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If you think it's SBP then you're doing the para anyway?I don't like poking them because they are all coagulopaths and come back within 24 hours complaining of oozing or increasing abdominal pain (because now they are bleeding into the ascitic fluid). If I think it's SBP, it's actually an easier disposition because I just admit them and I'm done with it. If I tell them that we don't do elective paracentesis, inevitably the very next thing out of their mouth is "WELL, I HAD IT DONE IN THE ER LAST TIME!".
And for the love of God if nursing tells me one more time that we don't have vacuum bottles and instead hands me one of those 60cc syringe, 3-way stopcock/one way valve pumping kits...I'll scream.
Sorry, I'm just paracentesis triggered today apparently.