Attention "Medical Marijuana" Card Holders.

[RustedFox]

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1.) If you wind up in the ER for your typical nonsense cannabinoid-hyperemesis-nonsense-syndrome, I'm going to tell you directly that THIS is the problem. No, I'm not going to entertain your objections of: "it can't be the weed; because I've always smoked weed and I've never had this problem before". If you get super-pukey right after taking a "heavy hit", then THAT'S LIKELY THE PROBLEM. I don't care if its after 10 hits or 10,000 hits. KNOCK IT OFF. If I see you here next week or next month for the same symptoms, then we're going to have the same talk. Not that you'll remember it, jackass.

2.) If you're in the ER for an unrelated reason (say, simple orthopedic trauma) and you're BAKED, then don't try to act like you're NOT BAKED. Don't answer in the negative when I ask "do you use any illegal or recreational drugs"? Your conjunctival injection, cognitive delay, and obvious aroma GIVE YOU AWAY. I seriously said to the last baked asthmatic: "Dude. You have bad asthma. You probably shouldn't be as baked as you are right now." He protested, stating that he "wasn't high". I immediately replied with: "Try again, bro. I just walked in the room, and you smell like kind bud, and now I'm hungry." - "A'iiiight. I respect thaaat", slowly came the reply. Really !? You "respect that"? DUDE! You're here seeking my professional medical opinion. That ALONE should win your respect. Don't try and lie to me. I don't respect that.

3.) Realize that 99% of you have a "medical marijuana card" for a disease that is generally complete bull$hit. No, I'm not buying that THC is the amazing cure-all that helps you conquer your fibromyalgia, anxiety, myofascial pain disorder, or take your pick of other imaginary diseases/disorders. You simply found a way to avoid being harassed by the authorities, and now you're exploiting it. I would "respect" you more if you knocked off the act and just said: "Yeah, man. I dig weed. Its my thing." My dad went to LA a year or so back to visit my cousin that recently moved out there. He paid his $45 dollars to get his "medical marijuana card" claiming "plantar fasciitis". My dad has never had plantar fasciitis. He doesn't have plantar fasciitis. But they took his $45 dollars, and got him baked. Good for him. He never touched the stuff when I was a kid, and he said (and I believe him), that he only smoked a handful of times in college. Just like I did. He was (and still is) a great dad. He was too busy working his @ss off when I was a kid to make sure that I had a better life than he had. Thanks, Dad. You win. THC was never his thing; he'd rather have a Coors Light. Me too. I'm not going to deny the man a snack and a nap at age 68, but the fact that he "qualified for his medical marijuana card" in :90 seconds or less sheds light onto just what a bull$hit process the whole thing is.


- Look, I realize that attitudes and laws are changing regarding THC use, but it has led to a very clear and rapid uptick in ER visits for THC-related dumb@ssery that are 100% unnecessary. I wouldn't mind it so much, but the vast majority of these patients aren't paying a dime for their visit: that's our responsibility as taxpayers to pick up the tab. Yes, I realize that alcohol is equally as (or potentially more) dangerous. My disapproval of this behavior applies to those patients as well. I'm going to estimate that I generally see only 2-3 "dumb drunks" a shift now, and 4-5 "THC-related visits". Before anyone asks: Yes, I live and work in a "crunchy" area, where patients sometimes ask me what I think about Turmeric healing their diabetic foot wounds, rather than good wound care and glucose control. The moral of the story is this: If you can't handle your drink, your rip, your hit, your tug.... then knock it off.

 

[USCDiver]

A few years ago, one of the radio stations played an April Fools prank by telling listeners that the local ER would be handing out medical marijuana cards that day (this is in a state with no medical marijuana, mind you). At least a dozen *******es showed up looking for their card. ‍♂️

 

[Fox800]

If you show up with any marijuana-related problem: hope you like Haldol, homie.

 

[Birdstrike]

Once again, we have more proof you can’t cure stupid.

 

[BoardingDoc]

As @Fox800 said above, just give em haldol. I used to **** around with capsaicin cream then see if zofran/reglan/ativan would work. Now I go immediately to droperidol (if not backordered) or haldol. As soon as the noisy vomiting stops, they leave. Any other high complaint just gets "You're high. Stop smoking so much" and gets discharged.

Don't let the idiots get under your skin amigo. Just give them the anti-crazy juice and/or some DC papers and go see the people that are worth seeing.

 

[Franzd'Epinay]

3.) Realize that 99% of you have a "medical marijuana card" for a disease that is generally complete bull$hit. No, I'm not buying that THC is the amazing cure-all that helps you conquer your fibromyalgia, anxiety, myofascial pain disorder, or take your pick of other imaginary diseases/disorders. You simply found a way to avoid being harassed by the authorities, and now you're exploiting it. I would "respect" you more if you knocked off the act and just said: "Yeah, man. I dig weed. Its my thing." My dad went to LA a year or so back to visit my cousin that recently moved out there. He paid his $45 dollars to get his "medical marijuana card" claiming "plantar fasciitis". My dad has never had plantar fasciitis. He doesn't have plantar fasciitis. But they took his $45 dollars, and got him baked. Good for him. He never touched the stuff when I was a kid, and he said (and I believe him), that he only smoked a handful of times in college. Just like I did. He was (and still is) a great dad. He was too busy working his @ss off when I was a kid to make sure that I had a better life than he had. Thanks, Dad. You win. THC was never his thing; he'd rather have a Coors Light. Me too. I'm not going to deny the man a snack and a nap at age 68, but the fact that he "qualified for his medical marijuana card" in :90 seconds or less sheds light onto just what a bull$hit process the whole thing is.

On board with almost everything you said, but don't see the point of this paragraph. You admit that the medical card charade is necessary for them to not be harassed by the authorities. Sounds like you should be mad with the authorities or the prohibition laws, not the people looking to be left alone by the police.

 

[deleted480308]

On board with almost everything you said, but don't see the point of this paragraph. You admit that the medical card charade is necessary for them to not be harassed by the authorities. Sounds like you should be mad with the authorities or the prohibition laws, not the people looking to be left alone by the police.

You can be left alone by police and still leave the ED alone

 

[GeneralVeers]

I just assume every male under 50 will be positive now. We have massive dispensaries the size of shopping malls right off of the Strip.

I don't even waste my time with the marijuana discussion. Most of these guys are accompanied by a helicopter Mom who is convinced that something is medically wrong with them, and will write a complaint letter about me if I don't shoot them up with buckets of dilaudid.

 

[thegenius]

I think the worst part of the sticky icky is the smell. These people reek. I go into their rooms and plug my nose.

I stop asking about marijuana use too. it's a given these days. At least most people who are high or semi-high on marijuana are not obnoxious like other drugs

 

[TheSingularity]

I think the worst part of the sticky icky is the smell. These people reek. I go into their rooms and plug my nose.

I stop asking about marijuana use too. it's a given these days. At least most people who are high or semi-high on marijuana are not obnoxious like other drugs

The smell. Ugh.

Agree, but as Veers said, they often have helicopter mommy circling

"What is happoeninggggg what is causingggg thisssss."

Sent from my Pixel 3 using SDN mobile

 

[RustedFox]

On board with almost everything you said, but don't see the point of this paragraph. You admit that the medical card charade is necessary for them to not be harassed by the authorities. Sounds like you should be mad with the authorities or the prohibition laws, not the people looking to be left alone by the police.

SB247 beat me to it.

 

[TulaneUnderdog]

Also people need to use proper ID if they are coming to the ER to score some good broccoli. Saw some legit Obamacare ones like this:

 

[RustedFox]

As @Fox800 said above, just give em haldol. I used to **** around with capsaicin cream then see if zofran/reglan/ativan would work. Now I go immediately to droperidol (if not backordered) or haldol. As soon as the noisy vomiting stops, they leave. Any other high complaint just gets "You're high. Stop smoking so much" and gets discharged.

Don't let the idiots get under your skin amigo. Just give them the anti-crazy juice and/or some DC papers and go see the people that are worth seeing.

Yeah, I do precisely this and minimize my time with these patients, but its the fact that this nonsense is now accepted and condoned that drives me nuts. Oh... you have a disability that necessitates that you spark-up and act like a jack@ss ? No, you're just a jack@ss. At least with the drunks, you can say: "You're a lousy drunk; sober up, get a grip, and keep it." Nobody treats an illness with chronic heavy alcohol use. But now, we're supposed to coddle the stoners, because their fibromynonsense is why they 'need' their 'medicine'. Can't get on board with that? Well, now you're just a cold and unfeeling person, so say the muggles.

Its the daily exposure to how we're failing as a society that burns me out.

 

[dchristismi]

FWIW, I'm constantly surprised just who and who isn't using medical marijuana in my hospice practice.
Some people you'd never guess. Some people you'd swear were and refuse to touch it. (And of course, I get my fair share of grow-it-myself Vietnam vets. I just ask them not to toke up in the hospice house. Because one dude did. Man, the place reeked...)

These (I hope) are a good portion of them. There are people who get amazing symptom relief from their parkinson's, seizures, cancer-related-pain etc. And these are the ones who don't want the dilaudid. (Really, I swear, they're out there! I was shocked too!)

However, just like usual, the ED doesn't see these folks. Sigh.

 

[hundreddaysoff]

Yeah, I do precisely this and minimize my time with these patients, but its the fact that this nonsense is now accepted and condoned that drives me nuts. Oh... you have a disability that necessitates that you spark-up and act like a jack@ss ? No, you're just a jack@ss. At least with the drunks, you can say: "You're a lousy drunk; sober up, get a grip, and keep it." Nobody treats an illness with chronic heavy alcohol use. But now, we're supposed to coddle the stoners, because their fibromynonsense is why they 'need' their 'medicine'. Can't get on board with that? Well, now you're just a cold and unfeeling person, so say the muggles.

Its the daily exposure to how we're failing as a society that burns me out.

Would practice this way if I disliked my job enough not to care about patient complaints and low PG scores. But unfortunately I do care about these things, for now, since HCA cares about them and I want to keep this job for a bit longer. It does get me down that the more insightful of these patients might keep suffering because I candycoat the truth for them, at best.

Do these stoners tend to complain about you? If so, is your director reasonable enough not to care? (I suspect my director would care very much.)

 

[RustedFox]

Would practice this way if I disliked my job enough not to care about patient complaints and low PG scores. But unfortunately I do care about these things, for now, since HCA cares about them and I want to keep this job for a bit longer. It does get me down that the more insightful of these patients might keep suffering because I candycoat the truth for them, at best.

Do these stoners tend to complain about you? If so, is your director reasonable enough not to care? (I suspect my director would care very much.)

If they complain, chart review reveals that I documented that the patient displays "cognitive delay, conjunctival injection, the obvious smell of marijuana smoke, and several bags of empty potato chips".

Then, there's no complaint.