Dean of Admissions Friendship

[Plue00]

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My high school teacher is really good friends with a dean of admissions at a nearby medical school. She brought him in to talk to us (magnet program for students wanting to go into the medical field) and he gave us advice about medical school and what to do in college. I asked him a question after he finished talking to us and he invited me out to lunch. So we had lunch and talked about my goals to get into medical school and this turned into a friendship (he would email me, I tried to never annoy him). So it's been a year and a half since then and we've become pretty good friends and he said I could do some work for him this summer if I wanted to and it would look good applying to medical school. I have about a month free in in the summer before summer school and I was pretty excited to get this opportunity. I was telling my friends about this and they said it was unfair that I had this advantage.

Should I do this? I kind of understand how it's unfair but I never gunned for the position or friendship. We usually have lunch when I'm on break from school and it's usually him that emails asking if I'd like to have lunch. I don't know why he does this but it's pretty cool. He said he likes to mentor 3-4 students to help them get into medical school.

 

[hiyaman]

My high school teacher is really good friends with a dean of admissions at a nearby medical school. She brought him in to talk to us (magnet program for students wanting to go into the medical field) and he gave us advice about medical school and what to do in college. I asked him a question after he finished talking to us and he invited me out to lunch. So we had lunch and talked about my goals to get into medical school and this turned into a friendship (he would email me, I tried to never annoy him). So it's been a year and a half since then and we've become pretty good friends and he said I could do some work for him this summer if I wanted to and it would look good applying to medical school. I have about a month free in in the summer before summer school and I was pretty excited to get this opportunity. I was telling my friends about this and they said it was unfair that I had this advantage.

Should I do this? I kind of understand how it's unfair but I never gunned for the position or friendship. We usually have lunch when I'm on break from school and it's usually him that emails asking if I'd like to have lunch. I don't know why he does this but it's pretty cool. He said he likes to mentor 3-4 students to help them get into medical school.

Seems like a good mentor to have. I say go for it. In real life ppl get positions and stuff because of connections all the time.

 

[Thego2guy]

My high school teacher is really good friends with a dean of admissions at a nearby medical school. She brought him in to talk to us (magnet program for students wanting to go into the medical field) and he gave us advice about medical school and what to do in college. I asked him a question after he finished talking to us and he invited me out to lunch. So we had lunch and talked about my goals to get into medical school and this turned into a friendship (he would email me, I tried to never annoy him). So it's been a year and a half since then and we've become pretty good friends and he said I could do some work for him this summer if I wanted to and it would look good applying to medical school. I have about a month free in in the summer before summer school and I was pretty excited to get this opportunity. I was telling my friends about this and they said it was unfair that I had this advantage.

Should I do this? I kind of understand how it's unfair but I never gunned for the position or friendship. We usually have lunch when I'm on break from school and it's usually him that emails asking if I'd like to have lunch. I don't know why he does this but it's pretty cool. He said he likes to mentor 3-4 students to help them get into medical school.

Go for it.

On a similar note, I am so paranoid about these things from watch Law&Order SVU that it is not even funny. My Math professor has been expressing interest to be friends. After class we often frequently talk for about an hour. Twice he insisted to pay for my coffee. He is an old guy, with a large family, and he seems nice, but is this behavior weird? He said that after this semester is over, he would like for this "friendship" to continue, and said that he'll give me his number/email after the final or something.

I am paranoid like crazy about these things. Can someone tell me if this stuff is normal and if things like this happen to you? OP, how do you feel about the relationship that you have with the man? Do little odd things make you wonder about the true intentions of the person? After reading abnormal psych cases, I realized that no matter how normal someone might seem, s*** can get real bad real fast.

 

[Barcu]

OP, do it. Don't worry about it.

I am paranoid like crazy about these things. Can someone tell me if this stuff is normal and if things like this happen to you? OP, how do you feel about the relationship that you have with the man? Do little odd things make you wonder about the true intentions of the person? After reading abnormal psych cases, I realized that no matter how normal someone might seem, s*** can get real bad real fast.

Stay in public places and it should be cool. Med school is the goal, right? 😎

 

[Plue00]

Go for it.

On a similar note, I am so paranoid about these things from watch Law&Order SVU that it is not even funny. My Math professor has been expressing interest to be friends. After class we often frequently talk for about an hour. Twice he insisted to pay for my coffee. He is an old guy, with a large family, and he seems nice, but is this behavior weird? He said that after this semester is over, he would like for this "friendship" to continue, and said that he'll give me his number/email after the final or something.

I am paranoid like crazy about these things. Can someone tell me if this stuff is normal and if things like this happen to you? OP, how do you feel about the relationship that you have with the man? Do little odd things make you wonder about the true intentions of the person? After reading abnormal psych cases, I realized that no matter how normal someone might seem, s*** can get real bad real fast.

I don't think that's the case for me... He's an old man and he's married. Lunch is usually near other deans doing work... Sorry your math professor is, uh, yeah.

 

[whatbout2morrow]

.....I was telling my friends about this and they said it was unfair that I had this advantage......

 

[Thego2guy]

OP, do it. Don't worry about it.

Stay in public places and it should be cool. Med school is the goal, right? 😎

Haha man, that's the idea!

I don't think that's the case for me... He's an old man and he's married. Lunch is usually near other deans doing work... Sorry your math professor is, uh, yeah.

Lol well, he is also married. Has three kids. A bunch of brothers and sisters. And he used to be a principal of an elementary school... ....

This is always on campus, so its always public. I am obviously 18+ so, I wouldn't think pedophiles are into that. -_-

I was just curious if others had.. these sort of friendships with their professors/mentors, where their mentors would sometimes act a little weird. I mean, everyone acts weird at times. Just curious what you all thought of it. Did you think that the guy is just a nice person? Or what?

 

[Knocked Up]

My high school teacher is really good friends with a dean of admissions at a nearby medical school. She brought him in to talk to us (magnet program for students wanting to go into the medical field) and he gave us advice about medical school and what to do in college. I asked him a question after he finished talking to us and he invited me out to lunch. So we had lunch and talked about my goals to get into medical school and this turned into a friendship (he would email me, I tried to never annoy him). So it's been a year and a half since then and we've become pretty good friends and he said I could do some work for him this summer if I wanted to and it would look good applying to medical school. I have about a month free in in the summer before summer school and I was pretty excited to get this opportunity. I was telling my friends about this and they said it was unfair that I had this advantage.

You kept his attention for a year and a half...

Do you know for sure exactly what type of "work" he is referring to?

 

[galaxyx]

Haha man, that's the idea!



Lol well, he is also married. Has three kids. A bunch of brothers and sisters. And he used to be a principal of an elementary school... ....

This is always on campus, so its always public. I am obviously 18+ so, I wouldn't think pedophiles are into that. -_-

I was just curious if others had.. these sort of friendships with their professors/mentors, where their mentors would sometimes act a little weird. I mean, everyone acts weird at times. Just curious what you all thought of it. Did you think that the guy is just a nice person? Or what?

What are you defining as weird?

A person with a solid career/finances offering or even insisting on paying for a college students' coffee isn't weird. People who are solid financially often remember when they weren't and like to give back.

A college professor wanting to keep in touch isn't necessarily weird either. Many professors become professors because they like teaching and like to see their students become successful. It's quite possible that he just wants to follow your continued academic career and help you in the future with grad school/jobs/etc.

Things I would worry about:
-Inviting you to dinner without wife/family/colleagues present.
-Overly friendly body language: hugging, touching, etc.

 

[Spjutster]

Go for it! You'll quickly learn that the best way to get anywhere professionally is to network with those who can help you out. I'm not advocating that you pretend to be friends with someone just because they have something to offer you. But like you said, you didn't become friends to get ahead, rather he took you under his wing because he saw something good in you. Grab ahold of such good fortune while you can.

Sent from my SGH-T759 using SDN Mobile

 

[NatrixCaelicola]

It's not what you know but who you know. I am angered that my sports team after the deadline was like "oh so did you apply to XYZ? We all are good friends with the deans"...

 

[Thego2guy]

What are you defining as weird?

A person with a solid career/finances offering or even insisting on paying for a college students' coffee isn't weird. People who are solid financially often remember when they weren't and like to give back.

A college professor wanting to keep in touch isn't necessarily weird either. Many professors become professors because they like teaching and like to see their students become successful. It's quite possible that he just wants to follow your continued academic career and help you in the future with grad school/jobs/etc.

Things I would worry about:
-Inviting you to dinner without wife/family/colleagues present.
-Overly friendly body language: hugging, touching, etc.

Some of the weirdness is ineffable.

-Open conversations about girls/sex/society/marriage.
-The body language is okay. He may occasionally look at weird places, but I've met people with odd body language before, so it might actually be normal.
-Compliments about physical appearance.
-When I missed an exam, I got a phone call (which is odd), with him asking what happened, and that I shouldn't worry, and that he cares about me.
-When he mentioned giving me his number, it didn't seem like it would be an occasional "get in touch" thing, just to make sure that "I am academically successful". It seemed more for the purpose of ..friendship? More for a common occurrence than not.
-He told me that I am doing great in class, and that the grade is the last thing I should worry about, and that it will be taken care of. I don't want to get on bad terms with him and say that the is a creepy old man, and get an F. 🙁

Either I am in denial, or I am paranoid. I'd rather be paranoid than in denial. Perhaps he is just a really caring man, who is upset that his son is 32 and moved out, and he is looking to fill a void? As I said, he is married, has plenty of brothers and sisters, his wife is a substitute teacher who works part time. So all of that seems normal. I just don't particularly like the personal conversations, and the directions where they lead. I do like the prospective idea of an A for the class. Ugh!

 

[ljpm8224]

^^ is this the thiz dance???

OP- do it. Just keep it professional & don't wear risque clothes if you're a female. Some people enjoy mentoring and helping, and honestly sometimes married old dudes like the company of young motivated young-uns to make them feel young again themselves. Doesn't have to be creepy even if their underlying motivations are... does that make sense? society is fascinated with youth and beauty.

 

[IlDestriero]

You have to take advantage of every opportunity that you have. Connections, legacies, the old boys club, that's life in the big city. Anyone who tries to tell you that there's something wrong with that is jealous, our hopelessly naive.
As for buying you coffee or lunch, come on. I buy my residents and fellows coffee, sometimes lunch if they're behind me in line, dinner on call. I don't want to be their friend, nor am I secretly trying to seduce them.🙄
It's about appreciating their effort. And the fact that I make more than 10x what they make.

 

[jokerman55]

You have to take advantage of every opportunity that you have. Connections, legacies, the old boys club, that's life in the big city. Anyone who tries to tell you that there's something wrong with that is jealous, our hopelessly naive.
As for buying you coffee or lunch, come on. I buy my residents and fellows coffee, sometimes lunch if they're behind me in line, dinner on call. I don't want to be their friend, nor am I secretly trying to seduce them.🙄
It's about appreciating their effort. And the fact that I make more than 10x what they make.

+1. For every successful person you'll find there was a mentor behind them.

 

[tantacles]

^^ is this the thiz dance???

OP- do it. Just keep it professional & don't wear risque clothes if you're a female. Some people enjoy mentoring and helping, and honestly sometimes married old dudes like the company of young motivated young-uns to make them feel young again themselves. Doesn't have to be creepy even if their underlying motivations are... does that make sense? society is fascinated with youth and beauty.

I think that men and women should both wear provocative clothing whenever possible.