Disillusioned and depressed about grades

[markner]

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I just transferred from a CC to a very welll regarded university. My grades this semester are horrible and killing my GPA. I went into exams believing I was prepared and even thought I did well afterwards. Turns out, I had done horribly. And the process repeats itself.

I am disillusioned in my own capabilities and intelligence. I feel like a phony in this institution, an idiot who managed to slip through the cracks of admission. Furthermore, I know my poor GPA will most likely prevent me from getting into a prestigious medical school. I know this is irrational, but I feel interior to those who attend Ivy League or other big name schools; I feel like gum under their boots.

I am depressed and feel hatred towards myself for my failure this semester.

What I hate most is the lack of second chances. Once you receive a poor grade, there is no replacing it. It is a reminder of my failure.

 

[Rachapkis]

You are not a phony. Your university would not have admitted you if they did not believe you have what it takes. However, the step up from a community college to a well regarded university can be an adjustment—just as the transition from high school to university can be an eye opener for some students. The key is to change your approach when what you are doing is not working. I would consult with your profs during office hours, your college advisor (if you have one), and students who are succeeding to help find out what works. Good luck and keep your chin up.

 

[907914]

1) If you were successful in CC but are not at the 4 year, my assumption here is that you were great at the lower division coursework and are struggling in upper division. This likely means you need a radical shift in your studying. To be successful in intro classes, you study, memorize, dump, repeat. For upper division, everything builds on itself and it is much more valuable to learn the concepts, not study the material. That sounds really simple and like I am pointing out something stupid, but you will know what I mean once you feel it.

2) intelligence is not reflective in your GPA. Work ethic is not reflective in your GPA. Capabilities are not reflective in your GPA. Your GPA reflects a combination of the application of all of the above, but poor or misguided application of the above yields poor or misguided results and does not reflect the initial qualities.

3) Who cares about Ivy League? Don’t compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to you. Stop worrying about prestige, where you aren’t and where you want to go. Focus on where you are now and the results will follow.

4) Yes, there are no second chances - a transcript is a transcript. However, you have 3+ more semesters to show upward trend.

And as always on posts that express depression, if you need someone to talk to in a more personal format don’t hesitate to PM me or call the number below for the national suicide hotline:
1-800-273-8255

 

[Goro]

I just transferred from a CC to a very welll regarded university. My grades this semester are horrible and killing my GPA. I went into exams believing I was prepared and even thought I did well afterwards. Turns out, I had done horribly. And the process repeats itself.

I am disillusioned in my own capabilities and intelligence. I feel like a phony in this institution, an idiot who managed to slip through the cracks of admission. Furthermore, I know my poor GPA will most likely prevent me from getting into a prestigious medical school. I know this is irrational, but I feel interior to those who attend Ivy League or other big name schools; I feel like gum under their boots.

I am depressed and feel hatred towards myself for my failure this semester.

What I hate most is the lack of second chances. Once you receive a poor grade, there is no replacing it. It is a reminder of my failure.

Your grades are not a reflection of who you are. You are not a bad person or inferior for having poor grades.

There are always second chances. Do better from now, or do a post-bac or SMP. There are a good number of MD (and all DO) schools that reward reinvention.

I also suggest that you visit your school's health center, or see your family doctor. This is NOT medical advice, despite what overzealous and hyper protective moderators might think.

 

[Tenk]

Your grades are not a reflection of who you are. You are not a bad person or inferior for having poor grades.

There are always second chances. Do better from now, or do a post-bac or SMP. There are a good number of MD (and all DO) schools that reward reinvention.

I also suggest that you visit your school's health center, or see your family doctor. This is NOT medical advice, despite what overzealous and hyper protective moderators might think.

Agree. That’s definitely not medical advice, that’s career advice. Can’t believe you have to put down that qualifier.

 

[Goro]

Agree. That’s definitely not medical advice, that’s career advice. Can’t believe you have to put down that qualifier.

Pre meds are apparently a tender and fragile lot these days, according to some mods.

 

[965978]

Pre meds are apparently a tender and fragile lot these days, according to some mods.

But can you blame us? We are in a career where you don’t even have a real job until your late 20’s and even then you have to bust it out 80-100 hours a week for several years before you get a permanent job.

And when you finally do get a permanent job, your responsibilities go towards satisfying the needs of the hospital administration rather than the needs of your patients, and you have no choice in that. All the while you’re paying back 200K in student loans!!!

At least grad students don’t have to bust so hard just to get into a single grad school and they get a stipend to live off of. Although I will admit that getting past the post-doc stage and getting a professorship is the most stressful time for a PhD doctor.

 

[Goro]

But can you blame us? We are in a career where you don’t even have a real job until your late 20’s and even then you have to bust it out 80-100 hours a week for several years before you get a permanent job.

And when you finally do get a permanent job, your responsibilities go towards satisfying the needs of the hospital administration rather than the needs of your patients, and you have no choice in that. All the while you’re paying back 200K in student loans!!!

At least grad students don’t have to bust so hard just to get into a single grad school and they get a stipend to live off of. Although I will admit that getting past the post-doc stage and getting a professorship is the most stressful time for a PhD doctor.

I'm somewhat unsympathetic because nobody is forcing you to choose this path

 

[965978]

I'm somewhat unsympathetic because nobody is forcing you to choose this path

But that goes for many things in life:

No one is being forced to stay in a struggling marriage.

No one is being forced to stay in an abusive household when they can just run away (I grew up in one, I would know).

No one is being forced to join the military and suffer the psychological damage that often comes with it.

No one is being forced to keep their mentally disabled kid when they could just place him in the foster system.

No one is being forced to take care of their chronically ill parent when they can just abandon them.

But people don’t just give up and walk away from the difficulties in their lives. I’ve struggled along this path but I would never, even for a moment, give it up because I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life. I’ve yearned to go down this path as far back as I can remember.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m asking for the recognition that achieving a medical career can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. And that deserves recognition despite the fact that the person could have chosen another career all along.

 

[dr_kateb]

But that goes for many things in life:

No one is being forced to stay in a struggling marriage.

No one is being forced to stay in an abusive household when they can just run away (I grew up in one, I would know).

No one is being forced to join the military and suffer the psychological damage that often comes with it.

No one is being forced to keep their mentally disabled kid when they could just place him in the foster system.

No one is being forced to take care of their chronically ill parent when they can just abandon them.

But people don’t just give up and walk away from the difficulties in their lives. I’ve struggled along this path but I would never, even for a moment, give it up because I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life. I’ve yearned to go down this path as far back as I can remember.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m asking for the recognition that achieving a medical career can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. And that deserves recognition despite the fact that the person could have chosen another career all along.

... Or you can be an adult and deal with life without needing people to constantly pat you on the back.

 

[markner]

... Or you can be an adult and deal with life without needing people to constantly pat you on the back.

People need to vent once in a while, so don't be rude...

 

[dr_kateb]

People need to vent once in a while, so don't be rude...

Massive difference between an occasional vent and a constant “woe is me” attitude.

 

[Osminog]

I am disillusioned in my own capabilities and intelligence. I feel like a phony in this institution, an idiot who managed to slip through the cracks of admission. Furthermore, I know my poor GPA will most likely prevent me from getting into a prestigious medical school. I know this is irrational, but I feel interior to those who attend Ivy League or other big name schools; I feel like gum under their boots.

It sounds to me like you're experiencing impostor syndrome and this contributes to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. (Thank you, MCAT P/S section.) According to an academic paper from 2013, a good strategy for overcoming impostor syndrome is to focus on intrinsic motivation; try to frequently remind yourself that you've worked hard to get to this point and that you're prepared to achieve your goals and make yourself proud.

Regarding your academic struggles, an apocryphal Einstein quote comes to my mind: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." If you continually go into exams thinking you're well-prepared and then end up getting terrible results, it's time to reconsider your study strategies and your methods for evaluating your own knowledge. Clearly something isn't working, so think hard about where you might be going wrong.

Consider talking to an academic advisor at your university, or perhaps asking your more successful peers what they do to ace tests. Also, if your sadness and disappointment are having a major impact on your quality of life, you may want to talk to a mental health specialist.

Best of luck with everything.

 

[965978]

Massive difference between an occasional vent and a constant “woe is me” attitude.

Are you FREAKING kidding me?

You CONSTANTLY complain about how much you hate Latino and Black applicants getting a boost in the admissions process.

So, with all due respect, f$$$ off with your self righteousness.

 

[dr_kateb]

Are you FREAKING kidding me?

You CONSTANTLY complain about how much you hate Latino and Black applicants getting a boost in the admissions process.

So, with all due respect, f$$$ off with your self righteousness.

What...? How does wanting fair admissions = feeling sorry for myself?

 

[965978]

What...? How does wanting fair admissions = feeling sorry for myself?

Because you’re blaming affirmative action for your failures rather then dealing with it like an adult by making yourself a better applicant. Otherwise you wouldn’t have said “wanting fair admissions” which basically implies that you think you’re being unfairly evaluated right now.

It’s essentially a quasi form of self-pity.

 

[dr_kateb]

Because you’re blaming affirmative action for your failures rather then dealing with it like an adult by making yourself a better applicant.

It’s essentially a quasi form of self-pity.

Hahahaha I’ve never blamed it on my failures. I just think it’s unfair to consider some you are born with and can’t control. Take it easy, you’re going to get this thread closed.

 

[965978]

Hahahaha I’ve never blamed it on my failures. I just think it’s unfair to consider some you are born with and can’t control. Take it easy, you’re going to get this thread closed.

I’ve seen how passionate you are against URM policies.

No one has that kind of passion unless it’s personal.

 

[curbsideconsult]

But that goes for many things in life:

No one is being forced to stay in a struggling marriage.

No one is being forced to stay in an abusive household when they can just run away (I grew up in one, I would know).

No one is being forced to join the military and suffer the psychological damage that often comes with it.

No one is being forced to keep their mentally disabled kid when they could just place him in the foster system.

No one is being forced to take care of their chronically ill parent when they can just abandon them.

But people don’t just give up and walk away from the difficulties in their lives. I’ve struggled along this path but I would never, even for a moment, give it up because I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life. I’ve yearned to go down this path as far back as I can remember.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m asking for the recognition that achieving a medical career can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. And that deserves recognition despite the fact that the person could have chosen another career all along.

Are you in med school yet?

At the pre-med point, you have the choice to pursue medicine or not. Yes, the process is brutal, but you don't have to apply to medical school. You can do something else. It becomes a much different story once you're in medical school and then again once you become a resident then attending. All of your examples are more apt for those later in the game than those who haven't even stepped foot on the field.

 

[Osminog]

I’ve seen how passionate you are against URM policies.

No one has that kind of passion unless it’s personal.

What inspired you to turn this into a thread about affirmative action?

 

[907914]

What inspired you to turn this into a thread about affirmative action?

That is a long story from a separate 9 page long thread. People not keeping their grievances/discussions contained within a single forum.

 

[dr_kateb]

I’ve seen how passionate you are against URM policies.

No one has that kind of passion unless it’s personal.

It is personal in that I’m affected when I apply, but mostly because it is a discriminatory policy. The apparent “passion” comes from the irritation of the mental gymnastics needed to justify such policies.

 

[965978]

People not keeping their grievances/discussions contained within a single forum.

And what’s wrong with that?

 

[dr_kateb]

That is a long story from a separate 9 page long thread. People not keeping their grievances/discussions contained within a single forum.

Honestly that thread was fairly civil for SDN URM thread standards. It never got personal like it did here.

And what’s wrong with that?

You’re derailing OP’s thread.

 

[ciestar]

And what’s wrong with that?

ToS literally says to stay on topic within a given thread.

 

[907914]

And what’s wrong with that?

Because a premed student who is complaining about depression and self doubt doesn’t give rats ass about affirmative action or y’all in fighting. Sense the tone of the post - this guy needs help and advice, not futile arguments and hate spreading.

 

[965978]

I don’t understand why this thread got heated.

All I was trying to do was to bring light to the fact that we shouldn’t be told our problems are insignificant just because we choose to have them.

But yes, I shouldn’t have made this into a URM thread.

But I will say that what I said earlier was venting. I don’t have a constant “woe is me” attitude LOL

 

[Osminog]

I don’t understand why this thread got heated.

I think it got heated almost entirely because you decided to post this:

Are you FREAKING kidding me?

You CONSTANTLY complain about how much you hate Latino and Black applicants getting a boost in the admissions process.

So, with all due respect, f$$$ off with your self righteousness.

 

[965978]

I think it got heated almost entirely because you decided to post this:

To be fair, I wasn’t trying to bring up affirmative action. I was trying to bring up the fact that someone complains about it a lot.

 

[dr_kateb]

To be fair, I wasn’t trying to bring up affirmative action. I was trying to bring up the fact that someone complains about it a lot.

To be fair, I only join in when there’s already a thread made about it.

 

[965978]

To be fair, I only join in when there’s already a thread made about it.

Going back to what you said earlier, I just wanna say that just because someone complains doesn’t mean they don’t handle their struggles like an adult.

Yes, I feel sorry for myself way more than I should. But I still tough out my problems and proactively try to solve them.

Everyone has their ways of releasing stress. For me it’s complaining. But at least it’s not drugs, alcohol, or over-eating.

And I’m gonna try to work on the complaining 😉

 

[markner]

Massive difference between an occasional vent and a constant “woe is me” attitude.

I think you're imposing this attitude onto others

 

[ciestar]

Going back to what you said earlier, I just wanna say that just because someone complains doesn’t mean they don’t handle their struggles like an adult.

Yes, I feel sorry for myself way more than I should. But I still tough out my problems and proactively try to solve them.

Everyone has their ways of releasing stress. For me it’s complaining. But at least it’s not drugs, alcohol, or over-eating.

And I’m gonna try to work on the complaining 😉

Please do that. I am very guilty of complaining about everything as a release when i am stressed. It drives people nuts and I don’t realize I am doing it much of the time.

Adulting is fun.

 

[markner]

It sounds to me like you're experiencing impostor syndrome and this contributes to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. (Thank you, MCAT P/S section.) According to an academic paper from 2013, a good strategy for overcoming impostor syndrome is to focus on intrinsic motivation; try to frequently remind yourself that you've worked hard to get to this point and that you're prepared to achieve your goals and make yourself proud.

Regarding your academic struggles, an apocryphal Einstein quote comes to my mind: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." If you continually go into exams thinking you're well-prepared and then end up getting terrible results, it's time to reconsider your study strategies and your methods for evaluating your own knowledge. Clearly something isn't working, so think hard about where you might be going wrong.

Consider talking to an academic advisor at your university, or perhaps asking your more successful peers what they do to ace tests. Also, if your sadness and disappointment are having a major impact on your quality of life, you may want to talk to a mental health specialist.

Best of luck with everything.

Could you PM me your strategies for studying? I feel ashamed for admitting my academic shortcomings in person and am a little hesitant to ask others for help in person.

 

[dr_kateb]

I think you're imposing this attitude onto others

What attitude? Can you clarify?

I’ll clarify my first post. I have no problem with occasional, hell, even moderately frequent complaining if it’s justified. I have a problem when people say they “deserve” something.

 

[markner]

It sounds to me like you're experiencing impostor syndrome and this contributes to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. (Thank you, MCAT P/S section.) According to an academic paper from 2013, a good strategy for overcoming impostor syndrome is to focus on intrinsic motivation; try to frequently remind yourself that you've worked hard to get to this point and that you're prepared to achieve your goals and make yourself proud.

Regarding your academic struggles, an apocryphal Einstein quote comes to my mind: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." If you continually go into exams thinking you're well-prepared and then end up getting terrible results, it's time to reconsider your study strategies and your methods for evaluating your own knowledge. Clearly something isn't working, so think hard about where you might be going wrong.

Consider talking to an academic advisor at your university, or perhaps asking your more successful peers what they do to ace tests. Also, if your sadness and disappointment are having a major impact on your quality of life, you may want to talk to a mental health specialist.

Best of luck with everything.

Could you PM me your strategies for studying? I feel ashamed for admitting my academic shortcomings in person and am a little hesitant to ask others for help in person.

 

[markner]

What attitude? Can you clarify?

I’ll clarify my first post. I have no problem with occasional, hell, even moderately frequent complaining if it’s justified. I have a problem when people say they “deserve” something.

"Woe is me" attitude as you describe. I just asked that you would be a little kinder and more understanding.

 

[965978]

What attitude? Can you clarify?

I’ll clarify my first post. I have no problem with occasional, hell, even moderately frequent complaining if it’s justified. I have a problem when people say they “deserve” something.

I kinda still don’t understand why you had a problem with my longer written post earlier.

There are objective reasons as to why the medical career is so tough and strenuous. And I fully believe that it deserves recognition. What part of that is “woe is me”?

 

[965978]

Please do that. I am very guilty of complaining about everything as a release when i am stressed. It drives people nuts and I don’t realize I am doing it much of the time.

Adulting is fun.

I have a friend who’s religious who find that complaining to God helps him release stress.

Probably drove God crazy by now....

 

[dr_kateb]

"Woe is me" attitude as you describe. I just asked that you would be a little kinder and more understanding.

Eh... I definitely do think that there are premeds that have a martyr complex.

I kinda still don’t understand why you had a problem with my longer written post earlier.

There are objective reasons as to why the medical career is so tough and strenuous. And I fully believe that it deserves recognition. What part of that is “woe is me”?

That second post wasn’t referring to you specifically. I did find your “I think people need to give me recognition” statement a bit angsty.

 

[Goro]

... Or you can be an adult and deal with life without needing people to constantly pat you on the back.

Or extend one's childhood and wrap them in a cocoon to shield them from unpleasantness of life?

 

[965978]

Eh... I definitely do think that there are premeds that have a martyr complex.



That second post wasn’t referring to you specifically. I did find your “I think people need to give me recognition” statement a bit angsty.

I never said “me”.

 

[965978]

Or extend one's childhood and wrap them in a cocoon to shield them from unpleasantness of life?

Referring to your earlier post....

I don’t think fragility is a pre-med thing. I think it’s a millennial thing.

Just so happens that most pre meds are also millennials!!

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Keep the thread on topic. Personal attacks and inflammatory posts are not allowed. Moderator action has been taken already in this thread. If it devolves again, it will be closed.

 

[Isoval]

I just transferred from a CC to a very welll regarded university. My grades this semester are horrible and killing my GPA. I went into exams believing I was prepared and even thought I did well afterwards. Turns out, I had done horribly. And the process repeats itself.

I am disillusioned in my own capabilities and intelligence. I feel like a phony in this institution, an idiot who managed to slip through the cracks of admission. Furthermore, I know my poor GPA will most likely prevent me from getting into a prestigious medical school. I know this is irrational, but I feel interior to those who attend Ivy League or other big name schools; I feel like gum under their boots.

I am depressed and feel hatred towards myself for my failure this semester.

What I hate most is the lack of second chances. Once you receive a poor grade, there is no replacing it. It is a reminder of my failure.

You better lose that mentality real fast or premed and medical school will eat you alive and spit you back out.

OP - I’m not going to lie to you: even with a flawless GPA and a high MCAT, your chances of ever attending an Ivy League medical school are still very, very poor.

However, this doesn’t kill your chance for medical school. Keep your head up and keep kicking, my friend.

I’m going to edit this post later to a much longer version whenever I’m home and can get to a computer.

 

[deleted804295]

... Or you can be an adult and deal with life without needing people to constantly pat you on the back.

Wait seriously??? Doctorcocter banned-o? Not that I agree with half of what s/he says but still sad to see.

The numbers of people from my lot are dwindling (and I've barely been here compared to some)

 

[deleted804295]

That is a long story from a separate 9 page long thread. People not keeping their grievances/discussions contained within a single forum.

I can't believe I missed this thread. Which one was it?

 

[907914]

Wait seriously??? Doctorcocter banned-o?

The numbers of people from my lot are dwindling (and I've barely been here compared to some)

Weird, Doctorocter wasn't even the aggressor. Interesting, probably just reported by someone that took personal offense. Kinda strange IMO, but oh well. Moderators gotta mod.

@Sunbodi we stand strong.

 

[907914]

I can't believe I missed this thread. Which one was it?

Yo.

https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/one-off-or-the-start-of-a-major-change-in-admissions.1370451/

 

[deleted804295]

Could you PM me your strategies for studying? I feel ashamed for admitting my academic shortcomings in person and am a little hesitant to ask others for help in person.

OP since this thread is about you, I can share strategies that helped me raise my GPA

I used to be a cram studier and my freshman year grades reflected that. Doing a couple minutes every day helped me raise my GPA. Doing a couple minutes every day is better than doing half days leading up to exams.