Deferring my acceptance (ATSU-SOMA)

[MyGrainAura]

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I can’t believe what I’m reading.

Talk to anyone at the end of their life about regrets and ask them what they wish they could have changed and they will tell you “I wish I would have spent more time with loved ones” not, “I wish I could have squeezed another year of high paying salary”.

OP will NEVER get this time with their grandfather back. Meanwhile, med school will still be there waiting. There is more to life than practicing medicine or making money, apparently not for some of you - that makes me very sad.


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[de Ribas]

I can’t believe what I’m reading.

Talk to anyone at the end of their life about regrets and ask them what they wish they could have changed and they will tell you “I wish I would have spent more time with loved ones” not, “I wish I could have squeezed another year of high paying salary”.

OP will NEVER get this time with their grandfather back. Meanwhile, med school will still be there waiting. There is more to life than practicing medicine or making money, apparently not for some of you - that makes me very sad.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

Doesn't make any sense.

Doesn't matter when you go to med school you will have no time or much less time to spend with your loved ones. Your reasoning is very weak.

OP also says that they have a mother. If they go one year later, or earlier, the amount of time they will have to sacrifice for med school is still the same.

There are always things in our lives that do not go as we wanted. We have various regrets. If you give up A over B, you may later regret that you didn't get A. If you gave up B over A, you may later regret that you didn't get B. We tend to regret about things that didn't happen no matter what. Do your best, and don't regret. Just understand that you did best decision based on situation at that time.

Our loved ones often leave us unexpectedly even when they are 80 or 90 years old and we are not in med school. People still regret about things they could do differently. Thought they could spend more time with them. But realistically people do what's possible based on real life situations, not what could or should have happened.

Talk to anyone at the end of their life about regrets and ask them what they wish they could have changed

It doesn't necessarily mean that if they would go back in time they would do anything differently. Regrets are not based on real life situations. They are based on feelings, emotions and hypothetical situations.

 

[de Ribas]

There is more to life than practicing medicine or making money, apparently not for some of you - that makes me very sad.

“I wish I could have squeezed another year of high paying salary”.

Or maybe:
"I wish I could have squeezed another year of saving hundreds of lives more"

 

[CCresearcher]

Doesn't make any sense.

Doesn't matter when you go to med school you will have no time or much less time to spend with your loved ones. Your reasoning is very weak.

OP also says that they have a mother. If they go one year later, or earlier, the amount of time they will have to sacrifice for med school is still the same.

There are always things in our lives that do not go as we wanted. We have various regrets. If you give up A over B, you may later regret that you didn't get A. If you gave up B over A, you may later regret that you didn't get B. We tend to regret about things that didn't happen no matter what. Do your best, and don't regret. Just understand that you did best decision based on situation at that time.

Our loved ones often leave us unexpectedly even when they are 80 or 90 years old and we are not in med school. People still regret about things they could do differently. Thought they could spend more time with them. But realistically people do what's possible based on real life situations, not what could or should have happened.


It doesn't necessarily mean that if they would go back in time they would do anything differently. Regrets are not based on real life situations. They are based on feelings, emotions and hypothetical situations.

OP’s grandfather is still alive, but dying. The time he or she has left to spend with the grandfather is therefore limited and directly affected by when OP starts med school.

OP, I think you should ask for a deferral. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re at your best to start school, and it’s important to spend as much time with your grandfather as possible while you still can. If your school won’t grant your request, then you should start school (with an early visit to the counseling center to get your mindset at its best).

And to all the people calling OP immature, you need to work on your empathy. It actually shows much more maturity on OP’s part to realize that he or she isn’t ready to start given the circumstances. Better to lose a year’s salary by deferring if possible than to start now and live with the regret of missing the grandfather’s last days and potentially damaging future residency chances or failing out due to mental health issues. I find that premeds tend to obsess about every potential dollar earned, but in reality a year’s salary makes little difference in the full picture of a lifelong career. As was mentioned earlier, time spend with loved ones matters much more in the long run.

 

[676188]

Hello SDN community,

Long time lurker, first time poster. I recently got accepted and put my deposit down for ATSU-SOMA (DO School), and things were looking great.

A couple days ago, my maternal grandfather (stage 4 throat cancer/cigarettes) was taken into critical care and is now on life support because he cannot breathe on his own.

This has devastated me literally 11 days before orientation. I have already had a lot going on during this pre-matriculation stage, but this has just put me over the edge. I'm feeling the emotions, depression, and confusion kicking in.

I didn't know what to do, until my friend told me that I could defer my acceptance. I wanted to ask for advice before doing so.

Is this a bad idea? Who should I ask? What is the procedure?

I want to go into Med School, but feel that at the moment, this could impact my performance.

Thank you all.

My grandfather passed away the second week of my Spring semester this year. I had just started graduate school, and a part time job as a GA. He and I were very close, and he went from improving in a rehab unit and talking about going home to DNR/palliative care only in a matter of days after years of heart issues...similar to your grandfather, but not exactly the same. I was there holding his hand when he drew his last breath.

I took a week off work (brand new job, mind you), to be in the hospital with him at the end, and to help my grandmother and father plan the funeral. I managed to only have to miss two days' worth of classes during this process. My supervisor and professors were very understanding. I have made sure to call my grandmother and father regularly since then, and I try to see them more often. However, right now my graduate program and my GA position are my job, along with being a mother and a wife. As sad as I have been grieving my grandfather, real adult life doesn't allow us to shut down for a year, and its probably not healthy to do so. I've allowed myself extra grace in the past several months with my grades and commitments, but I haven't dropped my responsibilities or put my life on hold.

My other three grandparents are all 75+, and I'm extremely close to all of them. I will probably lose one or more while I'm in medical school, and I know I will be sad, and it will be hard. I will give myself time to grieve, and space and room to get past it, but I can't shut my life down every time I lose a loved one, nor can most people.

 

[alijen]

E3ZY219: Only you can make this decision. Dealing with a loved ones illness and potential loss is difficult. The way people handle it varies. Some people like to keep busy and preoccupied, others need time to process, reflect and be close to family. Reading through your posts, it appears that you may not be emotionally ready to start your medical school studies at this time. Call the director of admissions at SOMA, explain the situation and ask for the process for a deferment. Typically this involves writing a letter of request (many schools will accept an e-mail including a hand-signed scanned letter). Some schools may require an additional deposit. If this is what you want to do, please inform the school ASAP so your seat in this year's class can be released to another candidate. I wish you the very best.

 

[MyGrainAura]

Doesn't make any sense.

Doesn't matter when you go to med school you will have no time or much less time to spend with your loved ones. Your reasoning is very weak.

OP also says that they have a mother. If they go one year later, or earlier, the amount of time they will have to sacrifice for med school is still the same.

There are always things in our lives that do not go as we wanted. We have various regrets. If you give up A over B, you may later regret that you didn't get A. If you gave up B over A, you may later regret that you didn't get B. We tend to regret about things that didn't happen no matter what. Do your best, and don't regret. Just understand that you did best decision based on situation at that time.

Our loved ones often leave us unexpectedly even when they are 80 or 90 years old and we are not in med school. People still regret about things they could do differently. Thought they could spend more time with them. But realistically people do what's possible based on real life situations, not what could or should have happened.


It doesn't necessarily mean that if they would go back in time they would do anything differently. Regrets are not based on real life situations. They are based on feelings, emotions and hypothetical situations.

Regrets aren’t entirely hypothetical. The results of spending more time with loved ones vs. working are very achievable and tangible.

Hypothetical would be “I wish I would have kept pursuing my desires to be an artist”, with no way to discern how that reality would play out for better or worse.

You missed the entire point of the reflection. People much older than you who have spent their entire lives working saw far more value in their time on earth with people than working.

Or maybe:
"I wish I could have squeezed another year of saving hundreds of lives more"

Now who’s being hypothetical?

Someone else will take OPs place in school so that takes care of some “life saving void”. Secondly, how presumptuous to assume that a physician goes around “saving hundreds of lives”. You don’t know what type of medicine they will practice, maybe they will become a medical examiner. You call my reasoning weak, but yours is riddled with assumptions and naivety that speaks of someone who isn’t actively practicing.

Perhaps one more year could mean the worst malpractice mistake of their career.


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[de Ribas]

Now who’s being hypothetical?

Someone else will take OPs place in school so that takes care of some “life saving void”. Secondly, how presumptuous to assume that a physician goes around “saving hundreds of lives”. You don’t know what type of medicine they will practice, maybe they will become a medical examiner. You call my reasoning weak, but yours is riddled with assumptions and naivety that speaks of someone who isn’t actively practicing.

Perhaps one more year could mean the worst malpractice mistake of their career.

Get some sense of humor please. I wasnt 100% serious about that one. This was a relatively sarcastic reply to your earlier assumption that there is something else more important than practicing medicine and making money. Practicing medicine is not all about making money. For many it is something else. It may be fulfilled goals, feelings good and staying positive doing a meaningful work, saving or improving other's lives and so on. I wanted to reply in this way to say that medicine is not just about making money and going away from loved ones.

Directly or indirectly depending on a specialty, medicine is a meaningful job that helps others. It's not like one gives up their time for family for selfish reasons.

It can go to an extreme when people can even regret going on vacation every year for a month when for example they could spend more time with their aging grandparent. There is never enough of anything.

People much older than you who have spent their entire lives working saw far more value in their time on earth with people than working.

I don't disagree that there is a value in spending time with your loved ones. I have big family on my and my wife's side. Just on my mom's side I have over 30 cousins. We regularly meet. We are all very close. Since undergrad I lived away from my parents, but I managed to visit them at least once a month.

Recently I lost my two grandfathers, and my wife's younger brother barely survived the motorcycle accident and spent 3 weeks in ICU and coma. My wife has lost her grandparents in the last 5 years, and uncle died to cancer. He was 57.

Every year something happens. I won't have time for my own kids and their future if I will feel devastated when everyone leaves us. I wont have time for my own family. I think there needs to be a balance. I think this is also part of being mature to be able to find a good balance between lives of loved once and your own life and your family's.

There is time for everything.


To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8


I have nothing against OP. But if you read OPs first post all I see is what they say:

I have already had a lot going on during this pre-matriculation stage, but this has just put me over the edge. I'm feeling the emotions, depression, and confusion kicking in.

I dont see OP saying that they want to defer to take care of their grandfather. He is not saying that they are close to each other and that he means so much to OP. OP doesnt say that they feel obligated to take care and be there for their grandparent. Maybe grandparent has done a lot for OP. All I see is that OP already had a lot to deal with and now this situation makes it worse on OP causing mixed emotions and confusion and depression.

OP is not ready to start med achool this year not because they can give up their grandparent but because they experience depression and confusion. It is not a good condition to be in med school.
It is not a good condition to take care of a loved one. OP needs to take care of themselves as well if they experience depression.

 

[863168]

 

[Chromatic543]

I DIED

 

[E3ZY219]

Hello SDN people,

So I decided to go ahead and defer my acceptance, and it was granted. However, I did not receive anything from the school, and I'm not sure what the rules are for deferrment. What do I usually have to follow?

I guess I'm just wondering if there are written agreements or a contract that follows.