based on OP's criteria here are the deficiencies with each of these...
dermatology - this is as close as you'll get to satisfying all your criteria but of course very hard to get into and a very difficult residency- I was being coy.
Infectious disease - no procedures, sub-specialty, would need to do med-peds and two subspecialties to work with both adults and kids (no one ever does this). You are correct.
Neprhro - repetitive while inpatient (dialysis, dialysis, dialysis), would need to take call (for urgent dialysis), sub-specialty, would need to do med-peds and two specialties to work with both adults and kids. I didnt realize this.
Psych - no procedures (unless you do ECT which is sortof a procedure but done rarely), highly repetitive (only a short list of things you'll see commonly), very rare that you would work with adults and kids as child psych is separate training. --- I was counting ECT, and the fellowship for child psych is short IIRC. And ECT is what I was thinking.
PM&R - this is also pretty close to fulfilling all of the criteria though honestly not very familiar with what they do. ---------- They also do pain management, joint injections etc.
IR - like derm it's hard to get into and long training, would definitely need to be on call, lots of redundancy, not collaborative, no outpatient . ----------Some of the IR docs have clinic post procedure , And collaboration in my mind was consultations being received from other specialties .
Family practice - extremely redundant, no inpatient (rare opportunities, there are enough IM and peds out there with far superior inpatient training), depending on practice setup would likely need to be on call from home but never have to come in---- Rural FM would meet the peds, adult requirements, with a shift thrown in at the local er for any other needs. Call would be an issue, but less compared other fields.
Neuro - also extremely redundant, you do one procedure (LP), would need to be on call depending on where you work-- Some neurologists see a broad swath of pathologies, do botox injections, manage DBTs etc. -
Em - this definitely doesn't seem like a good fit for OP who doesn't seem to be the type who is willing to go 110% for 8-12 hrs straight-- No call, wide age range, small procedures. not long hours if they can talk someone into giving 8's out.
As stated above FM hospitalist shifts would probably only be available in locations where there are significant physician shortages. FM training does not lend itself to being competent at inpatient medicine. huge liability.