depressed ill be 31

[prlester]

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i dont know about anyone else. but i feel depressed that i am flushing my twenties down the toilet. i just got back from japan before being ms1. i had a blast in japan. it made me realize what i like, free time, good people, influencing youth with western values.
My life is horrible now. i study, watch tv and have to put up with the claustrophobia of a small school.
i dont see things getting better. when i get out of residency ill be 31 and too old to date like i did when i was 23. I like japan. asia in particular. how do you guys cope. do things get better in the other years. i hear that during rotation people can live in the city and hav more fun because entertainment is closer.

 

[Emergency!]

I'm sorry that you are depressed about being 31 when you get through, but step back and get some perspective. Life is NOT over at 31. And, depending on where you are located, there are just as many dating opportunities at 31 as there were at 23, with the main difference being that many of the people in the dating game are divorced now and may or may not have kids.

I don't view medical school and residency as "throwing my life away" for those years. I view them as a period to get through before moving on to a different part of my life. And really, you can find balance. Most medical schools allow you to do a number of away rotations during your 4th year (some 3rd). Choose some rotations at places you think you might like to do residency. You like Japan and Asia - many schools offer opportunities for rotations abroad.

Hopefully, you will be able to match for residency at a place that is much more to your liking. In many programs, the residents have a great social life and set up a lot of activities amongst themselves. You will probably be surprised at the number of people in residency or beyond who choose to put off dating and relationships while in college/med school.

We all make different sacrifices to go to medical school. I will be 34 when I start this fall and in my 40's when I finish residency. My husband and I will have to do a lot of discussion about if/when we will be able to start a family.

Also - you are bored/claustrophobic at the small school. Maybe there are other people at your school who feel the same way? Is there something you could do to help, such as form or be involved in a group that organizes social/entertainment opportunities for the med students?

 

[snoopy69]

Prlester,
I feel you. I have been having some of these feelings, and I'm not even in medical school! I hope it's not that bad, but I know there will be times where I will want to quit and just live my life. Even working to obtain my undergrad degree has been a rough ride and I continually ask myself if all the sacrifices are worth it or not. This whole career choice is so overwhelming, and it gets to me sometimes.
One thing to think about is that you will have accomplished much more than some people ever dream about and you will be rewarded with a fun job (hopefully) with great security, a good salary, and hopefully the ability to be your own boss and set your schedule. I hope everything gets better for you. Keep us posted.

 

[Winged Scapula]

IF medicine is the right choice for you, I think you'll find that your clinical years are much more enjoyable. Many students despair their first two years of medical school with its emphasis on rote memorization and vague bits of clinical information which seems so remotely useful.

As for dating, heck I'll be 41 when I finish! 😀

There is no reason why you cannot date in your 30s (or 40s) as you did "in your early 20s". Ok...maybe you won't be going home with strangers, straggling out into the early morning light with your club clothes on, but that comes with maturity. And that ain't all bad. I was single when I started residency and met someone the first month (and we're still togther). Several of my male colleagues have met women whom they've gotten engaged or married to during residency; others still hang out at clubs, meeting people and having a great time. It can happen. You will have less time for a social life in residency, but ya know what? You will even if you have a "regular" 9-5 job. There are some people in medicine who claim they'd "do it for free", they love their job so much. But frankly, I fall into the category of thinking that its a job, a good one, but one that does get in the way of other things I want to do. However, eventually I'll be able to do those things and adjust my life and job to allow that.

There are medical specialties which do allow for more "free time", travel and other things you like. If you cannot see yourself being a physician, then perhaps you are "wasting your 20s", but I suspect that you've simply have the "post vacation blues". I get them all the time; most people do. You've spent some time being a "real person" (as opposed to a medical student or resident), made your own hours and had some fun. Now you've gone back to the same old daily grind and its depressing (especially if you live where its cold, rainy or cloudy all day). If these feelings continue, please do not hesitate to seek some help from your Student Health Center or family doctor. Talking to someone, even classmates, about these feelings is usually helpful and I'll bet you'll find many of your colleages feel the same way.

 

[LovelyRita]

I thought some big evolution would happen when I hit 30. It didn't. My attitudes are still the same, and I love having fun in my spare time.

And, similar to Kimberli, I'll be at least 40-41 by the time I'm an attending. Eh, so what. I'll be 40-41 someday anyway!! 😀 😎

M.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I thought some big evolution would happen when I hit 30. It didn't. My attitudes are still the same, and I love having fun in my spare time.

And, similar to Kimberli, I'll be at least 40-41 by the time I'm an attending. Eh, so what. I'll be 40-41 someday anyway!! 😀 😎

M.

I felt exactly the same way. When I was in my early 20s, I worked with a number of elderly people as normal controls for a research project. Without fail, they all said they felt the same inside as they did when they were in their 20s. I thought, "crazy geezers, how can they possibly feel the same?"

Now that I'm older, like DrMaryC, I feel the same - no alarming biological clock, no need to "settle down", or anything else. I worry more about my weight, but thank goodness I look younger than my years, and I was never a good sleeper so I think I have about as much energy now as I did then. 😀

And as you note, you're gonna get older anyway - its better than the alternative.

 

[8744]

I'll be 45 when I finish residency. Don't sweat it. There is life after 40 even if sometimes Mr. Lincoln doesn't want to come out of the White House.

 

[Nebmuse]

You'll be 31 anyways, so better that you are 31 doing something you love and something you want to do.

 

[Discobolus]

You know I hear these sort of sentiments all the time and I just really don't get it. I'm going to be 36 when I finish all my training (if I go into my current interest of gastroenterology), and I don't regret it at all.

I'm guessing that a lot of these statements come from spoiled rich kids who think life consists of international travel, hanging out with your friends, and hitting up the hottest clubs! Well if you are Paris Hilton then by all means continue to do this, but I've got news for you, this is NOT how most people live their lives. Some of us are not independantly wealthy and have to make MONEY.

9 years from now I'm going to be 36 whether I complete my medical training or choose to try to be an international playboy. The difference will be that in one situation I'll be a trained gastroenterologist and the other I'll just be a pathetic wannabe hipster approaching middle age with nothing else going for me other than a few extra notches on my belt.

 

[::Seabass::]

Life is NOT over at 31. And, depending on where you are located, there are just as many dating opportunities at 31 as there were at 23, with the main difference being that many of the people in the dating game are divorced now and may or may not have kids.

As long as you live in a city with where everyone doesn't get married at 23 most people won't be getting married for the first time till they are 30ish. Therefore there will still be tons of people who don't have kids and have never been married. I highly suggest not doing a residency in rural ohio or texas both places where people get married way too young.

 

[youngstud]

if you depressed at 31, how would u feel like when you are 62?

 

[Blake]

I'm guessing that a lot of these statements come from spoiled rich kids who think life consists of international travel, hanging out with your friends, and hitting up the hottest clubs!

So true. People are acting like med school = living the life of an orphan kid in afghanistan. Get real, folks ! Just the fact that you're not terribly sick should be reason enough to not complain about life.

 

[Winged Scapula]

So true. People are acting like med school = living the life of an orphan kid in afghanistan. Get real, folks ! Just the fact that you're not terribly sick should be reason enough to not complain about life.

Ditto. My worst day of medical school was better than many of my better days at a regular job. I LOVED making my own hours during the first two years. Leaving a regular paycheck wasn't so fun, but the camaraderie, the independence and learning made up for it. Besides, as compared to being unemployed, I knew the "misery" would end (or maybe just begin) in 4 years and I'd have a paycheck once again...at a price!

 

[Discobolus]

So true, the ability to skip class has made medical school quite easy in my opinion. I go when necessary and read the handouts and review books when needed to study for tests and I'm quite happy and my grades are good.

Now I've always been a pretty simple guy who didn't need constant stimulation to keep me happy and I've lived in small towns my whole life, maybe if that was different my attitude would be as well.

Ditto. My worst day of medical school was better than many of my better days at a regular job. I LOVED making my own hours during the first two years. Leaving a regular paycheck wasn't so fun, but the camaraderie, the independence and learning made up for it. Besides, as compared to being unemployed, I knew the "misery" would end (or maybe just begin) in 4 years and I'd have a paycheck once again...at a price!

 

[Discobolus]

it made me realize what i like, influencing youth with western values.

Is it just me or did anyone else find this quote quite hilarious? I've got this mental picture of this American influencing Japanese youth to have sex, do drugs, listen to rock and roll, overeat, slack in school, and run up their credit cards 😀

 

[Blake]

Is it just me or did anyone else find this quote quite hilarious? I've got this mental picture of this American influencing Japanese youth to have sex, do drugs, listen to rock and roll, overeat, slack in school, and run up their credit cards 😀

It's not just you. I just didn't feel like criticizing him on his beliefs. Maybe he's on a mission to save Japan from its culture. 😉

 

[prlester]

thats not what i meant. i meant the enlightenment. how western institutions affect japan and why theyre important. japanese students are interested in learning and fun to teach.
japan does fit prominently though and is one of the reasons why i am down. after being in japan, i realized how lame the u.s. can be. its conservative, dating is rarely fulfilling, people work too much and everyone is over weight. just to name a few. japan has its problems but for a young guy, it has a lot of pluses.

if i came back to undergraduate, instead of med school it would be better, but it was the biggest extreme imaginable.

 

[llort]

dude, why dont you just delay med school for a couple years instead of bitching about it? I am starting this fall and am 27, I am glad that I traveled, dated, and lived it up during my early twenties.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Is it just me or did anyone else find this quote quite hilarious? I've got this mental picture of this American influencing Japanese youth to have sex, do drugs, listen to rock and roll, overeat, slack in school, and run up their credit cards 😀

Yeah, I did too...just forgot to mention it. I might add it to my list of terms like "military intelligence", "surgical lifestyle" and "western culture".

 

[Winged Scapula]

thats not what i meant. i meant the enlightenment. how western institutions affect japan and why theyre important. japanese students are interested in learning and fun to teach.
japan does fit prominently though and is one of the reasons why i am down. after being in japan, i realized how lame the u.s. can be. its conservative, dating is rarely fulfilling, people work too much and everyone is over weight. just to name a few. japan has its problems but for a young guy, it has a lot of pluses.

if i came back to undergraduate, instead of med school it would be better, but it was the biggest extreme imaginable.

Ok...we'll stop making fun of the term "Western Culture".

As someone who has lived in Japan as well (albeit briefly), I might take issue with stating that the US is "conservative" in comparison and that we work too much. Just ask the average "salary man" in Japan how many hours per week he works, how happy he is, how much alcohol he consumes each week, how many mistresses he's had (which isn't seen as "cheating" as we would know it, although technically in the Western definition, is is), and whether or not his childhood was "fun". I suspect you might be suprised by the answers (that the Japanese adult works more hours than his US counterpart, that the school child has much less freedom and much more school, that more alcohol and tobacco is consumed and extramarital liasons for men is almost expected). I'm not sure why you find dating so "unfulfilling" here (and thereby implying it was better in Japan), but could it be a) in Japan as a Westerner you are a valuable dating commodity, especially for those who wish to move to the US; b) if you are a Caucasian Westerner, many Japanese women may find that attractive, preferring you to an Asian male; you're something different; c) Japanese women may be different in their approach to you than US women or perhaps you reacted differently? Young people everywhere find dating a real pain; some of my Aussie friends who moved here found that the American women were much more attracted to them than the women at home. Why? Maybe it was the accent or again, just something different. But they too soon tired of finding women attracted to them for rather superficial things. I think if you moved to Japan or anywhere else the "newness" would wear off eventually and then while it might be a cool place to live, the concerns you have (except perhaps being surrounded by fat people) would soon disappear.

That said, it is a fun country, especially if you don't feel uncomfortable being the only Westerner or taller than everyone in some areas.

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

I've been told that dating after 30 is even better than dating in your early 20s. Most people are more mature, more established in their lives/careers, and have a little more perspective on married life than a 22 year old does. Plus, who wants kids during medical school/residency? It works for some people, but I don't think it would for me. Good luck

 

[Mr PluM]

So these are the types of people getting into med school, damm, something to think about. WOW. I am shoCKed. If you are unhappy at med school, be brave, and leave, travel the world..Don't be afraid. We are living in one of the most important transitions in human history.. BE BrAVE...LEt your spirit fly...If you are just bugging out, build up some courage, take a year off, and trod around the earth...SOme of us live once, and others live many times over, you choose....IT is scarry....

 

[lattimer13]

i dont know about anyone else. but i feel depressed that i am flushing my twenties down the toilet. i just got back from japan before being ms1. i had a blast in japan. it made me realize what i like, free time, good people, influencing youth with western values.
My life is horrible now. i study, watch tv and have to put up with the claustrophobia of a small school.
i dont see things getting better. when i get out of residency ill be 31 and too old to date like i did when i was 23. I like japan. asia in particular. how do you guys cope. do things get better in the other years. i hear that during rotation people can live in the city and hav more fun because entertainment is closer.

quit your whining...i'll be 31 (at least) when i'm done too. you're not the only one that's spending the better part of their 20s studying and working for low pay.

 

[ishaninatte]

Is it just me or did anyone else find this quote quite hilarious? I've got this mental picture of this American influencing Japanese youth to have sex, do drugs, listen to rock and roll, overeat, slack in school, and run up their credit cards 😀

This thread is funny cause I'm in Japan and all I wanna do is go back home to med school. Japanese kids do all that stuff anyways, along with cartoon porn.

 

[prlester]

i just did a year here and am worried about forgetting for step one. Between second and third, do you guys think that is a good time to take time off? Do you use a lot of second year third year? What are good reasons to take off, that is, ones that pds wont penalize one for.

 

[LovelyRita]

Leave of absence can be taken between 2nd and 3rd year.

 

[Discobolus]

Sorry, I knew what you meant, I just couldn't help posting the mental picture that popped into my head. Really the first thing that entered my mind was the 2 Chinese commentators on the episode of South Park when the South Park dodgeball team was playing the Chinese dodgeball team. I know, 2 different countries, but it's what popped into my mind.

"What do you call American with a PhD in rocket science?"
"Stupid American"

thats not what i meant. i meant the enlightenment. how western institutions affect japan and why theyre important. japanese students are interested in learning and fun to teach.
japan does fit prominently though and is one of the reasons why i am down. after being in japan, i realized how lame the u.s. can be. its conservative, dating is rarely fulfilling, people work too much and everyone is over weight. just to name a few. japan has its problems but for a young guy, it has a lot of pluses.

if i came back to undergraduate, instead of med school it would be better, but it was the biggest extreme imaginable.

 

[youngstud]

have u tried all those dating sites? www.eharmony.com?

 

[DianaLynne]

Heck, I'm 34 and I'm just getting started in med school. I'm happy to say that my 30s have been great. I'm wiser and know better about what makes me happy, so I'm able to make better decisions to get the most out of life. I expect that life will continue to get better as I learn medicine and start practicing.

The only advice I have for those "youths" out there is this: Every stage in life is wonderful in its own way. Have fun with it! Relax...

As Joseph Campbell put it, "Follow your bliss, whatever it may be."