Can anyone review my cover letter for shadowing?

[Fishey]

I have written a draft for my cover letter for shadowing! I know it is not perfect so I would highly appreciate it if anyone can go over it and tell me how I can improve. I am going to blank out personal information. Thank you! 🙂

My name is ______ and I am currently a second year student at ______. I am pursuing a bachelor's degree in biology with a concentration in cell biology, molecular biology, and physiology. I am also earning a minor in French. With my bachelor's degree, I am pursuing career in veterinary medicine where I have taken a particular interest in small animal emergency medicine and exotic/zoo medicine. I am writing about my interest in observing you go about your typical day. After taking my Syrian hamster to ______ to have her treated for congestive heart failure, I knew that this veterinary hospital would be a great place for me to gain knowledge first hand in the veterinary medical field.

My curriculum comprised of demanding courses such as a course focusing on the diversity of species on Earth, the function of traits that distinguish them from one another, and the evolution of major morphological traits and another course focusing on genetics, evolution, and ecology has assisted me to gain and stimulate my interest for the sciences. I have volunteered at dog shelters, handled exotic animals, and I also have experience in research for the conservation of Western Pond turtles at ______. Although I have some background and knowledge about working with a variety of animals, I still have much to learn about the medical field.

I know that I am asking quite a bit, but I would be extremely grateful if you allowed me to observe you for a day as you go about your usual schedule. I am confident that my background and knowledge in the sciences accompanied with my strong desire to learn and gain veterinary medical experience will help me to gain insight into what it is like to be a veterinarian while shadowing one.

Thank you very much for taking the time to consider my request. If you have any questions, feel free to call or e-mail me. I have attached my resume to this letter and I hope to hear from you soon.

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[EngrSC]

My name is ______ and I am currently a second year student at ______. I am pursuing a bachelor's degree in biology with a concentration in cell biology, molecular biology, and physiology. I am also earning a minor in French. With my bachelor's degree, I am pursuing a veterinary career where I have taken a particular interest in small animal emergency and exotic/zoo medicine. I am writing about my interest in observing you go about your typical day. After taking my Syrian hamster to ______ to have her treated for congestive heart failure, I knew that this veterinary hospital would be a great place for me to gain knowledge first hand in the veterinary medical field.

My curriculum included several demanding courses that stimulated my interest for the sciences. One of those courses focused on the diversity of species on Earth, the function of traits that distinguish them from one another, and the evolution of major morphological traits. Another course focused on genetics, evolution, and ecology. I have volunteered at dog shelters, handled exotic animals, and I also have experience in research for the conservation of Western Pond turtles at ______. Although I have some background and knowledge about working with a variety of animals, I still have much to learn about the medical field.

I know that I am asking quite a bit, but I would be extremely grateful if you allowed me to observe you for a day as you go about your usual schedule. I am confident that my background and knowledge in the sciences accompanied with my strong desire to learn and gain veterinary medical experience will help me to gain insight into what it is like to be a veterinarian while shadowing one.

Thank you very much for taking the time to consider my request. If you have any questions, feel free to call or e-mail me. I have attached my resume to this letter and I hope to hear from you soon.

 

[Fishey]

Thanks EngerSC! I really appreciate your feedback!

 

[bunnity]

I would make it shorter... just hit the highlights -- college bio major, want to be a vet, took my hamster here and liked it, your animal experience. No need to get into coursework as it's not super relevant to a vet office. I would majorly condense the first two paragraphs into one and then keep the last two as they are.

Good luck 🙂

 

[EngrSC]

Good luck! I think you have the right approach.

And it definitely couldn't hurt to shorten like bunnity suggested 🙂

 

[Minnerbelle]

I would also state your intentions up front in the beginning right after a short intro that condenses a lot of what you said in your first paragraph (or at least that's what I've been told to do). So I like start off with something like "My name is Minnerbelle Catlover, and I am a sophomore biology major at Catlady College interested in pursuing a career in veterinary medicine. Then BAM! Very clearly and concisely drop your intention in a nice and respectful way.

That way, you can spend the next paragraph or two saying why you want what you want (love your hamster story), and why you are qualified for the position and what you have to offer. So include your past experiences about shelter volunteering, exotics handling and turtle research. I would maybe have 1 sentence for each (esp the shelter and exotics) and expand on it. What did you do at the shelter? Did you walk dogs, train them, adoption counsel, give meds? What exotics have you handled, and to what extent? What species have you had as pets? What kinds of handling have you done with others? What handling techniques/procedures are you comfortable doing if any? For your research, I'd keep it short and sweet because frankly the vet prob won't care, but include if you did anything hands on with the turtles (esp if it involved diagnostics or procedures of some kind). Unless you took classes that gave you knowledge/skills that are directly relevant (unfortunately I don't think introductory evolution and ecology classes are), leave full titles and descriptions out. I would put in titles/descriptions if you've taken something like comparative anatomy or physiology, or animal handling classes though. Instead, I would just say something like "I believe that my intensive (or extensive if you've taken lots) coursework in biology has provided me a broad knowledge base that will -------". But beyond that i might also put in a blurb about your good attributes that might benefit them like hardworking, detail oriented, team player, etc... esp if you're not at a point in your life to have an extensive resume.

Then maybe put in a more specific blurb about what you are looking for, and your availabilities.

I also like to end short and sweet like you did. "Thank you for your time and consideration. Attached is my resume for your review. I am also happy to provide references on request (business gurus will say it's better to just list the references and contact info... But I don't think it's necessary in this case). Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Thanks again, and I hope to hear from you soon." Or something like that.

One last thing, I think it helps to make yourself look professional with correct heading, format, etc... You can always find those online.