Egos within your cohort (or program)

[RayneeDeigh]

Well I find myself dealing with a strange situation and in the spirit of learning the material in my ethics class (haha) I've decided to "consult my colleagues".

I'm a first year, so lately I find myself asking lots of questions of my profs. Whether it's about award deadlines or what an acronym means, I would like to think that my classes present an environment where I can ask those kinds of things and learn... that's what I'm here for right?

Well lately I've noticed one of the individuals in my cohort will answer questions I ask that are directed at the prof. Usually it doesn't bother me 'cause it's meant to help (I think), but today I asked my prof what an acronym meant because it was a really important part of what the prof was telling me to do. The person from my cohort overheard and said something to the effect of "Oh yeah, I know what that means. That's pretty important". Maybe I'm being overly sensitive because of lack of sleep and food, but it really hurt my feelings. I'm really new to the particular kind of research that we're doing and this person has had years of experience. I don't want it to be rubbed in at every opportunity.

Coming from a music background, I have lots of experience dealing with all kinds of egos, but it's really important for me to have a good relationship with my cohort so I'm not sure what to do. Do I tell the person that their comment sounded condescending and it hurt my feelings, or do I let it go and chalk it up to everyone feeling insecure since it's only our first month? It seems to be a pretty stable trait, I've noticed it quite a few times over the past 3 weeks.

It just seems such a shame to have to deal with these interpersonal glitches since the curriculum itself is challenging enough right now.

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[Ollie123]

First off, I want you to get up and do a little dance of happiness about the fact that you decided to go into psychology instead of medicine because this is NOTHING compared to the kind of posturing some of my med school friends have told me about

If it were me, I'd let it slide for now just because its still early. Whether or not that is the "right" way to handle it, I couldn't tell you, its just what I'd do. I'm not exactly a good person and am perfectly content to write someone off as an dingus/bitch from some limited interaction and then just avoid them when possible and put on a big ****-eating grin and deal with them when need be. I'm sure there are plenty of clinicians here who can tell me exactly how unhealthy that is, but its gotten me this far

Really, though, even if you DO decide to approach them, I'd give it at least a few more weeks to see if things settle down from all perspectives as the semester progresses.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

One of my best friends dealt with this throughout his program (non-psych). He ended up just letting that kind of stuff slide, and then he'd wreck the curve and laugh. You'll notice there there are many people who have a lot to say, though with very little substance.....some would consider it verbal over-compensation.

I ask questions in class, and I don't have a problem with it....whether or not other people do, I don't care. I figure this is my education, and most of the time I'm not the only one who wants to know the ansewr, but frequently I'm the only one who is willing to ask. One of the positives that comes from this is that if done correctly, it can not only enhance your education, but also get you a leg up on your cohorts. I've had profs frequently stop me after class or in the hallway and continue a point I brought up. Now it is just expected that I'll ask questions and be 'that guy' who the prof argues....wait....."discusses" things with.

As for peers answering questions, hopefully the prof can jump in and correct any misinformation. "Collaboration" is big in grad school, so you'll have to get use to peers answering questions.

-t

 

[psychanon]

Remember that pretty much every first year grad student feels insecure and afraid to be discovered as an imposter. Different people have different ways of dealing with it. Some people are able to ask profs questions when they don't know something, other people clam up and feel stupid, and still others feel the need to repeatedly announce all the stuff they know. In most cases, it gets better with time, as people find other ways to feel good about themselves. So, give your classmate time to figure out that it's not appropriate to showboat her knowledge all the time, and don't feel stupid when she says stuff like that-- remember, she's the one who's coming off badly in that situation.

 

[irish80122]

I can't say I have had that problem, but then again the department I am in is very collaborative and laid-back so we don't get as many of those individuals. I think it will get them in the long-run because their trying to impress most likely will not impress. You aren't expected to know everything coming into grad school, but you are expected to seek out the answers, and as such you are doing the proper thing. Just trust that you are doing the right thing and let it slide. I can tell you that with teaching it drives me nuts when I have students try to show up other students...I am sure your professors have noticed it and chances are they were not impressed with him or her.

Anyway, sorry, I am tired...but I hope that helps. Good luck Raynee.

 

[RayneeDeigh]

Okay thanks guys.

I guess it just threw me today because the prof kind of joined in and was shocked that I didn't know the acronym. There's a lot of in-group jokes going around and since I've never worked in this area of Psychology before, I don't get it.

I'll just have to get thicker skin. I called the individual tonight to talk about school stuff (we usually do that in the evenings) and they brought it up and said I should have asked them what the acronym meant instead of the prof 'cause then I wouldn't have looked like I didn't know it.

I had no idea that the expectation was that I'd be all-knowing BEFORE coming to grad school.

 

[Neuro-Dr]

What I can tell you (and this is from both sides of the desk) is that there tends to be two types of students. Those that feel they are inadaquate and worry about everything and those that want to be perceived as the expert and so act as though they know it all. As a professor, I don't care much for either style. However, the good news is that most of that ends after the first year or two and the underlying personalities of your peers will emerge without these defenses.

However, as a plug for personal growth, your program is a place for you to ask questions. However, you shouldn't rely on others to do your research for you. If it is something you could have found on your own without asking, you should do it. There are times when students begin to use professors to answer all their questions (administrative or clinical) and we can tend to resent writing all those handy policies and manuals we're always bugging people to read.

This does not have to apply to your situation at all, and I hope you take this is the supportive fashion it is intended. I wouldn't engage your peer and just chalk it up to his defenses, but I would try to answer more of your own questions when you can.

There is an old saying that I've used with those who need to be right all the time that may help you...

If a car is going down the street and comes to a red light and goes threw it, are they right or wrong?
If a person comes to the street and they have a walk sign and they cross, are they right or wrong?
Now if that person crosses and the car goes threw anyway, should they stand in the road telling the car they are right and the car is wrong, or get the hell out of the way?
I guess being right is not always the most important thing.
Cheers!

 

[Jon4PsyD]

Wow, how immature. I had some people like this in my undergrad..I really thought they needed to lighten up/get over themselves/get out more haha...don't worry about people like that, it always comes back to them