Can med school punish me for something I did before I became a student???

[CarlosKleiber]

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Hi there - long time forum lurker here that is now in a bit of dilemma lately..


I had an ugly fight and broke up with my girlfriend - this happened in January BEFORE I was even accepted to medical school. I found out she cheated on me - and I sent her numerous texts bashing her and calling her names - but nothing threatening. Now I found out she is also coming to the same campus to start graduate studies. I am now paranoid that since we go to the same school - she can file complaints against me such as sexual harassment and get me in heaps of trouble. So - can medical school punish or discipline me based on something unethical - but not illegal - I did BEFORE I enrolled as a student??

Thanks for Y'all's opinion.

 

[JP2740]

No lol but you should be in no contact w her too.

 

[TXKnight]

Hi there - long time forum lurker here that is now in a bit of dilemma lately..


I had an ugly fight and broke up with my girlfriend - this happened in January BEFORE I was even accepted to medical school. I found out she cheated on me - and I sent her numerous texts bashing her and calling her names - but nothing threatening. Now I found out she is also coming to the same campus to start graduate studies. I am now paranoid that since we go to the same school - she can file complaints against me such as sexual harassment and get me in heaps of trouble. So - can medical school punish or discipline me based on something unethical - but not illegal - I did BEFORE I enrolled as a student??

Thanks for Y'all's opinion.

I would not worry about it. It may be uncomfortable knowing she is around somewhere on campus, but other than that I doubt you can get in any trouble whatsoever. Maybe, since it was a nasty breakup you are still a little psyched about it? She can say whatever, but she needs to prove it. Plus, she should have filed some lawsuit or something long time ago if it was to be taken seriously.....Much ado about nothing

 

[evilbooyaa]

I understand your paranoia, as women be crazy sometimes, but you're probably fine. They've accepted you. Unless you start harassing/rape/murder her now, you'll be OK. In general, I would recommend not maintaining contact with her if both of your feelings are still of severe ill-will towards each other. Generally time will soften most anger, but if you still hold deep resentment (or think she might hold it) then avoid her completely.

 

[CarlosKleiber]

I would not worry about it. It may be uncomfortable knowing she is around somewhere on campus, but other than that I doubt you can get in any trouble whatsoever. Maybe, since it was a nasty breakup you are still a little psyched about it? She can say whatever, but she needs to prove it. Plus, she should have filed some lawsuit or something long time ago if it was to be taken seriously.....Much ado about nothing

She does have proof - I sent her text messages, e-mails, and chats with very vulgar and abusive language after I had heard from a trusted friend that she cheated on me with another guy. I am just worried about her showing the evidence to the medical school student conduct committee and getting me in trouble....

 

[TXKnight]

She does have proof - I sent her text messages, e-mails, and chats with very vulgar and abusive language after I had heard from a trusted friend that she cheated on me with another guy. I am just worried about her showing the evidence to the medical school student conduct committee and getting me in trouble....

Well, I'm sure they have heard worse. Abusive language in your private life should not be their concern, and if it is then they should try to control her cheating too, that's worse than any word you could have said to her. I am not in med school yet, but I doubt any school would do anything about that, unless you go to Loma Linda?

 

[cbrons]

She does have proof - I sent her text messages, e-mails, and chats with very vulgar and abusive language after I had heard from a trusted friend that she cheated on me with another guy. I am just worried about her showing the evidence to the medical school student conduct committee and getting me in trouble....

You should make sure you have absolutely no contact with her moving forward. If she tries to contact you, you should ignore her. If she persists, block her number and maybe ask student legal services to file for a restraining order (email them the request, create lots of documentation). The best defense is offense my friend.

 

[deleted480308]

remember, remember, the rescindment of november...

(schools have the power, just keep your nose clean and keep away from women if you can't play nice)

 

[oncology2020]

yes they can, especially if you make the mistake of contacting her now that she's also a student at the same university..you need to be EXTRA careful and whatever you do, do NOT contact her..do NOT reply to her messages if she tries to reach out to you..they're many girls out there and if she did in fact cheat on you then you should feel fortunate that you found out earlier rather than later so forget her..not trying to make you paranoid but we do live in an era where every little thing can come back to bite you so just be smart, protect yourself and don't ruin your future

 

[Akali]

I would also like to emphasize that you seriously cut all contact with her and do your best to never see her/talk to her again in any way shape or form. Don't even try to be friends with her or anything like that.

If you keep doing that crap as a med student and someone reports it to the admin, then you might actually get into a little bit of trouble with the ethics/professionalism committee.

 

[Cali2]

You might also want to consider why you behaved in a way you now find so shameful. If it is part of a pattern then you should seek help.

 

[CarlosKleiber]

yes they can, especially if you make the mistake of contacting her now that she's also a student at the same university..you need to be EXTRA careful and whatever you do, do NOT contact her..do NOT reply to her messages if she tries to reach out to you..they're many girls out there and if she did in fact cheat on you then you should feel fortunate that you found out earlier rather than later so forget her..not trying to make you paranoid but we do live in an era where every little thing can come back to bite you so just be smart, protect yourself and don't ruin your future

I am definitely going to be EXTRA careful to not make ANY contact with her whatsoever. I guess the reason I messaged her the way I did was that I was just so angry at being cheated on after giving so much to her. If she does indeed contact the university and try to ruin my future...what kind of punishment can I possibly receive? I just basically called her a whole bunch of names involving swear words...

 

[CarlosKleiber]

You might also want to consider why you behaved in a way you now find so shameful. If it is part of a pattern then you should seek help.

It is not a pattern! I was furious after I found out that she had cheated on me after I had given her so much....like paying $2000 for a vacation together, helped her with a down payment to a new vehicle (800$), and realizing she just used me for all that...

 

[Anastomoses]

She does have proof - I sent her text messages, e-mails, and chats with very vulgar and abusive language after I had heard from a trusted friend that she cheated on me with another guy. I am just worried about her showing the evidence to the medical school student conduct committee and getting me in trouble....

I understand your paranoia, as women be crazy sometimes, but you're probably fine.

yeah. um...the woman is crazy in this story. ::cough:: reality check.

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

remember, remember, the rescindment of november...

(schools have the power, just keep your nose clean and keep away from women if you can't play nice)

That situation is nothing like this one

 

[JP2740]

I am definitely going to be EXTRA careful to not make ANY contact with her whatsoever. I guess the reason I messaged her the way I did was that I was just so angry at being cheated on after giving so much to her. If she does indeed contact the university and try to ruin my future...what kind of punishment can I possibly receive? I just basically called her a whole bunch of names involving swear words...

When did this happen?

You're fine man, she's probably not smart enough to even do this.

And if you honestly contacted this girl after you blasted her, you're an idiot. She cheated on you. She's nothing anymore. Delete all her contact info. There should be no way for you to contact her.

 

[CarlosKleiber]

When did this happen?

You're fine man, she's probably not smart enough to even do this.

And if you honestly contacted this girl after you blasted her, you're an idiot. She cheated on you. She's nothing anymore. Delete all her contact info. There should be no way for you to contact her.

Please read my original post - this all happened in January BEFORE I got even accepted to med school. But now I am paranoid because I found out she is coming to the same school as a grad student.

 

[thefritz]

Hi there - long time forum lurker here that is now in a bit of dilemma lately..


I had an ugly fight and broke up with my girlfriend - this happened in January BEFORE I was even accepted to medical school. I found out she cheated on me - and I sent her numerous texts bashing her and calling her names - but nothing threatening. Now I found out she is also coming to the same campus to start graduate studies. I am now paranoid that since we go to the same school - she can file complaints against me such as sexual harassment and get me in heaps of trouble. So - can medical school punish or discipline me based on something unethical - but not illegal - I did BEFORE I enrolled as a student??

Thanks for Y'all's opinion.

This sounds fishy. People get in fights and call each other names all the time. A psycho ex girlfriend calling up your med school and telling them you cheated on your mcat or something has probably happened before and she won't be taken seriously.

Unless you physically abused your girlfriend and she has proof of this, you're not going to have any problems with your school. Even if you did punch her, I don't think you're going to get kicked out of school for this unless you do it again while you're a student and are convicted. In regards to her actively trying to damage your reputation with stuff that happened a long time ago, most people aren't that that vengeful and you are probably paranoid. I would avoid her at all costs, and if you can't, bury the hatchet.

The story, as you tell it, has her going out on you. If anybody should be worried about an ex damaging reputations, it should be her. That's why it sounds fishy.

 

[thefritz]

She does have proof - I sent her text messages, e-mails, and chats with very vulgar and abusive language after I had heard from a trusted friend that she cheated on me with another guy. I am just worried about her showing the evidence to the medical school student conduct committee and getting me in trouble....

This is not a crime. Even if she brings copies of the stuff to the med school, they won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. She could have easily fabricated it, and if they were high and mighty enough to try and kick you out for that, any lawyer would take your case. You sure text messages are all that you did to her? If so, forget about it.

 

[thefritz]

then you might actually get into a little bit of trouble with the ethics/professionalism committee.

what 'professionalism committee?' oh please...

 

[CaptainSSO]

///

 

[Akali]

what 'professionalism committee?' oh please...

At my school we have such a committee and they bust people for things every year. The punishment is usually like a bad note on your Dean's letter. They seem to take it pretty seriously at my school, always talking about it.

 

[thefritz]

At my school we have such a committee and they bust people for things every year. The punishment is usually like a bad note on your Dean's letter. They seem to take it pretty seriously at my school, always talking about it.

For stuff that does not occur at the school or hospital and does not involve law enforcement?

 

[Akali]

For stuff that does not occur at the school or hospital and does not involve law enforcement?

I've heard of them convening over cases of sexual harassment, but yeah, they're probably mostly, if not all, between students or people in the hospital/med school.

 

[SpecterGT260]

You might also want to consider why you behaved in a way you now find so shameful. If it is part of a pattern then you should seek help.

Go sit in the corner please....


OP the other guys have it right. Breakups are often ugly and most people do or say things they wish they hadn't. IF she still has 8 month old texts and IF she decides to rat you out, just call it what it is. Tell the school (only if asked) that you responded inappropriately to an act of infidelity and it won't happen again. In the mean time, don't try to drunk text her for booty on the weekends and you'll be fine.

 

[oncology2020]

I am definitely going to be EXTRA careful to not make ANY contact with her whatsoever. I guess the reason I messaged her the way I did was that I was just so angry at being cheated on after giving so much to her. If she does indeed contact the university and try to ruin my future...what kind of punishment can I possibly receive? I just basically called her a whole bunch of names involving swear words...

you have nothing to worry about as long as you don't contact her again..my point was that you should be extra careful now that she's a student at your university because the university now actually has the authority to "punish" you if you "harass" her in any way including sending any more profanity-laced text messages as you had done before

 

[NCOldie]

I suppose it depends on what state you live in, but in NC, what you did IS a crime and would potentially be considered cyber stalking/harassment.

I just wanted to point that out since most people are claiming this isn't a crime. You may want to check with your state laws.
It's just a really bad idea, generally, to do what you did in the first place, though. lol

 

[Anastomoses]

let's see. she obviously broke up with you. then you found out she cheated. then you bitched her out and she didn't bother with you. my guess is this girl wants nothing to do with you... and you almost hope she still gives a bleep. that's on the mark, hm?
like creating this fantasy that still ties you together. it's over. she's got nothing on you. let go.

 

[Status Sciaticus]

It is not a pattern! I was furious after I found out that she had cheated on me after I had given her so much....like paying $2000 for a vacation together, helped her with a down payment to a new vehicle (800$), and realizing she just used me for all that...

Did you get your money back or atleast ask for it?

 

[Rendar5]

Did you get your money back or atleast ask for it?

😱umm...a gift once given cannot be taken back =p well it can, just makes you look like more of a douche though.

 

[evilbooyaa]

yeah. um...the woman is crazy in this story. ::cough:: reality check.

Please re-read the post.

I said that sometimes, women be crazy. I was insinuating that this was NOT one of those times, since I stated he is probably fine, and that his ex-gf is likely not crazy enough to pull something.

If the next thing you get defensive about is "women be crazy sometimes" then I have nothing more to say to you.

 

[LiveLoveLearn]

This seems like a kind of ridiculous fear. If u really just called her a bunch of names (vulgar or otherwise), I don't see how/why a medical school would take any action. Most people say hurtful things to other people in their personal lives. If you threatened her, that could be a different story.

Also, there is a big difference in a school rescinding an offer and kicking out a student that already started. It is in their best interest that you graduate, so they aren't going to kick anyone out for petty, non-criminal actions like this.

 

[TheWeeIceMan]

Just stop contacting her and you'll be fine. If you must do something, nail one of her friends.

 

[jerseytrash]

You both behaved unprofessionally in this instance; agreed with everyone saying stop contacting her and break off all communication. If you encounter her at the school ignore her and go on about your business.

 

[Status Sciaticus]

😱umm...a gift once given cannot be taken back =p well it can, just makes you look like more of a douche though.

I was thinking that the $800 he paid for her car might be an IOU or him spotting her since she didnt have the cash.

He might look like a douche to HER, but since they are broken up, I dont think he cares what she thinks..

 

[Anastomoses]

Please re-read the post.

I said that sometimes, women be crazy. I was insinuating that this was NOT one of those times, since I stated he is probably fine, and that his ex-gf is likely not crazy enough to pull something.

If the next thing you get defensive about is "women be crazy sometimes" then I have nothing more to say to you.

the obvious remark in this situation is to point out that men be crazy...not women. And you can stop talking to me whenever it suits you.

 

[Anastomoses]

Just stop contacting her and you'll be fine. If you must do something, nail one of her friends.

Could you explain the logic on this?

Girl doesn't give a flip about guy. Nailing her friend is supposed to do...um...what other than make him look more pathetically like a hanger-on?

 

[evilbooyaa]

the obvious remark in this situation is to point out that men be crazy...not women. And you can stop talking to me whenever it suits you.

I don't think it is 'crazy' for a man to bitch out an ex-gf after finding out she has cheated on him. I imagine if you found out your boyfriend (or recent ex-bf) was cheating on you, you'd say something as well.

Now he's concerned she's going to screw him over for the rest of his life with that knowledge. Which women have done before, very publicly. Which is why I made that comment.

Plz be more defensive about this.

 

[jerseytrash]

I don't think it is 'crazy' for a man to bitch out an ex-gf after finding out she has cheated on him. I imagine if you found out your boyfriend (or recent ex-bf) was cheating on you, you'd say something as well.

Now he's concerned she's going to screw him over for the rest of his life with that knowledge. Which women have done before, very publicly. Which is why I made that comment.

Plz be more defensive about this.

Crazy, certainly not. A bit immature, sure. But I would be pissed if I were in the same situation too so who knows

 

[Anastomoses]

I don't think it is 'crazy' for a man to bitch out an ex-gf after finding out she has cheated on him. I imagine if you found out your boyfriend (or recent ex-bf) was cheating on you, you'd say something as well.

Now he's concerned she's going to screw him over for the rest of his life with that knowledge. Which women have done before, very publicly. Which is why I made that comment.

Plz be more defensive about this.

You keep calling me defensive. I'm not sure this word means what you think it means lol. I'm not feeling at all defensive. Pointing out some clear bias.

As for me, no...I can't see calling up an ex who didn't want me and making myself sound like a twit by exploding in anger. People do this outside of Jerry Springer? I'm not saying he's crazy...but out of the two of them, he's my call.

 

[thefritz]

I don't think it is 'crazy' for a man to bitch out an ex-gf after finding out she has cheated on him. I imagine if you found out your boyfriend (or recent ex-bf) was cheating on you, you'd say something as well.

Now he's concerned she's going to screw him over for the rest of his life with that knowledge. Which women have done before, very publicly. Which is why I made that comment.

Plz be more defensive about this.

Bull****. She can't do anything to him. So much worse stuff goes on in med school. Drunk driving, using drugs, selling drugs, prostitution, etc. All this stuff happens off the clock and few people know about it. A text message flame war is nothing. Psycho ex girlfriends pasting your picture all over town happens. It's not a big deal. If the girl goes psycho and is hot, it will actually probably play into his favor. Nothing attracts girls to a guy like a super hot ex-gf publicly losing her **** and the guy keeping his cool.

 

[TheWeeIceMan]

Could you explain the logic on this?

Girl doesn't give a flip about guy. Nailing her friend is supposed to do...um...what other than make him look more pathetically like a hanger-on?

The logic is that it is a joke.

 

[Status Sciaticus]

Could you explain the logic on this?

Girl doesn't give a flip about guy. Nailing her friend is supposed to do...um...what other than make him look more pathetically like a hanger-on?

Yes, the logic is that he gets to have sex with one more girl that he previously didnt think about having sex with. Maybe her friend is hotter than the ex.

I don't think it is 'crazy' for a man to bitch out an ex-gf after finding out she has cheated on him. I imagine if you found out your boyfriend (or recent ex-bf) was cheating on you, you'd say something as well.

Now he's concerned she's going to screw him over for the rest of his life with that knowledge. Which women have done before, very publicly. Which is why I made that comment.

Plz be more defensive about this.

👍👍
When a girl gets cheated on, it gets posted on facebook, twitter, instagram. There are sad status updates every 3 hours and she never trusts men again...

Atleast the guy is on an anonymous forum versus publicly creating drama like his counterpart girls who need attention and people to feel sorry for her.

Bull****. She can't do anything to him. So much worse stuff goes on in med school. Drunk driving, using drugs, selling drugs, prostitution, etc. All this stuff happens off the clock and few people know about it. A text message flame war is nothing. Psycho ex girlfriends pasting your picture all over town happens. It's not a big deal. If the girl goes psycho and is hot, it will actually probably play into his favor. Nothing attracts girls to a guy like a super hot ex-gf publicly losing her **** and the guy keeping his cool.

I knew about the first three, but the fourth one?! 😱

 

[Southplains]

You keep calling me defensive. I'm not sure this word means what you think it means lol. I'm not feeling at all defensive. Pointing out some clear bias.

As for me, no...I can't see calling up an ex who didn't want me and making myself sound like a twit by exploding in anger. People do this outside of Jerry Springer? I'm not saying he's crazy...but out of the two of them, he's my call.

You sound defensive, of women being called crazy. This isn't about gender though, infidelity sucks, I imagine it would be really hard on the other person. People be crazy.

 

[tantacles]

To answer your points, there is little to nothing a medical school can or would want to do given that the facts you've laid out up to this point are true. Swearing at someone is not a crime, and I guarantee you that your medical school will not care.

That being said, be very careful with the way you interact with people in the future. Being bitchy is just fine (I'm living proof of that), but I guarantee that your medical school would not be thrilled if you show any kind of hint that you might have anger or violence issues. Note that you don't need to strike someone for people to fear you; you simply need to make people think you might lash out at anyone, verbally or physically.

As some others have said before, if this is a recurrent problem, seek some counseling. That doctor-patient privilege will give you a good outlet.

 

[thefritz]

I knew about the first three, but the fourth one?! 😱

To be fair, it was the hiring of multiple prostitutes by a senior med student in a foreign country under the influence of cocaine. Who knows maybe he made it up, I wasn't there. A couple of other rumored craigslist transactions come to mind. Whether or not that matters, I don't know. It's an equally deplorable crime whether you're buying or selling. I am sure both go on.

 

[thefritz]

but I guarantee that your medical school would not be thrilled if you show any kind of hint that you might have anger or violence issues. Note that you don't need to strike someone for people to fear you; you simply need to make people think you might lash out at anyone, verbally or physically.

This.

The medico-academic world is effeminate. Deviant behavior is more tolerated if it is not angry behavior. Whining and being catty/talking trash about coworkers every other minute is fine. Getting frustrated and throwing something is not. If you take a cross section of med students, you'd find very few violent men compared to the general population. In general, there's hardly any testosterone flowing through the wards. But this is not a bad thing -- this is a caring profession after all and a gentle touch is important. If you are a large male with a deep voice with an angry look on your face, you will have problems, simply based on your looks. Lose your temper once, you get a reputation that never goes away. As long as you are a student, you need someone's approval to graduate. They hold all the cards, and nothing will bring them more pleasure than wielding their power of the pen against a big angry dude with a temper who doesn't express his frustrations the way most students do (fake smiles and brownies in class and private bitching when nobody's listening).

Don't get me wrong, people bringing baked goods every day is awesome, but the construction workers outside have probably never seen a baked good brought to work once in their entire career. If they get pissed and throw a hammer, no biggie unless it kills someone. But if they whine and complain, they get fired. Totally different world and a difficult adjustment for a "man's man" to make. On the other hand, if you are a regular dude in med school, people will think you are manliest man ever just because you do regular guy things (own a chainsaw, drive a muscle car, not shave your body hair, hunt/fish, etc.) instead of shopping the internet for your next $500 purple v-neck during class.

 

[Anastomoses]

effeminate men are usually more handsome.

 

[PrideNeverDie]

This.

The medico-academic world is effeminate. Deviant behavior is more tolerated if it is not angry behavior. Whining and being catty/talking trash about coworkers every other minute is fine. Getting frustrated and throwing something is not. If you take a cross section of med students, you'd find very few violent men compared to the general population. In general, there's hardly any testosterone flowing through the wards. But this is not a bad thing -- this is a caring profession after all and a gentle touch is important. If you are a large male with a deep voice with an angry look on your face, you will have problems, simply based on your looks. Lose your temper once, you get a reputation that never goes away. As long as you are a student, you need someone's approval to graduate. They hold all the cards, and nothing will bring them more pleasure than wielding their power of the pen against a big angry dude with a temper who doesn't express his frustrations the way most students do (fake smiles and brownies in class and private bitching when nobody's listening).

Don't get me wrong, people bringing baked goods every day is awesome, but the construction workers outside have probably never seen a baked good brought to work once in their entire career. If they get pissed and throw a hammer, no biggie unless it kills someone. But if they whine and complain, they get fired. Totally different world and a difficult adjustment for a "man's man" to make. On the other hand, if you are a regular dude in med school, people will think you are manliest man ever just because you do regular guy things (own a chainsaw, drive a muscle car, not shave your body hair, hunt/fish, etc.) instead of shopping the internet for your next $500 purple v-neck during class.

losing your temper isn't manly at all

channeling your anger into a controlled aggression to serve a purpose is another thing entirely

if someone is disrespecting you, you don't need to throw a tantrum to get their attention. they just need to see the look in your eye and they will back down.

 

[PrideNeverDie]

To be fair, it was the hiring of multiple prostitutes by a senior med student in a foreign country under the influence of cocaine. Who knows maybe he made it up, I wasn't there. A couple of other rumored craigslist transactions come to mind. Whether or not that matters, I don't know. It's an equally deplorable crime whether you're buying or selling. I am sure both go on.

it is a lot worse than that
UK med students are moonlighting as prostitutes

http://www.livescience.com/18724-medical-students-prostitution.html