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Bad/Corny Dental Jokes

Discussion in 'Pre-Dental' started by Mangocat, Jul 8, 2004.

  1. Mangocat

    Mangocat Senior Member
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    I wanted to start a thread for bad/corny dentist jokes because I hear enough from family and friends...so post 'em if you have any. :)
     
  2. Jack Worthing

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    i wanna hear some!
     
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  3. v&andy_yankee

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    numbered for no reason

    1. Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock golf game.

    2. Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.


    top ten signs you need to change dentists:

    10: Directions to the office include: "Turn Onto The Dirt Road."
    9: Your dentist is wearing a pair of pants you gave to the Salvation Army last month.

    8: Your dentist giggles uncontrollably whenever he hears the words "That Hurts!"

    7: All the front keys on your dentist's personal computer are rotted out.

    6: Dental diploma appears to be a warranty from "Black and Decker."

    5: Number #1 on the patient questionnaire is: "Have you ever pressed charges?"

    4: When giving nitrous the patient is assured, "Don't Worry, I Just Tried Some Myself."

    3: When giving a local injection you hear: "Gosh, let's all do a shot!"

    2: Your Christmas bonus includes a free subscription to "Living Cheap Magazine."

    And The Number "One" Sign Is:

    1: Your retirement plan includes a free seed catalog and instructions on how to grow your own food.


    WARNING! dirty jokes, kudos to nursinghumor.com:

    1.A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity.

    2.A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
    "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

    She said, "No?"

    "Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size.

    Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands!

    Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

    But she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he suddenly had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

    The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

    3.One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

    The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

    The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

    A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:

    "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
     
  4. ChantillyLace

    ChantillyLace Member
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    ha ha ha...that's pretty funny! :) :D :laugh:
     
  5. Jack Worthing

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    oooof.. baaaad jokes... i wouldn't tell those around my mother...

    its something special, that dentist's phrase "Open, please". On the one hand, your patients can't talk to you at all when you're probing their mouths. Still, on the other hand, they're really "opening up" to you. And finally you get some mischievously dirty jokes (a la nursinghumor.com)
     
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  6. OP
    OP
    Mangocat

    Mangocat Senior Member
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    This is what I'm talkin' about...Good ones vandy yankee. Here are some of more (warning: they're really cheesy).

    Next time the dentist tells ya to 'Open Wide'
    Ask whether he's talking about your mouth, or your wallet

    What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan?
    One yanks for the roots; the other roots for the Yanks.
     
  7. saman1

    saman1 Member
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    what's the difference between a dentist and a sadist? a dentist has newer maagzines.

    much love to seinfeld
     
  8. musiq

    5+ Year Member

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    3.One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

    The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

    The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

    A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:

    "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

    This was a good Joke. Lovin' it
     
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  9. toothpixie

    toothpixie tutu-licious.
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    :p hey, here's a few more... (titandental.net) enjoy!


    A CORK BOARD at my dentist's office is covered with letters and drawings by his younger patients. One patient decided to write a note of his own. A few days later, smack in the middle of drawings and letters, this note done in green crayon appeared:

    "Dear Dr. Perr,

    Thank you for taking such good care of my teeth. I am already 63 years old and, thanks to you, still have three of my own left.
    I luv you,

    Morton." :thumbup:



    The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen
    made it clear he was in a big hurry.
    "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any
    of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
    "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the
    dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
    Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey." :rolleyes:



    A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair. . .try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth. . .try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker." :laugh:
     
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  10. v&andy_yankee

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    :laugh:
    oh yeah, i'm definitely aiming to add on to my list of baaad dental jokes:

    4. A carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist had a mutual friend
    who was getting married and each was determined to play a
    practical joke on the newlyweds.

    The electrician decided to wire up the marriage bed so that when
    the two bodies touched, they got an electrical shock. The
    carpenter planned to saw partly through the bed frame so that it
    would collapse when the shocked newlyweds jumped apart.

    As the wedding approached, the dentist was still scratching his
    head and trying to come up with something.

    After the honeymoon, the new husband confronted his three friends
    and said, "I didn't mind to much when we got zapped, and we both
    had a good laugh when the bed fell down. But who the hell put
    novicaine in the vaseline?"


    5. A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and
    things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes
    his hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again.

    So the girl tells him: "I bet you're a dentist."

    Surprised he says: "that's correct, how did you know?"

    "You washed your hands a few times, so I figured you're used to
    it." They go on and they have sex.

    Then she says: "you know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very
    good dentist."

    "How can you tell?" he asks.

    "I didn't feel a thing..."
     
  11. OP
    OP
    Mangocat

    Mangocat Senior Member
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    Hahaha I didn't think they'd be dirty but they're pretty funny :laugh:
     
  12. v&andy_yankee

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  13. masterMood

    masterMood Membership Revoked
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    "Hey, what do you call a doctor who failed out of med school?"
    "What?"
    "A dentist."
    - Beth and Jerry, in "The Yada Yada"

    My dad (who is a dentist) found this episode very funny [its the episode where some friend of jerry converts to Judaism and does all the lame Jewish jokes i.e. "my people suffered pain or something 10,000 years ago" and seinfeld is like that was 5000 years ago


    edit the dialogue goes:
    Tim Whatley: "You have no idea what my people have been through."
    Seinfeld: "The Jews?"
    Tim Whatley: "No, the dentists. Did you know we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?"
    Seinfeld: "Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?"
    - Tim Whatley and Jerry, in "The Yada Yada"

    Seinfeld: "I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism purely for the jokes."
    Father Curtis: "And this offends you as a Jewish person?"
    Seinfeld: "No, it offends me as a comedian."
    - Jerry and Father Curtis, in "The Yada Yada"

    Seinfeld: "Kramer, he's just a dentist."
    Cosmo Kramer: "Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite!!!"
    - Jerry and Kramer, in "The Yada Yada"
     
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  14. gryffindor

    Dentist 10+ Year Member

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    These are great! Keep them coming! :D :laugh:
     
  15. weiy01

    weiy01 Junior Member
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    HAHAHA! These are incredibly funny! I want more! It totally makes my day to read these things....
     
  16. Eddie830

    Eddie830 fuggetaboutit
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    Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."



    What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? Having your dentist tell you.
     
  17. JunkintheTrunk

    JunkintheTrunk Blondes are smrt
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    did you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky??


    yeah, from any other state it would have been called the TEETHbrush :laugh:
     
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  18. DDS2BE

    DDS2BE Senior Member
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    WARRNING!!!!!! May not be appropriate for some SDNers​


    A married man woke up, shaved, took a shower and getting ready for the dental appointment. His wife, for some reason, fixed up a delicious breakfast for him. The man starts eating his breakfast and notices his wife acting strange.

    Man: sweetheart? what?s wrong?!!!
    Wife: I?m so horny this morning? lets do it right now?.
    Man: no, sweety, I have a dental appointment in 30 minutes? I don? wanna be late
    Wife: well? let?s do it quick? just give me some oral quickly and go to the dentist

    So the man did his best, comes to the dentist, sits down the dental chair. Dentist asks him to open up his mouth, the guy does and suddenly the dentist screams:
    Oh my god?..!!!
    Man: what??! What is it???!!!!!....... do you see some hair between my teeth?????
    Dentist: No, but you?ve got sh!t all over your beard!!!!!
     
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  19. jk5177

    jk5177 Just Kidding
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    Lol
     
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  20. LissDentist

    LissDentist Junior Member
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    This guy goes to the dentist and finds out he needs a tooth pulled. The dentist said "don't worry, I'll give you a shot and you won't feel a thing". The man said "oh no, I can't have a shot, I'm terrified of shots." The dentist said "okay, thats fine, I can give you some laughing gas and you won't feel a thing". The man said "I can't have laughing gas, it makes me sick." The dentist said he'd be right and he left the room. He came back in and handed the man a pill. The man said "what's this" The dentist said "viagra". The man said "Is that going to numb my tooth?" The dentist said "No, but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull out your tooth!"

    -I love it
     
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  21. DDS2BE

    DDS2BE Senior Member
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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
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  22. capnkirk

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    Not that funny, but I enjoyed it:

    One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, ''Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world.'' Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"

    More Whatever Jokes »
     
  23. supraman

    supraman Boston Celtics
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    lmao i lol'ed to this
     
  24. Heretotalk

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    A: do you know which profession I think is the most respectable?
    B: the president of a country? CEO of a company?

    A: Nope, a dentist.

    B: why?

    A: because he can make a woman when to open and shut her mouth:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
     
  25. PWNISHER

    PWNISHER Roseman c/o 2017
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    Things not to say around patients:

    "oops"

    "I think there is a gas leak"

    Dentist opens a drawer of tools looks at one in particular and mutters under his breathe, "What does this do?"

    I'm sure you all know more....
     
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  26. Frederico Albin

    Frederico Albin Yes thats my bulldog :)
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    lol
     
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  27. Mazmel

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  28. Palmetto914

    Palmetto914 StrangerDanger
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    What award did the dentist of the year get?

    A little plaque!
     
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  29. golf05

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  30. ub40

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    so good.
     

  31. :laugh::laugh::laugh:
     
  32. ItalianPrincess

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    "Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

    haha i love corny jokes :laugh:
     
  33. MrBeans

    MrBeans MrBeans
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    Lol, I wasn't expecting that punch line :laugh::p
     
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  34. LaFleur

    LaFleur All flavor. No bite.
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  35. iluvdentistry

    iluvdentistry Life is good
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    This is for the pre-dental Chem majors.

    What do you call a tooth in a liter of water?

    A 1 molar solution.

    Ah sooo nerdy, but you know you like it ;)
     
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  36. ItalianPrincess

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    :thumbup: never gets old :laugh:
     
  37. peanutb123

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  38. Blue Panther

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  39. Near

    Near Kung Fu Senior Member
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  40. Near

    Near Kung Fu Senior Member
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    What did the dentist see at the North Pole?

    A molar bear!
    [FONT=verdana,helvetica][FONT=verdana,helvetica] ..
     
  41. Munks

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    Definite favorite :thumbup:
     

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