Discouraged about age and parents?

[NonTradMed]

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I just had the most disheartening conversation with my dad regarding med school admissions.

Most of my father's arguments against medical school are laughable if he wasn't serious:

Dad: you shouldn't go to med school, money isn't everything
Me: So, you suggest I take the consulting position offered to me instead of being greedy, quitting my job and going into debt to go to medical school....because obviously staying in corporate work, and doing consulting shows how altruistic I am versus going into debt to do medicine?

Dad: if you go to med school, you'll be out of the workforce for six years
Me: med school is four years, last time I checked I already got my pre-reqs done, i'll be paid peanuts in residency, but it's paid work, you had wanted me to go to law school, that was three years and you had no qualms about that!

Dad: think of the money...*incoherent mumbling*.....no money
Me: I'll be able to pay back everything, I doubt I'll starve as a doctor.....but let me guess....there's so many poor unemployed doctors than there are poor, unemployed IT professionals and consultants?

And at this point....

Dad: you've already tried and failed the MCAT, I'm worried that you can't get in this time
Me: What the #^$% are you talking about?! I've taken the MCAT before but the scores expired, how can I *fail* the MCAT when there's no passing grade? I have not even applied until now...have I already gotten a rejection letter that you know about and I don't?!

But of course, all this is to hide the real reason, which finally came out:

Dad: you're so old, you need to find someone and settle down

He doesn't want me to do it because it's such a long process at 'my age' (age 25), especially since I'm a female. He wants me to find a husband and settle down etc. Now, my dad is typically not such a sexist pig and that is why I'm a bit disheartened to hear him say this.

He used to encourage me to be ambitious and do my best in everything, but as soon as I hit 25, he's been on me to focus more on marriage. Certainly, being Asian and coming from a third world country has meant certain conservative strains show up in his old age, but I always felt that 25 is not too old to start med school, and that I am able to find someone in med school. I mean, it's school, correct? Shouldn't the number of eligible guys be more than at most work places? I know there's a thread about when the best time to have kids are for people, but I've heard it's not uncommon to have people give birth during med school or residency. I know it won't be easy, and I understand my dad's worry that this road would be too difficult, but if others can do it, why I can't I at least try as well?

I guess I understand the last point he made about med school, but it's sad to hear that he thinks as a girl, it's more important to find a husband and family than it is to go to school and focus on my career, that at age 25, I should no longer be focusing on developing a career but on settling down. Am I just the sum of my parts?

I'm disappointed in him more than anything else and this is the only place I know where I feel people truly understand what I'm going through. I guess I just want a place to vent. Thanks for reading this! 🙂

 

[njbmd]

I just had the most disheartening conversation with my dad regarding med school admissions.

Most of my father's arguments against medical school are laughable if he wasn't serious:

SNIP

I know it won't be easy, and I understand my dad's worry that this road would be too difficult, but if others can do it, why I can't I at least try as well?

I guess I understand the last point he made about med school, but it's sad to hear that he thinks as a girl, it's more important to find a husband and family than it is to go to school and focus on my career, that at age 25, I should no longer be focusing on developing a career but on settling down. Am I just the sum of my parts?

I'm disappointed in him more than anything else and this is the only place I know where I feel people truly understand what I'm going through. I guess I just want a place to vent. Thanks for reading this! 🙂

Hi there,
This is your life is it not? What do YOU want to do? Sure it is great to have the support of your parents but if you really want to pursue medicine, then put your heart into it and do it. Marriage, giving birth and going to medical school are not mutually exclusive. Many of my colleagues have been able to have great marriages and great medical careers.

You need to sit down, figure out what you want to do and plot a strategy for obtaining it. Your father cannot live YOUR life. You are an adult who knows your own needs better than your adult parents. You live in a different world from the world that they left behind to come to this country. (My parents were immigrants [I was born here] so I understand where you are coming from).

There is nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams. Challenges make you grow in many directions so take your fathers negative comments as challenges to make your resolve stronger. Again, figure out what you want and go for it.

njbmd 🙂

 

[LtRiceman]

Do what you want to do. You wouldn't be the only one that's gone against their parent's wishes in order to pursue a passion or dream. I enlisted into the Marine Corps against my parent's wishes. Needless to say, they detested that action. They said it was a waste of my gifts. Once I graduated though, they did a complete 180. My deal is this; you've got one life to live any way you see fit. Don't let someone else narrate it for you. Also, I'm still in the military and plan on applying for med school once I'm out at 34. So, I guess to me, age doesn't matter either. I'm 24 by the way. Once again, do what you want to do, and live your life with no regrets.
Andy

 

[QofQuimica]

I agree with the other posters. I'm female, going to be 30, unmarried and plan to stay that way. I was engaged at age 21, and WALKED AWAY FROM A MEDICAL SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE because I thought that this guy was "the one". Well, I didn't end up marrying him, and I'm finally at a point in my life now where I am able to jump through all of the hoops to get into med school and finish it. Marriages may or may not last (even if the relationship is good, you could wind up widowed), but once you have that piece of paper, it is yours for the rest of your life, and no one can take it away from you.

I wish that someone had given me this advice when I was in my early twenties, which is why I'm telling it to you. If medical school is really what you want, I hope that you will go for it and not let anyone tell you that you are too old or that you can't be married with a family as a physician. There are people in med school who are older than 40 and they manage with families. So yes, you can do it. Good luck!

 

[MD'05]

Tell dad that medical school is a great way to find a husband and have babies.

 

[flighterdoc]

I just had the most disheartening conversation with my dad regarding med school admissions.

Most of my father's arguments against medical school are laughable if he wasn't serious:

Dad: you shouldn't go to med school, money isn't everything
Me: So, you suggest I take the consulting position offered to me instead of being greedy, quitting my job and going into debt to go to medical school....because obviously staying in corporate work, and doing consulting shows how altruistic I am versus going into debt to do medicine?

Dad: if you go to med school, you'll be out of the workforce for six years
Me: med school is four years, last time I checked I already got my pre-reqs done, i'll be paid peanuts in residency, but it's paid work, you had wanted me to go to law school, that was three years and you had no qualms about that!

Dad: think of the money...*incoherent mumbling*.....no money
Me: I'll be able to pay back everything, I doubt I'll starve as a doctor.....but let me guess....there's so many poor unemployed doctors than there are poor, unemployed IT professionals and consultants?

And at this point....

Dad: you've already tried and failed the MCAT, I'm worried that you can't get in this time
Me: What the #^$% are you talking about?! I've taken the MCAT before but the scores expired, how can I *fail* the MCAT when there's no passing grade? I have not even applied until now...have I already gotten a rejection letter that you know about and I don't?!

But of course, all this is to hide the real reason, which finally came out:

Dad: you're so old, you need to find someone and settle down

He doesn't want me to do it because it's such a long process at 'my age' (age 25), especially since I'm a female. He wants me to find a husband and settle down etc. Now, my dad is typically not such a sexist pig and that is why I'm a bit disheartened to hear him say this.

He used to encourage me to be ambitious and do my best in everything, but as soon as I hit 25, he's been on me to focus more on marriage. Certainly, being Asian and coming from a third world country has meant certain conservative strains show up in his old age, but I always felt that 25 is not too old to start med school, and that I am able to find someone in med school. I mean, it's school, correct? Shouldn't the number of eligible guys be more than at most work places? I know there's a thread about when the best time to have kids are for people, but I've heard it's not uncommon to have people give birth during med school or residency. I know it won't be easy, and I understand my dad's worry that this road would be too difficult, but if others can do it, why I can't I at least try as well?

I guess I understand the last point he made about med school, but it's sad to hear that he thinks as a girl, it's more important to find a husband and family than it is to go to school and focus on my career, that at age 25, I should no longer be focusing on developing a career but on settling down. Am I just the sum of my parts?

I'm disappointed in him more than anything else and this is the only place I know where I feel people truly understand what I'm going through. I guess I just want a place to vent. Thanks for reading this! 🙂

Tell your dad that there are a LOT more lawyers having trouble making ends meet (doing pretty low-end stuff for chump change) than there are physicians doing the same. And when a physician does some low-end thing (monetarily speaking only, of course) there is usually a tuition reimbursement program in the background.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Are you sure that wasn't my mom that you were talking to. I'm in the same boat as yourself except I screwed up in college and decided grades were too bad for med school. If its something you want to do then do it. I have talked to med schools and its doable even if you messed up in college and didn't have the best grades. Feel free to search this forum as I have posted my story more than once. My mom wants me to go to law school b/c its shorter and I will be 27 and applying to med schools and in residency till i'm 35 (at least). But hey, there are other out there doing it older than myself! You are never too old and if its truly what you want then do it. Just make sure you want to follow the path! Best of luck!

 

[Khenon]

I have a similar situation, only it's my mom. She's Vietnamese (from the small villages, so "third world country"-ish), and wants nothing more than for me to get a man and settle down. I'm 30, and have learned my lesson with my parents, so I've actually not even told them I'm applying to medical school. I know they won't support me and their questions/complaints will only discourage me, in an already arduous (sp?) process. And don't get me wrong. My parents love me, and will "help" me in any way they can (they watch my son alot, and buy me groceries and stuff when they visit), but when it comes to that "moral support" . . . NO WAY! They have no problems telling why what I'm doing is wrong, and how I "should" be living my life. Again, because I've learned this the hard way, I just didn't tell them. Once I get in, I'll let them know what the deal is, but until that day they'll just have to live in blissful ignorance. I currently own a home, have a full time job, and am engaged, so they're pretty happy right now. I don't have the heart to ruin that for them just yet! 😉

 

[myfavred]

I just had the most disheartening conversation with my dad regarding med school admissions.

Most of my father's arguments against medical school are laughable if he wasn't serious:

Dad: you shouldn't go to med school, money isn't everything
Me: So, you suggest I take the consulting position offered to me instead of being greedy, quitting my job and going into debt to go to medical school....because obviously staying in corporate work, and doing consulting shows how altruistic I am versus going into debt to do medicine?

Dad: if you go to med school, you'll be out of the workforce for six years
Me: med school is four years, last time I checked I already got my pre-reqs done, i'll be paid peanuts in residency, but it's paid work, you had wanted me to go to law school, that was three years and you had no qualms about that!

Dad: think of the money...*incoherent mumbling*.....no money
Me: I'll be able to pay back everything, I doubt I'll starve as a doctor.....but let me guess....there's so many poor unemployed doctors than there are poor, unemployed IT professionals and consultants?

And at this point....

Dad: you've already tried and failed the MCAT, I'm worried that you can't get in this time
Me: What the #^$% are you talking about?! I've taken the MCAT before but the scores expired, how can I *fail* the MCAT when there's no passing grade? I have not even applied until now...have I already gotten a rejection letter that you know about and I don't?!

But of course, all this is to hide the real reason, which finally came out:

Dad: you're so old, you need to find someone and settle down

He doesn't want me to do it because it's such a long process at 'my age' (age 25), especially since I'm a female. He wants me to find a husband and settle down etc. Now, my dad is typically not such a sexist pig and that is why I'm a bit disheartened to hear him say this.

He used to encourage me to be ambitious and do my best in everything, but as soon as I hit 25, he's been on me to focus more on marriage. Certainly, being Asian and coming from a third world country has meant certain conservative strains show up in his old age, but I always felt that 25 is not too old to start med school, and that I am able to find someone in med school. I mean, it's school, correct? Shouldn't the number of eligible guys be more than at most work places? I know there's a thread about when the best time to have kids are for people, but I've heard it's not uncommon to have people give birth during med school or residency. I know it won't be easy, and I understand my dad's worry that this road would be too difficult, but if others can do it, why I can't I at least try as well?

I guess I understand the last point he made about med school, but it's sad to hear that he thinks as a girl, it's more important to find a husband and family than it is to go to school and focus on my career, that at age 25, I should no longer be focusing on developing a career but on settling down. Am I just the sum of my parts?

I'm disappointed in him more than anything else and this is the only place I know where I feel people truly understand what I'm going through. I guess I just want a place to vent. Thanks for reading this! 🙂

I am in the same boat as you. I am almost done with my Master's in Information Technology and it was half way there that I realized I wanted to go to Medical School. I am also 25 and from an Asian Third World Country. I have been told many times that I should get married or when will I get married even by my 12 year old sister. My aunt is a doctor and once I talked to her about it and she said that at the end it will be me who has to live with my decision, so I should decided on what my heart tells me not what everyone thinks. Also who can guarantee that you will find a husband if you don't go to medical school. You don't know when will you find the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, because you don't know that you shouldn't put your life on hold for him. So in short just forget what your dad said. I know it is very difficult to do especially when he has always been your great support. But hey if Kerry can accept his defeat and move on you can accept where your dad is coming from and move on. Hope it helped. 😀

 

[NonTradMed]

Thanks everyone for the support! I knew there must be others like me out there......although I am surprised there were other asian parents that have parents like my dad. But I'd have to add the creveat my father wasn't always like this, when I was younger, he was supportative of me to be all I can be, and he supports now me in my climb up the corporate ladder and being a working parent in the future etc, but he's still stuck in the old country mentality that once a girl reaches a certain age, marriage should be the main focus, a husband and child is my 'next step', not another degree.

I feel better having spent some time venting on this and other places. Ironic isn't that the stereotype of an ideal child is to go med school or bust and here we are, a thread discussing so many students who are going against family wishes to pursue med school?

This quote struck me:

I agree with the other posters. I'm female, going to be 30, unmarried and plan to stay that way. I was engaged at age 21, and WALKED AWAY FROM A MEDICAL SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE because I thought that this guy was "the one". Well, I didn't end up marrying him, and I'm finally at a point in my life now where I am able to jump through all of the hoops to get into med school and finish it. Marriages may or may not last (even if the relationship is good, you could wind up widowed), but once you have that piece of paper, it is yours for the rest of your life, and no one can take it away from you.

I wish that someone had given me this advice when I was in my early twenties, which is why I'm telling it to you. If medical school is really what you want, I hope that you will go for it and not let anyone tell you that you are too old or that you can't be married with a family as a physician. There are people in med school who are older than 40 and they manage with families. So yes, you can do it. Good luck!

Wow, if i had that acceptance at hand.....I would NOT be walking away from it, even if that means seperation from boyfriend or husband....you are definitely right. This not to say that we should not sacrifice ourselves for our family, but that we shouldn't let our family completely subsume our career aspirations if possible.

As for the person who spoke about the instability of law school vs. med school....you need to come to speak with my dad, he thinks, three years law, or two years MBA, and boom, you are bling bling. And I think that is the biggest problem, the perception that med school is so long and tedious and the reward so far away, yet law and business is short and quick and the renumeration so high, he doesn't sees the people who got their degree and pay their dues in the work world. Med school makes you pay your dues during school and residency......either way, if we want to do something challenging, we have to pay our dues sometime, med school just happen to be more obvious about it. 🙄

 

[Curious Tom]

Thanks everyone for the support! I knew there must be others like me out there......although I am surprised there were other asian parents that have parents like my dad. But I'd have to add the creveat my father wasn't always like this, when I was younger, he was supportative of me to be all I can be, and he supports now me in my climb up the corporate ladder and being a working parent in the future etc, but he's still stuck in the old country mentality that once a girl reaches a certain age, marriage should be the main focus, a husband and child is my 'next step', not another degree.

I feel better having spent some time venting on this and other places. Ironic isn't that the stereotype of an ideal child is to go med school or bust and here we are, a thread discussing so many students who are going against family wishes to pursue med school?

QUOTE]

Interesting to read this post as an Asian male (not 3rd world contry though) and 31 going 32 this year and will begin med school next fall; I am still going through this interesting application process.

In my culture people say 28 is the max a girl can go as a single. In fact you will see many girls at 27-29 going desperate to get any guy to marry; interestingly guys avoid precisely those age range girls for the same reason. But that's cultural beliefs and conventions. We are in America (by the way I decided to be a US citizen and I will be one this Dec.).

Do I feel old to apply? Not at all, I've never thought about it until seeing others worrying about it. In fact, in one of my interviews, the female doctor asked me, "So, is there any other questions regarding our institution (UPenn)?" I asked, "It seems that I am the oldest of all interviwees today. Do you think my age matters?" She said emphatically, "You are 31. No, not at all. That shouldn't be a problem at all." Well, I was one of the first people they interviewed, and I will hear from them in March. So, I can't say what she said was factual. There were about 30 students and most looked like high school kids, mostly from ivy schools. Did I feel old and intimidated? Not at all, and no one should be. If you are qualified, you will get in. That's all. Well, in fact the process is largely random.

As to marriage, it's a man-made convention, not a rule. Why do some women worry about not being able to get married? Who said you have to? It's a convenience. If it's not convenient to you, you don't have to. If you find a great partner, may be a possibility, but not a necessity. Social stigma? Well, that's where you will distincguish yourself as an individual or a sheep. 25? Recently I've dated two 23s and one 30. The 23s were still maturing and I must say we are all still too young to settle with one person; if divorce is something we want to avoid.

I got to go.

 

[brotherbloat]

Hi everyone,

This thread really struck a chord with me. I'm 28, female, and now married. However, I decided to apply to med school as I was finishing up a master's program I hated. At that time I was 25 and still single, though dating my now husband.

My parents were 100% vehemently against the decision to take a year of post-bacc (because I needed to do all my pre-meds for the first time) and apply. They kept saying, "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, and you already have your bird." They thought that even though I hated my master's program, I should just go out and practice and make the bling. However, though I did slog through and graduate, had I practiced my bling would have been nil, due to the job market, etc. and I would have been miserable.

So I did my post-bacc, got engaged, and when the post-bacc ended I got married. Which brings us up to present day, when I am currently applying for fall '05.

My parents are still very unsupportive, despite the fact I am married and have satisfied that desire of theirs. They don't think a woman this late in life should be switching careers, and instead I should be a housewife and a baby machine. It always bothered me how unsupportive they were/ are.

I don't think they'll ever come around, but I have the support of my husband, and that's all that matters, but even married women face the same kind of crap as you, as you can see in my case!

-BB

 

[OrthoFixation]

I'm 37 and can't stop laughing at all the parents telling you "OLD" twenty-somethings to avoid medicine.

I'll be 45+ when residency is over, but what the hell. My working life is 65 min and 80+ max. Medicine gets better with experience. Enjoying what you do is the most important thing. Many docs work part time or teach to give back or just keep mentally stimulated well past their 70's. Medicine is one of the few careers that you control your destiny. As long as we don't elect Hillary in '08, that is. No forty yo MBA is going to tell me that I must retire at 65 or that they can hire to fresh grad's to do my job for 1/2 my salary. Embrace the freedom and tell your parents to kiss your ***. I've known a few people who told their parents to keep their opinions to themselves if they ever wanted to see the grandchildren.

 

[tupac_don]

I agree with the other posters. I'm female, going to be 30, unmarried and plan to stay that way. I was engaged at age 21, and WALKED AWAY FROM A MEDICAL SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE because I thought that this guy was "the one". Well, I didn't end up marrying him, and I'm finally at a point in my life now where I am able to jump through all of the hoops to get into med school and finish it. Marriages may or may not last (even if the relationship is good, you could wind up widowed), but once you have that piece of paper, it is yours for the rest of your life, and no one can take it away from you.

I wish that someone had given me this advice when I was in my early twenties, which is why I'm telling it to you. If medical school is really what you want, I hope that you will go for it and not let anyone tell you that you are too old or that you can't be married with a family as a physician. There are people in med school who are older than 40 and they manage with families. So yes, you can do it. Good luck!

Nice thought, but actually they can take it away from you. If you kill a patient (worse case scenario) b/c of negligence you will lose your licence. But I get your point. The diploma you get is something tangible that is an investement for life. Good luck
!

 

[terzian]

My mom quit her management job and went to medical school at 39, with a husband and two kids. She is now a practicing physician and says that it was worth every minute of it because she's finally happy with her chosen profession. I myself am going to medical school straight out of undergrad, but I can't imagine being told that you are too old to change careers at 25 or 28. Obviously, in my family we don't impose age limits on career changes. 😀 I wish you the best of luck and remember, in the end, you're doing this for you! Do what makes you happy!

 

[mommdtobe]

I am 33 just taking pre-reqs and hope that my age will not be a problem 🙄 I decided at the ripe age of 29 to go back to school. Had some family additions 🙂 and now going fulltime finally. To give some advice, if I was in this situation I would listen with a smile 🙂 and do what you feel is best. 😉 😀

Good luck

Michelle

 

[newbeginnings]

I just had the most disheartening conversation with my dad regarding med school admissions.

Most of my father's arguments against medical school are laughable if he wasn't serious:

Dad: you shouldn't go to med school, money isn't everything
Me: So, you suggest I take the consulting position offered to me instead of being greedy, quitting my job and going into debt to go to medical school....because obviously staying in corporate work, and doing consulting shows how altruistic I am versus going into debt to do medicine?

Dad: if you go to med school, you'll be out of the workforce for six years
Me: med school is four years, last time I checked I already got my pre-reqs done, i'll be paid peanuts in residency, but it's paid work, you had wanted me to go to law school, that was three years and you had no qualms about that!

Dad: think of the money...*incoherent mumbling*.....no money
Me: I'll be able to pay back everything, I doubt I'll starve as a doctor.....but let me guess....there's so many poor unemployed doctors than there are poor, unemployed IT professionals and consultants?

And at this point....

Dad: you've already tried and failed the MCAT, I'm worried that you can't get in this time
Me: What the #^$% are you talking about?! I've taken the MCAT before but the scores expired, how can I *fail* the MCAT when there's no passing grade? I have not even applied until now...have I already gotten a rejection letter that you know about and I don't?!

But of course, all this is to hide the real reason, which finally came out:

Dad: you're so old, you need to find someone and settle down

He doesn't want me to do it because it's such a long process at 'my age' (age 25), especially since I'm a female. He wants me to find a husband and settle down etc. Now, my dad is typically not such a sexist pig and that is why I'm a bit disheartened to hear him say this.

He used to encourage me to be ambitious and do my best in everything, but as soon as I hit 25, he's been on me to focus more on marriage. Certainly, being Asian and coming from a third world country has meant certain conservative strains show up in his old age, but I always felt that 25 is not too old to start med school, and that I am able to find someone in med school. I mean, it's school, correct? Shouldn't the number of eligible guys be more than at most work places? I know there's a thread about when the best time to have kids are for people, but I've heard it's not uncommon to have people give birth during med school or residency. I know it won't be easy, and I understand my dad's worry that this road would be too difficult, but if others can do it, why I can't I at least try as well?

I guess I understand the last point he made about med school, but it's sad to hear that he thinks as a girl, it's more important to find a husband and family than it is to go to school and focus on my career, that at age 25, I should no longer be focusing on developing a career but on settling down. Am I just the sum of my parts?

I'm disappointed in him more than anything else and this is the only place I know where I feel people truly understand what I'm going through. I guess I just want a place to vent. Thanks for reading this! 🙂

This is me. So happy to have found this thread, even if it was from - literally - years ago.

 

[Goro]

Yes, it's a necrobump, but a teaching moment: some of my all time best students have been in their 30s and 40s. I graduated one last year at age 50!

Too old? Bovine feces!!

 

[Lawgiver]

So what happened to this nice lady? Where is she now? Other than the very high risk of tri-21 after mid 30's, age would be irrelevant if I were female.

edit looks like she is at least med student. yay!

 

[dorothyntoto]

This is a dead thread

 

[QofQuimica]

No idea what happened to her, but I was a 29-year-old premed when this thread started, and I'm a 40-year-old attending now.