Away from home advice

[fldoctorgirl]

I'll keep this short and sweet. I moved very far from home for med school and my parents left a couple of days ago. I've been freaking out inside since then-- the slightest things keep making me cry (and I don't usually cry easily) and I can't shake the feeling that I made a huge mistake by choosing this school over one 10 minutes away from home.

I know a lot of people are going to read this and not understand, or think I'm pathetic for feeling this way. But, does anyone have any advice on coping with this? I just feel very overwhelmed with sadness and anything could help. I want to be proactive about making myself feel better rather than wallowing in this feeling.

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[NITRAS]

Get plugged in with people. Usually there are social events in the beginning. You could try and find a group of people at a church or other group as well.

 

[676188]

You're not pathetic, you're fortunate that you have such close ties to your family that you miss them like this. I remember when I first moved far enough away at 19 that my parents/grandparents would have to drive all day to get to me if I needed them, I was terrified. What if I got sick, or my car broke down, or my apartment got broken into, etc?

First, you need to take a deep breath, and tell yourself that this too shall pass. Four years of medical school will fly by, and pretty soon you'll be wondering where the time went. Next, if you have a car, drive around and explore your new area a bit. Look for a good coffee shop, grocery store, library...whatever fits your needs and likes. If you're religious, seek out a church, that will give you a sense of community, or an organization you were involved in back home.

Clean up and organize your apartment, meal prep for your first week of classes or orientation...generally keep yourself busy. Buy yourself flowers, or something cool that makes you happy that you can see every day when you come home. Find a gym and start working out. This time is all about you.

 

[workaholic181]

For most of the cycle I thought I would have to move across the country too. A doc I was working for at the time assured me once classes started that homesickness would melt away. I'm assuming you're still in orientation; once things start for real you will be able to focus on your work and that will help a lot.

There were legit reasons you chose this program over the one closer to home. Maybe it would help to write them down. Grass is always greener on the other side. I suspect you're going to really enjoy school once classes start.

 

[sab3156]

I'll keep this short and sweet. I moved very far from home for med school and my parents left a couple of days ago. I've been freaking out inside since then-- the slightest things keep making me cry (and I don't usually cry easily) and I can't shake the feeling that I made a huge mistake by choosing this school over one 10 minutes away from home.

I know a lot of people are going to read this and not understand, or think I'm pathetic for feeling this way. But, does anyone have any advice on coping with this? I just feel very overwhelmed with sadness and anything could help. I want to be proactive about making myself feel better rather than wallowing in this feeling.

In a way, this is good because it will strengthen you and make you more independent. Just make friends among your classmates and stay busy.

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

When I started medical school and I traveled across the country it was tough. I was swimming in self doubt and I was scared. It helped diving immediately into my studies and that distracted me from being alone give or take.

Eventually I made good friends and I was too busy to worry about it all. But I still miss home dearly and it has impacted my decision about what places to apply to for residency for sure.

 

[Goro]

I'll keep this short and sweet. I moved very far from home for med school and my parents left a couple of days ago. I've been freaking out inside since then-- the slightest things keep making me cry (and I don't usually cry easily) and I can't shake the feeling that I made a huge mistake by choosing this school over one 10 minutes away from home.

I know a lot of people are going to read this and not understand, or think I'm pathetic for feeling this way. But, does anyone have any advice on coping with this? I just feel very overwhelmed with sadness and anything could help. I want to be proactive about making myself feel better rather than wallowing in this feeling.

STAY BUSY!!!!

When I went to grad school, it was my first time living away from home. I missed my family terribly.

One broiling summer night, shortly after I moved, I was soaking in our apt's swimming pool. I thought to myself. "This isn't so bad".

So find a pool and go swimming.

Start seeking out your new fellow students. Have pot lucks; meet each other. Go exploring. Any national parks nearby? If so, hit them up!

You'll be fine.

 

[Magus5454]

I made some decent friends my first day of orientation. I also still call my mom every couple of days. It's not easy when shes not 8 minutes away anymore.

 

[rg2o3]

hey!
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time, but remember, it is normal! Just to give a little background, I left home when I was 17 and moved coast to coast. It was hard, it hurt, I felt like I was missing out on so much. Fast forward five years, me coming home, and me realizing that most things were just as I left them! Its hard not to feel like life back home is passing you by, but I can assure you, that for the most part, it is not! It's good to leave and chase your goals. It helps you grow as a person and provides great experiences that some day you can pull from.

I know its not easy, I just left home again, this time for school. It is still hard. I suggest setting a certain time during the week in which you can face-time some of the family. It will also be easier when you meet some people and build a support group in the area. That, coupled with school should be enough to keep you busy and your mind off of it! Stay strong, it will get easier.

 

[DrRedstone]

The best thing I could recommend and that I consistently recommend to incoming first years, find some people who aren't in medicine to connect with. That can be through a church group, sports group, whatever. It is really refreshing to have people to talk to that aren't going through exactly what you are. It breathes life into you and helps you remember that when all is said and done, you get to be a human. I really love spending time with my non-medical friends because we have things to talk about other than school. Granted, I have plenty of people to talk about school with, so I don't lose out on that aspect either.

You aren't weird or weak for feeling the way you do. I almost guarantee you that other people in your class feel exactly the same way but won't ever say it out loud. Invite some other people to go to things with you, even if it's just shopping. It builds friendships, fends off loneliness, and gets you food (the food is important, don't forget to buy it when you shop with people #can'trelate).

 

[Hippocrates II]

I'm not sure if you ever decided on KCU or not, but the first two days I've had in KC have been hard for me as well. I think it'll just be an adjustment period, and it's especially helpful if you can find other people in a similar situation and share in some company with them. I'm sure this feeling will pass for us as we become more acclimated to school. If you are at KC, I would definitely recommend getting involved on the Facebook page as I've met some really nice people here already.

 

[DrMcCoyDO]

I'll keep this short and sweet. I moved very far from home for med school and my parents left a couple of days ago. I've been freaking out inside since then-- the slightest things keep making me cry (and I don't usually cry easily) and I can't shake the feeling that I made a huge mistake by choosing this school over one 10 minutes away from home.

I know a lot of people are going to read this and not understand, or think I'm pathetic for feeling this way. But, does anyone have any advice on coping with this? I just feel very overwhelmed with sadness and anything could help. I want to be proactive about making myself feel better rather than wallowing in this feeling.

I remember the first time I moved away from home. I was pretty damn sad for the first few days until I started to make friends. Actually, for residency, I’ve had to move further from my family (other than my wife who moved with me) than I’ve ever been before. What’s made it an exciting experience rather than a lonely one is that I’ve made friends with the other residents. It’s hard to be lonely when you’re surrounded by people who like you. Reach out to other students who have already moved into the area, grab a beer with them, go putt putting, just get to know each other and start forming your new group of friends.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Thank you for all the responses guys!! I just can't shake the feeling that I made the wrong choice, which I think is the most frustrating part of it all. I feel like I am the one that caused myself all of these emotions because I chose to leave when I could've stayed home, so I feel confused.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I'm not sure if you ever decided on KCU or not, but the first two days I've had in KC have been hard for me as well. I think it'll just be an adjustment period, and it's especially helpful if you can find other people in a similar situation and share in some company with them. I'm sure this feeling will pass for us as we become more acclimated to school. If you are at KC, I would definitely recommend getting involved on the Facebook page as I've met some really nice people here already.

Yep, I'm here in KC!

 

[nofliesonme]

posted advice above is all good.....my intuition tells me when you decided to "move away" rather than stay home, your parents were heartbroken...... but they understood the bittersweet responsibility of being loving parents, that is, to prepare you to spread your wings and live independently .....call them and tell them how much you love them and how much gratitude you have for all they given you....then show them by developing skills, making friends and becoming useful to society...you will make them so happy

 

[SurgDoc95]

Yep, I'm here in KC!

Make sure you go to the social events the school has planned and the ones your classmates are organizing. It’s always scary when you make a big life change like this, but in the end I think you’ll find you made a good decision. We have people from all over the country on the KC campus so it’s very likely you’re not alone in that boat!


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[Magus5454]

Make sure you go to the social events the school has planned and the ones your classmates are organizing. It’s always scary when you make a big life change like this, but in the end I think you’ll find you made a good decision. We have people from all over the country on the KC campus so it’s very likely you’re not alone in that boat!


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This. I had a blast roller skating tonight

 

[RNthenDoc]

Make friends!

Date!

Enjoy what KC has to offer!

Ride the fancy streetcar!

And remember that your parents are a phone call away. Plus... it’s about $200 round trip from the airport there (looked it up for myself although I didn’t end up at KCU).

You’ve got this!

 

[SurgDoc95]

Make friends!

Date!

Enjoy what KC has to offer!

Ride the fancy streetcar!

And remember that your parents are a phone call away. Plus... it’s about $200 round trip from the airport there (looked it up for myself although I didn’t end up at KCU).

You’ve got this!

True! Get the nice loan money next week (hopefully) and use a very small portion to help your mental health out and take a short trip home. (when you don't have an exam/practical that is)

 

[ortnakas]

Go meet people! Like @hippocrates2 sounds like both of you could use a buddy. You’ll always miss your family a bit, but the key for curing homesickness is making your new location feel a bit more like home. Find friends, do things. Even if it takes a while to meet “your people,” you almost definitely won’t meet them by yourself in your apartment: friends build out of acquaintances not thin air. Plus, it’s harder to focus on being homesick if you’re not bored.

 

[Hippocrates II]

Yep, I'm here in KC!

Well, I'm sure you came out here for the same reason many of us did (good curriculum, great match rates/opportunities, etc). Don't lose sight of that as I'm sure your reasons are just as valid now as they were when you made this decision. I think we're pretty lucky to be at what seems to be a pretty great school overall, and our acclimation to the new area will come with time. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to/vent to/whatever.


And remember to treat yourself..... to studying anatomy when the biochemistry is just too much.

 

[Magus5454]

Well, I'm sure you came out here for the same reason many of us did (good curriculum, great match rates/opportunities, etc). Don't lose sight of that as I'm sure your reasons are just as valid now as they were when you made this decision. I think we're pretty lucky to be at what seems to be a pretty great school overall, and our acclimation to the new area will come with time. Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to/vent to/whatever.


And remember to treat yourself..... to studying anatomy when the biochemistry is just too much.

That killed me today when I heard that. Also, see all of you KC folks Friday!

 

[PorkChopsOG]

Best thing to do is get out and meet your classmates. Go to all of the outings, hang out with people who you live near etc. Also, once MCM hits you will be too busy to be homesick and you'll fall into your groove. Keep your head up, make friends, and don't forget to get BBQ from the cafeteria on Thursdays.

 

[BellaWriterChic]

I feel you. I did not move as many miles away, but it is still hard. I moved just south of you (see you Friday KC!) and I drove here alone about a week early. I have been going to every orientation event (event the optional events) and have started to find friends. It has definitely helped to find people when going to events. I know it is hard. I hope you find your people or at least some people soon. Good luck (but you probably don’t need that) and when you need a break from biochemistry, just study anatomy.

 

[fldoctorgirl]

Thank you everyone for the great advice! I just wanted to update this thread in case anyone considering leaving home ever stumbles upon it....

I've been doing much better since posting this thread. I am generally more of an introverted person, but I've been pushing myself to be social and do activities that I maybe wouldn't normally do and I think it's been paying off. I met a nice group of people that I have hung out with outside of school a couple of times and I also made connections with some people not in med school, so I have some non-medicine friends as well. I've been coping much better-- although I do miss my home, I am seeing why I am here more and have planned some small trips home to look forward to.

 

[gensurghopeful]

Change your thinking - think about all the good that will come...

You are going to become a doctor. You are going to learn to be more independent and stronger. You are creating a life.

You'll find your groove soon - cheers!

 

[Magus5454]

Thank you everyone for the great advice! I just wanted to update this thread in case anyone considering leaving home ever stumbles upon it....

I've been doing much better since posting this thread. I am generally more of an introverted person, but I've been pushing myself to be social and do activities that I maybe wouldn't normally do and I think it's been paying off. I met a nice group of people that I have hung out with outside of school a couple of times and I also made connections with some people not in med school, so I have some non-medicine friends as well. I've been coping much better-- although I do miss my home, I am seeing why I am here more and have planned some small trips home to look forward to.

I have been trying the same. I'm at Joplin, I've never been a huge social person, but I've gone to the roller skating, movie night, the welcome to Joplin night, the amazing 6 hour bus ride to spend 2 hours on the KC campus.... I've also gone out of my way to be more social and made some great friends already. I do like that I'm only 4 hours from my home near Little Rock though. It helps knowing that I can get away from a weekend(And what I plan to do this weekend as Friday is a free day!).

Enjoy your white coating!

 

[CyrusHabs7695]

Just wait until football season rolls around and go to some Chiefs games, the atmosphere is crazy there!

 

[Magus5454]

Just wait until football season rolls around and go to some Chiefs games, the atmosphere is crazy there!

I can second this, though I'm not a Chiefs fan

 

[fldoctorgirl]

I have been trying the same. I'm at Joplin, I've never been a huge social person, but I've gone to the roller skating, movie night, the welcome to Joplin night, the amazing 6 hour bus ride to spend 2 hours on the KC campus.... I've also gone out of my way to be more social and made some great friends already. I do like that I'm only 4 hours from my home near Little Rock though. It helps knowing that I can get away from a weekend(And what I plan to do this weekend as Friday is a free day!).

Enjoy your white coating!

Thank you!! Enjoy your trip home

 

[charleskay]

You should make new friends, create a routine for your new environments, exercise regularly and also keep in touch with home.