Can someone give me tips on my personal statement?

[Laurenxxxx]

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[no]

 

[Ace-Co-A]

SDN folks who will help:
[URL='http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/official-personal-statement-guide-and-reader-list-2013-2014.982605/page-2#post-14514192']http://forums.studentdoctor.net/thr...er-list-2013-2014.982605/page-2#post-14514192[/URL]

Professional editting:
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/best-websites-for-editing-personal-statements.803384/

Recent discussion about this topic:
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/editing-services.1050941/#post-14807466

Have a good one.

 

[Lya]

Send me a PM and I can work with you to review your essay. I'm still in the list of PS readers.

Overall in short, your paragraph above sounds very general. Simply saying you've been kicked and bitten many times doesn't help readers remember your essay. 30 minutes after reading your paragraph, readers will forget about perseverance and horses you mentioned. You should think about 1-2 specific moments/examples to demonstrate.

 

[ThisCouldBeYou]

Telling someone about your love for horses isn't nearly as effective as "showing". That is, be a story teller and write about something more specific. Don't summarize it.
Example: For one, communicating with 1,000 pound animals demands perseverance. Now write about the time when you were preseverative. Why was that important?

I have been kicked, bitten, and thrown out of the saddle more times than I would like to admit, but I am relentless. What were you relentless about? What happened?

I may not be successful on the first few attempts but I will push myself until I am. Attempts at what? What did you accomplish?