Ending my life

[BestICan]

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I've had a biophysical condition since I was an early teen up till now. I remember in freshman year everyone would get together to watch the tv show House, and I couldn't follow the storyline.

My life has been utter ****. Couldn't concentrate in classes, tried to make friends and be social but everyone avoided me for reasons that I couldn't comprehend. Now I understand a little more. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective, and now I understand why things were so hard for me.

The kicker? I have been in treatment now for three years and I am starting to feel somewhat normal. I'm 26 now, and I see girls three years younger than me who have their masters.

How the **** am I supposed to attract women? I have **** genetics, I had to get a rhinoplasty (three surgeries) so my nose wouldn't be such a huge social disability. Everyone would always ask me the same question: 'Are you Jewish?' In the time that I have gotten my nose job I have gotten much more attention from girls.

But it's not enough. I need a decent career. I recently learned that med schools basically wont accept anyone with a history of mental illness. What am I going to do with my life? I feel like I am FINALLY at the stage where I could succeed in college. I recently scored the highest score ever recorded on a National Chemical Society Exam at my local college.

But I don't want to be a scientist or a chemist. I want to be a doctor.

There's no escaping from the hell that is my life. If I don't end up in a high-prestige field like being a doctor, I am not going to be able to attract women at all. As I said, I have **** genetics.

I want my whole transcript from the period when I was sick to be totally and COMPLETELY expunged. I want to start again, with nothing holding me back.

That is the only way I will be happy. Is that impossible? Should I just put a revolver in my mouth and end my miserable existence?

 

[Lannister]

:troll:

 

[deleted407021]

Please seek counseling immediately. I'm sure you're perfectly capable of accomplishing what you set out to do, but you need to address your mental health. An online forum is not going to provide with the resources you need.

 

[releehw]

Ending your life is never a good solution

 

[698344]

I've had a biophysical condition since I was an early teen up till now. I remember in freshman year everyone would get together to watch the tv show House, and I couldn't follow the storyline.

My life has been utter ****. Couldn't concentrate in classes, tried to make friends and be social but everyone avoided me for reasons that I couldn't comprehend. Now I understand a little more. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective, and now I understand why things were so hard for me.

The kicker? I have been in treatment now for three years and I am starting to feel somewhat normal. I'm 26 now, and I see girls three years younger than me who have their masters.

How the **** am I supposed to attract women? I have **** genetics, I had to get a rhinoplasty (three surgeries) so my nose wouldn't be such a huge social disability. Everyone would always ask me the same question: 'Are you Jewish?' In the time that I have gotten my nose job I have gotten much more attention from girls.

But it's not enough. I need a decent career. I recently learned that med schools basically wont accept anyone with a history of mental illness. What am I going to do with my life? I feel like I am FINALLY at the stage where I could succeed in college. I recently scored the highest score ever recorded on a National Chemical Society Exam at my local college.

But I don't want to be a scientist or a chemist. I want to be a doctor.

There's no escaping from the hell that is my life. If I don't end up in a high-prestige field like being a doctor, I am not going to be able to attract women at all. As I said, I have **** genetics.

I want my whole transcript from the period when I was sick to be totally and COMPLETELY expunged. I want to start again, with nothing holding me back.

That is the only way I will be happy. Is that impossible? Should I just put a revolver in my mouth and end my miserable existence?

Do not go into medicine just because you want to attract women, you're doing a disservice to yourself and others. You should go see a psychiatrist and talk to your family/friends about your feelings instead of SDN, it will help you much more.

 

[Kelevra]

I am so, so sorry that you feel this way. Please call 800-273-8255. It's a help hotline, and I can tell you that you are worth it, and here to make a difference. SDN may not be the best place. There are people that can help you, both through professional emotional help, and career paths to get you where you want to be as a professional. Good luck, I have faith in you.

 

[Proteinz]

You sound very depressed and like you want to go into medicine for the wrong reasons. Get some counseling asap.

 

[Conflagration]

If you feel more comfortable with an online chat format, this website is staffed by trained people: http://www.crisischat.org/chat/

Please seek outside resources as well- you should have professionals help you through this.

 

[NeuResurgens]

Suicide is never the best option.

 

[Winged Scapula]

This thread has been reported by several users due to the comments about self-harm. SDN takes such statements seriously and we would like to remind the OP and all posters that SDN should not serve as a place to obtain counseling or other advice regarding significant psychological issues. Anyone who is contemplating harming themselves should immediately seek professional counseling advice, not rely on SDN or other non-professional resources.

At this time, given the nature of the thread and the concerns expressed, the moderation staff of SDN will close this thread.