Depressed, crying, desperate premed - advice on how to stay motivated?

[screwedpremed999]

I received my MCAT score yesterday and I have to say I've been crushed-- all of my dreams of getting into the med schools that I've been wanting to attend, all four years of doing nothing in my life but think about and work towards medical school, I feel like have all been in vain.

I have sacrificed so much (health, relationships, time with family, etc) with this one goal in mind, and now I am completely burned out. I hoped that a good MCAT score would help me regain my energy to work on secondaries, but after yesterday I feel like giving everything up. I already spent so much money on this application cycle (extremely low-income family but was not able to do FAP in time so we're paying everything out of pocket which has been an extremely large burden on us) so I have no choice but to keep trucking along with the process, but my motivation levels right now are so low that I don't know what to do.

I've been having trouble going to sleep last night and getting out of bed this morning. And to think that I still have to share this news to my parents and already predicting their reaction is killing me; they too have sacrificed so much and have done so much for me with the hopes that I am able to achieve my dreams, and I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself to have not been able to do that, all because of one 3-digit number.

Right now I feel like an empty shell and completely lost, distraught, depressed.

Does anyone have advice on how to stay motivated to complete my secondaries after knowing that all of my aspirations, which have been somewhat within reach, have now become foolish dreams?

I can't look at my essays anymore without crying-- honestly I'm crying as I'm writing this

Please help. I'm at the end of the ropes right now. Superficially saying that "everything will be okay" has not been helping me up my mood at all...but I'm desperate for advice, for reassurance, just any support from people because I am also lonely af here without a strong support system around me which has been making things even worse

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[lumya]

There’s a lot of unpack here.

OP, I don’t know your MCAT score but from your previous post it seems like you received a score below what you expected, but is not going to be a sole barrier to a medical school acceptance (it sounds like it was <500). You received a lot of great advice from people wiser than I, so I’m not going to comment on that.

It’s completely normal to be disappointed and upset. Your feelings are valid. The med school application cycle is really exhausting and you might have set back days where you can’t do anything except cry and binge Netflix. You don’t have to take every blow without giving yourself to recover, you have to give yourself time to grieve the imagined outcome you had.

However there’s no time machine, and you can’t do anything to change the score you got on a test you’ve already taken. You can only control what you do going forward. I don’t say this to scare you, but the blows and disappointments will keep on coming in medical school, they will in residency, medical practice and beyond. You will burn yourself out at if you keep on placing so much pressure on yourself.

If you are able to, I would recommend speaking with a therapist or a mental health counselor. There may be low cost resources at your school or in your community. As @Goro always says, medical school is a crucible and it will break even the strongest. Now is a good time to focus on yourself if you can.

As for your parents, I grew up in a strict immigrant Asian household with a lot of expectations and pressure placed on me. I understand the fear of what your family’s response will be, but as someone who has felt that same anxiety, in my experience, my anticipation of how my parents will response was always worse than reality.

 

[LizzyM]

I concur with all of @lumya 's wisdom.

I will add a bit of my own. Stop now. Do not submit secondaries. Don't spend your money on secondary fees. This was a rushed cycle and you will not make things better by plowing ahead and sacrificing even more money on a cycle that may be disappointing.

Stop. Get your ducks in a row to apply for FAP next year. That will include MCAT assistance. In the meantime, look at what you've learned about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses and make a plan to prepare to retake the MCAT sometime in the first 5 months of 2023. This isn't a sprint and knowing when to stop, reassess and make a new plan shows your maturity and your readiness to take a measured approach to this marathon.

 

[Goro]

I received my MCAT score yesterday and I have to say I've been crushed-- all of my dreams of getting into the med schools that I've been wanting to attend, all four years of doing nothing in my life but think about and work towards medical school, I feel like have all been in vain.

I have sacrificed so much (health, relationships, time with family, etc) with this one goal in mind, and now I am completely burned out. I hoped that a good MCAT score would help me regain my energy to work on secondaries, but after yesterday I feel like giving everything up. I already spent so much money on this application cycle (extremely low-income family but was not able to do FAP in time so we're paying everything out of pocket which has been an extremely large burden on us) so I have no choice but to keep trucking along with the process, but my motivation levels right now are so low that I don't know what to do.

I've been having trouble going to sleep last night and getting out of bed this morning. And to think that I still have to share this news to my parents and already predicting their reaction is killing me; they too have sacrificed so much and have done so much for me with the hopes that I am able to achieve my dreams, and I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself to have not been able to do that, all because of one 3-digit number.

Right now I feel like an empty shell and completely lost, distraught, depressed.

Does anyone have advice on how to stay motivated to complete my secondaries after knowing that all of my aspirations, which have been somewhat within reach, have now become foolish dreams?

I can't look at my essays anymore without crying-- honestly I'm crying as I'm writing this

Please help. I'm at the end of the ropes right now. Superficially saying that "everything will be okay" has not been helping me up my mood at all...but I'm desperate for advice, for reassurance, just any support from people because I am also lonely af here without a strong support system around me which has been making things even worse

It's time to stop and get some help. NOW. This is not giving medical advice.

Don't be a non-adherent patient. You're going to have plenty of those in your clinical career.

 

[gyngyn]

This thread has been reported by members legitimately concerned for OP's well-being.
We recommend professional help. Now.
Don't make any irreversible decisions in this frame of mind.
Closing.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

suicidepreventionlifeline.org