The issue is more the way he communicates rather than the teaching points. He will openly attack me verbally in front of the med student and my co intern. Even over every single minor issue, whenever we are rounding he will ask questions as learning points but his tone is very passive aggressive. He has already had a complaint a couple of weeks ago by my co intern and he was asked to apologise to him which he did. I have decided not make a complaint to the chiefs but will be mentioning it in the feedback form although I’m not sure if that will make things worse for me?
It sounds like your co-intern might be a good person to form a connection with. It helps so much when there is a witness to abuse to connect with. Just always be careful what you say, keep it professional, be mindful what things can sound like out of context, and remember that anyone can be a witness in court. Even without discussing this attending in detail, sounds like a person to connect with.
I would keep a very good record of what he is doing and how, but I would sit on it. In the future if you feel really bulletproof, he's still there, and mainly at that point you want to make things better for others, then I might drop it and report it. Sure it will be wondered why you sat on it, but it's obvious when you point out the power differential. How much will it do? Hard to say. But when you are dealing with any malignancy, your safety in the program has to take first priority. Sadly that means we tend to take a ton of abuse in the system. I applaud the folks that want to be a hero, but I can't recommend it.
Or you sit on it, and if he tries to nuke you, you report it then. There would be reasons to do that which is why I say this.
One way to make a record is you write up incidents, time, dates, exact quotes, sign and date, seal in an envelope, mail it to yourself and do not open it (this gives it a postmark and unimpeachable date of a contemporaneous note-taking). Keep a separate copy. This was legal advice I once received. Even if it goes nowhere, it can really help you smile and nod just knowing you're keeping tabs on his behavior. But don't act.
I probably wouldn't put it in the feedback. Or, I'm thinking I would put it in the most inoffensive terms possible. "Work on timing and context of constructive feedback." That's as far as I would go and I don't know I'd do it. Sounds like the chiefs and the other intern have it in as well of a hand as they can. Stay out of it. Let other people fight the battles they want.
I'd like to think that you recognize the value of the teaching points and the fact you recognize he has a point is why it's stinging so much that he's additionally using it as a way to humiliate you. I was once taught that it's impossible to make someone feel humiliated if the thing you are doing they don't intrinsically find humiliating. Humiliation is a very personal thing that way. That tells me you don't like to make mistakes, and that can be a good thing. Just don't let it keep you from acknowledging and owning your mistakes.
It doesn't sound like you are disagreeing with his points, but yes, some people don't know how to be kind, and I think it is more his treatment of you than the medical issues at hand that you are objecting to. If so, that's fair.
Work really hard not to get defensive or offer explanations, like the person about to be comfort care. I understand why in context that isn't the biggest mistake, but it is one.
Someone looking to rake you over coals over every little mistake, is just going to take any little issue with your response that they can. Truly, the response that will look the best and most mature to outside observers, is not to offer any explanation here. Just say that you recognize it was an oversight and and thank you pointing it out you will work to do better next time. It's difficult for someone to really say much to that. One would think trying to put the mistakes in context might get you a break or make you look less bad to others, but it doesn't work and it's not how this works.
Keep in mind that if you handle this maturely, without defensiveness, and give him less to go after you with, it may actually piss him off more and he may actually come at you harder. Ultimately, you can't let anything he says to you be an arbiter of your behavior and feelings, beyond correcting medical errors or other professional issues.
Some of these people genuinely have personality disorders or traits. I would hope if this was a patient you could keep it in perspective and just adjust to be impersonal and professional in response. So you may have to separate your feelings from the disease so to speak. Basically, don't take it too personally. Not everyone is going to like you and that's really not your problem if you are acting professionally. Remember that.
These are just my thoughts and ways I tried to manage my own feelings and responses to toxic people. I am aware it can both be true you've made mistakes and have room to improve, and people are dinguses. Of course I don't know you or him. But keep this in mind anyway.
