Engaged Couple & Med School

[princesspea]

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So I'm in bit of a bind...My fiance and I just got engaged and are planning our wedding for next year. Sounds great but...I'm in med school and he's still doing his applications hoping to get in for next year (Fall 2010). We would be getting married the summer before he would start med school. I heard that med schools sometimes do special favors for married couples, just wondering if this is true and if so, what can I do to help him get into this med school. One thing that I think might help is that the school is his alma mater-- but I don't know if there's anything I can do to let the admissions office know of our situation.

Any help/suggestions are welcome! 🙂

Thanks!

 

[princesspea]

Thanks for the encouragement!

I'm really nervous for him. It is indeed a state school-- he is studying for his MCATs currently-- just hoping it's good enough to get in.

I was anticipating a lot of negativity-- I've gotten a lot of that from my family-- the what ifs especially about what'll happen during residency. Since I get to match first though, we're probably going to make a joint decision on how to rank everything so that his interests and mine will both coincide. Worst comes to worst, we'll live separately for a few years, but we're hoping we can avoid that cause it'll be hard on us and our relationship.

Just hoping things work out...

I was just nervous about bringing it up to the admissions deans or committee cause I didn't want them to take it negatively as me trying to weasel my fiance in or something...

 

[Thama]

I've been in the same situation for the last year. I'm starting at UNC in the fall, and my fiancee (we're getting married 2 days before I start school!) is applying for this cycle. Unfortunately, her MCATs are more in the DO range and there aren't any of those in NC.

I do think that most schools will give some consideration to the spouse of a current student as long as the spouse is well qualified. Writing a letter to the admissions office, and trying to get an appointment to talk to the dean certainly can't hurt. As long as you aren't pushing an unqualified candidate on them, I can't see how they wouldn't at least look extra-carefully at his application. Schools don't like losing good students to transfers midway through. You may have to be prepared to do some long-distance for a time, though.

Another thing to consider, if you are 1 year ahead of him, is to take a year off from school and do research, an MPH, or something similar. That way you can do the couples match together and be nearly assured (if you rank things right) of not having to be apart for residency.

 

[mydodger]

Another thing to consider, if you are 1 year ahead of him, is to take a year off from school and do research, an MPH, or something similar. That way you can do the couples match together and be nearly assured (if you rank things right) of not having to be apart for residency.

👍

 

[NonTradMed]

As suggested, there are numerous ways to ensure you guys graduate together (spread out your first two years, do a research year etc). The biggest thing is getting your fiance in. As far as I know, there is no preference for applicants married to med students. But if your bf is a good candidate (or even borderline), have him write a letter of intent stressing that he is married to you making the med school his NUMBER ONE choice in every way.

 

[ssisterdoc]

My SO and I were applying to medical school at the same time and during the interview process, I mentioned this. I think one or two interviewers noted it down--his name--and said they would keep an eye out. Beyond that, I'm not sure what else each interviewer can do. Long story short, we both got into the same school, so we will be graduating at the same time.

I think we were both comparable in our gpas, mcats, etc., so this helped a lot. Also, if you have any special connections at the school--in admissions or otherwise--that you can build up, this would probably help as well.

 

[sprinkibrio]

The best thing you can do is have him mention during interviews that his wife goes to the school so it's the only school he's seriously considering. Schools do give preferences to those who straight up tell the interviewer they want to go there above all else. Going into the admissions office occasionally is also a good idea.

I would highly recommend you take a year off after first or second year to do research or something medically related and let him catch up to you. You are NOT going to want to do this whole thing again for residency. Having him follow you to residency limits the number of cities he can apply to to your hometown, LA, Chicago, NYC, and Phily. And one year off your life is a small compromise to avoid living 3-7 years apart. Long distance may be doable in college, but it starts to get a little old when you are thinking about children.

I think you realize how dangerous of a situation this could be if he doesn't get in... you would be half-way through first year and possibly force him to postpone medical school for four years or enter a long-distance marriage. I assume you are both ok with that.

 

[ar2388]

congratulations!!! I wish i could offer some advice but i just want to say good luck and that someone taking a year off so you two can be of the same year sounds like a good idea. MY SO is doing a 5 yr phd program and i am looking into ways to extend my stay for a yr so we can apply to resideny/postdocs at the same time.. but we'll see.
anyway good luck!!

 

[majestic red]

If it comes down to it, some schools will take transfer students if you have a compelling reason (and I can't imagine that transferring to be with your husband wouldn't be compelling enough of a reason).

 

[fMRI]

Brownie points in admissions for being married to a med student?
Sorry, no.

Don't overdo the "visits" to the admissions office -- they might be pleasant but as soon as you get out of the door they might not be so nice about your personal bliss.

The advantage is that the applicant-partner can talk eloquently about this specific med school because he/she knows from the fiance(e) what it is really like to be at the school. Knowing the campus, having seen the books, knowing... This also takes the pressure away from the ad com so nobody can later say they are disadvantaging 'non-straight'/'unmarried' people in the admissions process. 🙄

When it comes to the match, it is a different deal. 🙂

BTW, what would happen if your partner doesn't get into med school? Wouldn't that put a lot of pressure on your relationship? Make the "yes I do" contingent on your partner getting in -- that would be a nice motivation to revise for the MCAT... 😍

 

[244869]

Make the "yes I do" contingent on your partner getting in -- that would be a nice motivation to revise for the MCAT... 😍

I hope you're kidding cuz if my girlfriend did that to me...I would probably leave her at the alter...

To the OP...I think the advice ssisterdoc and mydodger gave are best. They are enough of a hint that the adcoms will understand what you want without being too forward.

 

[fMRI]

I hope you're kidding cuz if my girlfriend did that to me...I would probably leave her at the alter...

Motivation for studying for the MCAT... I think anything that puts a reward (beyond the score) on a persons horizon is good -- revising for the test is sooo boring.

Your avatar says "pre-podiatry" -- do podiatry students take the MCAT for admissions to podiatry programs? I didn't know that.

 

[244869]

Motivation for studying for the MCAT... I think anything that puts a reward (beyond the score) on a persons horizon is good -- revising for the test is sooo boring.

I agree that reward systems work but we are talking about marriage here...not a blowjob or a car.

Your avatar says "pre-podiatry" -- do podiatry students take the MCAT for admissions to podiatry programs? I didn't know that.

Starting this coming application cycle the MCAT will be the only test accepted. In previous years the DAT and GRE were also accepted.

 

[WellWornLad]

Make the "yes I do" contingent on your partner getting in -- that would be a nice motivation to revise for the MCAT... 😍

What an awful sentiment, emoticon notwithstanding. Nothing says "conditional love" like bartering major relationship milestones, and nothing says "twisted priorities" like putting med school above the person you want to marry.

Maybe come step 1, you can kill your firstborn if he doesn't hit 230.

 

[MossPoh]

While it was a joke, I've seen plenty of supposedly committed relationships/marriages end because of one person getting into medical school or whatever else while the other hasn't. I can't speak from the female perspective, but I know many of my male friends said they'd be ok with it but when they didn't get in while their girl did, their tune changed. It can get pretty tense.

 

[njbmd]

So I'm in bit of a bind...My fiance and I just got engaged and are planning our wedding for next year. Sounds great but...I'm in med school and he's still doing his applications hoping to get in for next year (Fall 2010). We would be getting married the summer before he would start med school. I heard that med schools sometimes do special favors for married couples, just wondering if this is true and if so, what can I do to help him get into this med school. One thing that I think might help is that the school is his alma mater-- but I don't know if there's anything I can do to let the admissions office know of our situation.

Any help/suggestions are welcome! 🙂

Thanks!

I can tell you that your attendance at said medical school will have little or no bearing on your fiancé/husband gaining acceptance unless he is a good candidate for admission/early decision in the first place. Residency is far off and is a different matter but if you fiancé is willing to take the risk of early decision rejection (puts him late getting acceptance at other schools if he doesn't get in) to apply early decision at your school (assuming they have EDA) then this is your best best for admission. Otherwise, he needs to make sure that he meets and exceeds every aspect of the school in terms of GPA/MCAT, ECs, LORs and other things. It doesn't hurt to mention at that point, that you are his fiancée/spouse.

Recently we had a couple in your situation where the spouse (behind) was not a candidate for admission to our school. The Dean of Admission suggested that the person who didn't get in attempt a transfer after year 2 (assuming a high level of performance) or a transfer of the person who was ahead after year 2 to the spouses school. In any event, there is going to be a 200-mile separation. Whether or not they end up at the same medical school will remain to be seen.

If your fiancé is a good candidate, you won't face these decisions. The problem comes in if he can't get in here in the states or he gets into an osteopathic school and you are allopathic. Transfers under those conditions are difficult (not impossible but very, very difficult).

 

[fMRI]

While it was a joke, I've seen plenty of supposedly committed relationships/marriages end because of one person getting into medical school or whatever else while the other hasn't. I can't speak from the female perspective, but I know many of my male friends said they'd be ok with it but when they didn't get in while their girl did, their tune changed. It can get pretty tense.

Absolutely correct on both points.
1, it was a lighthearted joke about a serious issue
2, one partner not getting in puts a lot of pressure on a relationship (just saw 3 couples breaking up over that, at least (!) three couples I know definitively about) --the partner feeling left behind/out and very frustrated by the "med school half" having little time. Pre-med bliss suddenly hit by reality.

 

[princesspea]

Thanks for all the advice. I know that my fiance not getting into medical school would definitely be a strain on our relationship, but at the same time, he's not shutting the doors to the world. Both of us have other passions as well so as I had some Masters programs as my back-ups, he will too. Many people do that whole getting a Masters before Med school thing-- the only thing is obviously if he did that, he'd be even farther behind me.

I've thought about staying an extra year and doing the MD/MPH thing, but truth be told, I don't want to pay the extra tuition and stay another year and independent of my fiance it had never been a goal of mine to stay in school for more than necessary.

I've been rather puzzled. I asked my fiance to apply early decision to my school (we both went to undergrad there) but he's hesitant because of the fact that it will jeopardize his applications if he doesn't get in. So would it actually be beneficial? 😕

I know I can't use my record with my school to get my fiance in, but I think he has a chance and just want to figure out if I can help or if I should do anything. I don't want to have the adcom have a bitter taste in their mouths if I do tell them that he is my fiance when he applies. Someone told me that the fiance commitment is nice, but that this scenario would actually help more if we were married, not just engaged since that's a different level of commitment.

Thanks!