Dating in residency

[EMhopeful2]

Hey guys, I'm 26 soon to be 27, 2nd year male resident doc. I'm having a tough time with dating and finding someone to settle down. I went on a ton of dates over the last year using the apps, but I met all sorts of crazies, time wasters, and casual flings which I'm no longer into. The girls that I am strongly interested online are a pain to converse with/don't respond in a timely manner. My hospital doesn't really have any dating prospects. My entire residency class is married, so no one to really go out with. I'm also just tired of using the apps and talking to so many people. I honestly did not imagine this happening to me, and I'm a little worried now.

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[smq123]

Hey guys, I'm 26 soon to be 27, 2nd year male resident doc. I'm having a tough time with dating and finding someone to settle down. I went on a ton of dates over the last year using the apps, but I met all sorts of crazies, time wasters, and casual flings which I'm no longer into. The girls that I am strongly interested online are a pain to converse with/don't respond in a timely manner. My hospital doesn't really have any dating prospects. My entire residency class is married, so no one to really go out with. I'm also just tired of using the apps and talking to so many people. I honestly did not imagine this happening to me, and I'm a little worried now.

You're a little young to be getting worried....

 

[Dr.LeoSpaceman]

Hey guys, I'm 26 soon to be 27, 2nd year male resident doc. I'm having a tough time with dating and finding someone to settle down. I went on a ton of dates over the last year using the apps, but I met all sorts of crazies, time wasters, and casual flings which I'm no longer into. The girls that I am strongly interested online are a pain to converse with/don't respond in a timely manner. My hospital doesn't really have any dating prospects. My entire residency class is married, so no one to really go out with. I'm also just tired of using the apps and talking to so many people. I honestly did not imagine this happening to me, and I'm a little worried now.

Cliche to say, but I'd advise to stop trying so hard. Don't approach every first date wondering "Is this the one?" and don't approach your free time as a constant search for prospects. Find a few activities outside the hospital, make some friends who aren't in the program, and enjoy your time.

I dated someone through undergrad and most of med school. Got engaged, then it fell apart at which point I mourned my whole life plan getting derailed. Fast forward 10 years, and I'm happily married with 2 kids. It will happen.

 

[EMhopeful2]

Cliche to say, but I'd advise to stop trying so hard. Don't approach every first date wondering "Is this the one?" and don't approach your free time as a constant search for prospects. Find a few activities outside the hospital, make some friends who aren't in the program, and enjoy your time.

I dated someone through undergrad and most of med school. Got engaged, then it fell apart at which point I mourned my whole life plan getting derailed. Fast forward 10 years, and I'm happily married with 2 kids. It will happen.

How’d you meet your current wife?

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

You're a little young to be getting worried....

Quality options, literally by definition, shrink as you age. So it depends - OP is too young to be worried in general but not too young to be worried about finding someone of quality.

 

[smq123]

Quality options, literally by definition, shrink as you age. So it depends - OP is too young to be worried in general but not too young to be worried about finding someone of quality.

Does it really?

I’m assuming that the OP, posting about finding a “girl to settle down with,” is a male. This may be a heterocentrist assumption but if it IS true, then shouldn't his dating pool continue to improve as he enters his thirties?

Most men don’t seem to have a problem with dating someone younger, whereas many straight women will only date someone their age or older. He can continue to date women in their mid-twenties, plus date women in their early thirties (who may be much more eager at that point to settle down). Plus, I imagine that he will have more women interested in him when he becomes an attending, with a more predictable schedule (to an extent) and a higher salary.

I understand the time pressure for a woman; the longer you wait until you find someone, the more likely it is that you will have trouble having children naturally without expensive and invasive reproductive assistance. Men don't have that problem.

 

[BoardingDoc]

Does it really?

I’m assuming that the OP, posting about finding a “girl to settle down with,” is a male. This may be a heterocentrist assumption but if it IS true, then shouldn't his dating pool will continue to improve as he enters his thirties?

Most men don’t seem to have a problem with dating someone younger, whereas many straight women will only date someone their age or older. He can continue to date women in their mid-twenties, plus date women in their early thirties (who may be much more eager at that point to settle down). Plus, I imagine that he will have more women interested in him when he becomes an attending, with a more predictable schedule (to an extent) and a higher salary.

I understand the time pressure for a woman; the longer you wait until you find someone, the more likely it is that you will have trouble having children naturally without expensive and invasive reproductive assistance. Men don't have that problem.

Op is male. Said so in the post. And yeah, this guy doesn't need to rush. As you said, men have the advantage of generally becoming more desirable as a partner as they enter their thirties. If anything his options are improving. @MedicineZ0Z's comment certainly applies (in general) to hetero women, but not to hetero men.

 

[thumbz]

Yeah seriously don't rush it, you'll find someone when the time is right. My wife was 34 when she met me and had all but given up on the prospect of ever actually finding a husband. She even lived in a town where the average age was >65 and truly never thought she was going to find the one.

Worst case - find yourself a gold digger who is happy to work hard as long as you provide her with the right lifestyle.

 

[Dr.LeoSpaceman]

How’d you meet your current wife?

Through friends (non-medical), at a bar. Which is actually how I also met the two other women I dated seriously before my wife.

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Op is male. Said so in the post. And yeah, this guy doesn't need to rush. As you said, men have the advantage of generally becoming more desirable as a partner as they enter their thirties. If anything his options are improving. @MedicineZ0Z's comment certainly applies (in general) to hetero women, but not to hetero men.

Not sure if real world examples support men being most appealing in their 30s. If that were the case, girls in their 20s would mostly be dating men much older. But most couples are pretty close in age.

 

[EMhopeful2]

Not sure if real world examples support men being most appealing in their 30s. If that were the case, girls in their 20s would mostly be dating men much older. But most couples are pretty close in age.

Maybe it's just because it's easier to meet people your own age

 

[MedicineZ0Z]

Maybe it's just because it's easier to meet people your own age

Sure, but majority of girls in their 20s find it automatically creepy if a guy 10 years older than them tries to hit on them.

 

[smq123]

Sure, but majority of girls in their 20s find it automatically creepy if a guy 10 years older than them tries to hit on them.

<sigh>

No one is suggesting that the OP (or anyone in his shoes) should go to the club and start handing out their phone number to 21 year olds when they're 31.

All I'm saying is that he has no reason to worry or rush. He may be ready to settle down and start a family at the age of 26 or 27, but I guarantee that many women his age are not, especially if he lives outside of certain communities/cultures where getting married young is expected.

However, in a few years, if he is still single and looking, I believe that he will find more females in the 30-33 year old cohort that are looking more towards settling down. And he may have better success then.

 

[jurassicpark]

Sure, but majority of girls in their 20s find it automatically creepy if a guy 10 years older than them tries to hit on them.

Depends on how its done. I lured this one young lass about 10 years younger than me with promises of all the sushi she could eat, as far as the eye can see. And I promised to help her with her homework (she was in her masters you pervert, get your mind out of the gutter). Several years later and admitting I had no idea how to help her with her homework, we are happily married.

 

[Sardonix]

Depends on how its done. I lured this one young lass about 10 years younger than me with promises of all the sushi she could eat, as far as the eye can see. And I promised to help her with her homework (she was in her masters you pervert, get your mind out of the gutter). Several years later and admitting I had no idea how to help her with her homework, we are happily married.

This, boys and girls, is known as the long con. He got her!