every situation IS different. but my two cents are...if theyre not in medicine, they wont understand why you're "cramming" for an exam two weeks ahead of time, why your gen surgery rotation requires you to be in the hospital 36 hours in a row, and why, when you get back home, all you want to do is sleep
it can work, but they have to be very very understanding, and even though everyone says "my girl/guy is"...its a rarity
then again i also heard from someone that even tho the divorce rate for doctors is high, its even higher if they are two docs married to each other. not sure if that's true or not.
so my theory goes out the window if that is indeed true.
btw...i've seen some places quote neurosurgery's divorce rate as high as 90%! comments?
Here is an interesting article that attempts to cover a lot of ground (including physician divorce) and states that physicians are 10 to 20% more likely to divorce than the general population and even when they don't, they tend to have unhappier marriages for a variety of obvious and perhaps non-obvious reasons.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/410643_2 (the article actually starts on the "previous" page.
A more recent article here is more to the point (this is a Canadian article but also reports U.S. stats):
http://www.nationalreviewofmedicine.com/issue/2006/03_15/3_physicians_life02_05.html
DOCS MARRIED TO DOCS
A 1999 survey of US docs found 22% of male physicians were married to another working physician. A 2002 study looking at dual physician marriages found they have a relatively low divorce rate of 11%. "They're a happily married cohort," says Dr Sotile. "They're more compassionate about the passion for the career — they understand the calling because they share it."
Nevertheless, every medical marriage has to have a stress absorber. Usually this role is filled by the non-physician in the marriage. "One MD might have to choose not to take their first choice speciality," he says. "This is tough — they'll get no support from their families, so these marriages can start off with strain." On the upside, two-physician marriages tend to learn to be more flexible, and Dr Sotile found docs married to docs tend to work slightly shorter hours.
(skipping up) ...
ANGRY YOUNG MEN
Dr Sotile says easily the most angry and disgruntled group he's encountered is young men married to physicians. "This was a real surprise to us," he says. "We're still dealing with old horrid wiring about sex roles." The message he hears over and over from these young men is "if my masculinity's not being honoured, I get angry." Take this angry post on the website MedicalSpouse.com from Matt, a SAHD (stay-at-home dad) married to a pediatrician: "So, DW [dear wife] is now off on her third conference. The boys and I get to stay at home. She's 'roughing it' in the Colorado Mtns. She had to go and get the required CME credits, but please.... she's going on a sleigh ride, pulled by draft horses to a secluded cabin in the resort, fed a magnificent meal, FREE DRINKS, and hot chocolate.... how romantic." Wives on the site express these sentiments too but are much more resigned.
(skipping up still further) ...
Over the years they've discovered that medical marriages don't break down for the reason you'd assume. "More than the hours worked, what determines levels of stress is the physician's mood when they get home," says Dr Sotile emphatically. "Are they too tired to participate in family life? Are they irritated or worried about work?" He says many doctors make the fatal mistake of "wearing the sack cloth and ashes all the time," but not showing compassion to their own families. "They'll say, 'I'm dealing with life or death issues here — of course I can't go to Joe's baseball game.'"
MD DIVORCE STATS
A growing number of studies have delved into physician divorce. There are wide variations depending on sex and speciality. According to a 1997 US study, psychiatrists have the highest rate at around 50%; surgeons are next at 33%; the profession as a whole has a divorce rate of 29%. The study found an elevated divorce rate among female physicians and those who married while still in med school.
A 2003 study by Dr Gail Robinson of the Toronto General Hospital into stresses faced by women doctors found that "rates of successful suicide and divorce are much higher" than in the general public.
Here is another reference to the 1997 US study:
http://www.scienceblog.com/community/older/1997/A/199700590.html
Over 30 years of follow-up, the divorce rate was 51 percent for psychiatrists, 33 percent for surgeons, 24 percent for internists, 22 percent for pediatricians and pathologists, and 31 percent for other specialties. The overall divorce rate was 29 percent after three decades of follow-up and 32 percent after nearly four decades of follow-up.
Physicians who married before medical school graduation had a higher divorce rate than those who waited until after graduation (33 percent versus 23 percent). The year of first marriage was linked with divorce rates: 11 percent for marriages before 1953, 17 percent for those from 1953 to 1957, 24 percent for those from 1958 to 1962 and 21 percent for those after 1962. Those who had a parent die before medical school graduation had a lower divorce rate.
Female physicians had a higher divorce rate (37 percent) than their male colleagues (28 percent). Physicians who were members of an academic honor society in medical school had a lower divorce rate, although there was no difference in divorce rates according to class rank. Religious affiliation, being an only child, having a parent who was a physician and having a divorced parent were not associated with divorce rates.
Physicians who reported themselves to be less emotionally close to their parents and who expressed more anger under stress also had a significantly higher divorce rate, but anxiety and depression levels were not associated with divorce rate.
"Healthy marriages have deep affection, compatibility, expressiveness and conflict resolution, so the higher risk of divorce in those less emotionally close to their parents could be telling," says Klag. "Feeling distant from your parents may indicate a decreased ability to form an intimate relationship with your spouse. Also, marriage after medical school may allow the relationship to develop in a less stressful environment."
