Dating an attending as a resident or fellow

[FrankShui]

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What are the general guidelines when it comes to a fellow or resident dating an attending? Of course you're not going to date the attending when you're rotating on their service because of conflict of interest, power, etc. But what happens when you no longer rotate with that attending and are no longer in a situation where the attending can evaluate you? Does it matter if you're in the same department or subspecialty? Like an general internal medicine attending dating a rheum fellow? Same overall department but not in a position for evaluations due to subspecialties.

I know these sort of power differences and relationships happen...there's one department here where the chairman of the department is the husband and his wife is an associate professor in the same department and director of one of his clinics. Clearly there is a power difference and potential conflict of interest especially in terms of promotion, etc but no one says anything I guess because they both hold their own statuses and act like adults.

Just trying to figure things out and this is a 100% serious post.

 

[Bobblehead]

No.

 

[Donald Juan]

The general rule is don't do it. It may not technically be something you get fired for at your place of work but it does show poor judgment and can cause workplace conflicts. Now, since you are obviously gonna do it anyways as people tend to do when it comes to romance, you should really keep it quiet for as long as possible. I suggest you stick to sleeping with nurses like the rest of us. But remember to never, ever sleep with a patient.

 

[Crayola227]

Trainees bang each other all. day. long.

The example you give of the two non-trainees is a different thing entirely.

Sorta like eating the potato salad that's been outside at the 4th of July BBQ all day long. It's good at the time, really gross, could come back to haunt you in a very real way, but people get away with it and don't die all the time.

If that's the sort of thinking you use when it comes to food/**** choices.

 

[Crayola227]

And I suppose in either case you can lose your job over it.

 

[Vandalia]

A few things:

1) Marriage is different. The primary reason is that it is an official status and is therefore "on the record." In my very brief time in academia, there was a situation like the one you mentioned. In that case, another department chair handled all the p&t activity for the chair's wife.

2) The good news, if there is any, is in this situation, any official negative effects would likely fall on the attending due to the power dynamic. But there can still be unofficial negative repercussions for you.

3) The exact dynamics matter. If you are an IM resident in a relationship with neurosurgery faculty, no one will care. If you were in the same residency class as your spouse, and he became a general IM attending and she became a cardiology fellow, no one would care. If you are in an IM residency program with 60 residents and 200 faculty, it would be much less critical than if you were a cardiology fellow in a relationship with a cardiology attending where there are 10 physicians in the section.

Again, this can be a recipe for a very bad situation.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Stay away from this situation at all costs because it will put you in danger. The power differential never stops, especially if you’re in the same department. Forget about what happens if the relationship doesn’t work out—even if it does, jealous coworkers can try to sabotage you by saying you have an inappropriate relationship and are compromising professionalism, and therefore are “skating by” even if you’re a good resident otherwise. Your job could be in jeopardy then. There is a scandal that happened at mgh where people lost their jobs over this. I have actually seen this exact thing happen as well, more than once. Do NOT do this.


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[Planes2Doc]

 

[AMEHigh]

When I was in med school I was on a rotation in which a resident was dating an attending in the same specialty. I was very surprised. It was a small-ish program. From what I gathered it was a new-ish relationship and everyone seemed fine with it.

So it does happen but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

 

[BoardingDoc]

And I suppose in either case you can lose your job over it.

Unrelated, but I'm thoroughly enjoying your progression of Dr. Who avatars, particularly given your focus on the 10th doc (AKA best doc).

 

[BigPikachu]

"Don't **** where you eat."

If the relationship works, then hooray.
If it fails, it can get real ugly fast.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Like others have said, nothing bad will PROBABLY happen. But when there are plenty of dating options that DON'T involve this conflict of interest or come with the possibility of getting ugly if things go badly, I'm not sure you'd go with this route.

 

[evilbooyaa]

You're gonna do it despite what anybody says because love and stuff, but don't let it 1) be known and 2) get serious while you're still under this power dynamic. Once you graduate, you should try to not to work under this person.

Different field or sub-specialty? Go for it. To me an IM resident dating a rheum fellow is fine, as long as they don't have a professional relationship as much as possible.

 

[AdmiralChz]

Horrible ideal, obviously. But you already know that.

I personally know of a couple that got together when the wife was a fellow under her later husband... not sure the details, but by the end of fellowship he was out of a job at a major academic center and they moved away together. Happy ever after? Maybe, but they had to move 5 states away for it to happen.

It was Super sketchy.

 

[Crayola227]

Unrelated, but I'm thoroughly enjoying your progression of Dr. Who avatars, particularly given your focus on the 10th doc (AKA best doc).

I've been on a Doctor Who kick the last year or so. Started working through the Classic Series so that's why so long. There's an SDN social game I've been playing several weeks in a row, that usually has a theme like weddings, partying, baking, etc, so that's why the changes.

Ten is my favorite.