Ego vs. Calling

[Balantidiumcoli]

Hey all,

It's been a while since I posted anything here but I'm hoping for some perspective on this. For those of you who don't know who I am, I'm in my mid-twenties and have been doing my post-bacc for about two years now. The pre-req stats are pretty mediocre (GPA ~ 3.0) but the high level sciences are solid (GPA > 3.8) and I haven't taken the MCAT yet. That was just to give y'all the heads up that I've done my homework, know what the general consensus on these boards are about options and what I should do to maximize my chances of acceptance.. and partially to let you all know that yes, I'm aware that I'd be an underdog at best and likely in need of some drastic action to get an acceptance but if I did my math right, it's not completely outside the realm of impossibility.

But as the title suggests, this is about something deeper than whether or not I can get in or not and have the gumption, it's more along the line off whether or not I *should* even if I was given the thumbs up. And unfortunately, I don't have a lot of people I can reach out to IRL and I'm hoping I can find some poignant insight.

I know everyone is different but one of my biggest draws towards medicine was how it forced people to be the best possible person that they could be. Something that makes you wake up every morning, aspire to do the best that you possibly can and really make a difference in the lives of others and learn some of the most amazing and beautiful science to do it! All of the romantic starry-eyed bull**** aside though, it isn't too hard to find a miserable physician either.

But at any rate, you can still do all of those things and in fact make a bigger impact in a person's life by being in several professional roles such as an NP, RN, PA, social workers even just as a technician or accountant really. So it would make sense that if I am interested in helping people I would just take on one of these roles and get on with life. The only thing is that I get the feeling that if I do that I'd regret it. It's not because I think I'm 'too good' for these jobs (it's not uncommon that I have to deal with cleaning poop, amongst other gnarly/irksome things, at my current day job which I'm presently quite comfortable in) but more along the lines of having to live with doing a job that I felt I was 'forced' into while constantly working under the people whose job I actually wanted and to have had the aptitude (or at least delusion of aptitude) to be able to do it.

So back to the original question, ego vs. calling. Is it an ego that drives you to try and become a physician or is it just a passion for the science and the practice? I don't view being a physician as 'just a job' and there isn't a part of me that says I would not love to be a practitioner in at least some capacity. But I've come to peace with the fact that among the many things I am, a martyr is not one of them (especially if this is stemming from my own ego).

Any thoughts?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Nasrudin]

Sort of an interesting but convoluted premise. One I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't seen the title on the forums main page, but I'll have a go.

If you ask me the height of grandiosity is to claim to be on a higher calling. Like, oh excuse me, he's on a calling....make way for the called. By who...I always wonder. It's one of those nebulous but nevertheless regarded as "good" euphemisms for wanting this particular job. Phrase it however you like but it's a job you want. As you say, teachers are more important to the quality and perhaps longevity of a persons life if they teach a kid to read than 100 docs will ever be. All of these people on callings from unseen entities or forces should place themselves accordingly where there is ostensibly no practical reward for their hard efforts. Because that's where we need callings.

No. But of course they won't.

And I'm not saying anything is just a job. It's your livelihood. The quality of which has enormous consequences for not only your personal satisfaction and how you feel about the value of what you're doing but for the well being of your loved ones. I don't have the missionary distaste for the vulgarities of the practical. And I'm not buying into this sanctimonious crap about it being considered morally elevated to have some vague other worldly compulsion to be a physician.

It's a great career. One that can make me feel proud of what I'm doing, bring me great satisfaction in serving others, but also help me to properly care for my loved ones in a world that doesn't accept prayers as payment.

If that's ego so be it. But if you ask me the larger egos are the ones that need an entire mythos to be created to justify what are simple and practical matters.

 

[beBrave]

So back to the original question, ego vs. calling. Is it an ego that drives you to try and become a physician or is it just a passion for the science and the practice? I don't view being a physician as 'just a job' and there isn't a part of me that says I would not love to be a practitioner in at least some capacity. But I've come to peace with the fact that among the many things I am, a martyr is not one of them (especially if this is stemming from my own ego).

Any thoughts?

For me I love people, I love science, and enjoy helping others in need. I prefer the ability to solve complex problems that challenge my brain but I'm humble enough to empty bed pans. For me it's a strong urge I've had since I was six. My PCP noticed the quality when I was that young as well.

Some people enter the field simply as a career and not a passion. Others enter the field and become burnt out Internist. Only you can really know how you feel inside. Simply ask yourself this question. If being a Physician meant you would live a meager lifestyle while just helping the sick after investing a significant amount of your life pursuing a medical education, would you still do it? I would work as a Physician for 40k; with just enough to survive if even barely. Take some time and think about why you want to be a Physician.

 

[hawkbit]

I think ego plays a larger part than many people would want to admit. We are human; which is a synonym for complicated. There is generally a myriad of reasons people go into medicine, some of which are noble, and some of which are base (in a manner of speaking). You might call them idealistic vs practical. I think some mixture of the two is entirely normal. Yes, I do believe some people have "callings", I have met a few.
Most of us don't.
If your drive to excel and be challenged can be tempered with some love and mercy, then that will make a first class physician. So take your desire to achieve, to be the 'top dog", take it and run all the way to the top. But don't forget the little guy, don't forget the the ones under you who take care of all the background work. Don't forget that the rude, fat, unpleasant patient in your care is also scared, confused, and just needs someone to listen to them. Don't forget the people around you are people to. Who need a little encouragement sometimes. A kind word or two.
Be the best, and have mercy.

I guess at the end of the day, I'd have to agree with Nasrudin

It's a great career. One that can make me feel proud of what I'm doing, bring me great satisfaction in serving others, but also help me to properly care for my loved ones in a world that doesn't accept prayers as payment.

 

[Gfliptastic]

For anyone believing it's ego, let me say that if you are guided towards med school by your ego, you are in for a horrific shock. Your pride will be destroyed. And your ego...shattered. It will happen quickly. Probably the 1st week. And culminate w/ your 1st exam. Should you prove adept at med school, just wait for 2nd year. If you coast thru basic sciences, just wait til you are toe to toe w/ an attending or a genius intern. I can't think of anyone, short of a Doogie Howser genius, making it thru med school w/ their original self-image/ego preserved.

Medical school is a humbling experience for everyone who takes it on. You will never be smart enough. You will never work to a level you feel you deserve. You will usually feel GROSSLY unprepared. It's like the military, in that it WILL tear you down, and make you build yourself back up. Into someone you never thought was possible, framed by your ante-med school ego.

I held myself in fairly good personal regard when I started med school. Only to realize I was horribly inadequate to deal w/ it. Determination let me pick up the shattered pieces and rebuild. And now that I am almost done w/ it, I am amazed how good the "rebuild" has made me.

It's more of a realignment. NO, I am not the smartest most awesome person in the room. Like one SHOULD admit is likely how one might view oneself right now. Instead I am an average future doctor who is capable and possess talents and abilities adequate enough to get by.

IDK if it makes sense, but actually getting into med school is awesome enough. And it usually inflates your ego. Only to have it demolished. However, if my peers and I can be used as a cohort, towards the end of it, you'll end up w/ a decent ego, happy w/ being average. NO triumphant magnificent beasts will walk on that stage at graduation. A bunch of people happy to survive will!

 

[hawkbit]

For anyone believing it's ego, let me say that if you are guided towards med school by your ego, you are in for a horrific shock. Your pride will be destroyed. And your ego...shattered. It will happen quickly. Probably the 1st week. And culminate w/ your 1st exam. Should you prove adept at med school, just wait for 2nd year. If you coast thru basic sciences, just wait til you are toe to toe w/ an attending or a genius intern. I can't think of anyone, short of a Doogie Howser genius, making it thru med school w/ their original self-image/ego preserved.

Medical school is a humbling experience for everyone who takes it on. You will never be smart enough. You will never work to a level you feel you deserve. You will usually feel GROSSLY unprepared. It's like the military, in that it WILL tear you down, and make you build yourself back up. Into someone you never thought was possible, framed by your ante-med school ego.

I held myself in fairly good personal regard when I started med school. Only to realize I was horribly inadequate to deal w/ it. Determination let me pick up the shattered pieces and rebuild. And now that I am almost done w/ it, I am amazed how good the "rebuild" has made me.

It's more of a realignment. NO, I am not the smartest most awesome person in the room. Like one SHOULD admit is likely how one might view oneself right now. Instead I am an average future doctor who is capable and possess talents and abilities adequate enough to get by.

IDK if it makes sense, but actually getting into med school is awesome enough. And it usually inflates your ego. Only to have it demolished. However, if my peers and I can be used as a cohort, towards the end of it, you'll end up w/ a decent ego, happy w/ being average. NO triumphant magnificent beasts will walk on that stage at graduation. A bunch of people happy to survive will!

Nooo! You just destroyed my ego!

No, really, thanks for your perspective!
I would indeed be happy to survive medschool, it's nice to hear from the other side!

 

[Goro]

If I heard you voice this during a interview, I'd reject you on the spot. My clinical colleagues and my students ((who also sit on our interview panels)would probably be so rough with you that there'd be nothing left of you except a puddle on the floor. If you want to be a better person and challenged to be all you can be, join the US Army or Marine Corps.

The people we accept are humanistic and altruistic.


I know everyone is different but one of my biggest draws towards medicine was how it forced people to be the best possible person that they could be. Something that makes you wake up every morning, aspire to do the best that you possibly can and really make a difference in the lives of others and learn some of the most amazing and beautiful science to do it! All of the romantic starry-eyed bull**** aside though, it isn't too hard to find a miserable physician either.

 

[Balantidiumcoli]

Thanks for the insights guys. It's appreciated.

But I got to say I though this last one was kind of funny:

If I heard you voice this during a interview, I'd reject you on the spot. My clinical colleagues and my students ((who also sit on our interview panels)would probably be so rough with you that there'd be nothing left of you except a puddle on the floor. If you want to be a better person and challenged to be all you can be, join the US Army or Marine Corps.

The people we accept are humanistic and altruistic.


I know everyone is different but one of my biggest draws towards medicine was how it forced people to be the best possible person that they could be. Something that makes you wake up every morning, aspire to do the best that you possibly can and really make a difference in the lives of others and learn some of the most amazing and beautiful science to do it! All of the romantic starry-eyed bull**** aside though, it isn't too hard to find a miserable physician either.

If I'm reading this correctly this is what I'm taking away from it:

If I interview at your school (don't worry, I'm not in a rush to do so) your altruistic colleagues and students will turn me into a puddle on the floor which I'm guessing is a nicer way of saying will verbally rip me a new 6 pack of dinguses? If so, in an altruistic and humanistic manner I'm sure.

 

[Postictal Raiden]

Watch you language, OP.

 

[Balantidiumcoli]

Watch you language, OP.

Meh. If I'm going to mouth off an adcom and commit application suicide in the process member I may as well go the whole nine.

;BTW, I've been seeing you post for a while and I just saw your signature. Congrats and all the best! I mean that. 👍

 

[Postictal Raiden]

Meh. If I'm going to mouth off an adcom and commit application suicide in the process member I may as well go the whole nine.

;BTW, I've been seeing you post for a while and I just saw your signature. Congrats and all the best! I mean that. 👍

Thank you. I just didn't want you to get an infraction or even worse being banned.

 

[Balantidiumcoli]

Thank you. I just didn't want you to get an infraction or even worse being banned.

For sure. Honestly that's not at the top of the list of concerns but oddly this is one of the only resources I have to reach out to other premeds in a similar position to my own (although maybe not quite as jaded).

 

[Jay K]

Is it an ego that drives you to try and become a physician or is it just a passion for the science and the practice?

I became a physician, because I thought that's where my strengths lie. I also wanted a professional career that could provide me with a decent income and lifestyle.

Whenever I'm asked or ask myself whether I'd do it again, I reluctantly say yes, solely because it's useful knowledge. I'd hate to deal with personal or family health issues without knowing what I know now, having become a physician.

There are numerous careers which would have appealed to me, many of which provided greater chances (and risks) for extreme wealth (and earlier retirement), yet at the end of the day I don't have what it takes to do well in those fields - finance and tech to name two.

If you want to be a physician, be a physician. I didn't choose a career just to be in healthcare, rather I wanted the specific role and expertise of being a physician within that "multidisciplinary team."

Only you know what you want to do, for how much and for how long.

So, I guess in answer to your question, I was driven neither by ego nor passion, but practicality. You should do, what you can do well.

 

[hawkbit]

So, I guess in answer to your question, I was driven neither by ego nor passion, but practicality. You should do, what you can do well.

Thank you sir! This is a better summary of how I feel than I was able to put into words.

 

[Nasrudin]

If I heard you voice this during a interview, I'd reject you on the spot. My clinical colleagues and my students ((who also sit on our interview panels)would probably be so rough with you that there'd be nothing left of you except a puddle on the floor. If you want to be a better person and challenged to be all you can be, join the US Army or Marine Corps.

The people we accept are humanistic and altruistic.


I know everyone is different but one of my biggest draws towards medicine was how it forced people to be the best possible person that they could be. Something that makes you wake up every morning, aspire to do the best that you possibly can and really make a difference in the lives of others and learn some of the most amazing and beautiful science to do it! All of the romantic starry-eyed bull**** aside though, it isn't too hard to find a miserable physician either.

I'm sure your sacred order of white knights are able to divine the true selves of the seekers. And bring down with swift vengeance upon the unworthy a righteous refundless rejection. Bid thee gone applicant! Wander in the hinterlands of the unaccepted for an eternity!

Wow. That's some high horses yall like to ride. Say...do you think you could indicate what backwater mennonite midwestern town yall are from? So I could send you and your brother zebadiah a posthumous and emphatic rejection of my own.

 

[sylvanthus]

I'm sure your sacred order of white knights are able to divine the true selves of the seekers. And bring down with swift vengeance upon the unworthy a righteous refundless rejection. Bid thee gone applicant! Wander in the hinterlands of the unaccepted for an eternity!

Wow. That's some high horses yall like to ride. Say...do you think you could indicate what backwater mennonite midwestern town yall are from? So I could send you and your brother zebadiah a posthumous and emphatic rejection of my own.

LOL

 

[beBrave]

I'm sure your sacred order of white knights are able to divine the true selves of the seekers. And bring down with swift vengeance upon the unworthy a righteous refundless rejection. Bid thee gone applicant! Wander in the hinterlands of the unaccepted for an eternity!

Wow. That's some high horses yall like to ride. Say...do you think you could indicate what backwater mennonite midwestern town yall are from? So I could send you and your brother zebadiah a posthumous and emphatic rejection of my own.

Nasrudin Goro serves as a valuable resource on SDN as do other contributing faculty. Here's how I've always seen his feedback, you can either run from it, or you can learn from it.

 

[Goro]

hhhhmmmm.....looks like Dr Goro has touched a nerve. All I'm saying is that my clinical colleagues and my students take potential members of the profession very seriously, and for good reason.

I'm sure your sacred order of white knights are able to divine the true selves of the seekers. And bring down with swift vengeance upon the unworthy a righteous refundless rejection. Bid thee gone applicant! Wander in the hinterlands of the unaccepted for an eternity!

Wow. That's some high horses yall like to ride. Say...do you think you could indicate what backwater mennonite midwestern town yall are from? So I could send you and your brother zebadiah a posthumous and emphatic rejection of my own.

 

[Balantidiumcoli]

hhhhmmmm.....looks like Dr Goro has touched a nerve. All I'm saying is that my clinical colleagues and my students take potential members of the profession very seriously, and for good reason.

?

Is there an implication that the students, professors and clinicians at the med school that accepted Nasrudin do not?

 

[sylvanthus]

Nasrudin Goro serves as a valuable resource on SDN as do other contributing faculty. Here's how I've always seen his feedback, you can either run from it, or you can learn from it.

Nasrudin Goro serves as a valuable resource on SDN as do other contributing faculty. Here's how I've always seen his feedback, you can either run from it, or you can learn from it.

Sure, ADCOMS/faculty are, for the most part, good resources, but this does not mean they are infallible. It is entirely reasonable to disagree with something they say even if they are an ADCOM.

 

[Nasrudin]

hhhhmmmm.....looks like Dr Goro has touched a nerve. All I'm saying is that my clinical colleagues and my students take potential members of the profession very seriously, and for good reason.

Look. I'm sure you're nice. You do good service here. But you're making a classic mistake of extreme hierarchical systems--thinking power and ability inside the system confers powers and capability to areas not under it's purvey. You do the best you can. But you do the worst you can when blinded to the limits of your god like powers in a specific finite capacity. Medical educators acting in the capacity of moral judge and jury encourage an endemic of Elmer Gantryism in the applicant culture. Making it unbearable for people with a sense of humor about themselves and various other lovable miscreants.

No small group of collected people have much of a chance beyond placebo of detecting sincerity in a population steeped in the process of moral interrogations. Thinking otherwise is hubris. And then foolishness.

 

[Balantidiumcoli]

I became a physician, because I thought that's where my strengths lie. I also wanted a professional career that could provide me with a decent income and lifestyle.

Whenever I'm asked or ask myself whether I'd do it again, I reluctantly say yes, solely because it's useful knowledge. I'd hate to deal with personal or family health issues without knowing what I know now, having become a physician.

There are numerous careers which would have appealed to me, many of which provided greater chances (and risks) for extreme wealth (and earlier retirement), yet at the end of the day I don't have what it takes to do well in those fields - finance and tech to name two.

If you want to be a physician, be a physician. I didn't choose a career just to be in healthcare, rather I wanted the specific role and expertise of being a physician within that "multidisciplinary team."

Only you know what you want to do, for how much and for how long.

So, I guess in answer to your question, I was driven neither by ego nor passion, but practicality. You should do, what you can do well.

Thanks for this.

If you'll indulge me, were you a traditional applicant or a non-trad? I've met several people who are non-trad IRL and the reasons for wanting to go to med school varied tremendously but practicality was never one of them. I always thought it was a good fit for my personality and in spite of my own frustration, I'm an obnoxiously tenacious vato. But of all the things it was, and considering the sacrifices made, practical was never one of them.