Do any of you women worry about your chances of getting married if you are a doctor?

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DoctorWannaBe

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I am a female and have been wondering if my chances of getting married will be affected by becoming a doctor. I'm not talking about the demands on my time, but I am wondering about what men think of women doctors or female professionals in general. I've read articles about how many men don't want their wives/girlfriends to make more money and be smarter, more prestigious, etc. than them. Do any of you women ever worry about this?
 
I dont' worry about it.
But I think I would prefer to marry a man who would rather stay home anyways- be the stay at home parent.

I hope that our generation has evolved enough so that the career of either person is not so much a deciding factor in marriage.
 
hell no, i'm not worried.

why the hell would i want to marry a pansy-assed simpleton anyway, ew. it's actually a nice way to weed out the bad ones...as for me, i got a good man who don't mind what i do.
he likes it, in fact.

and, hell, if you run out of good guys, you can always turn to women. forreal.
 
Originally posted by DoctorWannaBe
I am a female and have been wondering if my chances of getting married will be affected by becoming a doctor. I'm not talking about the demands on my time, but I am wondering about what men think of women doctors or female professionals in general. I've read articles about how many men don't want their wives/girlfriends to make more money and be smarter, more prestigious, etc. than them. Do any of you women ever worry about this?
Click to expand...

oh come on?

are you for goodness sake serious? ur going to chose a profession that you possibly love just because a MAN might not want to marry you because you MIGHT be smarter or making more money than him?

if its a matter of you making more money, just say docs make an average of 50K a year, and hide the rest in a swiss bank account, so he won't know about it...

if it is a matter of you being SMARTER Than him...girl, what are you going to do? dumben yourself, that a MAN out there might consider you more?

come on, if you find someone who tRULY TRULY loves you, their going to love you for WHO YOU ARE, not what YOU ARE...

if a man HAS that much a insecurity complex, then its not worth marrying him in the first place!

come on, its the 2000s!!! don't lessen your goals, just for a "man"...

If I were straight, I would want my wife to be my equal not my submissive slave..

what happens if ur future husband, requests you to make his meal every day, look "pretty" and take care of the kids and don't talk to any strange men he doesnt know!

come on....I don't want to demean a legitimate concern, but your going to find just as many guys exist who want a wife that is intelligent and hardworking as they are 🙂

don't sacrifice your goals....if the marriage breaks up tomorrow, you won't at least regret not chosing the path of your dreams 😛
 
Originally posted by strangeattractor
hell no, i'm not worried.



and, hell, if you run out of good guys, you can always turn to women. forreal.
Click to expand...
:laugh: :laugh:
 
WatchaMaCallit,

I didn't say that I was going to give up my dream of going into medicine. In fact, I'm applying now and intend to go to medical school. I'm not involved in any relationship, nor am I considering acting dumb, poor or submissive around any guys. I was just wondering if the eligible pool of men would be reduced because of my career, or if these recent articles I've read are full of B.S. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way or if you thought I was living in the 50's, but this was a serious question.
 
You just explained so much Watchamacallit. I now understand all.

That aside, I'd be happy to marry a female doctor. She will be making money so I would stay home with the kids and do whatever stuff like that and if you are worries about him feeling inferior in the intelligence area just marry an engineer. Simple!
 
my dad says i SHOULD be worried...

Too far away to think about. 😀
 
there was some study that said intelligent men view female success/intelligence/ambition as a turn-on and unintelligent men the converse.

so i guess if you're in the market for an armpiece, you're SOL 😉
 
Also, think about the fact that the type of men that we will want to marry (intellegent, driven, compassionate) will most likely respect women that have those same qualities...Plus, if you've had relationships already that have worked well/thrived despite having worked your butt off as an undergrad, chances are there will be more to come.

Let's all cross our fingers just in case. 😉
 
i've seen it mentioned that people tend to marry people within 5 IQ pts of each other. i dunno where they got that or if it's true but whatever.
 
I saw some statistics recently that 95% of male doctors get married and 65% of female doctors get married...
 
allot of girls -- or women -- are going to professional schools these days. woman are more active in high level careers and management positions so that it is common for the husband to stay home and be the nanny.

i for one would be a bit uncomfortable at first, but if the relationship was strong enough, it wouldnt matter who brings in the bread.

and marriage? im not too sure what you think of the timeline as in it being 'too late'....... allot of people are starting to get married in their late 20's and early 30's because they have their own ambitions to feed.

dont worry, we're not all insecure pratts that worry about whether or not our gf's or wives make 3 times our salary =)

just some of us......... well.. most of us.

if i didnt make it to medical school (god forbid ... please.. ) and my gf or wife ended up being the doctor, i would be proud of her.

granted that socially, in some subcultures it might be looked down upon, but who cares. its your life. if you 2 are happy it doesnt matter.

dont worry too much.
 
yah, i'm in medschool now and i worry abt it! don't worry you're not the only one. come on, it's just a reality- it may not be the 1950s but men still have a lot of biases about women. when out on weekends, etc. you can see the intimidation/respect/not sure they wanna step to THAT look go off in guys' eyes when you say you're a med student. . .but i figure, any guy i would probably marry is probably pretty succesful in his own right, and won't be intimidated at all by the fact that i'm working towards a career that is known to be intellectually challenging.
 
personally, law students intimidate me a lot more than med students. i'm not very intimidated by a memorizing drone who can spit irrelevent facts at me. anyway, in case the 5 IQ thing is true, if any of your ladies out there have iq's between 210 and 220, let me know.
 
^^lol

And yeah ive seen those statistics, just marry another doctor and you'll be set 😛
 
I would marry a doctor if I thought she was hot, but that is because I believe in the practice of eugenics. A hot and smart wife is good breeding material.
 
that is true but you must also look at the hips and assess how many babies it can handle
 
If you're female and have a high income, expect to marry a man with a similar or lower income. That's simple statistical probability.

Don't waste your 20's, and definitely don't waste your early 30's by missing chances to find a man. You'll really regret it if you decide you're ready for a man at 40. There won't be much to choose from.

I read this in a magazine: If you're a 30+ single female, you should expect to marry a man who has been married and has kids.

You can definitely be a female doctor and get married, but you may need to be flexible. This is true for everyone. I know lots of people, including myself (male), who are still looking for that right person. Eventually, I'll need to accept someone close (80%), versus my perfect match (100%).
 
Originally posted by Idiopathic
just for my personal curiosity...isnt the top of the iq test set at 210? or is it 240?
Click to expand...
I suspect that the variation I took tops out at 215, which should not be a surprise considering that's what I got.
 
Originally posted by Street Philosopher
I suspect that the variation I took tops out at 215, which should not be a surprise considering that's what I got.
Click to expand...

That explains the lack of personality. You're all frontal and no limbic. J/k. isn't this forum neurotic?
 
i figured you could use some advice from a guy. i sometimes think that i don't want to date/marry a girl who's a doctor or just in the science profession cuz i have this stereotype that they'll be arrogant and snotty (which is of course wrong. i mean lots of girls - in different fields - are arrogant 🙂 maybe it reflects my personal insecurities, but that's a different discussion). so what i'm saying is as long as your nice, you'll find someone, don't worry.
 
Originally posted by DoctorWannaBe
I am a female and have been wondering if my chances of getting married will be affected by becoming a doctor. I'm not talking about the demands on my time, but I am wondering about what men think of women doctors or female professionals in general. I've read articles about how many men don't want their wives/girlfriends to make more money and be smarter, more prestigious, etc. than them. Do any of you women ever worry about this?
Click to expand...

Clearly, not all men think this. And why would I want to marry one who does?

- Your resident feminist
 
For what its worth, I think education and intelligence are huge magnets....

The only issue might be timing and not seeing enuff of each other - but then that's where the doc marries doc solution might work.
 
I want to mary a girl smart enough to fully appriciate how smart I am, but no smarter.




kidding!
 
if a man is not looking for a woman who is going to be successful (or whatever other characteristics the OP brought up) or is intimidated by women that are successful, then he's obviously not the man for me.

i'm not about to compromise to this degree just to get myself a husband. if that were the only option, it'd be me and my cat from here out, or me an a female life partner instead, i guess. fortunately, as sarahGM pointed out, all men aren't like that.
 
Education/drive/etc are play a HUGE part in my search for a woman. HOWEVER, I personally don't think I would want to marry someone in the medical field ONLY for the reason that I think it would be boring to have two people with the same profession. There would be a lot more to talk if both of our lives are a bit different. If I come back from a rough day at the hospital the last thing I would want to hear about is more medicine. I don't want to marry ME. Now, a nice PhD or a lawyer would be great. The only sucky thing is a lot of women that are very ambitious and highly education turn into ball-busting, manhating, "go girlfriend! girl power!", "I don't need men in my life", femi-nazis. Now THAT is a turnoff.

Don't worry, there are a LOT of guys out there who WANT to be with someone who has intelligence and ambition. I may be wrong, but I would assume that you would want a man up to your level too. Those guys tend to like successful women a LOT. Don't settle for less.
 
all will be solved if you just get an arranged marriage
 
Just as a tangent discussion, I visited Rochester recently for an interview and commented to my student host about how beautiful all the girls there were, with which he agreed--but he thought that pre-med girls tended to be prettier for some reason anyway.

Genetic linkage between beauty, smarts and ambition??
Yet another reason for guys to go to med school. 😍
 
I definitely see this as a valid concern, but I agree with all the other posters. It will help weed out all the idiots who would be intimidated.

I'm already married and my husband is scared that after I go to medical school I will think that I'm too good for him or something. He keeps saying that I will leave him for another doctor. Ahh, maybe I got stuck with one of the idiots 😛

I think it really sucks that women (me included) thinking about going to medical school feel as though they might have to sacrifice having a family in order to go, but no man would think that way! It is the 21st century but don't delude yourself into thinking that men and women have equal rights.
 
Originally posted by R_C_Hutchinson
there was some study that said intelligent men view female success/intelligence/ambition as a turn-on and unintelligent men the converse.

so i guess if you're in the market for an armpiece, you're SOL 😉
Click to expand...


True, true. I think that business guys also like medical women. I've seen alot of good marriages where he has an MBA and she is an MD.
 
Gee, I don't want to sound silly, but my boyfriend is one of my biggest supporters for this whole medicine thing. He's always bragging to his friends and family about where I'm interviewing next. I think that he is supportive because (a) He is also smart and pursuing a career as a CPA and knows that we can't get married for many, many years anyway and (b) He loves me and wants me to be happy!
 
ooh, MBAs- doesn't get better than that. they wear suits, make decisions, have social skills. . .! anyone know any single ones? hehe 🙂
 
I've lived with my BF for the past year, and am applying to med school in June. If someone held a gun to my head and said I had to get married, he'd be the one I'd go with (not that I don't love him, just not ready for marriage yet). He's cool with the med school thing, generally very supportive and willing to sacrifice some of his options to follow me where I get in. We've discussed in a general way reproducing, and both of us have a flexible view on who stays home with the kids--it should depend on individual circumstances (finances, who wants to do it more) and be open to change.

Despite my partner's open-mindedness, I think the OP has a point in that it is always difficult to balance two people's goals and ambitions, and not everyone is willing to do it. In the 50's, things were more straightforward (note that I didn't say better, just more straightforward). People had clear, socially prescribed roles to fill; they may not always have been fulfilling, but there was less confusion. Today, we (especially women, but men also) have more options, and this is a good thing, but it also means we have less of a road map, and some men today are uncomfortable with that and would rather try to cling to an outdated model of masculinity and family. Hell, I'm a little uncomfortable with it--for my BF and maybe future life partner to follow me to another state and have to limit his grad school options to where I'm at seems a bit unfair, and I feel bad having to require that of him if we are to have a future together. But the fact is, it would be difficult to impossible for us both to make our education and future careers the top priority and still maintain much of a relationship--we'd probably end up in different parts of the country, if not during grad/med school than during my residency or starting our careers. There has to be some compromise and flexibility, especially with medicine, and a man who can't accept that or feels threatened by it wouldn't make a good partner. There are men out there who understand this, and they're worth waiting for.
 
On second read through of the OP's post, it seems she is more concerned with men being threatened by women who are smarter or have a socially more prestigious or better paying job than them. My post was more about the difficulties of juggling two people's academic and professional careers. Let me just say, and I really shouldn't even have to, that any man who won't marry you because he is such a huge pud that he needs a subservient housewife with small-scale goals to help calm his raging insecurities, isn't worth your time. It is true, becoming a female doctor will limit your chances of marrying the type of person described above; but I see this as a side benefit of the profession. Yes, even in this day and age there are substantially fewer men of the enlightened and open-minded variety, but if you're talking about choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with, shouldn't you be a bit picky?
 
ok, i'm a guy, and here's a perspective i haven't seen addressed yet. first, there's the issue that if i'm going to be a doctor and so is my wife, how much time will we be able to give to a child? this is an issue anytime both husband and wife are working in demanding jobs, but i'm not going to give up my career to stay at home full-time, nor would i expect my doctor wife to, so that kinda puts us at an impasse. so the solution to this would be to only have 1 spouse with a highly demanding job, and whether it'd be the male or female wouldn't matter. this isn't to say two doctors can raise kids, but i imagine it'd be damn hard.

another issue: WHEN can a woman have children? residency won't end until around 30, but then you'd want to start a career right? so we're looking at mid-30s before a woman is going to be comfortable taking even a few months off for maternity leave. well, i don't wanna be 55 before my kid graduates high school.

the irony is that unless we have significant others before med school, the people we'll see most and probably date most are other med students or hospital-type people.

these are very real concerns, especially for women doctors. i wouldn't avoid marrying a woman because she too was a doctor, but because of the two reasons listed i think having a family would be quite a challenge.
 
I've read articles about how many men don't want their wives/girlfriends to make more money and be smarter, more prestigious, etc. than them.

See, that works out, because I've read articles about how many women who are smart enough to go to med school don't want their husbands/boyfriends to be stupid, insecure gits who worry about whether their significant others are smarter, more prestigious, etc. than them.

I am married. While my husband is fabulous and crazy smart, if he didn't support me and love me because I'm smart and driven, he would be the thing to go, not medicine.
 
With all this discussion about marriage and children, I thought i'd introduce a revolutionary concept.

Why are we all so obsessed with finding spouses and having families? There's certainly nothing wrong with it, and lots of people are drawn to the settled life-style, but since when do we have to plan our lives around marriage?!

I think that the OP's concern is legitimate, and it's certainly something that i've given a lot of thought to. My conclusion follows my philosophy on this entire matter, but it essentially boils down to the following...

We can't worry about what others will think of our profession; supposedly, being a physician is a calling, and to turn away from something that draws you - perhaps even completes you - because marriage might be difficult... that just doesn't sound right. Furthermore, why would anyone want to marry a man who can't handle his wife's intelligence, respect her career, etc.? Personally, when/if I get married, I want it to be to someone who shares my calling, my dreams.... not someone who would even think of stifling them. If I can't find that person, well, that's just too bad, but so be it - I want to be a doctor, and I want the lifestyle that comes with it - if I can't find someone who is willing to share that with me, then perhaps it wasn't meant to be. But I don't think it's something we should be so concerned with... why does marriage continue to peruse center stage? It's just an institution, a societal norm... anyway, i'm rambling, but you get my point.

And btw, yes, having children would be more difficult with both parents being doctors, but crazier things have happened. If you love each other, things will work out - it may not be simple, but it can work out. So worrying? Stop it.
 
LOL,


I was always wondering why guys never ask me out (I'm 5'9'' and blonde), Now I know why....cuz I'm a pre-med.
 
Personally I think it would be great to marry an intelligent woman. What more could a guy ask for. Since I'm going to medical school however I don't know if it would be a good thing to marry another doctor. Not because I would be intimidated or jealous, but because of time constraints.
 
Lots of guys want to meet intelligent women.

I dunno, my opinion is that if you want to get into a relationship, you have to put effort into actually looking for someone and trying to develop a relationship. It doesn't just "happen". Like anything worthwhile, it takes work,
 
just think of it this way - a marriage may fall through but once you get your MD, you have your MD. Period. It's something that you can call your own for good. Personally, I have known (uh hem, in the biblical sense of the word, "Known") who were intimidated even by me being pre-med. But would one really want to be stuck to a guy from the middle ages??? It's their small-egos (and other small emmebrs of their poerson!) that are being threatened anyway. It's not your problem, but rather theirs.

If I were a guy, I'd hate to be married to a non-professional woman - or someone who doesn't have something big to call her own. I know a few medical students (guys) who've told me how much they can't stand dating "regular" girls cause they have nothing going for them and that's a HUGE turn-off. No one wants to breed with someone without ambition/accomplishment. might rub off badly on the kids. At least I sure wouldn't.

Someone once told me a "real" trophy wife is hot and smart!
 
Originally posted by quideam
With all this discussion about marriage and children, I thought i'd introduce a revolutionary concept.

Why are we all so obsessed with finding spouses and having families? There's certainly nothing wrong with it, and lots of people are drawn to the settled life-style, but since when do we have to plan our lives around marriage?!
Click to expand...

indeed 😀
 
Some women on this thread feel that if a man feels threatened and won't stay home with the kids, then he's not husband material. I don't know....I think I have a slightly different opinion.

My ex-boyfriend was a MBA student and very assertive/successful type. That's what attracted me to him. However, as time went on, he became so whipped that it became such a turn-off. He was really proud that I was pre-med, and always told me that he would let me work and pursue my career while he watched our kids until they were old enough to go to school. This was the worst possible thing he could have said!

Stay at home dad?:scared: I don't think so. Needless to say, I will not be having his children.

I need a man who can be proud of me and supportive, but I also want him to be the MAN of the house, have his own successful career and have enough intelligence to challenge me intellectually. Who knows, perhaps my need for a superior man makes me traditional...
 
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