dating and pre-med, kill me

[Zephyrus]

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Let's beat the horse to death yet again-

Coming out of a relationship, beyond mourning, my natural desire has been to re-enter the pool of socially functional, dating individuals. This is primarily to prove to myself that being rejected doesn't mean you are a loser, and provide a means of "moving on."

Suffice to say, that isn't happening.

With work obligations, impending research job, AMCAS this summer, and finals, MCAT, cornucopia of extracurricular **** while at school, it seems as if every moment of my free time is occupied. I'm also rather diligent about going to the gym thrice weekly and doing other "maintenance" activities (partially to assuage my fears that I was dumped because I gained about 20 lbs during the junior year hellathon, and make myself more "attractive," laugh at me) -- ANYWAY -- the bottom line is that I have no time.

Now, with all this talk about women being "dream-killers" and having to accept an inevitable drop in ones GPA / productivity / whatever with pursuing the opposite sex, I'd like to pose the question: is there anyone, ANYONE who has managed to successfully juggle a vibrant social life and a stellar academic / "premed" performance? At this point, I'd rather "suck the marrow out of life" and take a GPA hit, but it seems I'm so caught up in the indifferent routine of work, work, work, and exercise, that I don't even know where to begin. On that note, does anyone feel as if they've lost touch with high school friends by sequestering themselves in the library for the past few years? It's horrible.

You can look at the neat-looking row of grades on your transcript, even busy yourself with reading and hobbies and doing favors for the family, but the end of the day comes and the pit in your tummy begins to gnaw and you realize that yes, in this competitive world of premed parallel lines, percentiles and p-values, you are alone... ok, let's control the emo.

Bottom line: anyone else frustrated with premed pseudocastration?
Z

 

[Slide]

Sorry man, being pre-med and being able to pick up girls don't mix. Your best chance is going to be the year between submitting the apps and waiting for interviews. At that point, there's nothing you can do, so you can focus on your game.

 

[jon0013]

Sorry man, being pre-med and being able to pick up girls don't mix. Your best chance is going to be the year between submitting the apps and waiting for interviews. At that point, there's nothing you can do, so you can focus on your game.

i dont agree with your sentiments that being a successful pre-med means you cant pick up girls cuz you have no time..theres always time for partying and girls and maintaining that high GPA and such...you just gotta plan and be more organized...

 

[Schaden Freud]

Sorry man, being pre-med and being able to pick up girls don't mix. Your best chance is going to be the year between submitting the apps and waiting for interviews. At that point, there's nothing you can do, so you can focus on your game.

Another factor to consider: most guys who are well-suited to be physicians aren't the biggest hit with the opposite sex. The qualities we generally possess (introspection, intelligence, etc.) just don't get numbers at the bar. Being broke doesn't help either.

 

[relentless11]

Its easy to find a significant other, its hard to find the RIGHT significant other. Word, classes, etc are not excuses to finding a relationship. If something is important enough, you WILL make the time. If you aren't able to have a life as a pre-med then you may find med school a very lonely and depressing place.

My only gripe with relationships while being a pre-med is finding a person who is as motivated as I am. I pretty much ruled out any pre-meds since most of them are out right annoying..haha. But I lucked out with a vet student🙂.

 

[DropkickMurphy]

Another factor to consider: most guys who are well-suited to be physicians aren't the biggest hit with the opposite sex. The qualities we generally possess (introspection, intelligence, etc.) just don't get numbers at the bar. Being broke doesn't help either.

True.....but there are more ways to meet girls than at bars. I simply don't believe that being a premed renders one unable to date....it is as Jon said....you just have to learn how to organize your time, remember that there is life beyond your books and career (blasphemy, I know....I'll get the stake ready, someone fetch the gasoline) and that just perhaps gaining admissions to medical school is not the end all be all that many of us would like to believe. Personally given that I have a girlfriend who I am very happy with and that I don't define myself based upon my GPA or MCAT scores or my EC's, I honestly can't see how the rest of you can be so singleminded to the point of neurosis.

 

[riff raff]

eh, I did my fair share of partying at MSU for 2 years while managing to keep up with the joneses I guess. But my junior year was really hard and I had classes like biochem, physio, immuno, neurobio, etc. throughout the year...and it was hell.

It was not possible for me to be a socialite, pay attention to my gf and everynow, take her out to like mcdonalds , hang out with friends, as well as 4.0 those classes--so I hear you on that. Spending weekends studying for a biochem exam...a week away...when everyone else is out tailgating...sucked. It's also during this time that my gf and I decided to take a hiatus.

So yeah, it's definitely hard to maintain it all, the social life, the grades, the extracurricular stuff, the mcat score, and...your sanity 😉 You're not alone in that regard, trust me.

 

[Hurricane95]

I suggest you try your best to re-structure your time commitments / social life. I know it's hard with all the studying and EC's, but everything isn't going to slow down once you start medical school. Your stress and work commitments will, at best, stay at their current level. I totally disagree with the first respondent who said being premed and dealing with girls dont mix. This is true for some people but not all. It depends on your personality. Introverts / shy people will have trouble with girls regardless of whether they are uber busy premeds or business students with 60 hours of free time per week. It's all in the mind. You certainly can do both. You just have to find a girl who's understanding of your time commitments....which in itself is challenging, but dont give up. There's one for every ten who aren't.

 

[monkeydo]

Take a deep breath... Exhale... Relax... gooood!

Like others have said, there is life beyond work. I spent my Junior year taking hard classes, studying for the MCAT, working out regularly, partying hard with friends, and hanging out with my boyfriend, who is also premed. So I have a 3.84 instead of a 4.0, and maybe some of the top teir schools won't like me so much, but I've really enjoyed my college experience. I found that I'm much more productive in my work if I have taken the time to socialize.

Your work load isn't going to end with college. Med school is hard, residency takes up even more time, and being a doctor might suck up alot of your time as well. I suggest you rethink what is important in life. Terrible to say, but you could die tomorrow, and all your work as a premed would mean nothing, and you didn't even enjoy it! So try to enjoy each moment and make time for friends and love. You might have to cut a few extracurriculars, but you'll find that it will all fit in quite nicely.

 

[DropkickMurphy]

You all should try having to work a full time job (not your typical college student jobs either) in addition to class, research and having a family lfe (including but not limited to my gf and my daughter from a previous relationship) then you might see how complicated things can really get.

 

[lilnoelle]

And realize that if you are actually looking for a relationship, you probably want a meaningful one - with someone who likes you for who you are. Changing yourself isn't going to help you find someone who likes you... but rather help you find someone who likes the "pretend" you. Not all girls like a socialite. I like an introverted, deep thinker. I'm more on the agressive side (generally I pursued my boyfriends instead of the other way around) so I am attracted to a more subdued guy. A quiet guy intrigues me. Now, this is just me, and there is all sorts of variety in the world. The secret is finding the person who matches with you.... And that takes time. Which is fine. We are young, have fun, don't worry about love and girls so much. Realize that your self worth is not based on how others percieve you.
Ok, so if your not looking for a meaningful relationship, and you just want to have fun... do it. You don't have to be dating a girl to have fun with girls. Make friends with nothing else in mind.
And, for the third option, which I'm relatively sure describes most college guys (I, being a girl, don't understand this, but know its often true) you want to have your sexual needs met without the difficulties and responsibilities of a deep meaningful relationship... I don't know what to tell you. I'm a female and can't identify. 😛

 

[aliziry]

Just date a freshman chick. Saves time and effort. No need to impress more mature women just flash your med school acceptance and bam. Instant awe.










Instant awe not guaranteed.

 

[rajad10]

bro, there's time for everything. i get f-ed up. I have sex. I have the grades and EC's.

two words: Time management

p.s. and keep "intellect" in the school arena and out of the picking girls up arena


ok, on a more serious note, yea it gets tough, but like someone said, you don't need a 4.0...a 3.9 is also fine. Just lower the usual pre-med anal standards and you'll find yourself with a wealth of time for things like relationships. it'll be allllriiiiiiiiiiiiiiighttttttttttt. i promise

 

[juiceman311]

porn

 

[rlwebb]

Eh I think being pre-med is actually a good situation because girls like guys who are busy and into other things besides them. Show them that your world does not revolve around them and they'll go crazy. But what do I know, I get nothing, but just because I am a big nerd. This is all theory.

 

[Kimka83]

Um, if you spend all of your time doing research or ECs, maybe you should hit up the dating pool in the activities that you already do! You are probably surrounded by pre-med chicks. There is no need to "waste" your study/MCAT/EC time flirting at a bar. Just open your eyes to the female version of you!

 

[Zephyrus]

Um, if you spend all of your time doing research or ECs, maybe you should hit up the dating pool in the activities that you already do! You are probably surrounded by pre-med chicks. There is no need to "waste" your study/MCAT/EC time flirting at a bar. Just open your eyes to the female version of you!

I would probably projectile vomit on the female version of me.

Good comments, all.

 

[aliziry]

Um, if you spend all of your time doing research or ECs, maybe you should hit up the dating pool in the activities that you already do! You are probably surrounded by pre-med chicks. There is no need to "waste" your study/MCAT/EC time flirting at a bar. Just open your eyes to the female version of you!

No offense if you are a bird but most pre-med chicks look like me. No that is not a good thing at all.

 

[DropkickMurphy]

I am dating as close to the female version of myself as I have yet to encounter. As for a female premed....I have yet to come across one that caught my eye for more than a passing glance. There was one female med student whom I like but she's going to school in New York so that's not an option.

 

[MedChic]

Take a deep breath... Exhale... Relax... gooood!

Like others have said, there is life beyond work. I spent my Junior year taking hard classes, studying for the MCAT, working out regularly, partying hard with friends, and hanging out with my boyfriend, who is also premed. So I have a 3.84 instead of a 4.0, and maybe some of the top teir schools won't like me so much, but I've really enjoyed my college experience. I found that I'm much more productive in my work if I have taken the time to socialize.

Your work load isn't going to end with college. Med school is hard, residency takes up even more time, and being a doctor might suck up alot of your time as well. I suggest you rethink what is important in life. Terrible to say, but you could die tomorrow, and all your work as a premed would mean nothing, and you didn't even enjoy it! So try to enjoy each moment and make time for friends and love. You might have to cut a few extracurriculars, but you'll find that it will all fit in quite nicely.

So true.
Wish I realized this sooner, instead of stressing before every major exam.
The truth is though, the less you stress, the more you realize this is just a part of your life, like eating. So you study a little, you go out for a night, maybe meet someone, party with friends, come back, crash, wake up and study some more (after the hang over wears off a lil).

Gotta balance.

 

[ToolDoc]

You should use your intellect to trick girls into dating you.

 

[TNATION]

pre-meds can get plenty of dates, however, internet message board addicts frequently run into problems with the opposite sex.

 

[Duchess742]

i know it's kinda weird for a girl to give a guy dating advice and all, but it really sounds like the OP's got no game, so here it goes:

try dating one of your friends (if you don't have any date-worthy friends, make some). if you're friends, you prob like to do the same things, so you won't "waste" time that you have to spend w/ the ho b/c you'll just be doing what you like anyway.

also, i know some sketchy ppl who just hook up w/ all of their friends and think nothing of it, so if you're really just looking to tap da a$$ and don't want a big commitment, you could try something like that.

 

[pagemmapants]

You can look at the neat-looking row of grades on your transcript, even busy yourself with reading and hobbies and doing favors for the family, but the end of the day comes and the pit in your tummy begins to gnaw and you realize that yes, in this competitive world of premed parallel lines, percentiles and p-values, you are alone... ok, let's control the emo.

Bottom line: anyone else frustrated with premed pseudocastration?
Z

Key words.

LONG DISTANCE!

The sex is better, you get more presents, and it takes far less time.

 

[red dot]

so... what exactly is the problem?
a) you've got not time
b) you're too picky (i.e. you're actually looking for something)
c) you just want to get laid
d) your game
e) a combination of a few of the above
f) all of the above

if you've chosen:
a -- make time. there is always time. always. you're just not seeing it. keep your eyes peeled. someone could be right under your nose or within arms reach but you're too busy checking the melting point of your crystals
b -- you're too picky. no sex there. the solution -- go to the nearest grocery store, ask for paper bag. it's recyclable, and it won't asphyxiate her . but if she's dumb or boring (i really doubt that because all girls are smart and interesting!) then just keep her number in your little black book.
c -- see solution for part b
d -- gpa must take a hit (sorry dude). practice makes perfect. as a girl, here're some of my tips in as few words as possible: 1) be interested, be a nice guy, be available 2) don't be a puppy dog but don't ignore/screen her calls to make it look like you're busy. cuz you already are. 3) be interesting, e.g. be yourself and don't "like" everything she likes, since chances are she will have at least 0.1% insecurity (as does everyone) so you can bank on her wanting to do sort of the same. (i've observed this among some female companions). oh, and your pick-up line should always be "hi/hello/hey" followed by "i'm [insert name]" not "yo. are you excited to see me or are those tic tacs in your shirt pockets?" and especially not "hi. i do research. sleep! that's where i'm a viking!" 😀
e -- multitask on answers above
f -- see all of above

sorry... i still organize my thoughts in outlined and/or multiple choice format. yeah kinda scary.

 

[thedelicatessen]

I think it's easy for anyone to be in a relationship; the difficulty occurs when you want it to be the best it can be. It's difficult for anyone to maintain a relationship, but it's extra difficult for premeds because we are so driven in preparing for our careers. As premeds, we can be pretty particular about stuff, and that will naturally spill over to the relationship aspect of life. We just need to practice patience--the right person will come along eventually.

 

[Centinel]

I always get my best grades when I'm dating. 'Nuff said.

 

[plainolerichie]

I did research and extracurriculars, yet I still had the time to party and be social on the weekends for the whole time during college. During my senior year, I'd go out a ton but not dating, just to bars and stuff with friends. But I didn't do too hot on the verbal section of the MCAT, so I don't know if I really managed to be sociable and keep up good "grades." My GPA's good though (3.7 and 3.8 sciecne). Oh well.

 

[riceman04]

Sorry man, being pre-med and being able to pick up girls don't mix. Your best chance is going to be the year between submitting the apps and waiting for interviews. At that point, there's nothing you can do, so you can focus on your game.

yeah I second this...!

I don't know too many males who have been able to hold down the relationship w/ the special lady and still keep up with the academic side of college...unless you just happen to snag a girl who is totally understable with your schedule.

But you can definitely still be very social!!! Dating is the best...no strings attached

 

[bioboy2007]

i know it's kinda weird for a girl to give a guy dating advice and all, but it really sounds like the OP's got no game, so here it goes:

try dating one of your friends (if you don't have any date-worthy friends, make some). if you're friends, you prob like to do the same things, so you won't "waste" time that you have to spend w/ the ho b/c you'll just be doing what you like anyway.

also, i know some sketchy ppl who just hook up w/ all of their friends and think nothing of it, so if you're really just looking to tap da a$$ and don't want a big commitment, you could try something like that.

Duchess, you rock! I haven't come across many people (especially chicks) who would suggest casual sex, especially with friends...sounds like a good plan!

 

[pagemmapants]

The casual sex with friends thing DOES work - for a time. Consistency breeds expectations, which results with one person being more attached than the other; to prevent this make it selfish, keep it to a minimum, and never EVER sleep over.

 

[Zephyrus]

The casual sex with friends thing DOES work - for a time. Consistency breeds expectations, which results with one person being more attached than the other; to prevent this make it selfish, keep it to a minimum, and never EVER sleep over.

midnight on a saturday night BUMP - lol.

Z

 

[L8DYV]

Eh I think being pre-med is actually a good situation because girls like guys who are busy and into other things besides them. Show them that your world does not revolve around them and they'll go crazy. But what do I know, I get nothing, but just because I am a big nerd. This is all theory.

LOL, so you laid cause your a big nerd? hehe

 

[pattayapus]

Let's beat the horse to death yet again-

Coming out of a relationship, beyond mourning, my natural desire has been to re-enter the pool of socially functional, dating individuals. This is primarily to prove to myself that being rejected doesn't mean you are a loser, and provide a means of "moving on."

Suffice to say, that isn't happening.

With work obligations, impending research job, AMCAS this summer, and finals, MCAT, cornucopia of extracurricular **** while at school, it seems as if every moment of my free time is occupied. I'm also rather diligent about going to the gym thrice weekly and doing other "maintenance" activities (partially to assuage my fears that I was dumped because I gained about 20 lbs during the junior year hellathon, and make myself more "attractive," laugh at me) -- ANYWAY -- the bottom line is that I have no time.

Now, with all this talk about women being "dream-killers" and having to accept an inevitable drop in ones GPA / productivity / whatever with pursuing the opposite sex, I'd like to pose the question: is there anyone, ANYONE who has managed to successfully juggle a vibrant social life and a stellar academic / "premed" performance? At this point, I'd rather "suck the marrow out of life" and take a GPA hit, but it seems I'm so caught up in the indifferent routine of work, work, work, and exercise, that I don't even know where to begin. On that note, does anyone feel as if they've lost touch with high school friends by sequestering themselves in the library for the past few years? It's horrible.

You can look at the neat-looking row of grades on your transcript, even busy yourself with reading and hobbies and doing favors for the family, but the end of the day comes and the pit in your tummy begins to gnaw and you realize that yes, in this competitive world of premed parallel lines, percentiles and p-values, you are alone... ok, let's control the emo.

Bottom line: anyone else frustrated with premed pseudocastration?
Z

wow, you're a really appealing writer. i like your style.

on the note of losing touch with old friends, i think it's kind of sweet to lose touch for a while and then catch up. so you've been a little preoccupied with life these last few years--that doesn't mean you can't poke your head out now and take a look around. 😉

of course, who am i to talk? am i enjoying all the wonders of life? not so much...

 

[DropkickMurphy]

I don't know too many males who have been able to hold down the relationship w/ the special lady and still keep up with the academic side of college...unless you just happen to snag a girl who is totally understable with your schedule.

Agreed....in fact that's one of the reasons I love my girlfriend. She's totally understanding when it comes to my schedule. As my way of saying 'Thank you for standing by me through all of this stuff', I'm taking her to Paris next year when I go over to help present the findings of the research project I am involved with at a conference. 👍

 

[JohnUC33]

I have to say that I sorta agree with the OP to a point. As MS1 in the fall, I find it "easy" to meet girls cause most get that glow in their eyes of dating a future doctor..blah, blah. What I find hard is actually finding one who understands your tough premed, MCAT, etc study rigours or the stress that being a broke applicant puts on you. When I talk to most girls and explain to them the intense future I have in store, most lose interest pretty fast. Stupid gold diggers...lol

 

[Karina 07]

Now, okay, I'm not an applicant for med school. My boyfriend is. But lemme tell you something, *I* was the one thinking "oh, crap, I have no time for this, it'll screw my grades" at the beginning of it. I tried desperately to avoid it. Caved in. Been enjoying the relationship for a long, long time. And here's the thing: I still got a full scholarship to Oxford for grad school. And oddly enough, I think that my grades didn't really suffer, nor my ECs, and if they did, they were outweighed by the fact that I was saner. I think admissions looks for a degree of sanity or something. They don't like robots. So. It worked well for me. If I hadn't started going out with him, I probably would've been such a pathetic human-contact-starved blob who only cared about coursework and ECs that... I might not have gotten that scholarship. I'm serious!! It makes you more humane, and that matters.

 

[R_C_Hutchinson]

this is silly. being a premedical student should in no way be all-encompassing enough to curtail your social life.

either:

1. you are so caught up in being premed/a doctor that you're doing it for the social stigma or as a way to define yourself. if this is the case then work on your personal problems before seeking out someone else.

2. you are caught up in the notion that a romantic relationship must consist of dates, flowers, long talks on the phone and constant togetherness. these things are nice, but not the answer.

wanna know how to find someone?

look around. find someone you like looking at. talk to them.

 

[Callogician]

A loss of balance in life is the natural consequence of any competitive system. This explains the male peacock's cumbersome feathers as well as the premedical student's self destructive obsession. Take a step back, consider your priorities, and take action to improve your life.

 

[cfdavid]

It sounds like you may lack some balance. While I can empathize with the work situation, perhaps you could cut back on some of the other activities. It's important to have at least a little social life. Not that I'm advocating partying like a rock star......... But, you know.

 

[Skaterbabe74]

I agree with everyone who said it's all about balance. When I started this journey I had a bf. He was very supportive, but I wasn't doing nearly as well in my classes as I should have been (not his fault, but there was some stress from him as well towards the end). He was my only support system. Once we broke up (amicably) and I got over my grieving period I found a new support system (new friends), and started being social (going out a couple times a week even if just to a friend's house to have a few drinks) I found that my grades improved drastically. I've partied way more in the last year than I ever did in the previous 3 years and my attendance was better, my grades better, and my mental health better. Stepping back from the whole premed thing and finding the balance that works for you is the key to not only keeping your sanity, but getting the grades. You don't need a gf/bf to survive premed, but a good support system and being sociable are extremely necessary.

 

[Slide]

To re-add some comments, it's not undoable. Freshman year and part of soph premed year, you'll have fun. But from the latter end of sophomore year, junior year, and part of that summer, it may not be very fun, and the dating scene will be hard for you to jump in; you gotta do a ton of stuff, and you just gotta suck it up and keep in mind that the payoffs will be greater in the long run.

However, after applications, you'll feel like you're on the top of the world, because all you can do, other than continue some of your ECs and work, is wait for ADCOMs to contact you. That burden off your shoulders will be much lighter, and you'll be able to get back into the dating scene. I would only mention medical school stuff if girls ask you about it, but if you get accepted and if you can pull it off right at the bar/party scene, you'll have mad one-night stands.

As for dating in the pre-med pool, just be sure you know what you're in for. For me, if I were to date a pre-med, she would have to NOT talk about pre-med and medical stuff all the time. I would want to hear about her day, her rants (not medical though), her pan on politics, pop culture and ethnic culture, random things, etc., and she would have to be intimate, not pent-up. But hey, to each one their own, right?

 

[swtiepie711]

I thinks it may be difficult, but it surely is possible. My situation is a little different in that I didn't actively date various people in college - I have been with my fiance since junior year of high school. We did long distance for 1.5 years of college (this didn't mean that we didn't see each other often - we never went more than 3 weeks without seeing each other, usually less, involved flying/driving several hundred miles, etc.). Then he transferred to be near me in LA and we've now been together six years and are getting married next month (yes, wedding planning, working full time & applying to med school - I guess I'm a glutton for punnishment). To answer your academic performance question, I graduated summa cum laude with bio degree from UCLA (3.888 cumultative, 3.86 science GPA) and my fiance graduated magna cum laude (3.7-something) from his college. Now one might say that this is because we had already learned to support one another and didn't have to do all the initial mumbo-jumbo of dating DURING college. Whatever it is, it's not simple as pie - it's especially difficult because I would much rather hang with him than do school work or study for the MCAT or something - but it's surely possible to have it all! Just my 2 cents! 😍

 

[swisschard]

I think you're getting too much into this. You'll do fine. If you find a girlfriend, you can still put in the time to do work. Take it as it comes and relax. I had a girlfriend for two years and am graduating with a 3.9 in microbiology.

Actually, that you're looking at this post indicates you have free time.

 

[lookslikerain]

One of my very good friends balanced a wonderful marriage with the pre-med life and he did it beautifully. Graduated at the top of our class and has a great relationship with his wife (he's my age but got married junior year of college). I think personality is key. He's one of the most laid-back, go-with-the-flow people I've ever known.