Disowned and kicked out for being a lesbian, had to take a gap year, how do I talk about it?

[Conflagration]

Hello, SDN. I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but I'm glad to be back.

I was disowned and kicked out for being gay in May 2015, which resulted in me having to take a gap year to stabilize myself financially and emotionally before going back to college. I am scheduled to graduate in 2018 now from a new school.

It has had a major impact on my life, and I had to apply for Medicaid and other low-income programs to stay afloat. This inspired a lot of interest for me into rural and impoverished care, particularly with general practice and psychiatry.

This has a lot to do with my drive to be a physician, but how do I go about writing a personal statement about this that doesn't come across as, for lack of a better word, "milking" what happened to me?

Also, do you find that other students are pretty lenient with your LGBTQ+ orientation? I've been in the South since I've been out of the closet, so I can definitely adjust if they aren't, but I'd like to know what your experiences are so far.

Thank you in advance for your replies!

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[ZedsDed]

Can you please explain what happened?

 

[Conflagration]

Can you please explain what happened?

Of course.

I was 20 and a traditional college student in my junior year, and I was actually slated to graduate a semester early. I had started dating someone long distance (who is a woman) in February 2015, and my parents seemed to be alright with that at the time. She had a dance at her school and she wanted me to go, and so I had been asking my parents if I could go, and they were giving noncommittal answers, but nothing terrible. It was getting closer to the time of her formal, and I had stated my intention to go. They then told me that I had to go to their place over break ("and if you don't get on that plane, I'll drag you on it"), and so I figured that I would rather lose the battle than the war, and returned to where they lived in Florida.

It was at this time where they told me that I could not see her in person at all, and if I did, then they would revoke any and all support of me. Financial, housing, all of it.

In the span of a week, they went from giving that ultimatum to trying to take any and all forms of communication with other people from me. They didn't have a house line, I had never been to their place in Florida previously, and I had no way of leaving the apartment except by foot.

My parents (and father particularly) have a history of being physically abusive, and it was at this time that I realized that I could not stay with them any longer. They were blocking my attempts to leave, they gave the ultimatum and refused to acknowledge that it happened, and a slew of other questionable tactics. I had to get out. My then-girlfriend (we are now engaged) helped me get the funds together for a cab and money for a bus ticket. I then waited for them both to leave for work, and I called the cab around midday for my bus ride in the evening.

The bus ride was 26 hours, and I had a five hour layover in Atlanta from 4-9 AM. I had never felt so hopeless or defeated than when I started realizing the gravity of what was happening.

When I arrived at my now-fiancée's house, I received an email from my father that I was dead to him, and that if I was going to choose her over the family, I had been dead for a long time.

I didn't have any of my documents; I had to request copies of everything from Social Security and from the Birth Records Registry in my old state. I needed the documents to get a job, and I got a job at first cleaning dorms for a state school and then got another one as a 2nd/3rd shift waitress at what could be likened to a hometown Waffle House. Both of these were menial jobs and didn't offer benefits, so I had to apply for Medicaid in my state to try for health insurance. (My state did not expand Medicaid and I did not make enough money to qualify, so I got a card for a wellness physical.)

I managed to save up enough money to go back to school, and I started school again in August. I got a 3.5 this semester! I'm 22 now and I plan on graduating in 2018 due to the residency requirements, which is giving me the time to bulk up on all the sciences before I attempt to apply in June. And that's where we are now.

 

[Pepe18]

.

 

[Conflagration]

Thank you so much for your reply!

This experience has really shown me how lacking impoverished/uninsured medical care can be- and I'm not even in a rural area. And honestly, this experience has really shown me the need for people in situations like mine, and it's really humbled me as a person and has opened my eyes to the disparity of care right here in the United States.

 

[Dr. In Formation]

TBH, I admire your courage and strength. I'm quite sure medical schools will too. I don't understand why telling your truths in your personal statement would come across as "milking" anything.

It's very disturbing many LGBTQ youth are disowned by their families and are out on the streets. I wonder how these youth have access to social, emotional, financial, educational and health care support systems.

Kudos to you for not letting this derail your dreams. It's very brave to live authentically in your sexuality and I'm happy you found love.

I'm sorry about your family. Hopefully one day they will come around. Love should be unconditional.

 

[Conflagration]

TBH, I admire your courage and strength. I'm quite sure medical schools will too. I don't understand why telling your truths in your personal statement would come across as "milking" anything.

It's very disturbing many LGBTQ youth are disowned by their families and are out on the streets. I wonder how these youth have access to social, emotional, financial, educational and health care support systems.

Kudos to you for not letting this derail your dreams. It's very brave to live authentically in your sexuality and I'm happy you found love.

I'm sorry about your family. Hopefully one day they will come around. Love should be unconditional.

It certainly stings that they haven't talked to me in nearly two years.

And to answer your curiosity; it truly depends on the state. I live in the South, and my governor did not expand Medicaid to those making under a full-time minimum wage job. So I got this card for one wellness physical and birth control.

I was worried about sounding like I'm milking what happened to me because it has been such an influential part of my development and has really inspired me to think about medicine and how to help fill the gap. (I guess I'm worried that it would take over my personal statement, and I didn't know what repercussions that would have.)

 

[bumblebee611]

Hello, SDN. I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but I'm glad to be back.

I was disowned and kicked out for being gay in May 2015, which resulted in me having to take a gap year to stabilize myself financially and emotionally before going back to college. I am scheduled to graduate in 2018 now from a new school.

It has had a major impact on my life, and I had to apply for Medicaid and other low-income programs to stay afloat. This inspired a lot of interest for me into rural and impoverished care, particularly with general practice and psychiatry.

This has a lot to do with my drive to be a physician, but how do I go about writing a personal statement about this that doesn't come across as, for lack of a better word, "milking" what happened to me?

Also, do you find that other students are pretty lenient with your LGBTQ+ orientation? I've been in the South since I've been out of the closet, so I can definitely adjust if they aren't, but I'd like to know what your experiences are so far.

Thank you in advance for your replies!

Without going into too much identifying information, I'll say I had some similar stuff in my own history and it was totally fine on my application. As others have said here, just stick with the focus on medicine and keep the more LGBT or family-situation specific parts to diversity essays, questions about applying disadvantaged, explanations for gaps, or other specific secondary essays, and it will be okay!

 

[DokterMom]

It certainly stings that they haven't talked to me in nearly two years.

And to answer your curiosity; it truly depends on the state. I live in the South, and my governor did not expand Medicaid to those making under a full-time minimum wage job. So I got this card for one wellness physical and birth control.

I was worried about sounding like I'm milking what happened to me because it has been such an influential part of my development and has really inspired me to think about medicine and how to help fill the gap. (I guess I'm worried that it would take over my personal statement, and I didn't know what repercussions that would have.)

If you were wanting to be a physician before this all went down, you could certainly say so, then segue into how your perspective on medicine shifted after your life exploded.

Your perceptions about the challenges of poverty and LGBTQ young people are valid and important. If your activities substantiate your narrative and you apply to schools with an appropriate mission, I expect your cycle will be very successful.

Also, welcome back, and congratulations on your character and resilience.

 

[Conflagration]

If you were wanting to be a physician before this all went down, you could certainly say so, then segue into how your perspective on medicine shifted after your life exploded.

Your perceptions about the challenges of poverty and LGBTQ young people are valid and important. If your activities substantiate your narrative and you apply to schools with an appropriate mission, I expect your cycle will be very successful.

Also, welcome back, and congratulations on your character and resilience.

I think having all of this happen cemented what I wanted to do. Before this, I was fairly wishy-washy about medicine. But when I saw the need, and I saw how many good people were being denied basic care (particularly our veterans; I am a double-Army kid and I saw a lot of homeless and poor veterans while I was rebuilding what I had lost), I knew that I needed to do something about it. I couldn't ignore it anymore.

My mom used to say that you need to think of the things that make you angry about the world, and then find work to fix those things, and you'd always feel like you were doing something good in the world. I found that thing in medical care and social supports for the underprivileged and for our veterans, who too often suffer in poverty and lack of resources. (USUHS is one of the schools I want to apply to, for the Army. I'd be generation 3.)

That means a lot coming from you; I've been on here a long time and I've always valued your advice.

 

[Goro]

Very sorry to hear of your woes, OP. Your story is, sadly, not an uncommon one for several of the students I've had over the years. In many ways, your ordeal will help you because you have a number of positives from this, including a very sought after attribute: resilience.

I remember one of my gay students telling me that he grew up in Alabama. My first thought was "Jeeze, that must have been a picnic!"

You will have several places in secondaries to write of your experiences, as there are several different prompts that this will be directed to: Explain any gaps in your education; Is there anything else you want to tell us?; Give an example of a time that you displayed reliance or overcame adversity.

A number of med schools, like U Chicago, and JHU, treat LGBT applicants as URM.

Lastly, as someone who is estranged from his oldest sister, I can tell you that family is who you make it, not merely people who share the same genes as you.

Good luck!

Hello, SDN. I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but I'm glad to be back.

I was disowned and kicked out for being gay in May 2015, which resulted in me having to take a gap year to stabilize myself financially and emotionally before going back to college. I am scheduled to graduate in 2018 now from a new school.

It has had a major impact on my life, and I had to apply for Medicaid and other low-income programs to stay afloat. This inspired a lot of interest for me into rural and impoverished care, particularly with general practice and psychiatry.

This has a lot to do with my drive to be a physician, but how do I go about writing a personal statement about this that doesn't come across as, for lack of a better word, "milking" what happened to me?

Also, do you find that other students are pretty lenient with your LGBTQ+ orientation? I've been in the South since I've been out of the closet, so I can definitely adjust if they aren't, but I'd like to know what your experiences are so far.

Thank you in advance for your replies!

 

[Conflagration]

Very sorry to hear of your woes, OP. Your story is, sadly, not an uncommon one for several of the students I've had over the years. In many ways, your ordeal will help you because you have a number of positives from this, including a very sought after attribute: resilience.

I remember one of my gay students telling me that he grew up in Alabama. My first thought was "Jeeze, that must have been a picnic!"

You will have several places in secondaries to write of your experiences, as there are several different prompts that this will be directed to: Explain any gaps in your education; Is there anything else you want to tell us?; Give an example of a time that you displayed reliance or overcame adversity.

A number of med schools, like U Chicago, and JHU, treat LGBT applicants as URM.

Lastly, as someone who is estranged from his oldest sister, I can tell you that family is who you make it, not merely people who share the same genes as you.

Good luck!

I came out of the closet in North Carolina, and currently live in South Carolina. (I left before the circus that has been the last year politically in NC, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.)

I had no idea about JHU! My fiancée wants to be in either Maryland or Nevada for her career, so that's definitely something useful to know.

The hardest part is that my siblings have completely complied with my parent's decision to cut me out. I feel your pain, @Goro, and thank you for letting me know your thoughts.

 

[Promethean]

Milk it.

It is a real, disadvantaging thing which actually happened to you. It isn't wrong to talk about that.

Just don't make your story pitiful. As with any other tale of woe, the focus needs to be on how it has enriched you, made you powerful and thoughtful and ready to take on a future where you make things better for others so that they don't have to have it quite as rough as you did.

Keep your explanation of the difficult part to a minimum. This bad thing happened, and I faced discrimination / found myself without family support. The "Here is how I turned that around and how it inspired me" part is what you want to focus on. People like positive stories with hopeful outcomes. Make your story one of those (both in the telling of it, and in the living of it, if you can) and things will go well for you.

 

[Conflagration]

Milk it.

It is a real, disadvantaging thing which actually happened to you. It isn't wrong to talk about that.

Just don't make your story pitiful. As with any other tale of woe, the focus needs to be on how it has enriched you, made you powerful and thoughtful and ready to take on a future where you make things better for others so that they don't have to have it quite as rough as you did.

Keep your explanation of the difficult part to a minimum. This bad thing happened, and I faced discrimination / found myself without family support. The "Here is how I turned that around and how it inspired me" part is what you want to focus on. People like positive stories with hopeful outcomes. Make your story one of those (both in the telling of it, and in the living of it, if you can) and things will go well for you.

Thank you for your reply!

I definitely have adapted from a pity-perspective in the beginning to a more pragmatic one. If I've learned anything, it's that you do what you can with what you got.

I'm doing better now than I was before, and I will definitely write about that in my responses and personal statement.

 

[Goro]

In last years cycle I had one gay SDNer who I could tell JHU was actively recruiting. I think that person ended going there!

I had no idea about JHU! My fiancée wants to be in either Maryland or Nevada for her career, so that's definitely something useful to know.
.

 

[Conflagration]

In last years cycle I had one gay SDNer who I could tell JHU was actively recruiting. I think that person ended going there!

My GPA is on the weaker side (~3.4 cGPA, ~3.55 sGPA), but I'm doing really well on my MCAT prep. I plan on taking in April/May so I can gauge what to do from there. I'm planning on applying to Touro NV, so I may get some DO love too.

Since I am geographically limited by my fiancée's job, I'm planning on applying to all schools in Maryland and Nevada. That's only 6, 5 MD and 1 DO, and I'm going to get more schools on the list as I figure out what tier I'm in after I get that MCAT score back.

 

[Goro]

If you're a NV resident, the new UNLV is a must! Western-Ponoma isn't that far away, either, as is AZCOM.

For MD, consider the Philly Triplets, VCU and EVMS as well. What state are you actually a resident of?

My GPA is on the weaker side (~3.4 cGPA, ~3.55 sGPA), but I'm doing really well on my MCAT prep. I plan on taking in April/May so I can gauge what to do from there. I'm planning on applying to Touro NV, so I may get some DO love too.

Since I am geographically limited by my fiancée's job, I'm planning on applying to all schools in Maryland and Nevada. That's only 6, 5 MD and 1 DO, and I'm going to get more schools on the list as I figure out what tier I'm in after I get that MCAT score back.

 

[Conflagration]

If you're a NV resident, the new UNLV is a must! Western-Ponoma isn't that far away, either, as is AZCOM.

For MD, consider the Philly Triplets, VCU and EVMS as well. What state are you actually a resident of?

I'm actually an SC resident. The fiancée needs to be in MD or NV for her job, so I'm trying to accommodate that.

 

[Goro]

It may be hard for an OOS to get a leg up on those schools, especially UNLV and U MD.

I'm actually an SC resident. The fiancée needs to be in MD or NV for her job, so I'm trying to accommodate that.

 

[Conflagration]

It may be hard for an OOS to get a leg up on those schools, especially UNLV and U MD.

I figure it's at least worth it to try; if nothing else, to at least show that I am trying to accommodate the geographical limitations. I've been talking to her about possibly expanding the areas, and to see if there are other places that work for her also.

 

[BurghStudent]

Please, write your story as you have just shared it with us. Explain how this experience makes you who you are and how it might have inspired you to care for others.

I doubt anyone will think you're taking advantage of this situation. Not many have had to start over in the spring if their lives. And honestly, if someone thought you were milking it, screw them, you shouldn't be at that school anyway.

Best of luck to you.

Edit: I go to an extremely LGBTQ friendly school, I'd wager the most friendly there can be. There are many such schools.

 

[ed*26]

OP, I'm sorry for your experience. My coming out was similar: my parents attempted to totally cut me off from my girlfriends and my friends, take away all forms of communication and transportation, etc. Luckily it didn't escalate to the point that it did with you, but there were several times during the first year that I faced the possibility of being cut off financially. It speaks to your maturity and strength that you were able to realize that your health and safety is more important than toxic families.

My involvement in the LGBTQ community was a major positive talking point in every single one of my interviews. One school even set me up with a interviewer who was a lesbian, which was super cool. I'm still an undergrad but I've never run into a student who was overtly discriminatory, and most students are perfectly happy to hear about my girlfriend. I expect the same of medical students.

As for the personal statement, I didn't talk explicitly about my sexual orientation but I did mention (among other things) an LGBTQ patient whom I had developed a relationship with and who had experienced discrimination in health care. You can certainly speak about your struggles with health insurance and how this has impacted your view of medicine. Many schools have diversity essays that I utilized, and a couple of my ECs were very LGBTQ-focused and were also the focal point of many of my secondaries. One school I applied to had an essay asking about the biggest obstacle you've overcome, and I wrote about my experience with my parents (which lead to an acceptance!). In my experience, a balanced essay will speak just as much, or more, about what you learned and how you grew as it speaks about the experience itself. Feel free to PM me if you want!

Just don't apply to LUCOM or Loma Linda.