Dog and Med School?

[kch207]

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I'll be starting med school this fall and I am looking into getting a puppy. I would train him over the summer so I wouldn't have to worry about all that in school, but I was wondering if any of you have a dog and if you have the time to care for it and study. I'm a real dog person and would love to have one with me at school! Any comments would be appreciated.

 

[coharahawk]

I feel exactly the same way as you. I want to get a dog so badly. I just don't know if I can pull it off when going to med school. Besides the fact that I will be living in an apt. by myself, I'm sure I will be away from home for long stretches of time during the day and night. Therefore I feel it's not really fair to the dog because it would probably get less atttention than it should.

 

[MJB]

All I can say is that I would encourage anyone that wants a dog to make DAMNED SURE you have the time to spend with it, and to research like hell to make sure you get a breed compatible with your lifestyle. Otherwise, you're asking for trouble, and misery for both yourself and the dog.

 

[MG Md 2B]

Hi, I'm not a med student yet, but will be starting this fall. I too am a dog lover, and have an absolutely wonderful (and spoiled) 2 1/2 year old maltese. I was worried about her being lonely, because even though I like to study at home, I know I'll be busy a lot while I am home. So, I recently got another maltese puppy (10 weeks old now). I know it's difficult to care for pets, but I can't imagine not having my 2 little girls around the house. They are already playing together nicely and occupy eachother. I have to do far less playing with them now that there are two instead of one. However, be sure you have a couple friends/family members/dog walkers whatever that can come take your dog out for a walk if you just can't make it home all day.
Oh, and don't put off getting one too long, if you're going to. Housebreaking,training, sleeping through the night TAKES TIME (months sometimes, not weeks) so don't wait too much longer if you have decided that it's the right decision for you.

 

[dancinjenn]

I have a german shepherd, husky mix. She is great for study breaks. We usually go for a walk when I get home so it is a nice break for my bum after sitting in a chair all day and I am not looking forward to sitting all night studying. She is a fairly calm dog, not prone to barking/whining and plays well by herself, though I usually have to put in a hour or so a night in play time. Since I am usually out of class by 4, the walk and dinner are done by 6, I study till 9, play until 10, study for another hour or two and then I'm off to bed. So I still get in plenty of hours a day for study and I get to have breaks, and the walks help me stay in shape as well.

 

[v-tach]

I'll be starting med school this fall and I am looking into getting a puppy. I would train him over the summer so I wouldn't have to worry about all that in school, but I was wondering if any of you have a dog and if you have the time to care for it and study. I'm a real dog person and would love to have one with me at school! Any comments would be appreciated.

If I were you I'd look into adopting a young adult dog from your local shelter. Raising a puppy while starting med school just sounds like a difficult combination. Plus, then the teething stage will be over and you won't have to deal with so much chewing. And I would also consider getting two so they can keep each other company when you're not around, provided you have enough room etc. for two dogs.

 

[v-tach]

I feel exactly the same way as you. I want to get a dog so badly. I just don't know if I can pull it off when going to med school. Besides the fact that I will be living in an apt. by myself, I'm sure I will be away from home for long stretches of time during the day and night. Therefore I feel it's not really fair to the dog because it would probably get less atttention than it should.

That's true. Do you like cats? They usually do fine with being by themselves for a good part of the day, and they don't have to be taken out for walks. Much more manageable for a busy person, and still lots of fun. 🙂 Plus they don't require a lot of space (although smaller dogs don't either).

 

[MeowMix]

Dog = 10-year commitment, minimum

During the next 10 years you will spend...
2 years in classes with maybe plenty of time to play with your dog;
2 years on rotations with no time for anything other than work, eating, sleeping, and maybe a bit of exercise (except maybe the end of yr 4);
3-7 years in residency with not much time again

if you want a pet, choose one that will be mostly happy whether or not you are home, whether or not you can exercise it, and that will not **** all over the house if you get home 8 hours late. Fish. Cats. Tiny dogs. Low-needs girlfriends/boyfriends.

I know people do have larger dogs, but personally I don't think it's fair to the dog. Dogs are pack animals, not loners.

 

[Sweet Tea]

I adopted an adult beagle during the second semester of my first year b/c I was so lonely for a pet. And I'm so glad I did; my crazy little girl has kept me sane since I got her! While it's definetly possible to adopt a dog while in med school, you have got be be sure that you can take care of it. If you're someone who doesn't like to study at home, and have never taken care of a dog before, then don't do it. And I highly recommend that you not get a puppy; they require much more time (and have much more energy), and you'll both go crazy. My girl is somewhere between 4-6 years old, and is a mellow mellow couch potato. She's perfect for me b/c she's small (only 20 lbs), doesn't bark, and lives to snuggle. The rescue agency I got her from said she was housebroken, and she definetly wasn't. It was really hard to housebreak her while going to school and it's something that I don't recommend to anyone who lives by themselves. Although I am occasionally tempted to make beagle stew, I'd be a much sadder person without her.

Honestly, though, third year (beginning in July) is going to be a tough transition; I start off with slack rotations, but still don't have my away schedule finalized so I don't exactly know what I'm going to do with her. Worst case scenario; she goes to live with my folks for a few weeks. Hopefully, I'll get away rotations that are w/in driving distance, but I don't know yet. 3rd year is definetly something to think about if you want to get a dog.

 

[Sweet Tea]

Dog = 10-year commitment, minimum

During the next 10 years you will spend...
2 years in classes with maybe plenty of time to play with your dog;
2 years on rotations with no time for anything other than work, eating, sleeping, and maybe a bit of exercise (except maybe the end of yr 4);
3-7 years in residency with not much time again

if you want a pet, choose one that will be mostly happy whether or not you are home, whether or not you can exercise it, and that will not **** all over the house if you get home 8 hours late. Fish. Cats. Tiny dogs. Low-needs girlfriends/boyfriends.

I know people do have larger dogs, but personally I don't think it's fair to the dog. Dogs are pack animals, not loners.

eh, depends on the dog. my dog is not a pack animal; she's scared of my neighbor's cat, nevermind their yorkshire terrier. some dogs are clearly pack animals that need to be around other dogs to be happy, but it's possible to find dogs that prefer to be only pets. another reason why it helps to adopt an adult dog; you know what kind of temperment they'll have.

 

[kmancrx]

I got a dog while I was still in undergrad and don't regret it one bit. I will be starting at MUSC in the fall and he is definitely coming with me. My girlfriend is moving with me too which will help to have someone who is willing to share the responsibility of caring for it.

I would probably steer clear of puppies though. I got Hugo when he was a year old from the pound. If you are starting next semester get a middle aged dog that is already house-broken. They have less chance of being rescued b/c most people want puppies. I would also suggest finding someone who is willing to share in the responsibilies of caring for the animal. I would also advise finding a place with a fence. It is much easier especially in the morning when the dog wants to go out and you just get out of bed. Luckily my dog is fine with 8 hour or so stretches of being alone even though he does need some play time. Good Luck

 

[Loopo Henle]

I have 2 pugs ,a beagle/hound mix, a cat and fish. Of course I have a wife to help me out, but they are great stress relievers. Many of my single and married classmates have dogs. My only problem is now I am looking at residencies, and it is going to be hard finding a place to live in a big city with my zoo!

 

[Mistress S]

Hi, I will also be starting school this fall and have a 1.5 year old pug dog. My partner and I have raised him together, having another person definitely helps--I'm sure he won't be alone too much, and we have family nearby who also watch him as needed. When we first got him, we were both in school and working part-time, that is still my BF's situation but I have been working full-time since last June. Most weekdays he spends a few hours alone, and doesn't seem to mind--but we were conscientous about training him, either crate train your dog or do like we did and get baby gates so the dog is kept in a confined area (in our case, the kitchen) where it is safe and can't get into anything when it is alone. Don't make a big deal about leaving, and give your pet something (I suggest a rubber kong toy stuffed with a treat) to distract him when you leave, and by the time he/she is an adult they won't even care when you go! I think the suggestion about getting an adult dog from a shelter is great as well, that way you can avoid the whole puppy thing (a young puppy will in all likelihood not be fully trained by the end of the summer) and help out a dog that needs love. If you want a particular breed, there are many rescue organizations--check out www.petfinder.org.

Anyway, it can be done, but dogs and especially puppies can be a handful--they will need to be walked, fed, trained, and played with every day, it's not at all like a cat or a fish. Most dogs demand a lot of attention. Don't forget about the costs too--student fin aid budgets don't factor in pets, and they can be quite spendy. Puppies, especially in their first year, need a lot of stuff--several vet visits for vaccinations, toys, food, bed, flea preventative, etc. And there can be unexpected medical costs--our pug cost us over $3000 in vet bills in his first year 😱 (to say he is accident prone would be an understatement ). So make sure you can afford it, financially as well as time-wise.

 

[thirdunity]

if you want a pet, choose one that will be mostly happy whether or not you are home, whether or not you can exercise it, and that will not **** all over the house if you get home 8 hours late. Fish. Cats. Tiny dogs. Low-needs girlfriends/boyfriends.

Great lifelong experience with cats, even when I lived alone, worked heavy overtime hours and was barely home - the cat(s) slept next to me or on me in my bed, sat in my lap while I was studying or at my computer, followed me around the house, etc.

The right cat can be a lot of company.

 

[sflynn]

I'm a second year medical student and I have a dog. Sophie is an almost 11 month old toy poodle. I got her in August at 8 weeks old not long after my 7 year old poodle Casey passed away (a truly devastating experience). I can't imagine my life without Sophie. She beings me such tremendous joy and she listens to me gripe without complaint. She even knows that when I'm studying it is time for her to cuddle at my feet. I always make quality time for her. She's my study break.

I do have help from my parents when I need to be gone long hours but I had originally planned to go to medical school about 600 miles from family. I had no intention of getting rid of the dog that I had before Sophie (nor did I have any plans of losing her).

So, I guess I would say to examine all the possibilities. I agree with those that said no big dogs. My life would not be complete without my furball....and I think she's a very happy very spoiled fur ball.

(And she slept through the night after 2 days...she'll also sleep til noon if I want...now that's loyalty.)

Stephanie

 

[heldicus]

Please please please consider the future. If you will be living with someone that can help care for your dog...i don't see a problem, but I can't imagine putting my dog through the life I currently live. Dogs need attention, exercise, they need to play. What will your dog do while you study like mad for 3 days before an exam? What will your dog do while you're sleeping in the on-call room at the hospital? What will your dog do during residency when it forgets what your face looks like? I love my dog, and that's why I left him at home with my parents when I started school. I just don't have the time to give him the life he gets now. Pets get mistreated in this county waaay too often because people don't fully consider their own lives.

 

[2sweet4this]

Had a dog throughout med school and will have him during residency from July. Don't know what life would have been like without him. Can have him erase the pain of a horrible day with a wag of a tail and a couple of licks. He's a small breed (highly recommended if you are planning on apartment living) and low maintenence. Since I am also worried about him being alone too much during residency, I have looked into doggy day care (don't laugh). Nowadays, doggy day cares provide large facilities for dogs to roam and hang out/play with other dogs, they also make sure the dog gets exercised between 2 and 4 times a day. Your pooch comes home nice and tired, ready to just cuddle with you. Although pricing can be a bit steep, I think it's worth it's money for your pooch's happiness. Plus, I've been told you don't have to take the dog everyday because they get so worn out that they need a day or two to recoop at home. Good luck!

 

[shocker682]

It is very much possible

I'm a vet student and there's prob 70-80% of the prople in my class that have animals (most of them dogs). Our time is just as jam packed and we can manage--it just takes some effort (and love). If you want to, go for it! (it helps to have a good roomie that you can depend on every now and again)

 

[Orth2006]

Hi all
I am not in med school yet - I am applying this year (to matriculate in 2006). I love dogs as well. Because I knew I wanted to go to med school, I got my dog last year. He is an 85llb long-haired german shepherd dog and about to turn a year old. He is very playful and easy going. My only concern is if I don't get into my state school. That would mean I'd have to move out of state. With no family around whereever I go it would be tough to look after my dog when I have to be in the lab and stuff. Anyway where ever I go I have to make sure he's comfortable. So no apartment living for me. I think its best to start now if you reall want a dog like someone said.

 

[heldicus]

People have kids while in medical school and during residency.

That's correct...and they aren't left home alone.

 

[hotchicalica]

i had the same exact idea that you do. get a puppy during the summer so i could train him and give him some time to adapt to his new surroundings before classes start. but, the more i thought about it, the more i realized that while it would be possible to work things out the 1st and 2nd year of med school, it would be almost impossible during 3rd and 4th year. residency, too, would be extremely difficult, especially if you dont have someone to help you out. so, in the end i decided against it. i feel like its really just not fair to the dog to leave him at home alone all day while im at the hospital and/or class.

 

[nihilop]

Hello everyone,

Great reading about the successful med student w/ dog stories.

My girlfriend and I will be headed to NYC in August for med school and law school respectively. She's going to Columbia P&S and we're looking at their couples housing, but we have a little, 2 year old, 8 pound poodle-mix.

Does anyone know of any stories of people owning a small dog/pet at Columbia's university affiliated couples apartments? Success/problems related to their no-pet policy? I've heard that in a lot of cases like these, pet policies aren't strongly enforced, especially in the case of a small trouble-free pet. It would be extremely helpful for us to have university subsidized housing, but we can't leave our dog behind.

Thanks.

 

[Emergen-C]

I have 2 dogs and I've found it's easier to have 2 than 1 b/c they have a playmate. Dogs have literally kept me sane through years 1 and 2 of med school.

 

[Furrball2]

Dog = 10-year commitment, minimum

Cats. Tiny dogs. Low-needs girlfriends/boyfriends.

.

Hmm my cats were not exactly thrilled with my hours. I would get home late after leaving early and both of them would follow me around demanding attention. My fiancee has been wanting a dog for years but with grad school and medical school we have put off getting a dog. It just didn't seem fair to them animal

 

[fischer]

Well, I'm starting med school this fall with a 2 year old son, a 9 month old daughter, a 10 year old lab/rottie mix and a 4 year old German shorthair pointer. If I can handle all of this, you can handle a dog.

 

[JDAD]

Having a dog in an apartment is unfair to the dog. Even if the dog has a friend. Whats the point of having two lonely dogs?

If you want an animal for med school/apartment life, get a fish.

 

[labschip]

Hello everyone,

Great reading about the successful med student w/ dog stories.

My girlfriend and I will be headed to NYC in August for med school and law school respectively. She's going to Columbia P&S and we're looking at their couples housing, but we have a little, 2 year old, 8 pound poodle-mix.

Does anyone know of any stories of people owning a small dog/pet at Columbia's university affiliated couples apartments? Success/problems related to their no-pet policy? I've heard that in a lot of cases like these, pet policies aren't strongly enforced, especially in the case of a small trouble-free pet. It would be extremely helpful for us to have university subsidized housing, but we can't leave our dog behind.

Thanks.

I lived in P&S couples housing (Towers) for two years with a small dog. The no-pet policy up there was not enforced to my knowledge. I knew plenty of folks with dogs, cats, etc. As a small side note, up around the Towers is not the best neighborhood for walking a dog (mainly concrete and the closest park is kind of sketchy). However you can definitely get by, especially with a small dog. As long as your dog does not bark excessively, you should have no problem. Different rules may apply to the law student housing. Good luck! 🙂

 

[redruby]

Having a dog in an apartment is unfair to the dog. Even if the dog has a friend. Whats the point of having two lonely dogs?

If you want an animal for med school/apartment life, get a fish.

It's not unfair if you walk it, play with it and give it plenty of exercise and attention. Dogs like small, cozy places which is why they can be crated. It's not like if you lived in a mansion, your dog would be running laps around the place while you were gone.

 

[coxzilla97]

I too am starting med school in the fall and I too am a dog lover. I am glad to see so many good stories coming out of this inquiry. However, one of the sacrifices I had to make in order to go to med school was that I had to find a new home for my two bassett hounds. Their are several reasons why. First, I could not find a place that would take pets for a reasonable amount of rent. Second, dogs can be expensive. It doesn't seem that way but when little vet surprises pop up you will find that Vets must be making some kind of money. For example, I adopted one bassett a couple of years ago. Two months after I got her her mouth started to bleed and I took her into have it looked at. Long story short, two months after that, I was out 2500 to squamous cell carcinoma, a dead dog and a broken heart. More recently, my three year old bassett has a propensity to eating things. Socks, rocks, glass, brick, anything he will eat it. So every time, I have to take him in because of an upset stomach (luckily he either throws up or passes the crazy stuff he has eaten), it costs about $160. Also, heart wormer is 25/month, food is 40/month (i fed them nutro), grooming $20/month (even if you do it your self), frontline flea protection $40/month, all of the neat toys you want to buy them, priceless j/k but it is expensive. Vaccinations, etc. it all adds up and 100/ month to a med student is pretty far out there. My last point is that I have raised several different breeds from pup to adult and there aren't many breeds that will be fully trained and ready for you to go to med school by this fall if you get them now. A puppy is almost like having a kid ( i have one of those too). I would recomend a lab if you want a quick trainer. So I hope it works for you. You will know what to do.

 

[coxzilla97]

I too am starting med school in the fall and I too am a dog lover. I am glad to see so many good stories coming out of this inquiry. However, one of the sacrifices I had to make in order to go to med school was that I had to find a new home for my two bassett hounds. Their are several reasons why. First, I could not find a place that would take pets for a reasonable amount of rent. Second, dogs can be expensive. It doesn't seem that way but when little vet surprises pop up you will find that Vets must be making some kind of money. For example, I adopted one bassett a couple of years ago. Two months after I got her her mouth started to bleed and I took her into have it looked at. Long story short, two months after that, I was out 2500 to squamous cell carcinoma, a dead dog and a broken heart. More recently, my three year old bassett has a propensity to eating things. Socks, rocks, glass, brick, anything he will eat it. So every time, I have to take him in because of an upset stomach (luckily he either throws up or passes the crazy stuff he has eaten), it costs about $160. Also, heart wormer is 25/month, food is 40/month (i fed them nutro), grooming $20/month (even if you do it your self), frontline flea protection $40/month, all of the neat toys you want to buy them, priceless j/k but it is expensive. Vaccinations, etc. it all adds up and 100/ month to a med student is pretty far out there. My last point is that I have raised several different breeds from pup to adult and there aren't many breeds that will be fully trained and ready for you to go to med school by this fall if you get them now. A puppy is almost like having a kid ( i have one of those too). I would recomend a lab if you want a quick trainer. So I hope it works for you. You will know what to do.

 

[RobbingReality]

It is good to know that it is possible to have a dog while in med. school. Although I am not there yet, I would rather kick my girlfriend out of my house than ever get rid of my dog. I am willing to make the sacrifices to bring my dog with me, because it would be the only bit of family I have around me for miles. I have even put up savings for my dog, so I am not burdened from a financial standpoint.

 

[abbaroodle]

I think this has all been said, but a few things to think about:

1) Rotations: Can you count on someone other than yourself (spouse, room-mate, etc) to walk your dog when you are on-call?

2) Housing: Are you going to be living somewhere in the next 12 years which would be difficult to have a pet? It is hard enough to find housing in SF, NYC, Boston, DC, etc without pets!

3) Can you financially afford to have a pet? Can you afford vet\groomers\boarding bills? When you go home for Thanksgiving, can you take your dog? If you fly, will you be able to afford a ticket for him\her? When you interview for residency, can you afford to board him or her or can you guarantee other arrangements which wont fall through?

4) Where do you like to study? If you like to spend the day at the library, it may be a hassle to come home and walk your dog. If you like to study at home, can you keep an eye on a dog while house-training? If he or she demands attention when you are home, can you stand to go in the other room and close the door while the dog barks?

I really want a dog. (I am a first year.) But I know I can't promise him or her a good home for a bit. So for now, I am limited to dog-calendars and playing with others' dogs. I know it isnt the same, but I until I know I can take care of him or her in a manner that is fair to me and the dog (ie no huge sacrifices - like not eating so I can board my dog during thanksgiving, or coming home in the middle of a call night to go for a walk!), I will just have to be jealous of those who can.

 

[kimm70]

Just to add my two cents--hope I don't repeat too much of what has already been said:

I had a dog when I started medical school. I got her in 1996 and she was pretty well trained. However, I decided my dog needed a companion and got a second dog during November of my first year. So, I looked high and low and found my second dog, a little terrier named Harry. Needless to say, it has been a long adjustment period. Even if you think you can train a puppy in three months--you can not. It is a process that takes a good one to two years with constant attention. We had to drop out of obedience training due to time conflicts and I still have to watch my new dog (I have had now for 1.5 years) very closely, for he has chewed everything from a $500 retainer to numerous shoes, eye glasses etc. I think we are finally over the worst part, but found myself taking him to doggie daycare ($20/day) or have a dog walker come to the house (another $20/day) just so he could get his energy out. The $$ thing is a big deal, too. I just spent $500 for surgery for my older dog and the food, etc is not cheap. Also, when you go out of town, if you need to leave them at a kennel, it can nearly double the price of your trip. For two dogs I pay ~$44/day for boardings. It really adds up--and you don't get dependent care $$ for financial aid for dogs as you would kids. 😉

Also, I lived in a condo with my first dog and it is a bit of a drag having to walk the dog all the time--it doesn't matter what the weather is or how tired, hungover, sick, busy you are. If you don't walk them, you have a nice present or two waiting for you when you get home. Also, my dog got numerous UTIs when we lived in the condo and I only walked her 2-3 times a day. Since I moved to a house and she can spend hours each day outside, she hasn't had any problems.

That being said, dogs are great companions. I love coming home after a crappy day and having my dogs so excited to see me. Their unconditional love really can lift your spirits. If you still want a dog, I would recommend getting a slightly older dog that is potty trained (you can find them at any humane society or on-line at rescue shelters, etc.) Don't rush the decision. Wait until you find the right dog with the right disposition and be willing to put in a lot of work. The one drawback of pound dogs is that they can have some issues--so be warned. However, I wouldn't trade my neurotic, separation anxiety-filled dog for the world, but the thought did cross my mind initially! However, I knew that when I adopted a dog it was mine for good. Don't look at it as if you can get rid of it if it doesn't work out. The way I see it is, you are the one mature enough to make the decision about adopting a dog, so understand that you are doing it for the duration of the dog's life. It isn't fair to take the dog and decide a few months later it is too much of a committment.

That's all for now! Good luck in your decision!

 

[Ascensionmd]

I purchased a dog halfway through my first year and it was pure hell. I was exhausted. Cleaning up after him, taking him out for exercise and worring about him behaving in my apartment drove me insane. However, I found that with persistance and research, my life with my dog is managable.
1. found a dog park nearby
2. asked my neighbors for help
3. asked friends for help
4. went to a dog training class
5. studied more at home
6. made it part of my exercise routine to run with the dog

Feel free to ask questions.

 

[pillowhead]

I too am starting med school in the fall and I too am a dog lover. I am glad to see so many good stories coming out of this inquiry. However, one of the sacrifices I had to make in order to go to med school was that I had to find a new home for my two bassett hounds. Their are several reasons why. First, I could not find a place that would take pets for a reasonable amount of rent. Second, dogs can be expensive. It doesn't seem that way but when little vet surprises pop up you will find that Vets must be making some kind of money. For example, I adopted one bassett a couple of years ago. Two months after I got her her mouth started to bleed and I took her into have it looked at. Long story short, two months after that, I was out 2500 to squamous cell carcinoma, a dead dog and a broken heart. More recently, my three year old bassett has a propensity to eating things. Socks, rocks, glass, brick, anything he will eat it. So every time, I have to take him in because of an upset stomach (luckily he either throws up or passes the crazy stuff he has eaten), it costs about $160. Also, heart wormer is 25/month, food is 40/month (i fed them nutro), grooming $20/month (even if you do it your self), frontline flea protection $40/month, all of the neat toys you want to buy them, priceless j/k but it is expensive. Vaccinations, etc. it all adds up and 100/ month to a med student is pretty far out there. My last point is that I have raised several different breeds from pup to adult and there aren't many breeds that will be fully trained and ready for you to go to med school by this fall if you get them now. A puppy is almost like having a kid ( i have one of those too). I would recomend a lab if you want a quick trainer. So I hope it works for you. You will know what to do.

after a long search, my husband and i have just found the little girl basset of our dreams and are picking her up after I'm done with the boards! poor girl has had a rough life, but I think she's ready for a new start. I've grown up with basset hounds, so this is very exciting. she has lots of basset hound cousins already....

sorry to get off topic. Dogs are great, but it was a very long hard decision for us to come to. We have totally different schedules...I have to be at the hospital at 5am...it's a rough day for my hubby when he has to be at school at 9:30am. and we're adopting an adult who is already house-trained, crate-trained, etc. It's expensive. $350 apartment fee, $200 adoption fee just to start. But we have done a lot of research, been to tons of adoption events, etc. It's not a light decision. This will be her forever home. And I think that's the attitude you have to have. During residency, she will not be turned over to my parents or my sister. She is our responsibility, not anyone else's.