dinner predicament

[akhim]

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so around christmas, one of the programs I interviewed at emailed me wishing me happy holidays and told me if i wanted to, they look forward for me to come back for a visit. so i naturally responded back reciprocating the greeting and told them i also look forward to the possibility of attending a residency dinner thats going to be held in a few weeks.

the faculty responded back saying, he's glad that I'm making time to come to dinner

i wasnt 100 percent sure if i was going to be able to make the dinner, and now i cant make the dinner because i have another interview that day.

does the faculty member think that I am coming to their dinner? of course I'm going to RSVP the resident who is hosting the dinner, but I don't want to antagonize their expectations. should i email the faculty member and explain to him how I have another interview now, and i wont be able to make it? wouldnt this make me look bad in the eyes of that program? maybe make me look ambivalent or uninterested?

or should i just RSVP the resident normally, and let him know I'm regretfully not making it?

 

[cheruka]

I have the same issue. I think this place will end up being my #1 or #2. But I did not tell them I will attend for sure. I just said I will try my best to attend. Anyhow, I don't really think it is big deal if you can't go. Just email both the PD and resident. They understand that you are still interviewing. After all, my second look dinner is 6 hr drive.

 

[Winged Scapula]

You are way overthinking this.

It should be treated like any other social or business engagement that you have to cancel. Send both of them a short note ASAP thanking them for the invitation but that you have a scheduling conflict and will not be able to make it.

 

[SpecterGT260]

scheduling conflict.

i.e. there is no need to delve into specifics or be overly forthcoming with details. Extended explanations can become awkward. I would consider not even mentioning it was an interview (probably a non issue either way) but rather saying it almost exactly as WS did here

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[VMSmith]

i.e. there is no need to delve into specifics or be overly forthcoming with details. Extended explanations can become awkward. I would consider not even mentioning it was an interview (probably a non issue either way) but rather saying it almost exactly as WS did here

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This is a good rule of thumb for any communications with a program. Make them polite, brief, and to the point. You don't need to reiterate with a 2-3 paragraph explanation about how much you love the program and how badly you feel about not making it to the dinner, and how this isn't an indication that you won't be ranking the program highly, and how you feel so badly about missing the dinner, and how you'd love to come for a second visit to meet the residents and faculty because you're missing the dinner, and how wonderful it is that the program hosts a dinner to let applicants meet residents, but how badly you feel that you will miss it, etc etc.