email etiquette

[wangb24]

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I was emailing someone in admissions and the admissions officer replied back saying I shouldn't be addressing them by their first name. This individual wants me to refer them as Mr/Mrs.. I've been working in a professional environment for a long time and thought it was always acceptable to address someone by their first name (maybe except professors/doctors). I felt like I offended this individual. My question is do I keep continue replying to other admission officer's emails by their first name or should I use Mr./Mrs. from here on out?

 

[extracats]

Based on ~3 years of experience in an academic research institution, I always address people by their last name (and if I'm not sure about the right title, then I go with a "Good morning/afternoon" type of greeting). If someone then signs off their reply email with their first name, I feel comfortable with going by their first name later on 🙂

Sounds like the person you were talking to was not having a particularly good day. I would be willing to bet that they have already forgotten about this perceived slight, so I think you can let go of any worries about this interaction! Moving forward, it is always safe to go with a Mr/Ms/Dr/etc, just to be on the safe side of conveying professional respect.

 

[Sephirakra]

I was emailing someone in admissions and the admissions officer replied back saying I shouldn't be addressing them by their first name. This individual wants me to refer them as Mr/Mrs.. I've been working in a professional environment for a long time and thought it was always acceptable to address someone by their first name (maybe except professors/doctors). I felt like I offended this individual. My question is do I keep continue replying to other admission officer's emails by their first name or should I use Mr./Mrs. from here on out?

When e-mailing someone you don't know in a professional setting, never call them by their first name. Most people won't care, but those who do may hold it against you. I've seen it happen many a time. Also, make sure you're using the right name. I once received multiple e-mails from someone who each time referred to me by the female variant of my name.

Basically, err on the side of being too formal.

 

[deleted1064759]

I've been emailing people using their first name forever (if they don't have a doctoral degree) and never had any issues -- maybe you just got someone on a bad day.

 

[M&L]

I was emailing someone in admissions and the admissions officer replied back saying I shouldn't be addressing them by their first name. This individual wants me to refer them as Mr/Mrs.. I've been working in a professional environment for a long time and thought it was always acceptable to address someone by their first name (maybe except professors/doctors). I felt like I offended this individual. My question is do I keep continue replying to other admission officer's emails by their first name or should I use Mr./Mrs. from here on out?

I am honestly surprised you thought it was always acceptable.... ALWAYS use :

Good [ "morning" if before 12, "afternoon" if from 12 to roughly 4-5 pm, "evening" if anything after], Mr/Ms/Dr Blahblah
.....
Very Respectfully
.....[your name].

Right now it is also appropriate to add after the greeting something like "Hope this email finds you well", or something along those lines.


The thing is that, even if you want to be more casual with a person, it would NEVER hurt to be more professional in the emails. So, there are people that i address by first name in person, but in the emails i still write them very professionally, because 1)emailing etiquette is more rigid, 2) you never know who else will see this email. You want to have a reputation of being a very professional person from the very beginning of your career, the way i see it.

 

[viralhiker]

I'll echo previous commenters and say although I have never had a problem referring to those who weren't professors, course instructors, or physicians by their first name in an email, it can't hurt to use their last name if you are unfamiliar to them. However, if someone is going to go the length to admonish you in an email for such a trivial matter, I think it reflects more poorly on them than you. In my opinion, don't worry about it.

 

[deleted480308]

In a professional email, always mr/ms/dr. Even if they call you by your first name, even if they reply with their first name.

 

[LunaOri]

Do not address someone by their first name unless you have been invited to do so.

 

[M&L]

BTW, some ideas on how to be more casual without being inappropriate (could be carefully used with someone you message with a lot, and have close working relationship)

1) "Hello, Mr/Ms/Dr..."
2) Dear Dr.... (for very close relationship).

 

[deleted987519]

I was emailing someone in admissions and the admissions officer replied back saying I shouldn't be addressing them by their first name. This individual wants me to refer them as Mr/Mrs.. I've been working in a professional environment for a long time and thought it was always acceptable to address someone by their first name (maybe except professors/doctors). I felt like I offended this individual. My question is do I keep continue replying to other admission officer's emails by their first name or should I use Mr./Mrs. from here on out?

Tell them you didn’t want to assume their gender

 

[wangb24]

Tell them you didn’t want to assume their gender

Exactly! At my old job we went through this entire lecture with HR on how to not assume someones gender so gender neutral titles were only used when it was available otherwise it was a first name basis unless stated otherwise in the e-mail.

A lot of people made good points and I guess I should be a little more careful from now on.

 

[Sephirakra]

Exactly! At my old job we went through this entire lecture with HR on how to not assume someones gender so gender neutral titles were only used when it was available otherwise it was a first name basis unless stated otherwise in the e-mail.

A lot of people made good points and I guess I should be a little more careful from now on.

While I understand the HR department's attitude about addressing people in gender-neutral ways, I'm pretty surprised they recommended using given names. That never would have flown at some of my jobs. But maybe I'm just behind the times...

I've also heard of using "Mx" in place of Mr/Ms/Mrs. Could be worth a shot.

 

[deleted480308]

While I understand the HR department's attitude about addressing people in gender-neutral ways, I'm pretty surprised they recommended using given names. That never would have flown at some of my jobs. But maybe I'm just behind the times...

I've also heard of using "Mx" in place of Mr/Ms/Mrs. Could be worth a shot.

If I was going to be strictly gender neutral about it, I would use their full name or “to whom it may concern”

 

[deleted1064759]

If I was going to be strictly gender neutral about it, I would use their full name or “to whom it may concern”

I think that would risk too much formality. People already think premeds are robots who study 24/7, I can't imagine how it would come off:
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
....
in a multi-part email. And replying "To whom it may concern" after you know their name doesn't make any sense.


IMO I'm going to keep using their first name and if they get upset they need to develop thicker skin.

 

[deleted480308]

I think that would risk too much formality. People already think premeds are robots who study 24/7, I can't imagine how it would come off:
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
....
in a multi-part email. And replying "To whom it may concern" after you know their name doesn't make any sense.


IMO I'm going to keep using their first name and if they get upset they need to develop thicker skin.

Good luck with it

 

[estes8000]

I think that would risk too much formality. People already think premeds are robots who study 24/7, I can't imagine how it would come off:
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
....
in a multi-part email. And replying "To whom it may concern" after you know their name doesn't make any sense.


IMO I'm going to keep using their first name and if they get upset they need to develop thicker skin.

I would advise that you be very careful as you enter medical school. You may be emailing attendings, program directors, secretaries to attendings or program directors. These emails should never be addressed to a first name until you are absolutely, positively sure that the person is very comfortable with that. Much of medicine is collegial, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a hierarchy in place. When you begin medical school you will have again fallen to the bottom rung, as was the case the first day of high school and college.

 

[Sephirakra]

I think that would risk too much formality. People already think premeds are robots who study 24/7, I can't imagine how it would come off:
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
Dear Jane Doe,
....
in a multi-part email. And replying "To whom it may concern" after you know their name doesn't make any sense.


IMO I'm going to keep using their first name and if they get upset they need to develop thicker skin.

I had a PI who flat-out wouldn't interview people if they addressed him in their e-mails or cover letters by his given name or as "Mr. Blahblah", rather than "Dr. Blahblah". And by your post history, it seems you're applying to his school...

 

[deleted1064759]

Good luck with it

Just want to add that it's so silly how society has all these 'rules' and etiquettes that don't serve a functional purpose. Judging by your avi, I think you can understand where I'm coming from.

Just like not putting elbows on a table which is annoying enough to squeeze in your lats for us wider shoulder men. I'll only do it if someone next to me needs the space. Can't wait until I'm old and don't have to worry about any of this. I'm just going off on a rant at this point.

 

[deleted987519]

I would advise that you be very careful as you enter medical school. You may be emailing attendings, program directors, secretaries to attendings or program directors. These emails should never be addressed to a first name until you are absolutely, positively sure that the person is very comfortable with that. Much of medicine is collegial, but that doesn't mean that there is a hierarchy in place. When you begin medical school you will have again fallen to the bottom rung, as was the case the first day of high school and college.

I’ve had luck with

“Hello (how would you like to be addressed)”

For emailing faculty that don’t have a professional title

 

[deleted1064759]

I would advise that you be very careful as you enter medical school. You may be emailing attendings, program directors, secretaries to attendings or program directors. These emails should never be addressed to a first name until you are absolutely, positively sure that the person is very comfortable with that. Much of medicine is collegial, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a hierarchy in place. When you begin medical school you will have again fallen to the bottom rung, as was the case the first day of high school and college.

Fair point. As stated earlier, I plan to address anyone with a doctoral degree with the correct title unless explicitly stated otherwise.

I had a PI who flat-out wouldn't interview people if they addressed him in their e-mails or cover letters by his given name or as "Mr. Blahblah", rather than "Dr. Blahblah". And by your post history, it seems you're applying to his school...

I mean that's fair. He's a PI who has a doctoral degree.

A student actually asked my gen chem professor for his first name once and he replied with "Dr. XYZ", had a great laugh at that.

 

[srstudent]

1) If someone signs off with their first name only in their reply (and they don’t have a doctorate or are a professor), is it still not okay to use their first name?

2) Do you use a greeting multiple times in a singular email thread? (IMO, after the first time you’ve said “Dear Dr. X,” it would be repetitive to keep saying the same thing in reply to emails in the same thread)

 

[ParaMagic1]

1) If someone signs off with their first name only in their reply (and they don’t have a doctorate or are a professor), is it still not okay to use their first name?

2) Do you use a greeting multiple times in a singular email thread? (IMO, after the first time you’ve said “Dear Dr. X,” it would be repetitive to keep saying the same thing in reply to emails in the same thread)

You will literally NEVER be faulted for using Mr/Mrs in an email... In some instances, you WILL be faulted for using someone's first name. Its safest to just ALWAYS use what is widely accepted as professional (Title. Last Name).

1. I would ALWAYS use Dr/Professor/Mr/Mrs/Ms regardless of how comfortable I think I am with them.
2. EVERY email should start with some formal greeting, like I said you literally will never be faulted for being formal.

 

[pick6mike]

During undergrad I always went with “Mr” and “Ms.” But then I entered my Masters program and was told I could address people by their first name because we’re older now (other than the Professors and such). I’ve been doing this ever since with people in the administration, although I do address any Dean by “Dean soandso”

But I’ve found in my experience at an Ivy that prides themselves on professionalism that no one has been offended by me not putting “Mr” or “Ms.” Or at least they haven’t had a bad enough day to tell me.


Now I’m considering going back to how I was doing it in undergrad. So much for all this damn professionalism they’re supposedly instilling in us here.

 

[srstudent]

You will literally NEVER be faulted for using Mr/Mrs in an email... In some instances, you WILL be faulted for using someone's first name. Its safest to just ALWAYS use what is widely accepted as professional (Title. Last Name).

1. I would ALWAYS use Dr/Professor/Mr/Mrs/Ms regardless of how comfortable I think I am with them.
2. EVERY email should start with some formal greeting, like I said you literally will never be faulted for being formal.

Will write these rules into the back of my head, thank you. I’ve broken them before quite a few times, and I’m not sure what effect that’s had. I’ve also used “Hi/Hello Dr. X,” and now that seems too informal according to this thread. Can’t believe I still haven’t learned proper email etiquette yet.

 

[SunMouse]

Will write these rules into the back of my head, thank you. I’ve broken them before quite a few times, and I’m not sure what effect that’s had. I’ve also used “Hi/Hello Dr. X,” and now that seems too informal according to this thread. Can’t believe I still haven’t learned proper email etiquette yet.

I’m not an expert on email etiquette (is anyone?), but if someone signs a reply email with their first name and does not have a title like Dr, Professor, etc., I would say it’s an indication of their preferred form of address.

Always thought it was a little rude to ignore that and continue with “Mr/Ms” (although I certainly agree one should always start more formal). Perhaps I’m wrong though!

 

[srstudent]

I’m not an expert on email etiquette (is anyone?), but if someone signs a reply email with their first name and does not have a title like Dr, Professor, etc., I would say it’s an indication of their preferred form of address.

Always thought it was a little rude to ignore that and continue with “Mr/Ms” (although I certainly agree one should always start more formal). Perhaps I’m wrong though!

This was my thought process too! Though, with how miserable/petty some people in academia or certain desk jobs can be, I’ve decided to err on the side of formality from now on, unless the other person explicitly shares how they would like to be addressed.

 

[ParaMagic1]

Will write these rules into the back of my head, thank you. I’ve broken them before quite a few times, and I’m not sure what effect that’s had. I’ve also used “Hi/Hello Dr. X,” and now that seems too informal according to this thread. Can’t believe I still haven’t learned proper email etiquette yet.

I use Hello often as well! It's is a form of salutation.

There's no real secret to it. I treat the beginning and end of every email the same. Even jokingly as I email a friend/co-worker I will be formal, almost as a joke. It's easier to ALWAYS be formal rather than try to determine if its needed.

 

[amerepedestrian]

I would ask them what the stick up their ass would like to be called just to be extra sensitive to their needs. Gotta earn those humanism points.

 

[BidingMyTime]

Pretty much what everybody else has said.

However, the ultimate rule is, call people by what they request to be called by. Whether your were wrong or right in what you first addressed this person by doesn't matter, what matters is that they have let you know what they want to be called by, so from here on out, call them by what they prefer.

 

[TelemarketingEnigma]

In my job before med school I communicated a lot with academics and PI level researchers for a federal funding agency - we were explicitly told by our directors to use first names to show that we were on a collegiate level with them and not subordinate. If doing a formal introduction of any kind then we would use appropriate titles. I had to retrain myself for med school to switch back to more formal addresses in all of my emails (medicine as a whole is more formal than the field i was working in). When in doubt I just opt for "Hello," without a name. And now I'm back to the point where my PI had to explicitly tell me to chill out and just call him by his first name...