desi jokes.............

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^ Well would I be able to ask my Hindi prof what it means? I mean, there isn't aything bad in it is there?
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sunny123 said:
^ Well would I be able to ask my Hindi prof what it means? I mean, there isn't aything bad in it is there?
Click to expand...
georgie boy
you live in toronto, don't you??
I live there too, so I can give you hindi lessons, I will also make you proficient in "mumbai slang" , you know the type munnabhai mbbs speaks, "kya bidu, kya bolta hai" :laugh: :laugh:
 
sunny123 said:
^ Well would I be able to ask my Hindi prof what it means? I mean, there isn't aything bad in it is there?
Click to expand...
No...its just a simple joke...no offensive words.....nothing bad...infact your hindi professor is going to like it...ENJOY!!!!
 
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The Obstetrician's Wife
At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician's wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed blonde, was making overtures at her husband. It was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.
At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, "Look lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"


Prostrate
A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him.
The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?"
The man replies, "I am waiting to see the doctor."
"W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?"
The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem."
"A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?"
"Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."
 
Q. What's the definition of a gynaecologist?
A. The only fool who looks for problems where others try to find pleasure!
 
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat
katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going
to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the
bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak.
Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I
have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused).

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata
then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to
Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL?

Masterji fainted.........................
 
nimeshshingala said:
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat
katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going
to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the
bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak.
Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I
have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused).

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata
then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to
Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL?

Masterji fainted.........................
Click to expand...
Ha..ha...ha :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
A letter from a Bollywood Fan:

Johnny Mera Naam
Piya Ka Ghar
Choukee No. 11
Teesri Manzil
China Town
Bombay

Date: Nav Do Gyarah

My Dear 'Anamica':

You must be surprised to receive this 'Prem Patra' from me. Let me make my 'Pahechan' to you as 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. Though I am an 'Awaara', I am also your 'Deewana'.

I am making you a 'Prarthna' to enter my 'Zindagi' as a 'Priyatama'. Even though I do not have any 'Sambandh' with you, I still consider you as my 'Dream Girl' with 'Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka'. There are only 'Do Raaste' left for me. One is to get your love by 'Tyag' or to go the 'Rangeela' way.

Wouldn't you like to be 'Mere Jeevan Saathi' as you are 'Lakhon Mein Ek'? I also hope that you will 'Guide' me in 'Bahar' as we are made for 'Ek Duje Ke Liye'.

We will live in 'Naya Zamana' where we will have a 'Suhana Safar'. In this 'Himalay Ki God Mein', our 'Bandhan' is going to be tied with 'Preet Ki Dor'. I hope that we will have nothing but 'Anand' in 'Ye Dillagi'.

Aren't you bored of 'Akele Hum Akele Tum' life? Let this 'Baazigar' be your 'Boy Friend' and we start 'Pehli Mohabbat'. This 'Chahat' is going to lead to a 'Milan' where you are going to call me everyday for 'Aao Pyar Karen'.

Now, 'Phir Kab Miloge' as 'Tumse Accha Kaun Hein'? As you know my love is 'Himalay Se Uncha' and hopefully our 'Mulakat' will be 'An Evening in Paris'. 'Aa Gale Lag Jaa'!

'Hum Aapke Hain Koun...?'

'Prem Pujari'
 
While working with Mr. Murthy, I have always found him
working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or
gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom
wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time. He will always be
deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be
found chit-chatting in the cafeteria. He has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound
knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be
classed as outstanding, and should on no account be
dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Murthy should be
pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be
sent as soon as possible.

Sd/-
Branch Manager

PS: MR. MURTHY WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS REPORT EARLIER
TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATE LINES 1,3,5... FOR MY
TRUE ASSESSMENT OF HIM.

REGARDS

Sd/-
Branch Manager
 
An American comes too India, and starts talking to a Gujrati at the airport. The American tells the Gujrati, "Americans have been everywhere, even on the moon, and we've just landed on Mars." The Gujrati responds, "Did you see a Patel on Mars?" The American says, "No". The Gujrati then says, "Well, then you haven't been anywhere, cause Patels are everywhere".

I know.. not that funny. Just a joke a Guju salesman told me at the SonyStore.
 
Mom We love you the most.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled
and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and
you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the
entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had
to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth
it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite
it.

"Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote
the first son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but
have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the
time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have
the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."
 
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Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked

beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat

lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love.

When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself,

"She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this." So he made

the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and

since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he

would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe

and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any

ill affects before he got home. So he went and ordered, and before

leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he

putt-putted. He putt-putted down one hill and putt-putted up the next.

By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,

"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the

table and made him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to

feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold,

the telephone rang.

She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one

leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing,

so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had

just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRRIIIPPP!

It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging,

he tried fanning his arms a while,hoping the smell would dissipate.

Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming.

He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner;

the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on

the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the

hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten

minutes,farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.

When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom),

he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,

he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long,

she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After reassuring her he had not peeked, she removed

the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise

birthday party.
 
LOL!!!!! Putt-putting... diesel engine!!!!! 😀 😛 😀
 
bathroom graffiti 1

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

bathroom graffiti 2

Here I sit
What a caper
I have to ****
But I'm out of paper

bathroom graffiti 3

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to ****
But only farted

bathroom graffiti 4

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And **** my pants!

bathroom graffiti 5

I came here
To **** and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

Seen above a urinal:
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!



Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.
 
Three Catholic women and an older Jewish lady were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"

The second woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third old woman says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'".

As the little old Jewish lady sips her coffee in silence, the first
three give her this subtle "Well...?" look, so she says: "My son is
6'5"; he has broad, square shoulders, lean hips and is very muscular;
he's terribly handsome, has beautiful hair, dresses very well and always smells wonderful. Whenever he walks into a room, women say 'Oh, my God...'.
 
Hubby : "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"
Wife : "When there is a problem, no matter how insurmountable, I look at

your picture and the problem disappears."

Hubby : "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you."

Wife : "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem

can there be greater than this one ?'
 
Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George!

Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Don: I hope you didn't either

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet

Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.
 
An 90 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they
decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure
nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the
problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple
out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want
to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching Tv, the old man got up from his chair and
his wife asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "To the kitchen."
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replies, "Sure."
She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so
you can remember it?" He says, "No, I can remember that."
She then says, "Well I also would like some strawberries on top.
you had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
She replies, "Well I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will
forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down I
"can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a
plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says,
"you forgot my toast."
 
What does God look like
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk

around to see each child's art work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
 
guys
the following incident is real , it is not fictitious or imaginary
this actually happened when I was practising as a Dentist in India
One day a Sardar patient walks into my clinic, he came with deep throbbing pain
after careful examination of his tooth, I recommended extraction as there was no way I could have saved that tooth, it was badly decayed and had no supporting structure left
so he was given a appointment for extraction
sardar showed up on time for the extraction, I gave him local anaesthesia
and made sure that the anaesthesia had acted around the tooth to be extracted
So I started with the extraction procedure and the moment I put the forcep in his mouth, he started screeming loudly much to my embarassment as there were other patients sitting in the waiting room and I didn't want them to get scared away
so I again tested the anaesthesia and it was fine
so I started this extraction again and the same thing happened, he started screeming loudly the moment i put the forcep inside his mouth
I was very confused as why he kept shouting
anaesthesia was working, so why he keeps shouting
so I asked him and he told me, that the tooth does not pain , it is your hand pulling my beard evertime you put the forcep in my mouth :laugh: :laugh:
ohhhhhhhh that was the reason
so I made sure i didn't touch his beard and finally managed to pull out his tooth
After that , I have always been extra-careful with Sardar Patients

2) there was this incident that happened in my dental college when I was a student
I was doing my clinicals in the Periodontology Department
So I was posted there for three months and every day we have to do the same thing, cleaning or scaling of teeth
Being a municipal hospital, the patients were usually uneducated ,
our supervisor wanted us to educate the patient on the importance of oral hygene and teach them the correct brushing techniques
so we use to sit with the patients after performing oral prophylaxis
I use to sit with a Dental Cast and a brush
One day I was treating a "Bhaiya"(it is a common term used for people coming from uttar pradesh in bombay)
I had a hard time removing all his tobacco and paan stains
finally after completing his scaling, I sat with him , I took a Dental cast and a tooth brush and spend twenty to thirty mins explaining him the correct brushing technique
he listened very carefully and with a lot of enthusiasm
So I was feeling very good , that I did a good job and helped somebody
I felt like I was contributing towards society etc etc
So I asked him if he had any questions
and guess what , he said he understood everything correctly but was just a little bit confused
and I said what was your confusion
and he replied
where should I buy the Dental cast so that I can clean it everyday
I almost fainted
 
lol....very funny :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
keep the jokes coming.
 
Not supposed to be offensive...to anyone...just funny...

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ = American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through Unparalleled Vivacious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful
 
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out.

So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, "Big chief, no fart."

The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tomorrow to tell him what happened.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."

The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."

The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, "Big chief, no fart."

The doctor gives him 1,000 cans of beans and says, "If this doesn't work then nothing will."

The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.

The doctor anxiously asked, "Well, did it work?"

The messenger boy says, "Big fart, no chief!"
 
nimeshshingala said:
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat
katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going
to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the
bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak.
Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I
have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused).

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in mahabharata
then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to
Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL?

Masterji fainted.........................
Click to expand...


Ha ha ha whoooooooooooahahahhaaa!!!!!! 😀 🙂 :meanie: 👍 👍 :laugh:
 
The Indian & The Porsche

An Indian parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office
to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along
too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.
More than a little distraught, the Indian grabs his mobile and
calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has
a chance to ask any questions, the Indian starts screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long
at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"

After the Indian finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his
head in disgust: "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Indians
are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you
don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Indian.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn
off when the truck hit you."

The Indian looks down in absolute horror "F***ING HELL!!!!!!"
he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????..."
 
THE MED SCHOOL NERD SCALE

The following scale has been developed in close cooperation
with the UVA psychiatry services (Well at least I was thinking
of some of their characteristics and used some of their class
time to compose it). It is designed to test if you have spent
too much time in medical school and whether you are having
adverse side effects due to prolonged exposure.
Score one point for each statement that applies to you.

1 You have ever said "Netter is god".
2 You can discuss autopsy/ anatomy over a meal
3 You own a 4 color pen
4 -it just isn't enough colors for you
5 You use more than one color to take notes
6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
7 you have ever highlighted something YOU wrote
8 you retype handouts given in class
9 you haven't had a date in 3 months
10 you haven't had a date since entering med school
11 you have not been able to remember the normal term for
something because you were thinking of the medical term (ie
reflux for heartburn)
12 You get more sleep in lecture than at home
13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
14 - you also know what it means
15 You have ever asked a question in class
16 - The prof. didn't understand the question
17 - you didn't believe the answer the prof. gave
18 - you went to look it up to see if they were right
19 You can't hold a conversation on anything other than med
school
20 You skip class to study
21 You've said you didn't do well on a test on which you beat the mean
22 You spend more than 15 hrs a week on e-mail
23 You have a callous on you finger from writing
24 More than one professor knows you by name
25 When you ask a question, a new professor has said "Oh, I've
heard of you"
26 You can name more amino acids than past presidents
27 You use more than 5 acronyms an hour when talking
28 you actually know what PERRLA stands for
29 You know all the steps of the TCA cycle
30 You do not read PTA as parent teachers association
31 You can remember the muscles in the forearm
32 You know the strucures in the urea cycle
33 You know the dermatome distribution
34 You can't remember what you had for breakfast
35 You can't spell world, much less backwards
36 You've ever been sexually aroused by the breast shadow on an
X ray
37 You equate "morning stiffness" with Rhematoid Artheritis
38 You actually know normal values for plasma Na
39 -K
40 Missing class causes you extreme stress
41 You have seriously asked someone "So how does that make you
feel?"
42 You have asked will this be on the exam
43 -Just after the prof. said it wouldn't
44 You identify with Deb on E.R.
45 You have made a medical joke
46 -no one laughed
47 -You figure they just weren't that far in their studying
48 You wear your stethescope around your neck on the bus
49 - you don't even know which way the thing goes in your ears
50 "SOB" means short of breath to you
51 You have gone to student health with suspicion of a disease
you have studied
52 -within 3 days of the lecture
53 You have answered a question in class
54 -asked by the professor
55 -it was a rhetorical question
56 You can quote lines from the movie "Malice"
57 -you believe them
58 You can flip your pen over your thumb
59 - with both hands
60 - you do so throughout class
61 You have corrected a professor in class
62 -the rest of the class didn't understand the lecture to
begin with
63 You know how to claculate specificity
64 -positive predictive value
65 - anion gap
66 -you can't balance your checkbook
67 You don't know what the weather was like for the past week
68 You don't know what the weather is like right now
69 You actually talk in open ended questions
70 DIC isn't a slang term for the penis in your book
71 You think B- is a bad grade
72 you have stressed about a pass/fail class
73 You study during most of your meals
74 You saw nothing abnormal about the Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder
75 You draw all of the slides not already provided in the
handouts
76 -including the cartoons (humourous type)
77 Anatomy makes you hungry
78 You would even consider saying "Ease back on my finger at
your own pace"
79 You know the size of a RBC
80 - you don't know the size of a football field

81 Your eyesight has worsened by 10 pts or more in the last year
82 You have the library hours memorized
83 Hou have your own seat in the library
84 You score more than 95 on the Epidemiology final
85 You own more than one white coat
86 You have debated between giving up sleep or eating in order
to find more time to study
87 You started studying for boards more than 2 months in
advance
88 You have never received a personal invitation to discuss
your grades with the dean
89 A tie is the only addition necessary to what you normally
wear when you go to see patients
90 You wear scrubs to tests
91 You have made plans to study on a beach during vacation
92 - you actually did
93 You have a designated seat in lecture
94 - You have ever asked someone to move from "your seat"
95 You sleep less than 4 hrs a night
96 -you think that is plenty
97 -you have thought about cutting back
98 You study more than 35 hrs outsid of class
99 -you think you are a slackard
100 You think everyone answers yes to most of these questions


Scale
<20 - You're not in Med school. Go back to your party and
leave us alone. We have work to do.
20-35 Either Med school is a breeze or you like the sound of
"Senor doctor"
35-45 Gotta love that Primary Care
45-60 Well, I never really thought about MD/Phd, but now that
you mention it...
60-75 Your social life is shot, might as well try to earn lots
of money
75-90 Which surgery subspecialty did you say you liked?
90 All hail, great Med School Nerd master.
 
THE CLASSIFEID LOVE ADS OF THE GODS....


OK! Here's is what Arjun would write if he placed an ad in the
matrimonial section:

"Handsome, kshatriya, warrier, excellent with bows and arrows, blessed
by God Krishna, seeks beautiful bride for sharing with four
of his brothers, expected all to live in the same house.
All brothers involved in a old family rivalry and hence, girl
is expected to strip infront of strangers as part of a deal to
save lives of her family. Should also be stragically placed so
that she can be won in a competition.


Hi!
Here's what Rama would write if he placed an ad in the matrimonial
section....
sd

The way things are going, the chap probably has an anonymouse-id by now.
Specially if he is posting matrimonials. "Handsome, healthy,
wheatish-complexioned, 3 x 10^7 years old, 5'7" tall Prince-Regent (with green
card) seeks homely, well-bred wife less than 5'4" tall. The boy (sic) has
been married once, two twin sons by first marriage i.e. highly potent, first
wife missing (believed to have been swallowed by her over-protective mother
(don't ask, thanks)). He is an excellent archer, but he thinks he is some kind
of divine incarnation (don't they all!). Bit of a daddy's boy, will do
anything for the old man. Prospective girls should have NO interest in any
golden deer they happen to see in the forest. (Trust me, this has proven to be
A Bad Idea the first time around.) Should be willing to relocate to Ayodhya.
Must like camping in the wild for several years, if necessary. Some foreign
travel involved, including kidnapping and incarceration by physically deformed
asuras, etc. Also, must be willing to deal with monkeys on a daily basis.
Serious replies only. Include daytime telephone number.
 
Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding
along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.

In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful
vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and
our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark.
Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the
side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old
matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani
soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"

The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier,
he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."

The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he
steals the kiss and I get slapped."

And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the
tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a
Pakistani soldier."
 
Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is travelling from Moscow to TurbanPore
[Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is
Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess
to kill time.

Gulati : "Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't
compete with a world champion"

Gary : "How about if I play left handed ?"

Gulati : [Think.. Think..] "OK!"

Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the
rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.

Gulati : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and
he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed...

Manpreet : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know
what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
 
parasiteatwork said:
Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding
along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.

In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful
vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and
our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark.
Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the
side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old
matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani
soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"

The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier,
he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."

The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he
steals the kiss and I get slapped."

And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the
tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a
Pakistani soldier."
Click to expand...
Santa is quite the jokester.
 
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?"
Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked the him the same question.
Singh answered, "No! No! Me Banta Singh!"
A third person came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
The Singh slapped him on his face and said,
"Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!"
 
There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to
each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his
garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid
an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw
the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told
him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani
disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my
family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you
in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you
kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who
ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest
pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward
the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani
fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
 
Gangaram was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Bhola. As Bhola stood beside the bed, Gangaram's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Bhola lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Gangaram used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Bhola thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it in to his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Bhola was visiting Gangaram's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Gangaram died. "You know," he said, "Gangaram handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Gangaram, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all". He unfolded the note and read aloud:

"Kutte kamiene, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
 
An Arab needed heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. Because the gentleman had rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally a Gujarati like Kanjibhai was located who had similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Rolls, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars. Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him! why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied " Sahib - now I have Guju blood in my veins ! "
 
Jugnu Singh: I was born in the Punjab.


Harpal Singh: Oh really, which part?

Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly
 
Bholaji decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Pyarelal came home.

Pyarelal: Bholaji How is your MBA preparation?
Bholaji: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Pyarelal: Logic is very easy.
Bholaji: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Pyarelal: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: Logically, there will be water in it.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: so, logically, your are married.
Bholaji: YES.

Pyarelal: So, that means U are a heterosexual.

Bholaji was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Herolal and he was also preparing for MBA.

Bholaji: How is your MBA preparation?
Herolal: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Bholaji: Oh, logic is easy.
Herolal: Please, give me an example.

Bholaji: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Herolal: NO, I don't.

Bholaji: Saala HOMO!!!
 
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!

How big is your army"
"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator.

Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I Must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.

My military complex is surro unded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to Two Millions!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Hussein!

I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"
 
sunny123 said:
^ did you come up with that one?
Click to expand...
yeah right.....wud be fun to cum up with something like that though...s
maybe when i have more time
 
parasiteatwork said:
THE MED SCHOOL NERD SCALE

6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
9 you haven't had a date in 3 months
13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
14 - you also know what it means
15 You have ever asked a question in class
16 - The prof. didn't understand the question
17 - you didn't believe the answer the prof. gave
18 - you went to look it up to see if they were right
23 You have a callous on you finger from writing
24 More than one professor knows you by name
25 When you ask a question, a new professor has said "Oh, I've
heard of you"
26 You can name more amino acids than past presidents
29 You know all the steps of the TCA cycle
31 You can remember the muscles in the forearm
32 You know the strucures in the urea cycle
34 You can't remember what you had for breakfast
38 You actually know normal values for plasma Na
39 -K
61 You have corrected a professor in class
62 -the rest of the class didn't understand the lecture to
begin with
71 You think B- is a bad grade
86 You have debated between giving up sleep or eating in order
to find more time to study
88 You have never received a personal invitation to discuss
your grades with the dean
93 You have a designated seat in lecture
95 You sleep less than 4 hrs a night


25!! i'm not a med student...i didn't think i was a nerd either...
some are so true it's not funny..but :scared:

Scale
20-35 Either Med school is a breeze or you like the sound of
"Senor doctor"
Click to expand...
 
viagra.gif
 
There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following group of people is stranded:


2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

2 French men and 1 French woman

2 German men and 1 German woman

2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

2 American men and 1 American woman

2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman


One month later on this absolutely stunning deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following has occurred:


One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.

The Irish began by dividing up their island, Northside and Southside, and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but at least the English are not getting any.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the American woman keeps on talking about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.

AND

The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman.
 
U S E L E S S

INVENTIONS

MADE BY MAN & WOMEN



1. Non stick Cellotape - it exists !!!!!
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters
A tape on how to put together a vcr
A book on how to read
A dictionary index
Powdered water
 
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