The following is an exchange between my dad and myself. It's concerning life choices in general, entering dentistry in particular, and may include some questions or thoughts that you have had. Enjoy.
Hi Dad,
Im writing because Ive been doing a lot of thinking about my future and what it is that I want to do. This conversation, or at least letting you know what Ive been thinking, is overdue, but its better late than never. As you know, Ive been considering going to dental school. When I imagine a future life as a dentist, on the one hand it seems like a sensible path for me to take. I think that dentistry combines artistry (or maybe craftsmanship describes it better), dexterity, business skill, interpersonal relationships, etc. and I think that I possess some natural skills in some of these categories, and I could improve in others. Right now, the field of dentistry that most interests me is oral maxillofacial surgery. I like the idea of doing more complicated surgeries, but truthfully, I dont know that much about the life of a maxillofacial surgeon. Im just picturing it as something between being a dentist and a medical surgeon (maybe this distinction is arbitrary), which is probably a very demanding but satisfying profession.
I also have been feeling some hesitation to go down this path, not for any reason that I can pinpoint (since, in truth, it does make a lot of sense for me), but that I just feel a general apprehension. Maybe this is because its daunting to commit yourself and dedicate you life to something; sort of like ordering the same item off a menu for the rest of your life. Another reason that I think Im feeling apprehensive is that I am not passionate about this path. Its general knowledge and common sense that that the more passionate one is about the thing one does, the happier he will be. Maybe the reason Im not passionate right now about dentistry is because I havent done it, and havent had the change to cultivate a passion. Maybe theres no such thing as being passionate about dentistry, but instead its a lifestyle and profession that allows one to live a happy life, raise a family, etc. I am also aware of the possibility that I wont develop this passion, or that I wont even like dentistry at all once Im doing it everyday, and the result of this would be wasted time (a lot) and money (also a lot).
Lastly, I should add that right now, I dont feel passionate about any one thing in particular. I like many things, including creating art, learning about science and whatever else, thinking about economics, and generally any creative pursuit. I also like working with my hands, writing, making money, and investing.
I know that these are not questions that you can answer for me, but Im sure that many of these thoughts were running through your head when you were more or less in my situation. Id really appreciate hearing what you were thinking, and/or, any advice you can lend. It would be better if you wrote it out since I could read it more than once and contemplate what you have to say over some period of time.
Love,
J
And my dad's response:
Dear J,
Thanks for the letter. Ill try to express my thoughts and focus it to the questions you are asking. First, I dont think passion is a necessary not particularly helpful emotion when choosing a career, with some reservations. In fact, looking for passion or thinking you need to have passion poorly serves and can misdirect you. Passion can rarely be sustained, and losing your passion can sour you on something that is otherwise sustainable and good.
I recommend you reserve your passion for things you do in your free time. Art, fishing, volunteerism and skiing are things about which people are and remain passionate precisely because they dont do it full time and because it rarely pays well (think starving artists, writers and bike-shop owners). That isnt to say some people can be ski or surf bums, but the lifestyle isnt all that glamorous without a sizeable trust fund.
Back to the topic at hand; your career should be something that provides interest, is socially acceptable, can be fun and sustainable and provides the means to support yourself and possibly a family.
I happen to like dentistry, at least most of the time. For the reasons you stated, its artistic, useful, patients (usually) treat you with respect and appreciation, provides a good living, offers independence and time off and is held in high regard by society, among other plusses. At the same time there are times when its a pain because its a small business with all the headaches of staff, taxes, govt. bureaucracy and assorted other frustrations, much like most careers.
I wasnt passionate about going to dental school. I felt as if I were settling for something I didnt really know too much about (it wasnt medicine). However, I was pleasantly surprised by how competitive and science driven dental school was. I think I was ready to get on with life, rather that wondering what I would do. Dental school was hard but I really liked it because everything I learned would actually apply to the real world. No more tests just to get to the next level of tests. I have continued to enjoy dentistry immensely because it IS an important part of medicine, though less life-and-death, offers many areas in which to specialize and really offers something socially worthwhile to the patients. There are also lots of cool gadgets and at the same time, the sheer amount of tools can be overwhelming. Being organized is crucial.
I think most dentists feel like I do. Some got out as early as possible (Bill), some went right into specialties and a few others never practiced (did real estate development).
As youve seen, being a dentist wont stop you from investing or having other interests.
As for Oral Surgery, I think its great. I didnt want four more years of school. The other specialties can have a large surgical component, and even as a general dds, you can do lots of oral surgery. I get you want to do more extensive surgeries, but those are decisions you make along the way or after dental school.
Of course there are other ways to be creative and make money. Real estate development is one way. I recommend you speak with people in the field if youre interested. Bob S. and I know plenty of developers. Some have architecture backgrounds, many dont. Good business acumen, tolerance for some risk and being able to envision what others dont see or are scared to imagine are real attributes. There are also good careers in real estate management, which doesnt involve risk-taking.
You might ask yourself: long term, do you see yourself as your own boss or with one or two partners or working for a corporation? Personally, Im glad to be my own boss. Your mom is much happier not.
I hope this has been helpful. You have some important choices to make and I know it isnt easy to do so. Trust your instincts. Stay away from something you might hate. Dont pick a career because you feel pressured. In the end, many careers have enough variety so that you can mold it to your personality. Also, your career choice doesnt define who you are. It provides a vehicle by which you get to choose how you want to be defined.
Love,
dad
Hi Dad,
Im writing because Ive been doing a lot of thinking about my future and what it is that I want to do. This conversation, or at least letting you know what Ive been thinking, is overdue, but its better late than never. As you know, Ive been considering going to dental school. When I imagine a future life as a dentist, on the one hand it seems like a sensible path for me to take. I think that dentistry combines artistry (or maybe craftsmanship describes it better), dexterity, business skill, interpersonal relationships, etc. and I think that I possess some natural skills in some of these categories, and I could improve in others. Right now, the field of dentistry that most interests me is oral maxillofacial surgery. I like the idea of doing more complicated surgeries, but truthfully, I dont know that much about the life of a maxillofacial surgeon. Im just picturing it as something between being a dentist and a medical surgeon (maybe this distinction is arbitrary), which is probably a very demanding but satisfying profession.
I also have been feeling some hesitation to go down this path, not for any reason that I can pinpoint (since, in truth, it does make a lot of sense for me), but that I just feel a general apprehension. Maybe this is because its daunting to commit yourself and dedicate you life to something; sort of like ordering the same item off a menu for the rest of your life. Another reason that I think Im feeling apprehensive is that I am not passionate about this path. Its general knowledge and common sense that that the more passionate one is about the thing one does, the happier he will be. Maybe the reason Im not passionate right now about dentistry is because I havent done it, and havent had the change to cultivate a passion. Maybe theres no such thing as being passionate about dentistry, but instead its a lifestyle and profession that allows one to live a happy life, raise a family, etc. I am also aware of the possibility that I wont develop this passion, or that I wont even like dentistry at all once Im doing it everyday, and the result of this would be wasted time (a lot) and money (also a lot).
Lastly, I should add that right now, I dont feel passionate about any one thing in particular. I like many things, including creating art, learning about science and whatever else, thinking about economics, and generally any creative pursuit. I also like working with my hands, writing, making money, and investing.
I know that these are not questions that you can answer for me, but Im sure that many of these thoughts were running through your head when you were more or less in my situation. Id really appreciate hearing what you were thinking, and/or, any advice you can lend. It would be better if you wrote it out since I could read it more than once and contemplate what you have to say over some period of time.
Love,
J
And my dad's response:
Dear J,
Thanks for the letter. Ill try to express my thoughts and focus it to the questions you are asking. First, I dont think passion is a necessary not particularly helpful emotion when choosing a career, with some reservations. In fact, looking for passion or thinking you need to have passion poorly serves and can misdirect you. Passion can rarely be sustained, and losing your passion can sour you on something that is otherwise sustainable and good.
I recommend you reserve your passion for things you do in your free time. Art, fishing, volunteerism and skiing are things about which people are and remain passionate precisely because they dont do it full time and because it rarely pays well (think starving artists, writers and bike-shop owners). That isnt to say some people can be ski or surf bums, but the lifestyle isnt all that glamorous without a sizeable trust fund.
Back to the topic at hand; your career should be something that provides interest, is socially acceptable, can be fun and sustainable and provides the means to support yourself and possibly a family.
I happen to like dentistry, at least most of the time. For the reasons you stated, its artistic, useful, patients (usually) treat you with respect and appreciation, provides a good living, offers independence and time off and is held in high regard by society, among other plusses. At the same time there are times when its a pain because its a small business with all the headaches of staff, taxes, govt. bureaucracy and assorted other frustrations, much like most careers.
I wasnt passionate about going to dental school. I felt as if I were settling for something I didnt really know too much about (it wasnt medicine). However, I was pleasantly surprised by how competitive and science driven dental school was. I think I was ready to get on with life, rather that wondering what I would do. Dental school was hard but I really liked it because everything I learned would actually apply to the real world. No more tests just to get to the next level of tests. I have continued to enjoy dentistry immensely because it IS an important part of medicine, though less life-and-death, offers many areas in which to specialize and really offers something socially worthwhile to the patients. There are also lots of cool gadgets and at the same time, the sheer amount of tools can be overwhelming. Being organized is crucial.
I think most dentists feel like I do. Some got out as early as possible (Bill), some went right into specialties and a few others never practiced (did real estate development).
As youve seen, being a dentist wont stop you from investing or having other interests.
As for Oral Surgery, I think its great. I didnt want four more years of school. The other specialties can have a large surgical component, and even as a general dds, you can do lots of oral surgery. I get you want to do more extensive surgeries, but those are decisions you make along the way or after dental school.
Of course there are other ways to be creative and make money. Real estate development is one way. I recommend you speak with people in the field if youre interested. Bob S. and I know plenty of developers. Some have architecture backgrounds, many dont. Good business acumen, tolerance for some risk and being able to envision what others dont see or are scared to imagine are real attributes. There are also good careers in real estate management, which doesnt involve risk-taking.
You might ask yourself: long term, do you see yourself as your own boss or with one or two partners or working for a corporation? Personally, Im glad to be my own boss. Your mom is much happier not.
I hope this has been helpful. You have some important choices to make and I know it isnt easy to do so. Trust your instincts. Stay away from something you might hate. Dont pick a career because you feel pressured. In the end, many careers have enough variety so that you can mold it to your personality. Also, your career choice doesnt define who you are. It provides a vehicle by which you get to choose how you want to be defined.
Love,
dad
