Remember marriage is for life so 4 yrs apart will be nothing in the long run.
 
I should stay friends, but worry about you right now. Its your dream afterall.
xg5IDb
 
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At the same time, do keep in mind that you are very young and it would be wiser of you to put your professional interests first at this time. If your lifelong dream is to be a doctor, this is the time to go for it full speed. Don't make any career compromises that you think you might later regret.

At the same time, do keep in mind that you are very young and it would be wiser of you to put your professional interests first at this time. If your lifelong dream is to be a doctor, this is the time to go for it full speed. Don't make any career compromises that you think you might later regret.

At the same time, do keep in mind that you are very young and it would be wiser of you to put your professional interests first at this time. If your lifelong dream is to be a doctor, this is the time to go for it full speed. Don't make any career compromises that you think you might later regret.

At the same time, do keep in mind that you are very young and it would be wiser of you to put your professional interests first at this time. If your lifelong dream is to be a doctor, this is the time to go for it full speed. Don't make any career compromises that you think you might later regret.
 
^^ HAHAHAHA This is probably the post Ive laughed hardest at on this forum
 
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