Crying in supervision

[Scubapsy]

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Is crying in supervision normal? What if your supervisor cries?
I have never experienced this before with other supervisors but lately my supervisor and I have both cried during supervision more than once.

I feel somewhat confused and is wondering if I should address this with my supervisor. If so, how?

Thanks!

 

[stigmata]

Crying is a normal human emotion, so as long as it is done at appropriate times, does not change the dynamic to being more about the supervisor, and is not done too much it is probably fine. Being an automaton in therapy or supervision is easy, but it takes awhile to learn how to be genuine.

 

[psychmama]

I don't think crying in supervision is that unusual. The type of work we do is sometimes intense, and supervision can also be an intense process. On the other hand, if you're feeling uncomfortable about what's going on with your supervisor I'd suggest trying to talk to him/her about it. Chances are they will be open to the discussion.

 

[Ollie123]

I wouldn't say its commonplace, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it for the reasons stated above. Unless it is interfering with supervision, is making either you or the supervisor feel uncomfortable, or is a sign of a deeper problem (poor boundaries, significant frustration with a client that has become a barrier to effective treatment, inability to accept criticism, etc.) I don't see it as a problem. Its probably not appropriate for you to post details about why, but assuming this happens when discussing a particularly emotional moment in therapy I think its fine, potentially even healthy to do so if you feel the need.

 

[Scubapsy]

I wouldn't say its commonplace, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it for the reasons stated above. Unless it is interfering with supervision, is making either you or the supervisor feel uncomfortable, or is a sign of a deeper problem (poor boundaries, significant frustration with a client that has become a barrier to effective treatment, inability to accept criticism, etc.) I don't see it as a problem. Its probably not appropriate for you to post details about why, but assuming this happens when discussing a particularly emotional moment in therapy I think its fine, potentially even healthy to do so if you feel the need.

One time is about a client, the other is about my personal development. I think both times she cried because of empathy she feels towards me and I am feeling maybe her own countertransferece towards me. I don't think she made me uncomfortable yet but I am just really confuse as to the reasons why she cried. She never expalin why. But then again, I don't know as a supervisor if she needs to explain to me. I don't know if confusion is enough to interfere with supervision but I am feeling a pink elephant in the room now.

 

[psychmama]

One time is about a client, the other is about my personal development. I think both times she cried because of empathy she feels towards me and I am feeling maybe her own countertransferece towards me. I don't think she made me uncomfortable yet but I am just really confuse as to the reasons why she cried. She never expalin why. But then again, I don't know as a supervisor if she needs to explain to me. I don't know if confusion is enough to interfere with supervision but I am feeling a pink elephant in the room now.

I think maybe you should talk to her. If you're feeling uncomfortable it may get in the way of your getting the most from your supervision. No need to delve deeply, but maybe just acknowledge the last few supervisions have been more emotional than usual and you'd like to check in with her about that. At that point she'll hopefully say something that will allow you both to move forward. Good luck.

 

[StudentBsMs11]

One time is about a client, the other is about my personal development. I think both times she cried because of empathy she feels towards me and I am feeling maybe her own countertransferece towards me. I don't think she made me uncomfortable yet but I am just really confuse as to the reasons why she cried. She never expalin why. But then again, I don't know as a supervisor if she needs to explain to me. I don't know if confusion is enough to interfere with supervision but I am feeling a pink elephant in the room now.

I would personally be inclined to talk about that with my supervisor. However, I'm sort of interpersonally oriented, so I'm generally a big fan of talking about the elephant in the room. I think it's important to get comfortable having those conversations, because sooner or later you'll need to do it with a client. I would also say that if you went so far as to create a thread about it and are feeling a 'pink elephant in the room', then it is having an effect on your supervision of some kind, and therefore is important to talk about and understand together. It doesn't necessarily indicate a problem of any kind, or that this is abnormal, just that it would be helpful to try to understand. Just my $0.02.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

I would personally be inclined to talk about that with my supervisor. However, I'm sort of interpersonally oriented, so I'm generally a big fan of talking about the elephant in the room. I think it's important to get comfortable having those conversations, because sooner or later you'll need to do it with a client. I would also say that if you went so far as to create a thread about it and are feeling a 'pink elephant in the room', then it is having an effect on your supervision of some kind, and therefore is important to talk about and understand together. It doesn't necessarily indicate a problem of any kind, or that this is abnormal, just that it would be helpful to try to understand. Just my $0.02.

This is spot on. Being "comfortable" talking about difficult things is necessary for supervision (giving & receiving), consultation, and daily clinical work. Being able to discuss sensative/difficult topics within a supervision setting is an important part of the supervision experience, and it is a good starting point from which to address having hard conversations in the other areas. As a supervisor and supervisee, you will be tasked with having to deal with transference, counter-transference, and a range of other fun things that come up within our work. While it may not be the most fun thing to do, it is necessary.

Honestly, I'm glad I had to have some difficult conversation during my supervision experiences because it provided me with a better understanding of my own limitations as a providers, and also a glimpse into how I may handle things with a patient. I take a pragmatic approach to supervision, so whenever I have something difficult that needs to be discussed, I try to do it in a non-confrontational yet direct manner.

In the example of the OP, I'd defer to Yalom's recommendation: "strike while the iron is cold". Talking about supervisor/ee reaction is probably best done while not in the middle of it. I haven't run into this per se, but I have had discussions about having a stronger reaction to a pt. situation than I expected, and it spurned a very productive discussion. Hopefully your supervisor will be able to talk openly about her and your reactions.

 

[nitemagi]

I would just be mindful of the line where supervision turns into therapy. For the supervisee or supervisor. Some supervisors have poor boundaries and cross the line on self-disclosure, making it feel almost like they're trying to use the time for their own therapy. Or vice versa. Time and place.

 

[paramour]

There are two supervisors in my program who are known to have their trainees cry during supervision (although some of them try to make it out of supervision before they break down). With both, I think they're used to it and come to expect it of students, and I've actually had both of these individuals criticize me because they are unable to "read" me and figure out what I'm thinking unless they ask me (interestingly, most students are unable to "read" them). I'm not sure that I've seen/heard any of the supervisors around cry themselves, although they've admitted to strong emotions regarding particular issues/clients.

 

[Psychadelic2012]

There are two supervisors in my program who are known to have their trainees cry during supervision (although some of them try to make it out of supervision before they break down). With both, I think they're used to it and come to expect it of students, and I've actually had both of these individuals criticize me because they are unable to "read" me and figure out what I'm thinking unless they ask me (interestingly, most students are unable to "read" them).

I know this is an old thread, but I'm intrigued by this because it's happening to me now. In what way are the supervisors known for having their trainees cry? And they expect it, how? Is it some sort of power trip? It seems like it could be abusive to the trainee, especially when I've seen supervisors take advantage of a trainee's sensitive nature and use it as a way to gain entry into tearing apart their personality under the guise of "constructive criticism." Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong, but there are many people in the world who can easily be scarred by using criticism and psychoanalysis too harshly (and selfishly, on the part of the supervisor). Or, am I wrong and this is about digging deep in a helpful way??

 

[SingingCow]

I know this is an old thread, but I'm intrigued by this because it's happening to me now. In what way are the supervisors known for having their trainees cry? And they expect it, how? Is it some sort of power trip? It seems like it could be abusive to the trainee, especially when I've seen supervisors take advantage of a trainee's sensitive nature and use it as a way to gain entry into tearing apart their personality under the guise of "constructive criticism." Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong, but there are many people in the world who can easily be scarred by using criticism and psychoanalysis too harshly (and selfishly, on the part of the supervisor). Or, am I wrong and this is about digging deep in a helpful way??

🙄

 

[clinical psych]

This has happened before to my supervisor and I...We had a bout of tough cases and we were both feeling frustrated at that point in time...My supervisor started crying...It wasn't uncomfortable or anything...It was nice to see that my supervisor genuinely cares!

 

[Fenestella]

I realize this is an old thread, but I'm thankful for these responses. I found myself becoming tearful in group supervision last week because of a challenging client. I was worried it was inappropriate, but I think it's not abnormal to become emotional sometimes about the work we do.

 

[smalltownpsych]

I realize this is an old thread, but I'm thankful for these responses. I found myself becoming tearful in group supervision last week because of a challenging client. I was worried it was inappropriate, but I think it's not abnormal to become emotional sometimes about the work we do.

I was clinical director of an adolescent treatment program and I used to joke about how often we cried during our staff meetings as well as our supervision. This even included some of the academic staff. There may be "no crying in baseball", at least according to Tom Hanks, but crying is a healthy emotional response. I also have laughed, raised my voice and maybe a few other expressions of emotion during both sessions and supervision. I very clearly remember the first time I cried in supervision, it was during an inpatient rotation when I told my supervisor about an adolescent who told me that she wanted to live again after a few weeks of helping her work through an issue with abusive parent that I had to report to DFS. It was an emotionally and ethically challenging case with a good outcome. That was over 10 years ago and I can still tear up when I think about her.

Also, wanted to add that emotional regulation and expression are skills so learning how to handle them appropriately and effectively is part of the training. We want to be better at it than our patients who very frequently have problems with emotional expression and regulation.

 

[CheetahGirl]

I realize this is an old thread, but I'm thankful for these responses. I found myself becoming tearful in group supervision last week because of a challenging client. I was worried it was inappropriate, but I think it's not abnormal to become emotional sometimes about the work we do.

It would be aberrant if you could not and did not show your emotion when you were overwhelmed by those feelings.

After all, you don't want to be like this guy.

 

[Sendtrees]

It is not a problem if the supervisee cries. I think it is a problem if the supervisor cries on any kind of regular basis.

 

[WisNeuro]

I'm not crying, it's just raining on my face.

 

[smalltownpsych]

It is not a problem if the supervisee cries. I think it is a problem if the supervisor cries on any kind of regular basis.

Depends on how bad the supervisee is...
Although actually, I tend to have a different emotional reaction when that's the case.


*Disclaimer - I am not advocating to nor ever have actually slapped supervisees. Figured I better put that in there before some poor supervisee gets slapped in the face and the poor supervisor gets slapped with a big lawsuit. 😀

 

[cara susanna]

Oh man, I have so many stories about crying in front of supervisors. I agree with the above posts!

 

[ClinicalABA]

Never had a supervisor cry in supervision (nor have I cried during supervision, either as a supervisee or supervisor). I would have been uncomfortable if my supervisors cried. I have "gotten something in my eye" a few times at work- always when reflecting on the resilience of a family or client, or something inspirational a staff or caregiver did. And always when alone, after everyone has left. I don't really have a policy or belief about the appropriateness of crying in front of supervisees- I've just never had too.

ETA- it's remembered that somebody "must've been chopping onions" during a meeting with my supervisees at a previous job when I told them I was leaving. Company was a sinking ship (since sunk), and I was heading for the lifeboats. It happened to be April 1st, so none of them believed me and I got pretty frustrated.