early middle age crisis?

[xiphoid2010]

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So it was suppose to be a weekend of rest and relaxation. After working 26 days straight due to unavailability of PRN coverage, finally a weekend to rest and have fun. Wife and mother-in-law even so obliged to take the baby to visit their relatives out of town for 5 days. Yet, even when I was coming back from work, I felt lonely the moment pulling into an empty garage, echoes in an unlit house, I had long wished that I could come home without my son running towards me demanding holding him or my wife telling me to change the diaper when all I wanted was to be left alone. I thought an uninterrupted gaming marathon would be the ultimate release, but strangely it only brings a sense of conflict that couldn't be explained.

So today I went to watch Skyfall. Something clicked. Do your job, put in more effort than others, but it's hopeless against a system that is overwhelming. At work or at home, only chores after chores demanded by your self-righteous sense of duty. When given a release, you don't know what to do. You want to rekindle what was it like back in the yesterdays, but your friends have all scattered across the world. You are alone...

Is this the beginning of mid-life crisis? Has anyone else gotten that strange feeling in the back of their head? A vague feeling of emptiness, perhaps failing their destiny?

 

[BMBiology]

Go for a drive and clear your head. Too bad you don't own a nice car. A nice sport car will serve you well for days like today...*hint hint*

 

[xiphoid2010]

Go for a drive and clear your head. Too bad you don't own a nice car. A nice sport car will serve you well for days like today...*hint hint*

Yeah, a BMW with an 18 year old girl sitting next to me.

Nah, it's just all this taught/self-impose feeling of what I should do feeling like a ton of lead. Few years ago, I had 4 best friends, talked about everything, only griped about school and grades, had a good time to unwind. Now they are all in different parts of the country and I'm one of the two married and we rarely hear from each other anymore.

People grow apart, life changes course. I know trying to hold on to the past is hopeless, but still try and fail, it's so depressing watching it happen and growing older.

 

[Momus]

Yeah, a BMW with an 18 year old girl sitting next to me.

Nah, it's just all this taught/self-impose feeling of what I should do feeling like a ton of lead. Few years ago, I had 4 best friends, talked about everything, only griped about school and grades, had a good time to unwind. Now they are all in different parts of the country and I'm one of the two married.

People grow apart, life changes course. I know trying to hold on to the past is hopeless, but it's still try and fail, it's so depressing watching it happen and growing older.

No need for BMW, just the 18 year old girl you paid next in your bed, don't need to talk, no bs/headache. Practice safe sex.

 

[Momus]

Ok, seriously, just find yourself 4 more best friends. They are not that hard to find if you invest the time. Working 26 days in a row tells me, you don't even try to do this. Sleep -> Work -> Sleep -> Work. No way to live life. I tend to be the most happy when I surround myself with my best friends.

 

[xiphoid2010]

No need for BMW, just the 18 year old girl you paid next in your bed, don't need to talk, no bs/headache. Practice safe sex.

I know right?

The thing is, my wife is a good girl and I wouldn't trade her for anything (ok maybe the entire world).

Nah, I'm just having one of those weird moments. All alone sitting in a pretty big house. Kinda creepy being alone. Feel trapped by marriage, but also misses it. Have a good pretty good career, but feel like I'm failing at the same time.

It's a very conflicted feeling. I'm just wondering if anyone else feel the same way or am I just wacko.

 

[Pharmgrlnxdor]

I don't think it is a mid life crisis but just realization dawning. Often I find that after a long haul of intensity when I finally get a chance to relax and contemplate life it dawns on me that my life isn't the way I want it to be. It is a great chance for self-reflection. After you have done all the things you are supposed to do....school, work, family, pay bills, etc., you start to wonder what else is there?

Some people become discontent, some people begin to acquire material possessions to fill that gap (like that sports car), other people do stupid things like have affairs, etc. Maybe it is during this time you should really figure out what you want your life to be about. Think a decade or two into the future what do you want your life to look like? Do you have any future aspirations beyond what is happening in your life now?

Personally, I always have short (1-3 years), medium (3-5 years), and long (5-20 years) term goals going. These goals keep me going forward and give my life purpose. For instance, one of the long term goals I have for myself is to spend a year volunteering for Doctors Without Borders. Of course, this will have to happen once I am no longer directly parenting.

It may seem like an unpleasant experience feeling discontented but only a lucky few in this world will not be consumed with the daily struggle of housing, clothing, and feeding themselves. To have the opportunity to reflect on this, to listen to the voice that tells you you are discontented, and to try and find a greater meaning and purpose in your life is a blessing, so don't view it as a curse.

 

[xiphoid2010]

Ok, seriously, just find yourself 4 more best friends. They are not that hard to find if you invest the time. Working 26 days in a row tells me, you don't even try to do this. Sleep -> Work -> Sleep -> Work. No way to live life.

Normally we have PRN pharmacists cover the weekends, but we were recently bought by another company. Half of the PRN staff did not transition over. So I had 3 weekend gaps in coverage, and I had to plug those when no one else stepped up. (I dont' trust agency pharmacists). I just couldn't let it go. Maybe it's a bit masochistic, but doing it does add to a sense of purpose and pride.

 

[xiphoid2010]

It may seem like an unpleasant experience feeling discontented but only a lucky few in this world will not be consumed with the daily struggle of housing, clothing, and feeding themselves. To have the opportunity to reflect on this, to listen to the voice that tells you you are discontented, and to try and find a greater meaning and purpose in your life is a blessing, so don't view it as a curse.

Thank you, I will try to put things in perspective rather than letting momentary emotional drive get the better of me. The objective has always been to carve out a piece of this world, whether through a career in pharmacy or another. Futile or not, I've still got still more than 30 years to retirement, is it not worth another charge, masochistic though it may be? I wouldn't want to burden my son with what I have failed to accomplish. But then, the question is when do you call enough is enough?

 

[type b pharmD]

Personally, I always have short (1-3 years), medium (3-5 years), and long (5-20 years) term goals going. These goals keep me going forward and give my life purpose. For instance, one of the long term goals I have for myself is to spend a year volunteering for Doctors Without Borders. Of course, this will have to happen once I am no longer directly parenting.

It may seem like an unpleasant experience feeling discontented but only a lucky few in this world will not be consumed with the daily struggle of housing, clothing, and feeding themselves. To have the opportunity to reflect on this, to listen to the voice that tells you you are discontented, and to try and find a greater meaning and purpose in your life is a blessing, so don't view it as a curse.

^^ This

Also, it sounds like OP is overworking himself and not stopping to smell the roses. Seriously, when you dont know how to have fun anymore, you need to stop and reconsider things. Either you just need more practice, or you need to re-evaluate how you derive reward from your life. Then set up short and medium and long term goals but dont forget that the day to day is where life is lived

 

[Doctor M]

Overworked and not enough time with the wifey. the feeling of being sick of work but when you are not there, you just feel empty. It has nothing to do with the wifey, you just feel empty; a little helpless. right?

 

[samuricool]

Stop looking over the fence and be happy with what you have.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Thank you, I will try to put things in perspective rather than letting momentary emotional drive get the better of me. The objective has always been to carve out a piece of this world, whether through a career in pharmacy or another. Futile or not, I've still got still more than 30 years to retirement, is it not worth another charge, masochistic though it may be? I wouldn't want to burden my son with what I have failed to accomplish. But then, the question is when do you call enough is enough?

At this point, your professional career is only a few years long. Too early to say you "failed to accomplish" anything. Do you derive any pleasure or satisfaction from time spent with your wife and son?

 

[xiphoid2010]

Overworked and not enough time with the wifey. the feeling of being sick of work but when you are not there, you just feel empty. It has nothing to do with the wifey, you just feel empty; a little helpless. right?

This is probably the closet description of how it feels. I like my job mostly, but i do feel overworked, but when I'm not working I think about work and doing other things feel empty.

At this point, your professional career is only a few years long. Too early to say you "failed to accomplish" anything. Do you derive any pleasure or satisfaction from time spent with your wife and son?

Yes and no. I enjoy time with them but only last for a little while. It's almost if they are a temporary distraction. But since even they are not around this weekend, things just feel extra empty.

 

[farmadiazepine]

you need a vacation, and not one where you stay at home for a week. you need to take the family somewhere and experience the world. then come back home.

 

[jblil]

OP - Welcome to the club... I think we all get the same feelings at some point in our lives; some at 25, some at 35, some at 50. A nagging feeling of emptiness, is this all there is to life?

I hit that point when I was 33. I gave up everything, including a fairly cushy and well-paid managerial job at a Fortune 10 company, and went to live among the Tuareg nomads in the Sahara desert for 2 years. My family and all my friends called me a f*** fool when I told them of my decision. I never regretted it, and came back a changed person.

My advice to you: don't put everything you have into your work, and don't run after money. Companies are fickle and will dump you the moment they don't need you. Nurture your relationships (family, friends). Don't be afraid to step into the unknown, or you'll keep asking yourself the "what-if" question forever.

 

[Its Z]

That's not midlife crisis. You will know when you have it.

You have the house to yourself and don't know what to do?

You need a hobby. Actually get a bunch.

An 18 year old??? For real?? What are you....pedophile?

Get you some hobbies...something you can be passionate about.

All work/family makes one a very boring human being...

Try bonsai horticulture....full contact origami.... swinging...taxidermy...beer can collecting...competitive speed walking...nude modeling...

So much to do not enough time.

 

[rxlea]

I agree with the hobby. Painting and drawing keep me sane these days.

 

[SHC1984]

Dude go shopping! That always makes me happy! 😀

Or go to Barnes and Noble and READ/drink coffee. I love Barnes and Noble...I can read whatever I want to for FREE and I can stay there as long as I want to! How can anyone not love that?

 

[Pojman]

Dude - from one man to another.... My biggest advice to you at this point is to make sure your wife never sees this thread.

You have some time to yourself right now. Great! Use it to pwn some noobs on call of duty or something. Don't waste it crying into your pillow and having fantasies of 18 year old girls.

 

[rph3664]

OP - Welcome to the club... I think we all get the same feelings at some point in our lives; some at 25, some at 35, some at 50. A nagging feeling of emptiness, is this all there is to life?

I hit that point when I was 33. I gave up everything, including a fairly cushy and well-paid managerial job at a Fortune 10 company, and went to live among the Tuareg nomads in the Sahara desert for 2 years. My family and all my friends called me a f*** fool when I told them of my decision. I never regretted it, and came back a changed person.

My advice to you: don't put everything you have into your work, and don't run after money. Companies are fickle and will dump you the moment they don't need you. Nurture your relationships (family, friends). Don't be afraid to step into the unknown, or you'll keep asking yourself the "what-if" question forever.

As long as you weren't abandoning a family or neglecting your children, it's your life and your decision. It sounds like the OP is experiencing burnout, and at least needs a couple weeks' vacation to regroup.

Several weeks ago, I met a former aerospace engineer in his 50s who's now an OTR truck driver. He mostly did long-term contract jobs, which all dried up when the Shuttle program ended, and he saw that truck driving was a growing field that required little training so he signed up, not knowing beforehand that semis have 18 gears and two clutches (and I think he even used the word "harrowing" to describe it! 😉). Funny thing is, I never mentioned how much I can relate myself, having decided in February to leave the pharmacy profession (at least for now) but might if he comes to another of our meetups and the subject arises again.

As for people being stuck in a career because they have children, as I said at the time, if I'd had children, I would need to be healthy, both physically and mentally, so I could take care of them.

 

[pinipig523]

You better hope your wife does not read this thread or she'll be pissed.

As for 18yo chicks? I just turned 30 and I find them too childish. At some point you outgrow them.

And regarding your situation - I think you're not having a crisis. I think you're not happy and just going through the motions.

I do emphasize with you... sometimes when I'm off, I'm thinking of how I'd be more productive if I were working. But then when I'm headed to work, I think of how I'd rather be off and spending time with my lovely wife.

 

[Lubeckd]

Lol a year ago everyone in my class was 18. Dated 18 year olds outside my school. You are not missing much.
I think op was just playing a joke.

 

[xiphoid2010]

You better hope your wife does not read this thread or she'll be pissed.

As for 18yo chicks? I just turned 30 and I find them too childish. At some point you outgrow them.

And regarding your situation - I think you're not having a crisis. I think you're not happy and just going through the motions.

I do emphasize with you... sometimes when I'm off, I'm thinking of how I'd be more productive if I were working. But then when I'm headed to work, I think of how I'd rather be off and spending time with my lovely wife.

I guess everyone missed my sarcasm about the clichéd BMW driver with some young chicken as ornament.

C'mon. You guys should know me better than that. I don't give a damn about cars, and too prudent and calculating to risk my plans by cheating on my wife who I have a hard time finding anything significant to complain about.

I do think I need to find something to take my mind off of the endless cycle of work/family. I spent the better part of yesterday playing games. It's still fun, but it just doesn't feel as awesome as it used to. Growing out of that phase I guess. Time to find something new to do soon.

 

[Hello2000]

Join a golf club mate, best sport in the world and some good locker room banter to make you chortle.

Great camaraderie among all the guys at the club, most if not all of my besties I have met through playing golf from an early age. Every free moment I have you will find me pounding the fairways and there's nothing better than talking about our previous encounters as we chase that little white ball around the field. I usually come off the course with my sides splitting me I laugh so much.

Also we usually head of to sunnier climes in the winter to persue our great hobby.

 

[Its Z]

OP is a Chinese American. Pretty unlikely he will pick up golf.
Korean American...another story.

As a golfer for the past 35 years...golf in the US is waning. Golf in healthcare is now almost nonexistent.

 

[Doctor M]

That's not midlife crisis. You will know when you have it.

You have the house to yourself and don't know what to do?

You need a hobby. Actually get a bunch.

An 18 year old??? For real?? What are you....pedophile?

Get you some hobbies...something you can be passionate about.

All work/family makes one a very boring human being...

Try bonsai horticulture....full contact origami.... swinging...taxidermy...beer can collecting...competitive speed walking...nude modeling...

So much to do not enough time.

I was just about to tell the OP to get some hobbies. Def get some hobbies. What you are feeling is boredom probably. Im sure you still love your wife, and adore your kid, but we are human. Find a hobby. cars? racing? Collectibles? Something. But i know how the OP feels. We all will probably be there some day or have been there.

 

[Its Z]

this day and age when does anyone have time to be bored for real

 

[Doctor M]

this day and age when does anyone have time to be bored for real

I'm never bored anymore. Business and making Money keeps me busy And the future wifey keeps me busy too. I try to travel a little just to get away. and we go to Miami every month, for business!

 

[Its Z]

I'm never bored anymore. Business and making Money keeps me busy And the future wifey keeps me busy too. I try to travel a little just to get away. and we go to Miami every month, for business!

Prenup Brah...

 

[Doctor M]

Prenup Brah...

LOL. perhaps!

 

[xiphoid2010]

I'm never bored anymore. Business and making Money keeps me busy And the future wifey keeps me busy too. I try to travel a little just to get away. and we go to Miami every month, for business!

I'm anything but bored. So much to do and so little time to do it with. I can easily spend 12 hours a day at work if I wanted to do everything the way aught to be done, and I'm always on call. At home, we have toddler who doesn't know how to sit still, and we are expecting another.

Bored? I can only wish. 🙄

 

[Doctor M]

I'm anything but bored. So much to do and so little time to do it with. I can easily spend 12 hours a day at work if I wanted to do everything the way aught to be done, and I'm always on call. At home, we have toddler who doesn't know how to sit still, and we are expecting another.

Bored? I can only wish. 🙄

Take a vacation. Spend that money. One day you wont be able to. be humble and enjoy!

 

[Hello2000]

this day and age when does anyone have time to be bored for real

Yeah we have beautiful range of anti-depressants to take care of that.

Incodentallyi none of my golfing buddies are in healthcare, I keep my work and my real life seperate so whether golf is no longer associated with healthcare anymore makes no odds to me.