digusted with personal statement

[IHeartGoldens]

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I can't stand my personal statement. I started writing it but can't bring myself to finish it because it's just typical and boring.😴 I'm getting the feeling I will never finish this..
How did you make your PS stand out? I saw someone saying they mentioned vomit in their opening lines. (Can't remember who, I'm sorry!)

Here are my opening lines..please feel free to give honest opinions..


"“Doctor, How many CC’s of insulin will Crush need daily?” I asked the veterinarian in reference to the big hulking mass of Rottweiler perched uneasily on the exam table. "

 

[JustCats]

I can't stand my personal statement. I started writing it but can't bring myself to finish it because it's just typical and boring.😴 I'm getting the feeling I will never finish this..
How did you make your PS stand out? I saw someone saying they mentioned vomit in their opening lines. (Can't remember who, I'm sorry!)

Here are my opening lines..please feel free to give honest opinions..


"“Doctor, How many CC’s of insulin will Crush need daily?” I asked the veterinarian in reference to the big hulking mass of Rottweiler perched uneasily on the exam table. "

It's a good first line for the best-selling autobiography you'll write someday, but you have a limited number of words you can use in your PS so every one counts. These words don't catch my attention because they are common to the experience of most people applying to vet school. Can you tell us where you're going with this little story? Maybe we can tell you how to get there faster.

 

[IHeartGoldens]

Basically, I was 12 when I "diagnosed" my rottie with diabetes.. Parents and vet were skeptical as he was only 2 and I had started noticing that the pup was "only" acting funny (ie increased water intake, more potty breaks,lethargic etc) for a week..anyway, went to the vet, bloods were done and of course, he was diabetic..
I wasn't going to include all the details..just basically that opening line and one quick line saying that my suspicions were confirmed.

That's as a basis of intro of why I wanted to go into vet medicine. It was a huge turning point in my life for a million different reasons

 

[hopefulvet21]

see if your university has personal statement writing workshops. Mine did, and I went to one and it was very helpful and they gave examples of good PS's. Start off with something catchy, your first lines sound nice to me. Although the rest of the stuff does matter too. I started off with a sort of shocking sentence saying that my dog has a 'restraining order' against me. It's weird, and makes the reader want to know more. (Of course she doesn't really, it's just a neat way of saying how I had a seeing eye dog and once they're with a blind owner you can't go near them because they'll recognize you and get upset and distracted...)

 

[Poochlover11]

I can't stand my personal statement. I started writing it but can't bring myself to finish it because it's just typical and boring.😴 I'm getting the feeling I will never finish this..
How did you make your PS stand out? I saw someone saying they mentioned vomit in their opening lines. (Can't remember who, I'm sorry!)

Here are my opening lines..please feel free to give honest opinions..


"“Doctor, How many CC’s of insulin will Crush need daily?” I asked the veterinarian in reference to the big hulking mass of Rottweiler perched uneasily on the exam table. "

Well I will not be applying to vet school until October of 2011, but I'll give you some feed back from a reader's perspective. Just using the sentence you've posted I would kind of reword it to make it a little more interesting. I don't know the exact situation-if the doctor was wanting you to give the rott the insulin or not, but if so this is how I would word it.

"IHeartGoldens, will you measure out 10 CC of insulin for Crush please." Dr So-and-so said. I gulped and nodded as I looked at the big hulking mass of Rottweiler perched uneasily on the exam table.

Haha-I don't know if that was your situation or not. But then you could maybe follow up with how you've grown and learned some much from situations like this and how it has strengthend your desire to become a vet.

I don't know if that helps. I liked your opening line-just giving a little advice to tweak it some. 🙂

 

[feadog]

I scrapped and re-started my personal statement 6 times (!) before I wrote a version I was happy with. I wound up incorporating little bits from each one I decided not to use, so just keep writing to get your ideas on paper and save everything.

You have plenty of time to start over (if needed), revise, get feedback, revise some more, etc. Don't get too discouraged!

 

[Poochlover11]

Oh, I just saw your post about you diagnosing your dog. So my post doesn't really apply. Oh well.

 

[IHeartGoldens]

There aren't any workshops to help but I have a few people that promised to review it for me.
I appreciate everyones advice. This is such a helpful community that I didn't think twice of posting (I usually lurk and that's about it)👍

 

[IHeartGoldens]

FYI- the Dr didn't believe me since it was summer and my rotti spent a lot of time outside (ie more water=cooling off). I knew something was wrong and I couldn't shake it. Anyway,asked the Dr. to run bloods and he relented to basically shut me up, I think. He came back to us with a look on his face I will never forget. Ah, memories.

 

[Poochlover11]

Some general things I have heard in writing personal statements are do not say you want to be a vet because you love animals or because you don't like people.

Something else I rememeber reading a while ago was just start making a list of reasons as to why you decided to become a vet as you think of them. That might help too.

I don't know about going at it from the angle of saying you knew you wanted to become a vet after diagnosing you dog. I think that is actually a common reason people decide to become vets (I diagnosed my dog with tapeworms!), so it may not help you stand out that much 🙁.

 

[IHeartGoldens]

Some general things I have heard in writing personal statements are do not say you want to be a vet because you love animals or because you don't like people.

Something else I rememeber reading a while ago was just start making a list of reasons as to why you decided to become a vet as you think of them. That might help too.

I don't know about going at it from the angle of saying you knew you wanted to become a vet after diagnosing you dog. I think that is actually a common reason people decide to become vets (I diagnosed my dog with tapeworms!), so it may not help you stand out that much 🙁.

I need something interesting.. ie I taught my dog to drive a big rig or something crazy..omg I'm loosing my mind.

 

[Poochlover11]

I need something interesting.. ie I taught my dog to drive a big rig or something crazy..omg I'm loosing my mind.

Haha!! Or I taught my dog to dance and now he is one of the nations top salsa dancers and is being considered for Dancing with the Stars!!!

 

[Poochlover11]

But on a more serious note-I think you are on the right track by getting lots of people to read your personal statement. And just keep throwing out ideas on paper and even on the forum. I am assuming you are applying for October of 2009? So you have plenty of time to get this worked out. It might take a few drafts, but you'll get it. 🙂

 

[bmichs75DVM]

A good personal statement will take a long time to write (mine took almost a month). When I wrote my first draft, I thought it was good, but when our college’s pre-health advisor read it, she said I was boring! She told me that a great personal statement tells a story. A story about yourself that flows basically from the start or your example and continues on with you thru your life until this moment. My personal statement started with a story about me as a young boy interested in becoming a cop and thru a weird turn of events, lead me to become a Vet. If you can write a statement that tells a story about you and can incorporate everything that is relevant to a veterinary school appl, and can keep the interest of your reader, then you have got a good statement.

 

[Poochlover11]

A good personal statement will take a long time to write (mine took almost a month). When I wrote my first draft, I thought it was good, but when our college’s pre-health advisor read it, she said I was boring! She told me that a great personal statement tells a story. A story about yourself that flows basically from the start or your example and continues on with you thru your life until this moment. My personal statement started with a story about me as a young boy interested in becoming a cop and thru a weird turn of events, lead me to become a Vet. If you can write a statement that tells a story about you and can incorporate everything that is relevant to a veterinary school appl, and can keep the interest of your reader, then you have got a good statement.

That's really good advice. I will keep that in mind when I write my personal statement for 2011.

 

[JustCats]

Basically, I was 12 when I "diagnosed" my rottie with diabetes.. Parents and vet were skeptical as he was only 2 and I had started noticing that the pup was "only" acting funny (ie increased water intake, more potty breaks,lethargic etc) for a week..anyway, went to the vet, bloods were done and of course, he was diabetic..
I wasn't going to include all the details..just basically that opening line and one quick line saying that my suspicions were confirmed.

That's as a basis of intro of why I wanted to go into vet medicine. It was a huge turning point in my life for a million different reasons

"I was 12 years old and practicing veterinary medicine without a license. My favorite rottie, Crush . . ."

 

[Optimistic 13]

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[Pomona2006]

Haha! I love that JustCats!

 

[BR549]

I initially felt the same way about mine, but since writing is a process for me, I decided I needed a break from it. I wrote my initial PS and didn't look back at it for about a month. After that, I spent another month fixing it up. It turned out ok. I actually initially wrote two, from different angles. I then blended them together. I left out the part about my cousins and I having cow 'doo-doo' fights. I figured it would make me stand out, but probably not in a good way!😉...Those were the days!

 

[HopefulAg]

I began mine with the story of how my dog had torn her nail when I was 10, blood was 'gushing' all over my mother's floor, and I used an entire roll of paper towels trying to stop the bleeding while my sister called my aunt (who was a nurse) for her to 'please stop our dog from bleeding to death'. Then I went on to our vet visit the next day and how I was inspired by them saving my favorite dog as well as getting to see all the neat 'toys' the vet got to play with.

 

[laurafinn]

Since you have some time, I would recommend you read Strunk & White's Elements of Style. It's a short book and it will make your writing sing.

I think the Elements of Style is particularly helpful for writing essays limited by word count because many of the book's tips allow you to identify and slash unnecessary verbiage.

 

[Angelo84]

I am sure there are books that have samples of personal statements. There is also a thread in here somewhere that people posted their statements in after they were accepted. So if you want some inspiration I would search for that thread.

Good luck!

 

[primatevetjess]

Just keep writing. If you're thinking it's crap, just finish it anyway. It helps to just get ideas out of your head and down on paper (or on a computer screen...) I have so many drafts on my computer, it's crazy! It took six different personal statements, with multiple revisions of each. The more you write, the more you'll understand the story you want to tell and how to tell it in an entertaining way. My first statement basically just read what I've done, in chronological order... it was incredibly boring. Remember, there *has* to be an element of entertainment! And you have to catch their attention at the beginning.

If anyone wants, they can PM me for mine. Reading it now, I don't think it's fantastic, but so far I've gotten accepted to Ohio and an interview at Minnesota, so it must be okay.
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[rouxeny]

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[IHeartGoldens]

thanks for all the help..
I'm going to finish this PS b/c I already started it but there was an incident involving persons who shall note be named, a vet and a spraying male tiger..

 

[BeeBee82]

My two bits...

I went to an application workshop at CSU and they told us not to write a autobiography, that will not answer the questions in the prompt and honestly... most people's life stories are just not that interesting. They also told us to focus on an aspect of you that is unique, something no one else has and how that aspect of you, maybe a vet experience, hardship, personality trait, has helped prepare you for a career in vet med. what you learned and how you use it, how it applies to vet med ect. At the workshop, the leader went on to say that one of the best statements she had ever read was all about a person who had been rock-climbing their entire life and the similarities to vet med. Crazy I know, but it stood out!

Hope that helps. good luck, don't get frustrated it will take many attempts!