Can someone read my personal statement?

[Niangkovalley]

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Hello, I'm a non-traditional student looking to reapply this year. My writing has always been my weakest link, so I am not sure if I am getting my "sales pitch" through. Can someone take a look and give me some advise?

 

[Mr. Babe]

I'd be happy to look at your personal statement. PM me and I'll get back to you with edits and suggestions