Enormous amount of pressure from parents

[Cwc127]

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I'm 23, and graduated this past December. I took about 13 science credits this past spring as a post-bacc, and plan to take more courses this fall to continue to raise my GPA, ideally getting it to just over a 3.6 overall with a 4.0 in 11+ credits this fall.

I'm also close to obtaining a research position on campus that I would to work in for at least 1 year.

I've had a job working with patients in the ER at the local hospital for about 10 months now, and plan to continue this as well.

However, I am experiencing massive amounts of pressure from my parents to apply this cycle. They pressured me so hard after I graduated that I told them I scheduled the MCAT for this summer just so that they would ease up.

I haven't been studying for the MCAT, and don't intend on taking it this summer. As I mentioned above, I have a few other things I'm working on, and would like to pursue those now...which could result in a really nice looking application this time next year.

I just don't know how to tell my parents this. They're under the impression I'm taking the MCAT in a month and applying this cycle....

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this, or can anyone else at least somewhat relate to this scenario? I can't imagine telling them I intend to apply next year...I honestly think both of them would lose it. Oddly enough, all of the stress I am experiencing isn't coming from any of the activities I have listed, but from the pressure they are putting on me to take the MCAT this summer and apply this cycle....

(***Note, I would like to clarify that my parents are not pressuring me into this field - in fact, when I began college, they were quite adamant in telling me that I should do anything I wanted. So, this pressure probably would have been put on me regardless of what I went into. They just really want to see me take that next step...)

 

[echolalia16]

Tell them you want to be a garbage man.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

I'm 23, and graduated this past December. I took about 13 science credits this past spring as a post-bacc, and plan to take more courses this fall to continue to raise my GPA, ideally getting it to just over a 3.6 overall with a 4.0 in 11+ credits this fall.

I'm also close to obtaining a research position on campus that I would to work in for at least 1 year.

I've had a job working with patients in the ER at the local hospital for about 10 months now, and plan to continue this as well.

However, I am experiencing massive amounts of pressure from my parents to apply this cycle. They pressured me so hard after I graduated that I told them I scheduled the MCAT for this summer just so that they would ease up.

I haven't been studying for the MCAT, and don't intend on taking it this summer. As I mentioned above, I have a few other things I'm working on, and would like to pursue those now...which could result in a really nice looking application this time next year.

I just don't know how to tell my parents this. They're under the impression I'm taking the MCAT in a month and applying this cycle....

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this, or can anyone else at least somewhat relate to this scenario? I can't imagine telling them I intend to apply next year...I honestly think both of them would lose it. Oddly enough, all of the stress I am experiencing isn't coming from any of the activities I have listed, but from the pressure they are putting on me to take the MCAT this summer and apply this cycle....

(***Note, I would like to clarify that my parents are not pressuring me into this field - in fact, when I began college, they were quite adamant in telling me that I should do anything I wanted. So, this pressure probably would have been put on me regardless of what I went into. They just really want me to see me take that next step...)

You could explain to them the importance of only taking the MCAT once and applying once. Your bolded sentence above should help.

 

[Hifey]

Tell them you're not ready and you don't want to pay thousands of dollars to get rejected everywhere because of a sub-par application.

not that I'm saying you are all that...but that might convince them.

 

[greenbean09]

I feel you. My parents are kind of like that sometimes too. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Is the only reason you're not applying this cycle because of the MCAT? Or do you just not feel ready to go? I too graduated last december and am applying this year. I was just burned out! I say just be honest with them if you're not ready and tell them something like you think that continuity in your current activities would really help your application for next year and that you would have more time to study for the MCAT. But you did sort of lie to them so you will have to address that. good luck

 

[CoolWhipp]

You're 23. Print out the OP, and say it to them. Tell them you really need their support to do this and it is going to happen in due time.

If they don't understand, do away with them.

 

[willen101383]

^^^Exactly. I dont get why so many people here let themselves get pressured by their parents during and post college.

 

[Parts Unknown]

I just don't know how to tell my parents this. They're under the impression I'm taking the MCAT in a month and applying this cycle.....

On the day you are allegedly going to take the MCAT, go out drinking. Start really early in the day. In the evening call them and tell them you got a 9 (all 3s).

That should shut them up for awhile.

 

[dingyibvs]

lol are you asian? my parents are kinda like that, and its really not as simple as just "im 23 and ill do whatevef i want." however, thats something you need to work on, start asserting yourself and eventually theyll begrudgingly comply even if theyll never understand. its a long, long process, and youll just have to assume that there'll always be friction because they'll never be satisfied unless every waking moment is spent doing something they perceive as "worthwhile".

 

[the humming sea]

From someone who was in this situation last year in the application cycle I would recommend explaining to your parents the situation and (as mentioned above) only apply ONCE, when you are ready.

 

[searun]

Do what I did - work in construction and as a waiter in a Thai restaurant for two years after college graduation. Tell them that you are perfectly happy working at a restaurant and may do so for the rest of your life, serving healthful food and making people happy. Then surprise them when you get admitted to med school.

 

[RunningDiva]

I found that a lot of parental pressure came from the fact that they were simply ignorant about the application process. They didn't understand the shear volumes of people applying and what the percentages actually looked like. I started printing out pages from schools' webpages that described the stats/accomplishments of the current class. It helped them to understand what I was up against. They calmed down when they realized that I needed to work on a few parts of my application to get it up to snuff.

Gluck, OP. I think you need to burst their expectation bubble about applying this year. Unless you're a spy, living a double life is a waste of your energy.

 

[LizzyM]

Are you financially dependent on your parents? They may be pushing you to hurry up and get to the point where you will be independent sooner (5+ years from now) than later (God knows when). If you are earning a living and supporting yourself, they should have less of a beef, unless they want to you hurry up so that you can marry & give them grandchildren.... 🙄

 

[Hifey]

lol are you asian? my parents are kinda like that, and its really not as simple as just "im 23 and ill do whatevef i want." however, thats something you need to work on, start asserting yourself and eventually theyll begrudgingly comply even if theyll never understand. its a long, long process, and youll just have to assume that there'll always be friction because they'll never be satisfied unless every waking moment is spent doing something they perceive as "worthwhile".

It's definitely not just an Asian thing either...If I told my mother "I'm 23 and do whatever I want".....haha I'd hate to think of what happens after that. My parents feel that I am their responsibility until they hand me off to whatever husband I get. Doesn't matter if I'm 40, I'll always be "theirs", if not financially then in every other way. None of this "independent go do whatever the hell you want I don't care at 18" kind of stuff. As an example, it was very important to my mom that I start medical school in the fall. So last November she was pressuring me to start applying to Carib schools. Even my brother ( who goes to SGU) told her not to. I refused. Keep in mind this was after I got waitlisted at three schools, still had to hear from one, and still had two more interviews. I got accepted one week later 🙂

Anyways, if your family is very "family" oriented, you can't just say screw it I'll do what I want. Not if you want to maintain a good relationship with them. Usually, if they're pressuring you to do something, you appeal to their logic like other did.

 

[MaryLennox]

i heard multiple times throughout this cycle from various admission-y people that there's a preference growing for applicants who have taken some time off and experienced the 'real world' before applying. tell your parents that a year off would actually help your application, for that reason and also because your mcat will be better, you'll be better organized for the app cycle, etc. if you wait you'll probably get more acceptances, i would think.

 

[CoolWhipp]

It isn't about telling your family to screw off. It is about establishing your independence and letting them know you are old enough to know what is best for yourself. Many parents know very little about what it takes to get into medical school. They know a lot about life and they are your parents, but they aren't the authority on medical school admissions or your life. Especially now that your 23.

 

[foofish]

You could explain to them the importance of only taking the MCAT once and applying once. Your bolded sentence above should help.

Agreed. Also, frankly, taking the MCAT this summer is late. Part of the med school application game is having the strongest application possible (which it sounds for you would to be studying for the MCAT and doing the other things you're working on and applying next year), but it's also a game of timing. Submitting your application *with* MCAT score as early as possible (i.e. in a couple of weeks) and being complete during the summer has a big impact on your chances....many schools have rolling admissions, but even the non-rolling schools also have rolling interview offers. Submitting mid-summer and being complete in the fall will put you at a point where most of the interview offers are already out....and thus schools are much pickier about who to interview.

Remind your parents that almost 60% of people applying to med school don't get accepted *anywhere*, and so you need to apply with your best possible application and that you need to apply early to maximize your chances....neither of which you can do if you rush and apply this year. Also remind them that there is a definite stigma against both taking the MCAT more than once as well as having to reapply a second year. (Yes, many people overcome these obstacles, but they are obstacles nonetheless.) You sound like you have a rational, realistic idea of the process...stick with your gut instincts and good luck.

 

[Cleavername]

It's definitely not just an Asian thing either...If I told my mother "I'm 23 and do whatever I want".....haha I'd hate to think of what happens after that. My parents feel that I am their responsibility until they hand me off to whatever husband I get. Doesn't matter if I'm 40, I'll always be "theirs", if not financially then in every other way. None of this "independent go do whatever the hell you want I don't care at 18" kind of stuff. As an example, it was very important to my mom that I start medical school in the fall. So last November she was pressuring me to start applying to Carib schools. Even my brother ( who goes to SGU) told her not to. I refused. Keep in mind this was after I got waitlisted at three schools, still had to hear from one, and still had two more interviews. I got accepted one week later 🙂

Anyways, if your family is very "family" oriented, you can't just say screw it I'll do what I want. Not if you want to maintain a good relationship with them. Usually, if they're pressuring you to do something, you appeal to their logic like other did.

lol i am asian and mah parents hardly pressure me, its mainly me that pressures me. i find that i do much much better in school if i pressure my self instead of being pushed. to the op, ima say the same thing to you my highschool football team defensive line coach once said me, "you got to want it".

 

[runawayclock]

On the day you are allegedly going to take the MCAT, go out drinking. Start really early in the day. In the evening call them and tell them you got a 9 (all 3s).

That should shut them up for awhile.

+4000 EXCELLENT POST WOULD READ AGAIN 👍👍👍

My parents are very picky and involved in what i do, which has been a bit annoying for the past few years since I've been more or less entirely supporting myself. Here's what I did:
1. state what you are going to do. emphasize that you have made up your mind on this, but don't be a dick about it (ie no YOU CAN'T MAKE ME's and slamming of doors)
2. be prepared for objections, and think of what you would say in response in advance. don't get excited or talk back rudely to them. be the mature one, and show them that you've already thought about what they're saying, talked to other people who are more knowledgeable about med school, and that you are planning on taking their advice.
3. HOLD YOUR GROUND. make your decision and stick with it. do not talk back, don't act immature. if you think you are going to get upset or whatever, just don't say anything to them. nod and listen, and eventually they'll have to accept it - either because they will see that you've made a mature, informed decision, or because they will see that they can't change your mind.

 

[Medwell]

You're 23. Why do your parents have any influence on your life whatsoever?

(Ignore this post if you're financially dependent on them.)

 

[runawayclock]

You're 23. Why do your parents have any influence on your life whatsoever?

(Ignore this post if you're financially dependent on them.)

Because they made you and raised you for the last x number of years? I understand wanting to be more independent, I understand if your parents are controlling, but I do not understand this ONCE YOU ARE 18 YOUR PARENTS COUNT FOR NOTHING (unless they're paying for you) thing. It's one thing to make your own adult decisions but to imply that your parents shouldn't have an influence on your life once you're a certain age seems strange.

 

[christina30]

^^^Exactly. I dont get why so many people here let themselves get pressured by their parents during and post college.

Probably because a lot of people here have parents that are financially supporting them/funding their college educations. When that's the case, parents have a right to put on some pressure (obviously not to this degree/a ridiculous amount).