Balancing school with family and work

[BubbleheadVet]

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I was just wondering how many people on here on are in vet programs and have a family (other than just a spouse) and how you've managed to balance both good studying and quality time with the family...
I'm currently finishing up my junior year at the university of washington and my wife and I had our first child back in November...this quarter has definitely been brutal...somehow I managed to pull all A's in biochem, 2 different microbiology courses, and a comparative history course with everything that's been going on... but...I don't think I did a good job of adequately managing my stress...And if I am accepted to vet school (applying for C/O 2017 at Auburn- War Damn Eagle!) I know that we'll probably have another during my first year and the stress isn't going to obviously disappear...Any other parents out there found good ways to manage the stress?

 

[LetItSnow]

I know that we'll probably have another during my first year and the stress isn't going to obviously disappear...Any other parents out there found good ways to manage the stress?

In short: No, I haven't found a good way to manage it. I can tell you there are a few adjustments I've made, but they don't help completely and I'm not entirely successful. Of the other parents in my class, I know it's been hard for them too. Here's some thoughts/suggestions. In spite of the general downer tone, it is doable, and I do love being in school.

First, I've lowered my standards. Do I want A's? Sure. Am I going to get all A's? Not a chance. Heck, I'd even accept a C or two at this point. Maybe you're brighter than me academically (it wouldn't take much), but I've come to the conclusion that for me to have a really stellar GPA would cost me too much. Since I'm not planning an internship/residency, there's little point in chasing a GPA.

Second, plan dates with your spouse well in advance. I bought tickets to Les Miserables and set up babysitting months ago. (And then, I forgot about it - thankfully my babysitting parents checked a few days in advance and reminded me.)

Third, keep reminding yourself of the big picture ("it's only four years, it's only four years"). It's not like life suddenly will become easy-coasting after school, but by all rights it ought to become a little more manageable.

Fourth, do what you can ahead of time so that life is on autopilot. Bills? Autopay. Pets to the vet? Before school starts (so that it's a summertime yearly thing, or a summer/xmas break thing). Christmas shopping? Done during summer. Etc.

Fifth, don't be like me: get your exercise, eat well, and stay in shape. I've failed miserably at this one, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it would help. I am so chronically tired that it's silly. I fall asleep during class. I fall asleep in the lounge at school. I've had a number of days where I've had to stop my drive home and take a nap somewhere because I'm becoming dangerous on the road. I fall asleep after I get home.

I'm sure other people have other suggestions. 🙂

 

[BubbleheadVet]

I've failed pretty miserable at continuing my workouts this quarter for sure...Eventhough we spent the money to get an awesome treadmill and the bowflex select tech dumbbells I still didn't workout...And I definitely didn't diet (wife's appetetite went into overdrive the last 3 weeks so it was all burgers and pizza and pasta)...and then the parents and in-laws flying up and stocking the kitchen with desserts...I have no idea how I can even manage to wear the same clothes anymore but...I've already put in two solid days since the break began 3 days ago and I'll keep it up...I've just always been a 1.5 hour or nothing person so toning it down to just 30 minutes a day just always seem like I'm giving up...******ed right?...Anyways thanks for the advice and I know some things will become a little more feasible if we actually get to go to Auburn...currently I commute anywhere from 4-5 hours a day to and from school and the weather here isn't very conducive to doing anything other than sleeping and getting fat...
As far as the GPA thing is concerned I definitely agree that I'll have to be happy with what I can do but I also want to have the chance to specialize in pathology and I'm not sure how much of a bearing my grades in vet school will have on that. I also plan on applying for the HSPS with the Army and then continuing until retirement with the Army (I already have 6 years active duty and 2.5 years reserve time with the Navy and I ain't gettin no younger so). Anyways thanks for the advice!

 

[Dsmoody23]

I've failed pretty miserable at continuing my workouts this quarter for sure...Eventhough we spent the money to get an awesome treadmill and the bowflex select tech dumbbells I still didn't workout...And I definitely didn't diet (wife's appetetite went into overdrive the last 3 weeks so it was all burgers and pizza and pasta)...and then the parents and in-laws flying up and stocking the kitchen with desserts...I have no idea how I can even manage to wear the same clothes anymore but...I've already put in two solid days since the break began 3 days ago and I'll keep it up...I've just always been a 1.5 hour or nothing person so toning it down to just 30 minutes a day just always seem like I'm giving up...******ed right?...Anyways thanks for the advice and I know some things will become a little more feasible if we actually get to go to Auburn...currently I commute anywhere from 4-5 hours a day to and from school and the weather here isn't very conducive to doing anything other than sleeping and getting fat...
As far as the GPA thing is concerned I definitely agree that I'll have to be happy with what I can do but I also want to have the chance to specialize in pathology and I'm not sure how much of a bearing my grades in vet school will have on that. I also plan on applying for the HSPS with the Army and then continuing until retirement with the Army (I already have 6 years active duty and 2.5 years reserve time with the Navy and I ain't gettin no younger so). Anyways thanks for the advice!

Exercise and diet made a huge difference in my stress level over the last year or two. When I wasn't working out and eating whatever was close to hand, my work ethic suffered.

With work and school and family commitments it's definitely a bitch to try and find an extra 5-10 hours a week for exercise. I resorted to tricking myself with devious traps, mostly.

For instance, I found myself driving right past the gym on a few too many occasions as I was heading home. So... I cancelled my membership and put a weight bench in my basement. Now I have a constant, present reminder of my own laziness, no less than 60 feet away from me, any time I'm home. It's hard to make excuses when the weights are a 15 second walk away.

Another trick: Just do one exercise. If I'm feeling like a lazy slob, I talk myself into doing one set of exercises. Like the old adage, action breeds more action. Most times, it's just starting that defeats me, and that one set turns into an hour or two, once I begin.

Orrrr... get an egg timer and talk yourself into doing 30 minutes. Most times, I ignore the timer once it goes off and keep going. Again, it's usually the 'starting' that's the issue.

As for food, the best rule of thumb is to never be hungry. It's so easy to make horrible food choices when you're hungry. I generally try and force feed myself something small and nutritious at least 6 times a day. That way, I never turn into a ravenous pizza monster who can't be controlled.

Short version: Eat right, exercise as much as you can and you'll be less stressed.

 

[lostbunny]

I was going to chip in about my experience in doing pole dancing classes .... but I think you're all guys here sooo ima just pass on that. 😎

(not saying that guys can't pole dance, but I'm going to make a pre-judgement here and assume that all 3 of you aren't as interested in doing it, as you are in watching it lol. If not, please feel free to message me 🙂 .... and I apologize for pre-judging.)

 

[Dsmoody23]

I was going to chip in about my experience in doing pole dancing classes .... but I think you're all guys here sooo ima just pass on that. 😎

(not saying that guys can't pole dance, but I'm going to make a pre-judgement here and assume that all 3 of you aren't as interested in doing it, as you are in watching it lol. If not, please feel free to message me 🙂 .... and I apologize for pre-judging.)

Your judgement is accurate.

 

[nordicat]

I just pictured Quagmire saying, "Giggity!"

 

[BubbleheadVet]

Never tried "da strippa poll" but I did have an incident once involving a lot of oil and my bath tub...needless to say it took some time to finally get out of there and since then I've stayed away from voyerous exercise enterprises...But definitely thanks for throwing that out there!

 

[cowgirla]

Never tried "da strippa poll" but I did have an incident once involving a lot of oil and my bath tub...needless to say it took some time to finally get out of there and since then I've stayed away from voyerous exercise enterprises...But definitely thanks for throwing that out there!

Oh please, feel free to elaborate. Inquiring minds might be curious ;-)

 

[BubbleheadVet]

I'll save everybody the graphic details - don't want you guys and gals having nightmares- but it was quite possibly one of the most embarassing moments of my life...at least it was only my mom who found me...
Also, do you guys mind giving me advice on what I should really focus on for being a good applicant for vet school in the next 8 months?

 

[cowgirla]

I'll save everybody the graphic details - don't want you guys and gals having nightmares- but it was quite possibly one of the most embarassing moments of my life...at least it was only my mom who found me...
Also, do you guys mind giving me advice on what I should really focus on for being a good applicant for vet school in the next 8 months?

For starters, never too early to start going through school websites and keeping track of requirements- making sure you've meet minimums, have the right prereqs and right number of LORs. Organizing everything might make your life easier, plus you can start budgeting for app costs if needed. Start thinking about those LORs and who's going to write them- the earlier you let them know, hopefully the earlier they'll turn them in! and if in school, keep grades up for a strong last 45, or keep getting experience, etc, etc. if you are really motivated start planning out your personal statement (I was bad and didn't start mine til September)

 

[BubbleheadVet]

How many LORs are we allowed...I understand that most programs want 2 from vets and 1 from a professor but could I also include one from my captain or executive officer in my reserve unit (because I know they would talk extremely highly of my performance and professionalism)?

 

[cowgirla]

How many LORs are we allowed...I understand that most programs want 2 from vets and 1 from a professor but could I also include one from my captain or executive officer in my reserve unit (because I know they would talk extremely highly of my performance and professionalism)?

Depends on the school. Some only require 1 vet. Some require 2. Some schools only look at three LORs but I think you can submit up to five through vmcas. Info should be in school websites

 

[LetItSnow]

How many LORs are we allowed...I understand that most programs want 2 from vets and 1 from a professor but could I also include one from my captain or executive officer in my reserve unit (because I know they would talk extremely highly of my performance and professionalism)?

You should get in touch with a regular poster here (and current first-year student) who goes by armymutt25a. He may have some comments for you regarding HSPS, as well as whether an LOR like that would be useful. (I would presume it would be, but....)

In addition to having military background, he also may have some comments for you regarding the whole 'balance' issue (though if I recall, he doesn't have kids).

Just be patient if you drop him a PM. I can't recall which school he's at, but some of us are in the midst of finals ... so a response might be delayed.

 

[breenie]

Just wanted to chime in that DSM gave great ideas for dieting/exercising.

I've actually exercised the most I ever have in my life during vet school because it's one of the few things that effectively destroys my stress and keeps me from turning into a psycho.

I have to trick myself sometimes. Even if I whine out of going to the gym, you can do push ups on pretty much any floor, and I end up making myself do something. I also splurged $50 on a pass to the classes at the gym, which forces me to go to go enough to make it "worthwhile". Well, and I really love some of the classes. 🙂

 

[vetme]

Hi BubbleheadVet,
Just saw your post and thought I would share my experiences of my first semester of my first year of vet school. I have a family and am not afraid to tell you that it is a hard SOB to balance everything! Mostly I lived at the school during the week and reserved friday evening and Saturday for family time only. That was until after Thanksgiving and then the entire week was spent in the lab and library studying for finals. Of course, I feel like it takes me twice as long to study for something as it does others, but I could be overreacting as well. Prepare to be the most tired of your life. You think you were tired after your baby came home frome the hopital?.....NO you were not, but you are about to be with a baby and vet school! I don't mean to sound all gloomy, but you shold be prepared. I do find that I am more patient with my children, maybe because I don't see them as much, I don't know. And they are always happy to see me and that feels nice. It is important to me to do my best as a student and a parent, but with only one semester under my belt, it is certain that I need practice at being both. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Good luck if you choose a similar path, and take LetItSnow's advice to do everything during breaks and KEEP A PLANNER or you will forget everything!

 

[kaydubs]

:bump: Yes. Totes on board with breenie & Dsmoody23. I, in my year "away", have spent my time cultivating balance, endurance and patience. (My success rate is probably about 50%...) I personally love yoga and meditation (reminds me that, yes, there's always time to breathe) and Pilates. Oh, and dance. And there's always room for exercise - you just need to make an effort with time management.

The world will go out of its way to make you smile. (Yes, those ways may involve pain). But if you don't have regrets, you're in a decent place.🙂

 

[Minnerbelle]

Second, plan dates with your spouse well in advance. I bought tickets to Les Miserables and set up babysitting months ago.

Awwww, that is so incredibly sweet! (but have you seen the SP episode about why men take their women to go see musicals, which are supposedly full of subliminal messages? you should watch it after tomorrow)

 

[LetItSnow]

Awwww, that is so incredibly sweet! (but have you seen the SP episode about why men take their women to go see musicals, which are supposedly full of subliminal messages? you should watch it after tomorrow)

rofl. No, but I will watch it after I'm done with school tomorrow.

 

[karmapple]

I just wanted to chime in and say.... maybe reconsider having another baby first year of vet school. First year is a difficult enough transition already.

I just spent my first quarter of third year with a 3-6 month old infant, and I almost went completely insane and hurled myself off a bridge. I am only slightly exaggerating. And third year is the "easy" year here.

Maybe you will be better at it than I am. Maybe your baby will sleep better than mine (hope so!). And things will be easier on you since you are a man. But still... reconsider the timing. Even an extra year would be helpful.

But if not, well, it can be done. Good luck!

 

[Bisbee]

Personally, I've wanted to be a vet for 20 years, but I'm not because I just knew that I couldn't be the kind of mom that I wanted to be (and was) and the kind of student I wanted to be at the same time. I'm not good at compromise, and so I felt I had no choice but to honor my commitment to my kids first (and believe me, I don't regret it) and put veterinary aspirations aside. I know that many people are doing it and have done it, but I could not (and I admire those who have the personality, fortitude and ability to balance that I do not possess). Kids grow up, though, and so here I am with my dream revived, trying to get there. Anyway, this is just a different point of view I thought I'd put out there to show that everyone may not be able or want to take on the challenges involved in being a parent and vet student at the same time.

 

[katryn]

The biggest thing I've found that helps (irregardless of your family status), is to be intentional about things outside of school. I find it very very easy to get caught up in doing school work and only school work to the point where I don't pay attention to anything else. So I intentionally set aside time for my spouse everyday. When he comes home, we decide what we want to do that night and when we want to do it. He then has the right to come stop me in the middle of whatever I'm studying and it's his time for awhile. You could probably do this just as easily with a full family.

My grades have probably suffered a little bit as a result, but I'm not out for perfect grades, so the sacrifice is well worth knowing that my family has a better chance to come through happy and intact than if I ignored them all the time.

Don't know if this would work with older kids, but one of my classmate's has a young toddler who more than anything just wants to here her talk to him. So she "teaches" him whatever material she's studying.

 

[PppermintTwist]

Personally, I've wanted to be a vet for 20 years, but I'm not because I just knew that I couldn't be the kind of mom that I wanted to be (and was) and the kind of student I wanted to be at the same time. I'm not good at compromise, and so I felt I had no choice but to honor my commitment to my kids first (and believe me, I don't regret it) and put veterinary aspirations aside. I know that many people are doing it and have done it, but I could not (and I admire those who have the personality, fortitude and ability to balance that I do not possess). Kids grow up, though, and so here I am with my dream revived, trying to get there. Anyway, this is just a different point of view I thought I'd put out there to show that everyone may not be able or want to take on the challenges involved in being a parent and vet student at the same time.

Can I be nosy and ask how old you are now going back to school after the kids are older? Im 26 (female ), been with my fiance 3 years and getting married in February. We both definately want kids, and he'd be very supportive and helpful with raising them, but I also dont want to miss out on the little kid years while my nose is stuck in a book. How old were the kids when you went back to school?

 

[Bisbee]

I'm in my early 50's now.

 

[squirrelsrule]

Personally, I've wanted to be a vet for 20 years, but I'm not because I just knew that I couldn't be the kind of mom that I wanted to be (and was) and the kind of student I wanted to be at the same time. I'm not good at compromise, and so I felt I had no choice but to honor my commitment to my kids first (and believe me, I don't regret it) and put veterinary aspirations aside. I know that many people are doing it and have done it, but I could not (and I admire those who have the personality, fortitude and ability to balance that I do not possess). Kids grow up, though, and so here I am with my dream revived, trying to get there. Anyway, this is just a different point of view I thought I'd put out there to show that everyone may not be able or want to take on the challenges involved in being a parent and vet student at the same time.

Sounds like you made a compromise to me and a very good ones. You will get the best of both worlds, get to spend your time with the kids growing up and then get to pursue your other dream of being a vet 👍

 

[K9DANE]

.

 

[jradjsb]

I returned to school after I got married then we had our first child. He's now 17 m/o and I just applied for c/o 2016 while maintaining a full time job in a hospital. We also plan on having another one in the next year or so depending on if I get accepted. I will say that my application reflects being a parent. My gpa is a 3.2 and my volunteer experience is less than I want it to be, but I wouldn't trade the time I spend with my family for a 4.0 or thousands of volunteer hours. I work night shifts and weekends and often stay awake for 24-30 hours straight. I do howmework or study whenever I get a chance like at work or when my son sleeps. I only volunteer a couple of days a week during the summer. I don't ignore my family for school. When I am home I am a father and husband until everyone is in bed then I pull all-nighters studying. It is exhausting, but family comes first. I have found that making note cards during nap time helps me to streamline my studying when I have an upcoming exam instead of going over all of my notes. Then I envolve my wife in studying by having her quiz me on my cards. Not the perfect date, but at least she isn't being ignored.