Disappointed with match results, having a hard time accepting everything, advice please

[Narcomedusae]

I've given it the two weeks now and I'm still extremely disappointed in my match result. I didn't think I would go as far down on my list as I did, and while I wasn't at the very bottom, this is absolutely just not what I had pictured for myself for residency at all.
I want to add that I'm extremely grateful to have matched.


I posted in the OBGYN forum about fellowship concerns, but beyond that I'm just worried about the experience at this program. If I don't do a fellowship, I still think I want an academic career and I'm just not convinced this program is as strong academically. The subspecialty exposure isn't the best, and I'm not sure how great the research support is. It's an academic university program, but seemingly a weaker one.

I'm still really bummed out, but I don't want to start residency feeling awful about everything and wishing for something else. I know I've got to try and make the best of this, but I just feel like I'm having a really hard time and I'm still so disappointed and sad.

Does anyone have any good advice? Or just in general stories regarding disappointment or frustration with your own match, and then having things turn out much better than you expected?

Thanks.

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[Helen Wheels]

I know you are really disappointed right now and I am sure this isn't what you want to hear but things could be worse. I did not match, did not get anything in SOAP. I am several hundred thousand dollars in debt and do not have a residency at this point. I can't sleep at night and have severe GERD every day worrying about what will happen if I don't find a residency and become a practicing physician. Make the best of it and if you really don't like it try to transfer.

 

[Chicago2012]

Stop complaining. You matched. Those of us who didn't have no sympathy because we would've taken anything at this point. You want to switch places with me? No? Then appreciate the fact that you'll actually be training as a physician while others have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR.

 

[Chicago2012]

I know you are really disappointed right now and I am sure this isn't what you want to hear but things could be worse. I did not match, did not get anything in SOAP. I am several hundred thousand dollars in debt and do not have a residency at this point. I can't sleep at night and have severe GERD every day worrying about what will happen if I don't find a residency and become a practicing physician. Make the best of it and if you really don't like it try to transfer.

Yeah. My chest hurts everyday. I can't sleep. I try to show a brave face with my wife because she's afraid this is going to kill me inside and that I'm just going to give up.

 

[the argus]

You need to sack up and be an adult. No more kiddie med school bull****.

Residency is not the end of the journey, it is the very beginning. The fact that you are at an academic university program means that you will have every option open to you upon completion of your residency. Hell, maybe your own institution will even hire you if you act like you actually want to be there!

Your program will not be what holds you back, your attitude and self-loathing will be.

 

[mcl]

I've given it the two weeks now and I'm still extremely disappointed in my match result. I didn't think I would go as far down on my list as I did, and while I wasn't at the very bottom, this is absolutely just not what I had pictured for myself for residency at all.

I posted in the OBGYN forum about fellowship concerns, but beyond that I'm just worried about the experience at this program. If I don't do a fellowship, I still think I want an academic career and I'm just not convinced this program is as strong academically. The subspecialty exposure isn't the best, and I'm not sure how great the research support is. It's an academic university program, but seemingly a weaker one.

I'm still really bummed out, but I don't want to start residency feeling awful about everything and wishing for something else. I know I've got to try and make the best of this, but I just feel like I'm having a really hard time and I'm still so disappointed and sad.

Does anyone have any good advice? Or just in general stories regarding disappointment or frustration with your own match, and then having things turn out much better than you expected?

Thanks.

It's understandable to be disappointed and grieve the future you envisioned at the program of your dreams. But set yourself a deadline for the grieving process and then move forward determined to be the best, most successful resident this program has ever had. Be the leader they need to take them to the next level. NEVER give them any reason to suspect they were not your first choice program, even if you have to give an Oscar-caliber performance every day.

If you know which subspecialty you want to pursue, be aggressive in securing a mentor and research project so you'll have presentations/publications by the time you're applying for fellowship. If you're concerned about subspecialty exposure, make a point of introducing yourself to those faculty members and letting them know of your interest in their area. See if they have recommendations for finding opportunities to work with their team. Let your PD know of your interest in academics so he/she can support you. Introduce yourself to the clerkship director and express your interest in teaching medical students.

Residency is mostly going to be what you make of it. There's is absolutely no reason you shouldn't be able to pursue your career dreams regardless of the program where you trained--you'll just need to be more self motivated to do what it takes to reach your goals.

 

[Narcomedusae]

For those of you who have said something constructive, I appreciate it greatly. I realize that I'm fortunate to have matched, and feel EXTREMELY grateful to have matched, and excited about starting residency.

 

[Narcomedusae]

I also realize that my situation could be a lot worse, and I'm sorry for those of you who didn't match. However, I'm not sure how constructive it is to come and tell people that their situation could be worse. I realize my situation could be worse, as most things in my life probably could be. The situation can almost always be worse.

 

[DrPerrla]

I also realize that my situation could be a lot worse, and I'm sorry for those of you who didn't match. However, I'm not sure how constructive it is to come and tell people that their situation could be worse. I realize my situation could be worse, as most things in my life probably could be. The situation can almost always be worse.

I absolutely agree with you. In your original post you acknowledged the fact that you did match and that you are grateful for that. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to be disappointed with getting farther down your list than you expected. I think it is perfectly reasonable to feel disappointed and worried. You did get some good constructive advice and I agree. You may have to be a bit more proactive but I think, since this is still a university program, you will be able to get that fellowship if you so choose. Ditto for setting a deadline for grieving.

Those who were not able to match even after SOAP are also still grieving, but I don't think that gives them the right to be nasty about it. It doesn't do anyone any good. Do they plan on telling their patient who broke their arm and are upset and in pain that well at least you didn't break all your limbs or get anything amputated so suck it up? No? Well then they shouldn't be spouting this "at leas you matched, unlike some of us, so you have no right to be upset" business. We get it, it's disappointing, frustrating, and a total nightmare one that none of us who did match would want to have to experience, they have all the right to be upset. But just like they have the right to be upset, you also have the right to your feelings too.

 

[22031 Alum]

I've given it the two weeks now and I'm still extremely disappointed in my match result. I didn't think I would go as far down on my list as I did, and while I wasn't at the very bottom, this is absolutely just not what I had pictured for myself for residency at all.
I want to add that I'm extremely grateful to have matched.

I responded in the other thread, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're still disappointed. My advice is, if you can't be excited about your program, be excited about OB/gyn. That, hopefully, you won't have to fake. Then throw yourself wholeheartedly into being the best resident you can be. Don't dwell on what you think might have been at any other program; excel at yours.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

You can read this thread: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/f-ck-the-nrmp-and-f-ck-the-match.710837/

Critically important, make sure you get to post #220 on page 5.

 

[Law2Doc]

Agree with the post referenced by aPD. You are seeing only the lemons and missing the lemonade. So you misestimated how residencies regarded you, BFD. You sill came out ok, can still stumble upwards instead of actually falling down. Most of your experience in residency is going to be bolstered by the group of co-residents you train with and you haven't even met your class yet. Misery loves company and you might end up with a crowd that makes the experience a whole lot less painful, while you might have been more isolated at a "better" place. And what you know superficially about this program is pretty meaningless. There will be countless people who get their "dream residency" only to find that when you are working crazy hours and being beaten down daily, it's still kind of a grind, and others who ended up with lower choices that really ended up being diamonds in the rough. Give it a chance, and don't cry about something you probably were over-glamorizing anyhow. I think most of us can tell you that we dodged a few bullets not getting places that as a med student seemed "better" but now having compared our own paths with that of colleagues who went that route were infinitely better off not having gone there. In short you need to get over it because you don't really know that what you missed was a positive for you anyhow and because nobody likes a whiner. Don't piss all over your golden opportunity just because it's not a platinum opportunity.

 

[SOAP_city USA]

I am doing my utmost best to "stay on course". As a non-matcher I could be real snarky, but I will be constructive.

I've seen senior residents get really amazing fellowships, and I didn't do rotations at the top hospitals. So what gives?? Never be satisfied w/ the "box" you are put in. There are some attending physicians posting on SDN. And some of them hire fellows. I've read what they've posted, and institution/reputation has a minor influence on that decision. The actual candidate is everything.

Is everyone who finished at MGH or BWH the very top of EVERY spot in their specialty/field? No, there are many wonderful hospitals producing BETTER physicians who are the experts in their fields. Wouldn't being from MGH or BWH make you the most awesome doctor in the world? NO! It's an individual effort. Work harder! Work smarter!

If you are at a lower or middle tier residency program, don't let that define you! If you truly believe that the program is "beneath you", PROVE IT! Publish like crazy. Or get published in the reputable journals. Wow your PD and everyone around you every day for the next few years. So much so that they jump wholeheartedly at your application for a top fellowship.

If you really feel like your #1 spot made a mistake by not ranking you higher, PROVE IT! Stop whining. Do something!

And if you want to keep whining, then drop out, give your spot to someone who wants it. <--My only snarky remark

 

[Narcomedusae]

Honestly, thank you everyone. A lot of this was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm thrilled to have a spot, there are a lot of positives, and i am greatly looking forward to starting residency and learning like crazy.

 

[Geekchick921]

Honestly, thank you everyone. A lot of this was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm thrilled to have a spot, there are a lot of positives, and i am greatly looking forward to starting residency and learning like crazy.

Ditto. I'm mostly done with my pity party about matching lower than I ever expected and I still got a lot from this thread.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

One of the "problems" with the match is what I call "lottery syndrome". Powerball jackpot hits $500 million. You figure, what's the harm of wasting $1 and buy a ticket. When you buy the ticket, you know there is NO chance of winning. Then, the drawing approaches. As it gets closer, you start to think "my numbers are just as good as anyone else's" and "somebody has to win, right?". You start dreaming of what you would do with all of that money. You start making plans that include private jets. The world is your oyster. No one can stop you. You will do good with your winnings.

And then you lose. And you feel like someone took something away from you.

The same thing can happen in the match. You become focused on the fact that you MUST match into your top 3. And then it doesn't happen. Ultimately if some of those higher ranked programs hadn't interviewed you at all, you might feel better -- you would have been unhappy to not get an interview, but that would have been the end of it. But ultimately, you're probably better off getting those interviews, because it at least gave you a chance.

In any case, things are likely to be fine wherever you go. If not, then transferring is always a possibility (although can be difficult and adds new problems to your plate). Try to go in with a good attitude. Trying to find a way to waive your match and re-apply next year is almost certain to result in a less good option.

 

[Campanella]

Hey Narcomedusa, it seems like you are resolving to be the best resident that you can be. The quote below is from a frequent poster to the Ob/Gyn forum, and I hope their post provides you with more inspiration about what is possible through hard work.

You're not the only one. I'm at the end of my residency in OB but I ended up matching near the bottom of list 4 years ago. I had interviewed at 20+ programs due to a red flags on my application. I still managed to get interviews at a lot of academic programs and based on my feedback I thought I would match in the upper third of my match list and thought that my home program would roll the dice on me as I had done a lot of work with them and gotten to know them well. Come match day, I was devastated at the program and the location. I left the match day celebration 15 minutes after opening my envelope. I sent an email of disappointment to my home program's PD at not matching there and ending up at this community program. What's worse is one of the academic programs I had interviewed/ranked pretty highly actually had 1 unmatched spot which was a huge punch to the gut. The program would have rather went unmatched than take a chance on me (let that sink in a realize what a blow that is). I had thoughts of applying for fellowship and in OB/GYN, coming from an academic program is very important in general.

It took a few weeks but I got over it. I promised myself I would be a strong resident and I would move on. I still had nagging feelings early on in intern year and would check the CREOG clearinghouse (site that lists open positions off cycle due to people resigning etc). I noticed a handful of open spots from my year from programs that I interviewed at. Basically the 'great' residents the PDs had chosen ended up quitting at programs I had ranked, which pissed me off to no end. Especially since I've been grinding through residency and never once thought of quitting.

4 years is long, but it can be done. But at the end of the day, you have to love the one you got. I invested myself in my residency. Studied hard, worked hard, and invested myself in being as good as possible. Scored in the 98% on our national inservice exam and proved to myself that I can hold my own against any academic program resident. Applied for fellowship and got a bunch of interviews. Matched at a major academic institution in the west coast and honestly, life is pretty good. I reached my goals. I'm well trained, matched at a fellowship, and got through a relatively tough residency mentally intact.

 

[gutonc]

As usual, @aProgDirector nails it.

 

[Mass Effect]

Stop complaining. You matched. Those of us who didn't have no sympathy because we would've taken anything at this point. You want to switch places with me? No? Then appreciate the fact that you'll actually be training as a physician while others have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR.

Just because you failed to match doesn't mean the OP can't complain and be disappointed about where he/she matched. That's like you saying that you should quit complaining because there are a slew of people out there who didn't get to go to med school at all.

 

[Psai]

Stop complaining. You matched. Those of us who didn't have no sympathy because we would've taken anything at this point. You want to switch places with me? No? Then appreciate the fact that you'll actually be training as a physician while others have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR.

it is not op's fault that you didn't make it

 

[TexasPhysician]

I personally know ob/gyns that recently got into top fellowships from programs I didn't know existed. It is more about the applicant than the program they come from.

 

[j4pac]

I also realize that my situation could be a lot worse, and I'm sorry for those of you who didn't match. However, I'm not sure how constructive it is to come and tell people that their situation could be worse. I realize my situation could be worse, as most things in my life probably could be. The situation can almost always be worse.

You are coming to a board whining about your theoretical risk of not getting a frickin fellowship to help your academic career...meanwhile the board is populated by a ton of people who failed to match. How do you think that is going to come across?

I think that I am going to start complaining about how I was only able to get the base Tesla model S and not the performance version to homeless people.

 

[DrPerrla]

You are coming to a board whining about your theoretical risk of not getting a frickin fellowship to help your academic career...meanwhile the board is populated by a ton of people who failed to match. How do you think that is going to come across?

I think that I am going to start complaining about how I was only able to get the base Tesla model S and not the performance version to homeless people.

Actually that is not the same as complaining about a tesla model to homeless people. This is an open forum, she or he posed a question for others to give input. It's not the OP's fault people failed to match. I'm pretty tired of people rubbing the fact they didn't match in to the faces of people who did but have questions about fellowship, residency etc... I get that people are upset and that's understandable but don't try to pull other people down just because you're down. That's not the kind of attitude and thought process I would want in a doctor or colleague.

 

[j4pac]

Actually that is not the same as complaining about a tesla model to homeless people. This is an open forum, she or he posed a question for others to give input. It's not the OP's fault people failed to match. I'm pretty tired of people rubbing the fact they didn't match in to the faces of people who did but have questions about fellowship, residency etc... I get that people are upset and that's understandable but don't try to pull other people down just because you're down. That's not the kind of attitude and thought process I would want in a doctor or colleague.

I matched...but I can understand who people would be peeved at someone complaining about a trivial matter. The OP wasn't looking for advice...he/she was looking for a pat on the back. People have already done that for him/her...others are telling him/her to suck it up. The OP probably needs a combination of both.

 

[racerwad]

Actually that is not the same as complaining about a tesla model to homeless people. This is an open forum, she or he posed a question for others to give input. It's not the OP's fault people failed to match. I'm pretty tired of people rubbing the fact they didn't match in to the faces of people who did but have questions about fellowship, residency etc... I get that people are upset and that's understandable but don't try to pull other people down just because you're down. That's not the kind of attitude and thought process I would want in a doctor or colleague.

It seems like the OP did get feedback - just not the kind they were hoping for apparently. It sounds like the OP finally got some insight and context regarding their situation.

 

[22031 Alum]

I matched...but I can understand who people would be peeved at someone complaining about a trivial matter. The OP wasn't looking for advice...he/she was looking for a pat on the back. People have already done that for him/her...others are telling him/her to suck it up. The OP probably needs a combination of both.

I'd argue that if someone is sensitive about not matching, they'd probably do well to avoid the General Residency Issues forum for a while. Considering they aren't preparing to be a resident at the moment. The OP's issue- how do I start off strong to make the most out of a disappointing residency match?- seems perfect for this forum.

 

[smq123]

I matched...but I can understand who people would be peeved at someone complaining about a trivial matter. The OP wasn't looking for advice...he/she was looking for a pat on the back. People have already done that for him/her...others are telling him/her to suck it up. The OP probably needs a combination of both.

6 years ago, I didn't match. I actually applied for OB, did not get it, and scrambled into Family Medicine. While it wasn't what I wanted, I am very lucky that things have worked out well and that I am happy with the way my life has turned out.

That being said, although I probably would have felt a little bitter towards the OP, I would like to think that I would have been gracious enough not to yell at them to stop complaining. It can always be worse, but that doesn't mean that people aren't entitled to feel disappointed and unhappy.

 

[j4pac]

6 years ago, I didn't match. I actually applied for OB, did not get it, and scrambled into Family Medicine. While it wasn't what I wanted, I am very lucky that things have worked out well and that I am happy with the way my life has turned out.

That being said, although I probably would have felt a little bitter towards the OP, I would like to think that I would have been gracious enough not to yell at them to stop complaining. It can always be worse, but that doesn't mean that people aren't entitled to feel disappointed and unhappy.

You do see why people would be bitter toward the OP right? The OP is depressed about the theoretical risk of not getting fellowship after matching to residency. I'm pretty sure that we could have thousands of people in here with the same concern...but we don't. Only one. That's because the concern is trivial at this point. The OP hasn't even demonstrated that he/she could survive internship for heavens sake.

People gave the OP advise to "suck it up"..."be thankful for what you have...because you are lucky." Though it may not be the advise the OP was looking for....I think that both are wonderful pieces of advice.

 

[waitlist22]

You do see why people would be bitter toward the OP right? The OP is depressed about the theoretical risk of not getting fellowship after matching to residency. I'm pretty sure that we could have thousands of people in here with the same concern...but we don't. Only one. That's because the concern is trivial at this point. The OP hasn't even demonstrated that he/she could survive internship for heavens sake.

People gave the OP advise to "suck it up"..."be thankful for what you have...because you are lucky." Though it may not be the advise the OP was looking for....I think that both are wonderful pieces of advice.

And you do see how ridiculous that is right? I realize people are upset about not matching but that doesn't mean the OP can't post their questions/concerns just because other people might get their feelings hurt. People don't get into med school, should we stop making threads about med school things for fear of offending those who didn't get in? We shouldn't complain about 3rd year clerkships then either because IMGs can't do them here or get observerships and they might be bitter. And hell, I don't have a significant other, we better not make any threads about how hard medical school is with a spouse because "hey at least you have one, you should be happy you even have a spouse!" Its absurd. You say OP needs to just suck it up, then so do those who didn't match. It is certainly worse to have not matched but people can still be upset about matching low on their list. I can guarantee that if those who didn't match had matched at their last choice they would be making these same exact threads!

Fellowship options in the future may be trivial to you but it clearly isn't trivial to the OP hence them asking the question. No one here can judge what is and isn't trivial as it is very different from person to person. This is an open forum where literally hundreds even thousands of threads are trivial. Doesn't mean they don't deserve answers and better "advice" (with a c not an s by the way) than "suck it up and be thankful".

 

[smq123]

You do see why people would be bitter toward the OP right? The OP is depressed about the theoretical risk of not getting fellowship after matching to residency. I'm pretty sure that we could have thousands of people in here with the same concern...but we don't. Only one. That's because the concern is trivial at this point. The OP hasn't even demonstrated that he/she could survive internship for heavens sake.

My point is, despite having been one of those people who might have felt bitter towards the OP, I still thought that your response was unnecessarily harsh.

To be honest, I don't blame the OP for their reaction. I blame the hype that we have all come to associate with Match Day. There is this feeling about the Match that it is the FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, like it dictates how your life will unfold after that, like the Match sets things in stone for you. Of course that's not true....but I can say that only after getting some distance from the event itself. If, 6 years ago, you had told me that over a dozen of my classmates would go on to change their minds about either their specialty or their program, I would have refused to believe you - because, like everyone else, I saw Match Day like some sort of medical-version of the Day of Reckoning. I realize how wrong I was, NOW, but that's how I, and almost all of my classmates, felt.

 

[j4pac]

And you do see how ridiculous that is right? I realize people are upset about not matching but that doesn't mean the OP can't post their questions/concerns just because other people might get their feelings hurt. People don't get into med school, should we stop making threads about med school things for fear of offending those who didn't get in? We shouldn't complain about 3rd year clerkships then either because IMGs can't do them here or get observerships and they might be bitter. And hell, I don't have a significant other, we better not make any threads about how hard medical school is with a spouse because "hey at least you have one, you should be happy you even have a spouse!" Its absurd. You say OP needs to just suck it up, then so do those who didn't match. It is certainly worse to have not matched but people can still be upset about matching low on their list. I can guarantee that if those who didn't match had matched at their last choice they would be making these same exact threads!

Fellowship options in the future may be trivial to you but it clearly isn't trivial to the OP hence them asking the question. No one here can judge what is and isn't trivial as it is very different from person to person. This is an open forum where literally hundreds even thousands of threads are trivial. Doesn't mean they don't deserve answers and better "advice" (with a c not an s by the way) than "suck it up and be thankful".

Suck it up and be thankful is an excellent piece of advice. It's advice that we all could use.

Here is my advice for the OP. It's not to suck it up and be thankful...it's prepare.

OP...getting fellowship isn't easy for most specialties. Whether or not you get a fellowship is likely to do less with the name of your residency program...and much more to do with the fact that you barely matched. You likely have overestimated your credentials. Unless you were only applying and interviewing at elite programs, chances are that you already have an uphill battle ahead of yourself. But don't sit back and mope...do something about it. Make those programs regret not ranking you higher. Be the best resident that you can be. There are ALWAYS opportunities to be involved in research when you are working in a hospital and working with patients. I work in an outpatient clinic and I have multiple ongoing resident projects and publications. Keep your eyes open and let it be known from the very beginning to your staff that you want to be actively involved in research. Generally, if you work hard, are competent, and work well with others people are going to try to help you.

I have worked with people unhappy to be at their residency and I can tell you that their fellowship opportunities were nil. Staff members are going to be your greatest resource and they will not recommend a malcontent resident...regardless of how much they want it or how bright they are. You need to learn how to be content being a generalist...while doing everything you can to put yourself in a position to succeed.

 

[Narcomedusae]

Again, thank you sincerely to those of you who have provided constructive advice. I'm very grateful to have matched, and I do see a lot of great things about my situation.

I did come in here for advice about how to make the most of a disappointing result- advice, stories, etc. Those things have been very helpful.

To j4pac- I really would like to again state that I realize things can always be worse. Additionally, I think it's quite an overstatement for you to tell someone matching lower on their list than desired that they "barely matched."
Perhaps I have overestimated my credentials, perhaps not. I face similar challenges in many program with regards to research and fellowship, and I know fellowship isn't a guarantee. I went in to my residency interviews looking for someplace that would give me a wide breadth and scope of training and strong generalist exposure, because that's sort of the point of residency. I also wanted strong academic support because I think I would like to do a fellowship. I think having some concerns about that is reasonable, as most people I know have general concerns about post-residency plans.

Coming in and telling someone it can be worse and they need to suck it up is not generally an attitude that I think is effective outside of military training. It works there. I've rarely seen it work elsewhere, and particularly not when trying to inspire people to utilize their resources the most effective way possible and make the best of a disappointing situation.

 

[Arcan57]

One of the deciding factors for success in life is resiliency. Some people encounter minor bumps and just stop, some people fall into canyons and climb their way out. While "suck it up" seems like crap advice, it's actually all sorts of useful for dealing with the things that stand in the way of our goals. It's ok to grieve the loss of "what might have been" but don't let it shake your focus on "what will be".

 

[DeadCactus]

SDN is almost exclusively made up of people living in the first world who had the opportunity to go to college and did well enough to go to medical school. Many, if not most, were born into priveledged families with educational and social advantages beginning even in youth. Where the hell else are you supposed to vent about disappointments and frustrations if not here?

Anyone who didn't match has already been fortunate enough to pursue higher education. To ignore the plight of the 95% of the world that has it worse than you and then discount the fraction of a percent one step above you is hypocrisy. If it's so hard to believe that everyone is entitled to their own frustrations and disappointments while already in such a position of priveledge, maybe you didn't deserve to match...

 

[SLC]

I know you are really disappointed right now and I am sure this isn't what you want to hear but things could be worse. I did not match, did not get anything in SOAP. I am several hundred thousand dollars in debt and do not have a residency at this point. I can't sleep at night and have severe GERD every day worrying about what will happen if I don't find a residency and become a practicing physician. Make the best of it and if you really don't like it try to transfer.

Yeah. My chest hurts everyday. I can't sleep. I try to show a brave face with my wife because she's afraid this is going to kill me inside and that I'm just going to give up.

Oh man guys, I'm sorry you're still unmatched; SOAP week was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life. I didn't sleep, didn't eat, had a nearly constant tension headache, I lost like 10lbs and I developed this incessant need to check my phone for missed communications (that I'm still doing today, like every few minutes, it's ridiculous). I don't know how I would cope with still being in that situation.

Here's to hoping both of you either find something soon, or come up with a good plan for the upcoming year.